I like using my birthday as a chance to reflect on my life. My 26th and 27th years must have been particularly good, if the Amazingly Awesome lists I put together are any indication. For my 30th I’m thinking less about how AMAZING everything is and more about the remarkable experiences and states-of-being that pushed me to where I am today.
This post started out as a fun little trip down memory lane, but after I finished the list I noticed some patterns that reveal what’s most important to me, and where I should be focusing the majority of my time and effort. I was surprised to see that work came to my mind. I hold no fondness for the uniforms, or the long days on my feet, or the hot-hot heat as I drove tractor through the cherries. It’s the relationships formed with my coworkers and the satisfaction found in being assigned tasks and accomplishing them that I enjoyed so much. This is one of the primary reasons why I want to get a job working for someone else within the next year.
Many of the things I wrote down only made the list because of the people I was with. I need to make it more of a priority in my life to put time and effort into those connections. And travel too, travel needs to always be a priority in our budget and lives.
Quite a few of the experiences reveal nostalgia for the way I grew up. We had the opportunity to provide that same life for our children, but we turned it down in favor of a life that will keep us away from my hometown in the thick of the hustle and bustle. There will always be a part of me that romances the pastoral, and I’m glad my parents still live there so the kids can continue to have those experiences in the summer. The suburbs are very bland (San Francisco city proper has my heart though!).
Thinking about my own childhood of course means I’m going to think about the childhood I’m giving to my kids and what I want them to remember. I have zero memories of my mom sitting on the floor playing with me. What I do remember is the stuff that I now realize would have taken hours and days to prep for. Going boating at Mardon, spending a week at the county fair, the trips we took, the pool we had in our backyard which my parents rarely swam in but probably spent a lot of time maintaining. I’m going to be guilt-free about saying “I’m busy right now, go play” in our daily life, but take more time to go to the beach or San Francisco or Lake Tahoe or a road trip along the coast.
You know I didn’t make the list at all? Stuff. No mention of any of the toys I got as a kid, or the items I saved up for when I was independent, or talk about how well appointed the furnishings are in our home. Less stuff more experiences has been something we’ve been working toward over the last year, but assembling this list has made me want to double down and make it our new religion. We are moving to Redwood City this summer, and I’m going to use it as a test to see how much we can simplify and downgrade. Our home won’t be Pinterest-worthy, but we will get to know our neighbors.
When I’m 40 I’d like to make another list detailing the highlights from now until then. I want it to be filled with experiences over stuff, food, adventures we squeezed into our daily life, trips to places far and near, and stories about the ways I strengthened my connections with the people who matter most to me. I think I have enough information now to see what’s going to bring me the most joy.
30 Things I Loved About the Last 30 Years
(in no particular order)
1. Growing up on a farm
Here I am, somewhere around five years old, sitting on a horse in my front yard. Behind me is a ditch where we would swim. I’m smiling in the direction of the single-wide trailer where we lived until I was eight years old. It was a life full of simple things, and I never knew how poor we were. I’m very lucky to have parents who worked so hard to give me a great childhood. My kids will never know a Christmas where we spend Christmas Eve with dad’s side of the family watching rodeo clips, wake up the next morning and open presents before eating waffles, and then head over to the dairy to spend Christmas with my mom’s side of the family. They’ll have other things, new traditions and experiences but I’ll always miss what we had.
2. Pretending to be a model in Rome
I’m far better behind the camera than I am in front of it, but my mom worked it and we came away with some once-in-a-lifetime shots. Marching in front of the crowd at Trevi Fountain and getting up the courage to act like there weren’t hundreds of eyes on me was exhilarating. Maybe I’ll make my sister do the same thing in Greece this June.
3. First sunset in Hawaii
The entire trip was extraordinary, but the portion that makes me happiest to look back on is from our first night, right after we got checked into our hotel. My sister and I decided we were going to race the sunset to the beach, and we ran around frantically trying to get everyone into suits before the sun disappeared completely. We speed walked the block to the beach and were treated to the best sunset of the trip. As good as the sunset was, the part that makes my chest feel a bit constricted with happiness was holding T1 in my arms in the ocean as he said over and over “This is the best ever!” and threw his head back in some of the purest joy I’ve ever seen on his face. I want more moments like that with him, 1000x over.
4. Working at Cave B.
The lovely ladies around me will get an enthusiastic huzzah a bit farther down, but I don’t have many other shots that show the stunning views from the balcony of the restaurant where I waitressed for two summers at the end of college. It’s a winery and resort right next door to the Gorge Amphitheater, and the luxurious accommodations combined with the remote location right next to one of the best unique music venues in the US brought in all sorts of interesting guests. I think the highlight might be the weekend the Dave Matthews Band came in and I served the head of security breakfast in the nearly-empty dining room. I put some extra effort into my service, and maybe did a bit of flirting too, and wound up with two tickets to that night’s concert, right in the center of the floor seats. Staying out for the concert and then getting up for work at 4am the next morning was brutal, but of course I’d do it again.
Now that I love wine and coffee, I laugh to think back on what it was like to make lattes and pour Syrah without knowing anything about them. Coffee isn’t that difficult to serve and work with if you don’t know anything about it, but an evening server in a winery restaurant is supposed to guide guests through the process of selecting the best pairing for each dish. I was a good little Mormon girl, and even refused to sip and spit when we had training sessions. I got through it by memorizing the chef-recommended pairing for each dish, and coming up with a few phrases I could spout off about tannins or mouthfeel. I’m guessing any oneophiles I served were rolling their eyes when I walked away from the table because it must have been obvious to a trained ear that I had no idea what I was talking about! Other than that, I was really good at my job and loved my time there. My older and wiser family members were right – play is relaxing and certainly necessary for a happy life, but hard work is good for the soul.
5. The moment I realized I had a daughter
I knew I would be done after my second baby, and so throughout my last pregnancy it was almost painful to let myself fully explore how much I wanted those kicks to be coming from a girl. I want to be able to share the process of becoming a woman with one of my offspring. Pulling that slippery form out of the water and realizing I had the girl I’d been dreaming of was exhilarating.
6. TH
This isn’t about a moment or an experience or who he is as a person or even about who we are as a couple. It’s all of those things combined into something greater, and the sum of that thing is more… everything than I knew was possible when we decided to go for it long-term. I love him something fierce.
7. Visiting London after high school graduation
This was my first trip to Europe and I was captivated by everything. Visiting London is unique because they speak the same language, but it’s like going through the looking glass. Everything is the same, but nothing is quite the same. I think it was the first time my sister and I had ever used a subway, and we were delighted by the signs urging us to “mind the gap.” We saw the princes ride by in a carriage and rode a train up to the country and I met a boy we nicknamed Captain America (he and I dated for a bit at the beginning of my time at BYU, but I was 18 and he was 24 and I think I was a bit immature for him).
8. Chicago BFFs
This family lived three floors below us in Hyde Park, and it’s the first time TH has been best friends with the husband that is married to a best friend of mine. Our boys are about the same age, and we were on business schoolcation and all of this added up to lots of talk about how we should move next door to each other and knock down the fences in the backyard so we could live Big Love accommodation style
9. Jonathan Canlas mentioning me on his Instagram account
FIND was once-in-a-lifetime, worth every penny, but that’s not the highlight. When I saw Jonathan Canlas laud a shooting method I introduced him to on his Instagram account I was bowled over. It’s hard for me to claim the title of artist, because I always feel like I’m missing that certain something defined by that term, but his comment felt like the permission I needed to bestow that title upon myself. I’m an artist.
10. College
My dad always told me not to peak in high school or college, so I will resist the urge to say this was the best years of my life. I loved so many things about BYU. Fro-yo, driving up to the base of the Y hike, owning a convertible, making waffles and playing endless hours of karaoke/Super Mario/DDR, and the flag football team my sister joined when she came down to college too.
11. Shooting weddings
I didn’t become the busy Bay Area wedding photographer I was hoping to become when I moved here, but now I second shoot and in some ways that’s even better. I get to be creative, and my responsibilities only last for a day. On the other hand, I miss the relationships I formed with my brides and grooms. They trusted me with one of the most important events of their life, and that meant a lot to me. I’ve photographed weddings in Texas, Washington, Oregon, California, Illinois, New Hampshire, and Maine. Loved them all.
12. Running a half-marathon at 10-weeks pregnant
There are two things I cite when I want to remind myself that I’m strong: giving birth to two babies at home, and running this half-marathon in the middle of a first trimester where I felt sick all day every day. Doing it put me in bed for 48-hours straight, but there was no way all that training I had been doing for months beforehand was going to be for naught. When my friend Megan pulled up at the 10-mile mark I cried and told her there was no way I could finish. She told me I could and cheered me the rest of the way there, even running with me for the very portion.
13. Living with TH before we were married
Scandalous! I think that’s why it’s a highlight for me. I didn’t do many naughty things when I was young because of my religious beliefs. We kept all the rules otherwise, just shared a bedroom/bathroom (didn’t even share a bed).
14. Italy (and Austria, and Germany) with TH
I didn’t know TH’s family very well before we got married, and it turns out they are some of the nicest people on the earth. For so many reason, but especially for their generosity and hospitality. Each time we visit they go out of their way to make the trip special for us. And the kid-free trips around Europe! Those are one of the greatest gifts you can give me (that, and film). Italy was our longest trip, and my favorite of all of them so far. I was able to use my paltry Italian skills from college, we were introduced to the magic that is staying at an agriturismo, and the sunset we witnessed over Cinque Terre that site at the very top of my all-time most magnificent moments.
15. My college roommates
All I can say, is that I’ll never again have what we had at Rogers and King Henry and the Avenues and the Yellow Brick House and also that one place we lived that I can’t remember the name of. I love you ladies so much. You played an essential role in shaping me into the person I am today.
16. My pregnancy with T1
Everything was new, and the kicks were something I could never tire of. I felt so intimately connected to the life growing inside of me. And the way it felt to hold him in my arms for the first time and know that he would call me mother. It was, and is, a sacred thing to be privilege to.
17. That time I spent all of my summer earnings on a trip to Cabo
I coordinated with one member of the group and everyone else had no idea. It was terribly expensive and I used up money that should have been going toward my consumer debt but I would do it again if I could go back. We ate tacos with cabeza meat from a roadside taco truck and freaked out when we realized our virgin pina coladas were not so virgin and an entire day of our trip we were forced inside by rain. I slept on the floor because there wasn’t really a place for me. Amazing trip.
18. Coffee
Not any particular coffee experience, just coffee. My life would not be quite as good without it. It’s a daily indulgence that I never have to feel guilty about, and there aren’t very many things in life like that.
19. Living in California
I want to see and experience every inch of it. Growing up I listened to songs that opined about what it was like to be in California, and I thought it would be a very lucky to thing to live there. It so is, it’s as lovely as I dreamt it would be.
20. Leaving Mormonism
I can wear anything I want! Drink what I want! Eat what I want! Spend my Sundays however I want! Watch whatever movies I want! Take whatever political/social stance I want! Spend my extra 10% of my income on whatever I want! Define my own sexuality! Find meaning in what’s important to me instead of what’s dictated to me!
21. Alinea
When we moved to Chicago I set a goal to eat at Alinea before we moved away. We’d need to save up for it, and get very lucky when it came to reservations because it takes some work to get in. Toward the end of our time in Chicago a friend called us up and said he had been able to secure four dinner tickets, wondering if we’d be able to join them. We didn’t get the highly-anticipated helium balloon dessert course, but when the finale was upon us (the finale is not just dessert, it’s an event!) I was close to tears. Happy, overwhelmed tears because the experience was even better than I had hoped.
22. The Cross Country Team
I’ve never been very good at running, I have terrible form. I remember Coach Syrie saying once “The way you’re running is actually making it harder for you.” In a small school you can play or participate in almost anything you go for, because there aren’t enough bodies to go around. That’s how I ended up on the cross country team, sometimes even stumbling across the finish line as a varsity member. Often so long after everyone else that people had started to pack up already. But winning isn’t what it was about for me, it was the way it felt to be a part of this very special team. My senior year of high school I started feeling pain in my lower abdomen whenever I ran, and soon that pain started to pop up randomly throughout the day. After many visits to many different doctors I was diagnosed with Interstitial Cystitis and scheduled for a bladder distention. The pain was caused by cracks in my bladder wall, and during the procedure they would blow my bladder up like a balloon to try to fix the pain (it worked and I haven’t had any symptoms since). Coach Syrie adopted the phrase “Jenna is our hero” and the team cheered me through the procedure and recovery the same way they patiently cheered me across the finish line at each race. I’m wiping away tears as I type this because the experience was both singular and incredibly meaningful. I saw, and felt, what it means to have people go out of their way to show you compassion and love when you’re struggling. To this day when I finish any run I hear Coach Syrie’s voice in my head, urging me to finish strong and give it everything I’ve got.
23. Boating
Some of my earliest memories are of my family out on the water. My parents went in together with another family to buy a boat and as a kid my dad would very patiently drag us around on the tubes. On summer nights when the water looked smooth we would grab the bare necessities and get in as much time on the glassy water before the sun set. As I got older the tube dragging became tube wars. I never got very good at wakeboarding or skiing, but think I may have managed to turn the kneeboard around in a circle once or twice. We would come home covered in bug bites, wet and dirty, up long past our bedtimes. I’m really grateful my parents did what they had to do for me to have memories like that.
24. Disneyworld
The Disneyworld trip was my first flight. My parents got upgraded to a convertible and the hotel room had a gaming console that my parents wouldn’t pay extra to let me play on. I imagine their thought process was “I didn’t fly you across the United States for you to sit inside all day and play video games.” That’s what I’d say to my kids now. The butter in the castle was formed in the shape of Mickey Mouse and I was in awe of such fanciness. It was the summer right before I turned boy-crazy, and I look back on the photos and see how I posed without any attempt to look hot or desirable. I just wanted to be me (how can I bottle that up and get that back again?) .I brought my own money earned by doing chores around the house, $50 if I’m remembering correctly, and wanted to spend it on a giant stuffed animal. My mom imagined the flight home with such a thing and convinced me to buy a snow globe instead. She was right. The stuffed toy would have been throw out years ago, but the snow globe is still in my room somewhere.
25. My First Memory
I’m trying to be less about the stuff and more about the experiences, but I confess my first memory revolves around a toy. I’m around five years old and sitting on the front steps of the trailer. I’ve got Dolly Surprise on my lap. I brush her hair very gently, and then raised her right arm to watch her hair grow. I turned her left arm and cranked it back up again. Of course this is just the sort of toy I would never buy for my own kids, but would instantly pay too much money for if I found one in working condition and could use it to chase nostalgia a bit.
26. My First French Kiss
My first kiss was quick, stolen when we thought no one was looking. My first french kiss was when I was 15. I think I would have had my braces by then. I remember his lips being very big, soft, with just the right amount of wetness. We knew no one was watching and had some time to really enjoy it. Not only was french kissing not allowed according to Mormonism, but this was with a non-member and was salacious to the 2nd degree.
27. Girls Camp
Girls camp is a yearly tradition for Mormon teenage girls. We sat around the campfire, sang songs, ate junk food, peed in nature, attended devotionals, and took the first years on snipe hunts in the pitch black. Most of the women I know felt like they were forced into attendance by their parents, but I even went a year past when my best friend called it quits (we were inseparable, this was a big deal). My affinity for this experience makes me think I would enjoy camping, but I’ve never been outside of this rather sterile pseudo-camping week for a few summers between 12-18. My mom never liked it so we didn’t go with her, and now it’s not something my other half is into either. Maybe the kids will want to go with me when they’re a bit older and we can make it a mommy and son/daughter thing.
28. The Dairy
I didn’t appreciate much of the unique things about my life until I left home and realized how different it was, but I think that my grandparent’s dairy is one of the exceptions. We’d be sitting down to dinner and grandpa would get called out to pull a calf from a mother in labor. Is there anything like getting up from the dining room table to witness someone attaching a chain to the foot of a struggling baby in order to pull it out of its mother by force? Maybe this is why I didn’t find the placenta of my baby’s disgusting. Nowhere near as gross as what I saw coming out of a cow, and I wasn’t going to be eating it out of a manure-coated pile of straw. The highlight was, of course, the baby cows I was able to feed using a bottle. Their tongues were long and scratchy, and they would search so desperately for the nipple. Once they found it they would suck with such force that it would almost topple me over! And then after the work was done we would go inside and my grandma would make me toast with real butter on top. Gold n’ Soft can’t hold a candle to real salted butter. Once Great Grandma Spence moved home each visit to the dairy also meant fresh cookies from the oven, and frozen leftover cookies for the drive home.
29. BYUSA
My roommates nicknamed it “Ah-bue-suh” because once I joined the Brigham Young University Student Service Association as a part of the events management team I spent every spare second there. My first year I was an underling, but my second year I was a lead and was able to take over entire events. I coordinated things like the campuswide service awards, the Homecoming baby pageant, and the fall fling. It was thrilling to be handed a budget and manage a team that would create something from nothing. I’m glad I ignored my friends and kept volunteering there because those experiences are an important part of my resume now. BYUSA FOREVAH.
30. The Ranch
My grandparents have been ranchers for as long as I’ve been around, and the property they owned when I was young felt like a giant playground. Cowboys and horses everywhere, streams to wade in, junkyards to pick through, grandma’s cooking, Proby (the gentlest horse, perfect for tiny ones to ride alone), an outhouse to be horrified by, and a real pump to draw water from. Most of our family folklore on my dad’s side of the family revolves around the ranch, the adventures that we all had there, and some of the colorful characters that populated it. One of my favorite stories that I have been told involves a game that I played with one of the cowboys when I was very young. I would say a word, and he would have to come up with a word that rhymed in response, and after a few rounds of this I gave him the word “bucket”. It was some time later that he came back over to me with a triumphant grin on his face and replied “Nantucket”. My kids will have their own version of these memories, with their grandparents on one side living on a farm, the other side living in Poland, but I hope they still have a chance to see and remember places like this one that hold this much meaning for me.
It was an ideal childhood in many way. A beautiful life thus far. And the best part is there’s so much more to come.
Also:
2010 in Review
Memorial Day Picnic 2011
Christmas Card 2013
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