Captain Awkward, 20 August 2013:
Dear Captain Awkard: So I’ve been dating this Sagittarian for 8 months. It was going swimmingly and due to his couple of months free waiting to get exam results and find a new job, along with me working for myself and being able to take loads of time off, we were intenso – inseparable for 3 months. Mix up his exotic hotness, ambition, brains, resounding (seeming) lack of baggage, patience, easygoing nature and ability to deal with me. Slather on some pretty great sex, a holiday in Rome, my friends loving him, lots of late night spiritual and philosophical convos and I was fully baked. He’s only 26 and I’m 28 but sure cool. Then he gets the job he wanted. Head and neck surgeon and pretty full on, but only 8-5 and no weekends. I would have been fine only for 2 things: sex took a massive nose dive and he’s absolutely exhausted all the time. I’m a Gemini. Fairly well-adjusted but I get bored of the trivialities of 9-5 life, that’s why I’m an entrepreneur. I also adore traveling and love my work, I see life as being about relationships and experiences. I feel as though he’s choosing his career over the rest of his life, including ME. Now I’m a bitter hag about the sex, having asked if it’s because he’s gay (both honestly and nastily), or just doesn’t fancy me (ditto) or if he has issues about sex (not much experience/possible mother issues or whatever) and he swears it’s none of these things, he’s just tired. He also now thinks I’m a nympho, which is ridiculous. He can’t seem to sleep earlier than 12 and gets up at 6 so I KNOW he’s tired but he has to take responsibility for that himself, I don’t force him to stay up or eat late! He’s trying different diets, gave up smoking 2 months ago for the first time in 14 years, getting exercise, is going to try yoga, but it’s not working so far. I feel neglected, betrayed, disappointed. On top of that he’s not very romantic or good at expressing his feelings verbally. Not terrible but not great. We’ve entered a massive power struggle and are constantly bickering, mostly started by me. Throw in the fact that his 6 month contract ends soon and he may have to spend much of his career moving around the country. I am fairly free to go with him but my LIFE is here in London and I’m not the type of person who wants to be traipsing around after a man. I feel really badly towards him and I know that I’m pulling away because I don’t want to compromise myself and/or get hurt. Oh and I don’t like his mother. Dealbreaker?
Dear Dealbreaker?
One sure way to know that a nine-month-old relationship is meant to last is if you’re berating your partner for possibly being gay because he spends too much time being a surgeon and not bowing to your every sexual whim like that one time you went to Rome in your own personal Wes Anderson movie. You kids are so lucky.
But no one, least of all an exotic intenso hot guy whom you have singled out as a mate at all costs, has a right to focus on his career when he should be banging his girlfriend. Have you had any convos about how totes ridonk his desire to practice medicine is, in light of the fact of your vagina?
As you’ve correctly ascertained, your (awesome, free-wheeling) personality was set in (really gorgeous) stone by the stars before the sands of time began to fill the hourglass, and it is up to this Saggi dude to accommodate how incredibly chill you are by not working too much, going to sleep when you tell him to and proving to you repeatedly with his boner that he is not gay, which he would have to be if he doesn’t want to have sex with someone who keeps track of his dietary habits and whether he’s had enough yoga this week in your opinion.
If only he could see how unconcerned you are with the trivialities of life!