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“How Would You Feel (Paean)” – Ed Sheeran
Jessica Whitesel: Don’t get me wrong; I love Ed Sheeran, but he needs to stop with the love songs. It’s like he is trying to one-up himself over being able to write the most touching love song. Seriously though, he’s thissssss close to becoming the world’s first multi-platinum wedding singer.
Rita Ovis: This could maybe be a Disney song! Who doesn’t love a good love song that sounds like it could be straight outta The Little Mermaid.
“Shining” – DJ Khaled feat. Beyoncé and Jay-Z
JW: I guess this song is OK, but both Bey and Jay have done better work. Maybe it was DJ Khaled that threw it off? In any event, even though this will probably be a huge hit, they’ve both done much better work.
RO: Without Beyoncé this song would be NOTHING! Without Beyoncé, modern culture would be LOST! We need Beyoncé!!!
“P.O.W.A.” – M.I.A.
JW: Well, this sure is a song. I either love or hate M.I.A.’s music, there is no in between, and this song falls under hate. There is just something about her flow that seems off in this track and I’m not sure if it’s the backing track or what, but it just didn’t sound right.
RO: Acronyms run strong for M.I.A. She also rhymes Osama with Obama and the Dalai Lama, so that’s pretty creative.
“It Ain’t Me” – Kygo feat. Selena Gomez
JW: I had to listen to this song about three times before I realized that it just wasn’t going to happen and I should give up. It’s pretty much the perfect poppy background song. Bland, repetitive lyrics sung a tad too high, a super basic beat, and a strange fondness for being 17. DO YOU EVEN FUCKING REMEMBER 17? IT WAS THE WORST FFS.
RO: I’ve always been convinced that Selena Gomez’s musical career has been balancing on good producing and autotuning, and this song just further proves that.
“Rich Boy” – Galantis
JW: This song is a little too summery for February with how upbeat it is, but as soon as the snow starts to melt and I can drink on patios with my squad, I’ll be all over this song.
RO: Oh, this is a good party song, people! Too bad reading week is over ☹.
“A Kindly Reminder” – Passenger
JW: Passenger is fucking clobbering Donald “Tiny Hands” Trump with a fucking mic. Holy shit. It’s fucking fire. “And if I could offer a kindly reminder / It’s not OK to grab women by the vagina,” which is a pretty kick-ass phrase to pull the title of the song from. It also talks about the wall, the travel ban, and of course, his tiny hands. It kind of reminds me a bit of Bob Dylan, but you can actually understand the words.
RO: No literary devices were used in the making of this song. This might as well be a very opinionated SNL parody song about Trump and his doings. Honestly, I thought Passenger was so meek, too! Now, they’re rhyming reminder and vagina in reference to Trump.
“Cold” – Maroon 5 feat. Future
JW: I’m not loving this at all. It’s just the same thing over and over and over and over, and then Future comes in. Which is different, but by that point, there isn’t really anything anyone could do to make this song better.
RO: Even to this day, when I think of Maroon 5, I think of “She Will Be Loved,” so I’m always thrown off guard when collaboration with all these new funky artists like Future come out. I just can’t keep up with the kids these days.
“Heavy” – Linkin Park feat. Kiiara
JW: WUT? This is not the nu-metal Linkin Park I listened to in middle school. I don’t know how to feel about this. Like, the lyrics are classic Linkin Park, but the sound is not, and I just don’t know how to feel about this. But like, kudos for changing with the times, unlike some other bands *cough* Nickelback *cough*.
RO: This is a little angst I definitely would have enjoyed as a 13-year-old. Not so much now, though, since I can get my feelings out on Twitter.
“Love Incredible” – Cashmere Cat feat. Camila Cabello
JW: NO. I DO NOT LIKE THIS. Maybe this is a hot take, but Camila Cabello can’t sing worth shit. And that is literally all that this song is. I WANT EAR BLEACH.
RO: Ooh, I really like Camila Cabello’s voice in this — it’s so floaty and cool. All in all, it’s just another banger for the club, it doesn’t really stand out too much, other than the voice.
“Some Way” – Nav feat. The Weeknd
JW: I mean, this sure is The Weeknd. I’m still not sure who Nav is, but I’m guessing they are probably a DJ. . . probably. It sounds like non-single The Weeknd if you really want to know more about this song.
RO: Which way is “some way” though? Like, I get it, I get the slang, I really do, but also I don’t.
“Safari” – Jidenna feat. Janelle Monae, St. Beauty, and Nana Kwabena
JW: I couldn’t make it through this one. I feel like since I’m the arts editor, I should listen to all of it, but I just couldn’t. Sorry fam.
RO: I truly enjoy how the concept of safari in this song is used as both a metaphor for a kooky and wild party, as well as the Internet browser, Safari. Google Chrome is better, though, in my opinion.
“Nimble Bastard” – Incubus
JW: This is the Incubus I remember! I don’t know if I even ever liked them, but at least they are recognizable, so that is nice.
RO: This is a bit head-bangy and reminds of Green Day, so I guess it’s alright.