Recently, Jordan sat down with Dr. Geoff Miller over at The Art of Charm Podcast. For those of you not in the know, Miller is, along with the near-legendary Tucker Max one of the masterminds behind Mating Grounds. He’s also an Associate Professor of Psychology at the University of New Mexico. As such, we have similar interests: He’s interested in the psychology of attraction, sex and dating from a scientific perspective — pretty much what we’ve been building The Art of Charm on all these years.
A couple of weeks after his appearance on the podcast, I sat down with Geoff to pick his brain about some of the topics that caught my attention while he was talking to Jordan. Remember, what women are interested in has a scientific element to it; It’s conditioned by hundreds of thousands of years of human evolution. Men who attract women make lots of babies that grow up to be more or less like they are.
Even when women are just looking for a guy for the night, it takes place in this context: Hundreds of thousands of years of human evolution that make certain characteristics more attractive than others. So what are those characteristics?
Women Like Purpose-Built Men
Miller points out that one of the biggest misconceptions men have about women is that they’re looking for super-ripped gym rats like on the cover of men’s health and fitness magazines. He states that this is not the focus of his personal research, but is the consensus view in the evolutionary psychology community and literature. “When you ask women what kinds of athletes they find attractive they generally say swimmer or decathletes.”
The former is obvious: swimmers have one of the most triangular torsos in the sports community. They sport broad shoulders with a relatively narrow waist, as well as strong legs. What’s more, swimming is a highly functional form of exercise. But where we really begin to drill down into the nitty gritty is when we look at the latter — multi-sport track and field athletes.
“Decathaletes are just capable,” says Miller, “they can run and throw [G1] stuff.”
This leads into another misconception men frequently have regarding what women want: most men think women want a guy with less than 8 percent body fat. In fact, women consistently say they’re turned off by this because it means the man is a narcissistic gym rat. However, perhaps more important than that is that a body fat percentage that low can actually be unhealthy.
“If your body fat is really low it leaves you less capable of fighting off disease and infection,” he says. “Women aren’t looking for guys who are fat, but they do want guys with some kind of physiological reserve.” After all, as he points out “we have fat for a reason.”
But hey, all of this leads me to ask the obvious question: How do we know that women actually think this and they’re not just saying it in the course of a study. In general, asking somewhat what they think is one of the least efficient ways to actually find out what they think. You’re far better off examining their behavior.
Miller concedes that are some problems of methodology in sexual psychology. “It’s tricky, because it’s hard to do the type of research where you’re measuring vaginal engorgement,” which is one of the few ways to know what really turns a woman on. However, much like men, what turns a woman on is not entirely static[G2] .
“Look at the covers of romance novels, which are basically female masturbation material,” he says, pointing out the ripped, muscular men who adorn them. “When women are either highly aroused or looking to get there, they want a buff pirate captain’s help.” But then I start asking him about the phenomenon of Jon Hamm as sex symbol. Anyone who has watched Mad Men extensively knows that Hamm has a very “everyman” sort of body — you’ll find nary a single ab anywhere on him. At the same time, he’s also very fit and trim; Purpose built and muscular even if he’s not going to win any pose downs.
“Women are attracted to effectiveness and capability above all things,” he says, urging men to avoid stressing too much over their exact percentage of body fat. You might be too skinny and you might be too fat, but basically anywhere in between is going to be OK. “There’s a similarity to what healthy, non-athletic guys looked like 50 years ago and what they look like in tribal cultures,” he says. “They just look like they can do stuff.”
“The average active, young, healthy male almost by definition embodies the preferences females have had for thousands of generations.”
We then started talking about something very near and dear to the heart of every man: the health of his erection.
Your Erection Is a Bell Weather for Overall Health
One thing you might hear a lot around the gym is that the more reps you can do on the bench, the more strokes you can do in the bedroom. This isn’t too far from the truth, Miller says. However, there’s a more important element of health, fitness and sexuality in play: Your penis and its sexual health is at the heart of a lot of cardiovascular issues. What’s more, your overall fitness has a significant impact on how attractive you are to women and it’s not just about looks, but also your effectiveness at flirting.
“Lifting heavy increases your muscle mass and cardio helps you to reduce your overall belly fat,” he says. This two things together increase testosterone production in your body. “That helps you physically by helping you get hard faster, stay hard longer and recharge again after you finish.” Beyond that, however, Miller points out that you get a psychological advantage from all that testosterone.
“It’s not just about dominance and confidence,” he says. “You also tend to be more flirtatious, have a better sense of humor and be more playful overall when you’re fit.” Guys who are out of shape aren’t just going to have a hard time pleasing a woman in the bedroom; They’re also going to have a hard time getting her there, because their flirting and humor is off kilter. “Being out of shape throws all your hormones out of whack,” he says.
Testosterone is the name of the game, Miller explains and it goes far beyond just how many reps you’re doing. He cites a study where successful artists were found to have greater exposure to testosterone in the womb. This is what’s known as the “mating effort.”: they’re preprogrammed to invest more effort, time, and energy into attracting women. There are lots of different ways to attract a woman: One is being really strong and buff, another is being able to write an amazing poem, still another is being able to fix a car.
Getting back to your penile health, Miller recalls a talk he gave in 2013 at a major evo psych conference. The topic was how the human penis got to be so big. Our primate cousins tend to have shorter and much thinner penises than we do. Why is this? What evolutionary advantage is there in packing heat downstairs?
“Apparently top doctors and heart surgeons see erectile health as a highly sensitive indicator of overall cardiovascular health,” he says. For example if you’re 35 and you’re not even getting hard in the middle of the night, your doctor should order more tests because there’s probably a significant health reason you’re having this problem. As such, your sex drive isn’t just about pleasing your woman; It’s also about showcasing evolutionary fitness. “If you can maintain a strong erection and bounce back after orgasm that instinctively means to women that your cardiovascular system is in good shape.”
This in turn makes you a more attractive mate. One of the most effective ways to attract women is just by being healthy. It’s one of the features women have been looking for in partners since we climbed out of the trees and probably long before that. Any and all movement in this direction will help you to increase your success with women, but also in every other area of your life.
So what can you do? “Eat paleo, lift heavy and sprint.” The benefits are myriad. “It’s not just about how you look,” Miller explains. “You’ll sleep better, have greater confidence and higher energy levels — you’ll even be funnier on dates.”
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