This month’s real-life Superhero is Sean Stephenson, an incredible speaker, author and motivator. Get his advice and learn all about his superpower by reading our interview.
SuperheroYou (SY): What is your origin story?
Sean Stephenson (SS): Okay. I ended up in a time capsule in my parent’s front yard. No. I came into the world given zero prediction to make it through the night. The doctors in the room said he’s going to die and my parents were just floored, because they had been so excited about their baby coming. They figured that if they’re only going to get one night with me, they might as well make it count. My parents just kept giving love and energy to me and I made it through that first night and many other nights. I made it through that night and then I made it thirty-five more years to today. All those doctors that said I would be dead, they’re all now dead and I’m the only doctor that is left from that room. It’s not been an easy path. I was born into a container that is known as osteogenesis imperfecta, also know as brittle bones disorder. By the time I was eighteen, I had been fractured over 200 times. Something as simple as sneezing would break a collar bone. Putting on a pair of pants too quickly could break a femur. I spent my whole life using a wheelchair to get around, and was only about three feet tall in height. I had my fair share of discrimination and challenges along the way, but fortunately I uncovered my superpowers as time went on to turn into the man that I am today.
SY: What do you today?
SS: My superhero mission, my crusade, would be simply put as “ridding the world of insecurity.” If you can think about insecurities as the villains, those are the foes that I deal with, both the ones that live inside of me and in the hearts … Not in the hearts, but in the minds of all those that I help through my speeches, my therapy sessions, and my programs on the Internet and on video and through my books. The main goal is to help people realize that there’s no reason in the world that you need to feel like you’re not enough, which is the root of all insecurity.
SY: What do you think are some of the most common insecurities that people have and how do you help people combat them?
SS: Some of the most common ones are appearance-based, which really affects human beings – specifically women, because we live in a society, at least in America, where beauty, physically, is of very high importance. If you don’t meet the airbrushed, perfect image, it’s easy to tear yourself down; it’s easy to compare yourself to others. I deal with a lot of individuals that are dealing with body image issues.
I think another common insecurity for men is that they’re not successful or wealthy enough. I think that if beauty is the indicator of awesomeness in the mind of a woman, then success is the indicator amongst men. As long as you’re comparing your success to another persons, it’s very easy to feel like you’re behind where you should be, that you’ll never be enough.
I’d say another big insecurity amongst human beings is that they’re letting people down, that they’re letting their parents down, letting their spouse down, letting their company down. It’s a fear of hurting people’s feeling because you’re not enough. There’s a host of insecurities that show up. Some are very niched and focus-based on somebody’s upbringing and then there’s the general sweeping ones, like, “I’m not pretty enough, I’m not tall enough, I’m not smart enough.” They all come back to that center, which is, “Holy cow, I was born on this planet not enough.”
SY: What drew you to that as a profession?
SS: Only to figure out in my own mind. I want to be able to navigate this life with sanity. I want to be able to succeed and accomplish whatever I put my sights on. I just fell in love with learning. I fell in love with evolving my own personality, my own character, my own fortitude as a human being and my persistence. Over the years I’ve worked with some incredibly successful people that feel like failures. I’ve worked with people that came from absolutely nothing to build massive successes and everybody in between. Every human being fascinates me, because we all have our own unique story; we all have our unique set of challenges. No two human beings see the world exactly the same way
SY: So everybody has insecurities, but we also have various strengths and weaknesses. Every superhero has his Kryptonite. What is your biggest weakness and how do you work to overcome it?
SS: Facebook. Checking my status updates, and my friends. I can be easily distracted. I have to unplug myself, intentionally, from the world if I want to get things done. I love connecting with people. I can sit in a gas station and talk to a stranger for hours. I’m just very easily distracted by bonding with other human beings. That’s one of my strengths, because I can relate to people quickly and get into deep conversations and help them with their fears, their excuses, their insecurities. It’s also like, “Whoa, whoa, hey. Let’s go check out the status. Let’s look at Twitter, let’s look at Instagram,” and next thing you know, I got nothing done and it’s five o’clock.
Part of my kryptonite is just not staying focused. Part of my kryptonite, I would say, and I’m really overcoming this one, but this used to bother me big time, is needing approval from others. If I did a project and people didn’t like it, I would be devastated. Especially, the people that I admire if they were like, “Nah, it wasn’t that good,” it would really get to me.
I used to be really bothered by complete strangers who would start hating on me in a mean hour, on a blog, and I’d want to find their telephone number and call them up and convince them I was a good guy. It really got that bad. As I’ve gotten older, I realized that … I love the quote, “If you learn to walk on water, there would still be people that would say that it’s because you can’t swim.” You got to learn to set your own acceptance. You got to learn to set your own approval. We can’t go externally for it or you’ll just be driven crazy.
SY: Was there a moment for you where that happened, where you were able to say, “I accept myself,” or is that more of a gradual process?
SS: It’s definitely a gradual process. I think there are turning points. I think there have been many in my career and in my life. Growing up being stared at, laughed at, pointed at as a child. That was hard. That wasn’t always an easy road. That helped in building up my sense of compassion for other people. I found that the people who laughed at me were the ones that felt the ugliest. They were the ones that felt the weirdest themselves. When I got to know them, they would open up. That was a turning point.
I think that as I’ve gotten older and I’ve met some of the people that have hated on me and realized the challenges and the struggles that they’re going through, they just want somebody to pick on so that they feel stronger or maybe just wanted to get my attention. That was a turning point, to say, “You know what, I don’t need to get the approval of somebody I don’t even know.” Every step of the way, in all of our lives, hopefully we’re learning and going, “Hmmm, I’m going to take this lesson with me to the next stage of my life.” It’s been a gradual process for me. I didn’t arrive one day like Mr. Confident.
SY: You say that we grow through life learning all these lessons. What is something that you’ve learned most recently?
SS: Most recently, I’ve learned that I need to do things that scare me. The things that scare me are actually the things I need to do the most. I don’t mean scare like I want to wrestle a cobra or swim under water with great white sharks kind of thing in shark tank. I’m talking about scaring me in a positive way, but still scary. I’ve never flown on an airplane by myself. I’ve always been with a physical needs attendant or a family member or my wife. I got on an airplane all by myself and flew from my house to California. I was fine, but I had to get over the fear of having strangers help me out.
I just made a list about a year ago of the things … It’s up on my board here. About twenty-one things that scare me. Just going through them and going after them. Some of them are easy to do, but some of them take a little bit more time. The biggest thing that I’ve learned recently is, my life gets better when I do things that scare me.
SY: In what way?
SS: I develop my confidence. One of my mentors, Dr. Paul Dobransky, he says that, “You gain a point of confidence in every act of courage that you take.” That’s basically saying, “You get confident when you do things that scare you.” I love being more confident. I love going into a room and knowing that I can take charge. I love being able to get up on stage and know that this is my house and I’m going to make you cry and I’m going make you laugh and I’m going to make you think. I’m going to move you to tears and have you jump to your feet in a standing ovation, because this is my house. It’s not from arrogance. It’s just from training and knowing that I bombed numerous times early in my career and survived to see another day. As you take those acts of courage and you survive, you get those points in confidence.
SY: At Planet Possible, we believe that one of the keys to being a superhero is that every superhero has community. In that vein, who is the biggest superhero in your life?
SS: Without a doubt that would be my wife, Mindy. She is able to see things in my world that I can’t. She has x-ray vision to my insecurities. She has the ability to help me navigate around corners that I’m scared to go around. Before there was my wife, there was certainly my parents. They were incredible in helping me grow up and grow into who I am. Between my parents, my father and mother, and my wife, I would say I have an incredible foundation of superheroes. I also have a mixed, round table of superheroes that protect me. These are what I call my advocates. Jim Kwik is one of them. These are the individuals that believe in me. These are the individuals that are doing amazing, cool things themselves and inspire me to continue to grow and play bigger. Between my advocates, my wife, and my parents I certainly have many guards to the fortress of my solitude.
SY: Outside of these people? who in your life has influenced you the most and how?
SS: Outside of those people, I would say there’s three individuals. One is Tony Robbins. Tony Robbins had a big impact on helping me make my health my highest priority and turning around some of the problems that I had in my body. Eben Pagan was one of my superheroes in my business, helping me turn around both my personal relationships in love as well as my business. [Trudeau Polish 00:15:56] has helped me tremendously understand the importance of marketing and developing my company as a corporation, not some kind of sideline hobby.
SY: A lot of people will claim that confidence is just a personality trait, that it doesn’t get you anywhere. What would you say to those people?
SS: Absolutely. I would question the origins of those people’s motives, because I believe either they are misunderstanding confidence or they don’t have any themselves, so they’re tearing it down. What I mean by that is, confidence is not about puffing your chest out and thinking you’re the sh*t. Confidence is about truly aligning with doing what you say you’re going to do. It’s got to have limits of integrity.
It’s also got elements of how you are reacting on the outside is how you feel on the inside. The problem most people have, that they aren’t fully confident, is because they are incongruent. They’re acting like they’re confident on the outside as best they can, but inside they’re scared sh*tless and they’re not really, fully believing what they’re saying. Then that’s not true, full confidence. Confidence is about being congruent and knowing that you’re acting the way you really, truly feel.
I would say that confidence isn’t some kind of passing, personality trait that really doesn’t matter. I would say confidence is the belief in yourself that you’re going to do what you say you’re going to do and the belief that what you set as a goal, you’re going to go get it. Whether it’s a small goal or a large goal. You have the confidence that you’re after it, you’re tracking it.
I have a dog and when he smells something, boom! He’s down on that ground and he’s got that nose moving towards it. He’s confident he’s going to find it. He’s not at all like, “Oh well, I hope I find that doggy treat.” No, he’s lying. The same thing with confidence. When you feel it, it’s not even a feeling on the inside, it’s a lack of distraction. When you’re truly confident, there is no internal chatter, there is no internal worries and concerns. You’re just tracking what you’re after.
SY: How is that different from determination?
SS: There may be a lot of overlap between the two words in what we’re talking about. I would say confidence is a feeling in a moment that you’re capable of doing something. Determination, I feel, is you’re going to stay the course. I think there has more to do with the long term process. I think when somebody is determined, it’s like confidence spread over a course of either a long span of time or a lifetime. I think that you probably have a lot of overlap between the two, though. I think confidence is kind of like the end result of a lot fixed things in there. It’s about having the integrity. It’s about the follow-through. It’s about being congruent and not backing down.
SY: What is a concrete change in your life that’s occurred because you are confident?
SS: Well, I’m not always confident. I’m confident more times than I’m not. That percentage continues to get better. I don’t think it’s like you just show up and you’re confident. I think it’s a spectrum that you’re on. Where I’m at now, I feel like confidence has allowed me to really communicate better. It’s hard to believe somebody and listen to somebody if they’re kind of sheepish and worried and shy and, “Yes, I hope you listen to me.” Heck no. A confident person is right there with you, they’re totally engaged, and they’re ready to serve, and they’re ready to just go after it. They believe in what they’re saying and they know they can make a difference. They aren’t afraid to follow-through on what they say they’re going to do.
Confidence has helped me to get a message out there, worldwide. For instance, I put together a very silly dance party video that has over 1.1 million views on YouTube. Type in Sean Stephenson in YouTube. Sean Stephenson dance party. I have to be super confident to dance like a loony-bin on this video camera, and yet it went totally viral because I was being myself. I was unapologetic. I was having a good time. I didn’t care about what the viewers would say. I didn’t care about the people that would say, “Well the reason why he walks on water is because he can’t swim,” kind of energy. I just did it. That confidence got me more visibility than anything I’ve ever done. In 1.1 million views, that’s helped me to expand my business and reach people globally, as silly as a dance party might sound.
SY: One of the biggest superhero movies of the summer is coming out in a couple weeks, X-Men: Days of Future Past. If, like in that movie, you could travel to the past, what advice would you give yourself?
SS: I would give myself different advice personally than professionally. Professionally, I would say just own the area of marketing and don’t be afraid to get your message out there. Don’t worry about looking like you’re going to be over-exposed and how weird it is that you’re knocking on people’s doors with something to offer. Get out there anyway. That would be number one.
Number two, personally, I would say relax. You’re going to grow into a man that will have everything you ever wanted. It’s going to be fun. It’s going to be good. Even when the times get difficult, you are going to rise to meet these challenges. Trust yourself and move forward knowing that you’re a bad-ass.
SY: Would you give similar advice to somebody who was going through similar challenges now, that you were at their age?
SS: It would be something different, because I don’t know how their future is and where they are presently. I do know there would be a lot of similar ideas that I would share. The biggest thing that I would tell somebody, if I went back in time with them, would be to focus on what you want. Don’t give a moment to focusing on what you don’t want. You can’t afford that. We cannot afford to focus on our fears, because then we head right towards them.
SY: What does Planet Possible means to you?
SS: Planet Possible. To me, that means that we’re all infinite. That we are not defined by our job or our talent or our body, that there’s infinite number of possibilities out there, that we’re capable of becoming and achieving and having. I have a tattoo on one of my wrists of the infinity symbol. It’s my superhero insignia to remind me that I live on Planet Possible. That all things are possible. You just have to have patience and focus, and together you will be surprised what you achieve.
SY: Getting back to this idea that you’ve been trying to do things that scare you lately, what is the scariest thing you’ve ever done?
SS: There are a lot that come to mind. The first one that came to mind … I don’t know if it was my scariest, but it’s the first one that came to my mind. That was when I was in my twenties, I was involved in a company that I didn’t like how I was being treated. I looked my superior in the eye and I said, “I’m out of here and I’ll come back and work for this company if there’s different management, but I’m not working for you.”
I was in my early twenties and he was in his mid-forties. He was a multi-millionaire and I barely could pay my light bill. It was scary. I was David and he was Goliath. He looked at me and he’s like, “Are you serious? Are you really telling me what I think you’re telling me?” I held my breath and I took an exhale and I said, “You better believe it. That’s exactly what I’m telling you.” I walked away from that conversation a really powerful man, because I realized that I was not going to tolerate a life where I wasn’t being treated to the level that I deserved.
SY: What is the thing that you’ve done that you’re most proud of?
SS: Probably get married. I searched and searched and searched for the right person for years and went through a lot of heartache. At times I even lost some temporary hope. I always seemed to dust myself off and get back out there. When I finally found the woman that was my best friend, my teammate, my … She’s my number one cheerleader and my lover. Then to ask her to marry me and have it go just so swimmingly well and now being in a wonderful marriage with her. I would say that’s the thing I’m most proud of.
SY: That’s great to hear. Most of our conversation has been about your professional accomplishments. Our website is geared towards people who maybe aren’t at the place that they want to be in their life, both professionally and personally, romantically. What would you say to somebody who is struggling in a romantic way then?
SS: I would say get very clear on what kind of person you’re looking for and get very clear on what you’re going to need to bring to the table to get their attention. I don’t mean more money or a sexier butt. I mean what energy, what attitude, what contribution to the world is going to get their attention. Develop yourself into the kind of person that would attract the person you’re looking for. People spend a lot of time, myself included in the past, looking, looking, looking, and it’s not about looking. It’s about becoming. It’s about becoming the kind of person that you know would attract the person you’re looking for. When I spent a lot of time working on myself and getting excited about being the man that my future wife would need, that’s when she showed up.
SY: What does your ideal day look like?
SS: My ideal day. I would wake up. I mean I live out most of my ideal day. I wake up. I kiss my wife. We go walk our dog in the park. I come back; I do some coaching on Skype, with some of my most amazing clients. I maybe hop on a private jet, which I don’t have, but that would be ideal. I’d hop on my private, X-Men type jet and I’d fly off to one of the largest arenas filled with a hundred thousand people and have it be filmed and be worldwide to millions of people. I would share an awesome message. After that, I would hang out with some of my close friends, have some good meals in there. Get a workout in. Make love to my wife and we’d go to bed.
SY: Who is your favorite superhero and why?
SS: Batman, because the guy is rich, he’s got all the toys, he’s competent, he’s smooth, he gets all the ladies. He’s overcome great obstacles as a child, which I did as well. He doesn’t have any natural powers. He can’t fly. He doesn’t have the ability to crush things, like the Hulk. He doesn’t have innate, physical characteristics that make him stronger or more powerful. It’s his intelligence and his training and his technology. I have every kind of gadget you can think of. Deep down, inside I want to be Batman. I strive to be him every day.
SY: If you could spend the day with three people who are living, who would they be?
SS: Will Smith, Anthony Hopkins, and I’m going to go with Katy Perry. Not that I’m a huge fan of her music, although I think it’s catchy, but I just like her attitude. Will Smith is a bad-ass. He just has this determination that I’ve never seen in any other human being. Anthony Hopkins, he’s what I want to become when I grow up. He’s just elegant. He’s confident. He’s done a lot of work on himself. He’s charming and awesome. That’s why.
SY: What are some of your favorite books?
SS: The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, Letting Go by David Hawkins. I loved his book. Another book that really made an impact on my life … The Alchemist, definitely. These are a lot of classics that people probably say, but I really also … I love One Small Step by Robert Maurer. It’s so beautiful. My last one I’m going to go with is The Practicing Mind by Thomas Sterner. Those are my picks.
SY: If you could have any super power, what would it be?
SS: To speak every language fluently with their perfect accents.
SY: Why?
SS: If I have that power, the things that I could do with it would be so good for humanity. I could also make a ton of money with that. People love being able to speak in their own language. If you can communicate directly to them without an interpreter, you can do business with a lot more ease.
SY: What is your favorite sound?
SS: Probably my name spoken by my wife in a soft tone.
SY: Favorite word?
SS: Infinite.
SY: If you could go back in history, who would you like to meet?
SS:Nikola Tesla.
SY: Favorite joke?
SS: I don’t know that it’s my favorite, but it’s the one that keeps trying to come to my mind. That is, “How do you make a Kleenex dance? You put a boogy in it.”
SY: What is something most people don’t know about you or one of the strangest things you’ve ever done?
SS: I think what people don’t know about me is that I have days where I’m really down. I’m not confident and I am very emotional and feel like I don’t even want to go forward. I think people feel that the energy that I bring to the public stage is the energy that I am at all times. It’s not true. There are days that I really want to quit. I want to hide. I don’t feel like I’m enough. I don’t think people would really believe that. I think the strangest thing that I’ve done is perform a wedding ceremony on Richard Branson’s private island and to have him be the ring-bearer.
SY: How do you get through those days want to quit and give up?
SS: I give myself permission to have a sulking day. I don’t make myself wrong and bad, but I give myself a day. I also, if I’m ready, I will go to my wife and be like, “What am I doing that’s causing me to feel like garbage?” She’ll tell me the truth. Not sugar-coat it at all. That helps, somewhat. Sometimes, maybe I’ll just go for ice cream, a good chocolate sorbet. Being with my dog and I’ll just pamper myself a little bit. Maybe play some video games. Talk to a friend on the phone. The basics. It’s nothing major, but if it’s really difficult I’ll reach out to my mentors and be like, “Look, I’m feeling stuck. Can you help me out of this?” I have no fear of admitting to people that I trust that I feel like sh*t and that I need help.
SY: What is the first thing you notice about people?
SS: Their energy. How comfortable they are in their own skin.
SY: What is one thing you think can be done to improve the education system?
SS: Make it mandatory to teach personal growth.
SY: Why?
SS: Where else are they learning it? Maybe when they’re forty-five, divorced, frustrated, dealing with an addiction, sitting in a self-help section of a Barnes and Noble? I think it’s too late. Not that it’s too late, it’s never too late. It’s way beyond. I think we should be teaching kids about self-esteem, confidence, dealing with their fears, insecurities; all that should be common lingo and understood at a young, young age. It’s easier to mold a child than change an adult.
SY: Going back to that scene in the self-help aisle, a lot of people are afraid to go into this arena, specifically, because they’re afraid to walk into that self-help aisle. Would you say to these people who could benefit from things like what you do, what Planet Possible does, but are too embarrassed or afraid or intimidated to go there?
SS: I’d say how long do you want to be ruled by your ego? Your ego got you into these problems. Do you want to continue to listen to it? Your ego is not going to get you what you’re really after. Your heart wants growth. Your heart wants you to expand and learn and be more and make a bigger impact on this planet. Get over yourself. Get your ass into this bookstore. Start reading. Learn from others. Be willing to admit your faults. Let’s be all real.
SY: If you had to choose another different, unrelated career, what would it be and why?
SS: Writing all careers on the table for me still, it’s not like I have an alter life, but if I had to go way out on the outskirts that I have no intention to do in this lifetime … I think it would be really cool to be a spy. It would be really cool to be a private investigator and legally stalk somebody and figure out what they’re doing and what they’re up to. I think it would also be fun to, if I had the physical capabilities, to play in the NBA. I think basketball looks like a lot of fun. I’ve never had the dream, like a lot of people do, to be a rock star. When I was younger and single, I would have liked the chicks element, but I have no interest to be sweaty on a tour bus with five guys, drinking beer all day, wondering when I’m going to get to go home.
SY: Besides Planet Possible, what are some of your favorite websites?
SS: I love the basics. I love YouTube. It’s awesome. I spend a lot of time there. I love Facebook. I love Twitter. I absolutely love NBA.com. I would say those are the ones I frequent the most.
SY: What is your biggest pet peeve?
SS: My biggest pet peeve is people that hate somebody that they’ve never met.
SY: Okay. What is one of your favorite questions to ask a new friend or to get a conversation going?
SS: What’s the best part about your life and where are you most challenged?
SY: Okay. What is the best part of your life and where do you feel most challenged?
SS: Good question. I would say the best part of my life is definitely my marriage and my relationships with my friends. People in my life. I’m most challenged in getting my message out on a bigger platform. I’ve had spikes when able to reach millions, but then it’s back to thousands and I want to get back to every day speaking to millions of people.
SY: Okay. How would you explain your basic life philosophy?
SS: Be responsible for your reality.
SY: Can you elaborate?
SS: You have everything in your life that you drew into your life. If there’s nothing there you don’t like, do something about it.
SY: What is the biggest problem facing the world right now?
SS: Insecurity. When human beings are insecure, they do stupid sh*t. They start fights and wars and they steal. When you’re insecure, it leads to the dumbest things you can imagine. When a person feels secure and they feel good about themselves, they don’t really need to take from another person. They don’t feel the need to belittle or tread on or take from somebody else. If somebody feels truly good about themselves, all they want to do is give back and make this world a better place.
SY: If you could witness any event, past, present, or future, what would it be?
SS: I would have liked to been on the moon and watch Neil Armstrong take his first step. I would have liked to also, as morbid as it is, I would have liked to have been in Dallas on the JFK was shot, to see who the hell did it.
SY:Okay. If you could learn to do anything, what would it be?
SS: Speak every language.
SY: Something else?
SS: I’d go back to my super power. Okay. Something else. I would like to learn how to memorize poetry and passages from books that I could just recite on command in quick style. Although I could keep using numbers okay.
SY: What songs are the soundtrack to your life?
SS: There’s a song called The Good Life by, I think, it’s One Republic. I really like i.
SY: How do you want to be remembered?
SS: I heard one of my mentors say this and I really like it. I don’t care if I’m remembered. It would be wonderful if I was, but honestly I would rather my material be remembered. I’d rather people remember my message. I think that me wanting to be remembered in a certain way is strictly the ego and by the time I’m dead, my ego and I are long separated. I don’t think I’ll care at all. I don’t care that I’m remembered, I care more that my message is remembered because that’s going to make a much bigger impact than people remembering me.
SY: Okay. For our Planet Possible SuperheroYou readers, if you could give them two best practices advice, two things that they could leave and do right now, what would you say to them?
SS: Make a list of things that scare you and go do them. Find three people that have the life that you would like to be living and make friends with them.
SY: For that second one, do you have any advice on that for somebody who might not have the connections that you do?
SS: I built those connections. I started from ground zero. Everybody has to. Find people, find out what’s important to them, and bring them more of that. That’s how you get people to invite you in.
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