OPENING THIS WEEK
The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies
Martin Freeman, Ian McKellan
In this PG-13-rated conclusion to Peter Jackson’s fantasy saga, Bilbo (Freeman) and company (McKellan, Richard Armitage, Luke Evans, Orlando Bloom, et al) become embroiled in a war against an armed flock of combatants and the terrifying dragon Smaug (voice of Benedict Cumberbatch) from acquiring a kingdom of treasure and obliterating all of Middle-Earth.
The Plus: The franchise. Okay, you’re over it. Quality-wise, The Hobbit trilogy can’t compare to the Lord of the Rings three-fer. Box office-wise, however, the series definitely proves a winner. Plus, Desolation of Smaug proved more entertaining than An Unexpected Journey. In wrapping up the franchise, producer/director/co-writer Peter Jackson welcomes a returning cast that includes Freeman (FX’s Fargo), McKellan (X-Men: Days of Future Past) Andy Serkis (the forthcoming Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens), Richard Armitage (Into the Storm), Evans (Dracula Untold), Bloom (The Three Musketeers), Evangeline Lily (Real Steel), Cate Blanchett (Blue Jasmine), Christopher Lee (Dark Shadows), Hugo Weaving (Cloud Atlas) and Stephen Fry (Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows).
The Minus: The truth. Uh, quality-wise, The Hobbit … hey, wait, where are you all going in record droves with money in hand?
Annie
Jamie Foxx, Quvenzhane Wallis
In this hip hop-infused PG-rated update of the Broadway musical, a hard-nosed tycoon and New York mayoral candidate Will Stacks (Foxx) makes a thinly-veiled campaign move and takes in young, happy foster kid (Wallis) enduring a hard knock life with her foster mom, Miss Hannigan (Cameron Diaz).
The Plus: The material. Already a hit many times over on Broadway and on big screen (1982) and small (Made-for-TV, 1999), this musical and its songbook (“Tomorrow,” “It’s a Hard-Knock Life”) have long proven to be hits with audiences. Here, Will Gluck (Friends with Benefits) directs Wallis (Beasts of the Southern Wild), Foxx (The Amazing Spider-Man 2), Diaz (Sex Tape), Rose Byrne (Neighbors) and Bobby Cannavale (Chef).
The Minus: The material. Audiences fell in love with Charles Strouse (composer), Martin Charnin (lyricist) and Thomas Meehan’s (writer) 1977 version, not this contemporary version produced by Will Smith featuring with new songs from Jay-Z. Nothing against Hova, but what gives?
Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb
Ben Stiller, Robin Williams
In this PG-rated comedy adventure, nightwatchman Larry (Stiller) spans the globe while uniting favorite (Williams) and new characters (Stevens) while embarking on an epic quest to save the museum magic before it disappears forever.
The Plus: The series. Thus far, these movies proved very popular with moviegoing families, banking nearly a billion dollars worldwide. This third installment stars Stiller (The Secret Life of Walter Mitty), Dan Stevens (A Walk Among the Tombstones), Owen Wilson (Grand Budapest Hotel), Rebel Wilson (Pitch Perfect), Ben Kingsley (Hugo), Dick Van Dyke (Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day), Steve Coogan (Philomena), Ricky Gervais (Muppets Most Wanted) and the late great Williams (Old Dogs).
The Minus: The standard. The unfunny trailer features a monkey peeing on Owen Wilson and Steve Coogan … to the delight of no one. Does potty humor really equal successful family holiday film?
NOW PLAYING
Exodus: Gods and Kings
Christian Bale, Joel Edgerton
*** — Cecil B. De Meh
Though it doesn’t necessarily inspire an Exodus of angry moviegoers from theaters, director Ridley Scott’s impressive and grandiose staging of the story of Moses ultimately feels neither entirely Biblical nor epic. In this PG-13-rated historical epic from director Ridley Scott (Prometheus), defiant leader Moses (Bale) rises up against the Egyptian Pharaoh Ramses (Edgerton), setting 600,000 slaves on a monumental journey of escape from Egypt and its terrifying cycle of deadly plagues. It’s not for lack of trying. Audiences haven’t seen specially constructed sets this big and sprawling and costumed extras this numerous since the last days of Studio System H’Wood, when seven companies pretty much ran the industry from soup to nuts in an almost factory setting. It’s this expertly mounted grandeur echoing the classic H’Wood scale — along with some decent acting — that keeps Gods and Kings in our good graces. The story, however, lumbers around like it’s lost amid the immensity of the buildings and sea of faces. Sure, it’s based on books of The Bible, but some creative liberties reduce the historic events to pure stock. Between sniveling villains and climatic showdowns, this overcooked script wants for more truthfulness. Granted, some might scoff over the historical accuracy of The Bible, but there’s no discounting the lure of the narrative as it stands. Right in his wheelhouse, Ridley Scott delivers jaw-dropping recreations of ancient vistas. He’s done slave rebellion before (Gladiator) and religious persecution as well (Kingdom of Heaven), but Exodus takes the grandiosity up to whole other eye-popping level that we’ll probably never see again. His choice of actors proves impressive as well, even if their roles leave something to be desired. Joel Edgerton’s Pharaoh, for instance, seems to have crawled out of a children’s illustrated Bible story and not the pages of The Old Testament. Between missteps like this along with poor pacing, the dramatic punch never fully connects or comes close to channeling the powerful storytelling of the source material.
The Pyramid
Ashley Hinshaw, James Buckley
* — Dumb of the Dragon Emperor
A found footage thriller that should’ve stayed lost during the development stage of production, The Pyramid schemes moviegoers into more paranormal inactivity. In this R-rated horror flick, an archaeological team (Hinshaw, Buckley) attempts to unlock the secrets of a lost pyramid only to find themselves hunted by an insidious creature. In regards to it being a faux documentary, they don’t even try. In one scene, all of the cameraman stand on a floor and suddenly there’s a POV from the ceiling. Funny, it doesn’t look like recently discovered footage from a documentary crew. It just looks like the cameramen have the shakes. Then, the camera turns on them … the only ones WITH bloody cameras. Yes, continuity ends up to be the scariest aggregate of The Pyramid. If only it happened faster. Even at a trim 90 minutes, the end of this horror-bull can’t come fast enough.
SMALL SCREENS
The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978)
Harrison Ford, Mark Hamill
* — The Farce Awakens
In the film industry, the word ‘miscalculation’ gets thrown around a lot when a production flops over questions ranging from tone, release date, casting, direction of the story, or target demographic. In the case of the horribly miscalculated Star Wars Holiday Special from 1978, all of the above apply. In interviews, Star Wars creator George Lucas expressed a firm desire to destroy every remaining copy (and this from the man who gave us Jar Jar Binks in the interim). For one of countless reasons why, just look at the synopses: On their way to the Wookie’s home world of Kashyyyk for Life Day, Han Solo and Chewbacca face Imperial forces searching for members of the Rebel Alliance among Chewie’s family including father Itchy, wife Malia and son Lumpy. And this is just the flimsy wire holding the bizarre goings-on together. Bea Arthur runs a Tatooine nightclub, Art Carney plays a Rebel-friendly trader, Harvey Korman pops up in a series of thankless comic roles and Jefferson Starship deliver a rock performance via hologram. Nothing, however, prepares you for an elderly Wookie getting heated while watching a virtual Diahann Carroll. The only portion of true Star Wars importance remains the special’s animated adventure featuring Boba Fett. This marked the character’s actual introduction to pop culture until The Empire Strikes Back thankfully erased the history books two years later. Only broadcast once and never released on home video, the special is regardless readily available on the Internet and worth a glance if only to cement its place as one of TV’s Worst Moments. Here’s a warning, however: It’s so poorly designed and executed that it’s rarely even funny — just baffling and odd.