SUPERCOACH SCORES PREMIER LEAGUE - PREVIEW
WEEK 1 FINALS – THE WEEK THAT IS, WAS & WILL BE:
***Put it down to writer’s block, the absence of any major news worthy of reporting on (or perhaps more accurately, the absence of any inspiration to find anything witty to write about) and a busy work schedule, but I’ve taken the lazy route and just tweaked my pre-finals post from last year this week – so if it sounds familiar to anyone, that’s because it is!!!***
There’s an array of cups the world over which are considered the “be all and end all” of achievement in the sporting world. There’s the: AFL Premiership Cup, Melbourne Cup, America’s Cup, World Cup, Ryder Cup, Stanley Cup, FA Cup, Webb Ellis Cup. And that’s even before we start talking of the myriad of trophies, jackets and jerseys on offer in other sports… But they have all been eclipsed by this little number:
That’s right lads here it is… the SCSPL – Season 2014 League Finals Premiership Cup. OK you may just have to squint a lot to imagine it has 2014 written on it. The SCSPL Commission is running a little skint at the moment (read on for why…)
The pinnacle of sporting achievement recognised the world over is back up for grabs in season 2014. The SCSPL is actually fortunate to even have a Cup to present this year. Costly and lengthy legal proceedings had to be commenced by the SCSPL Commission against Premier Brett for its return. While the Judge did have sympathy to the Premier’s arguments that the Cup should remain in his possession in the interim (given it was a foregone conclusion it would be returned to him in five weeks’ time anyway), on balance, the Judge held that it should be returned on the remote possibility someone else dared to win the competition.
The SCSPL Premiership Cup (SCSPLPC) sits on a base constructed from the best Australian MDF money can buy. The Cup itself is made from 100% Chinese pewter and coated in 100% 1ct gold. And not just any old gold peeps. That’s Australian gold we’re talking about. Pure unadulterated AWESOMENESS!!! I can hear the gasps of amazement and awe from here.
Now admittedly it looks a little more impressive in person than perhaps on the screen in front of you, but I can assure you lads, you manage to come through and have this little puppy sitting on the mantelpiece in your pool room at home come the end of the 2014 season (or mansion in the case of Premier Brett) and you’ll need to be beefing up security at home. Big time!!! ‘Cos you’re about to be inundated by millions and millions of fans all lining up in a vain hope of getting a glimpse of this priceless fella right here.
And let’s not forget about this “chrome challenged” number:
“Old mate” is back in 2014, looking even more worse for wear and rustic as another year passes. The winner of the SCSPL Minor Premiership Cup (SCSPLMPC, or ‘Ol Rusty for short), can look forward to going on the school class-room “show and tell” circuit showing it off to the kiddies of the nation and explaining how even if you don’t quite make the “big time”, you’re still a winner. Grand times await…
‘Ol Rusty will not look out of place as rain gauge in your backyard, dog water bowl, faux holy grail or loose-change holder. The possibilities are literally endless should you be fortunate enough to win this little number.
With so much up for grabs across both finals series and a position in the top 50 in the quest for league supremacy on the line, the next few weeks will make or break the careers of many a coach and player. Promises to be a ripping few weeks ahead…
SCSPL WEEKLY AWARDS
Last round of the full accompaniment of SCSPL Weekly Awards this week, but don’t despair, I’m currently working on an end of year awards ceremony for the SCSPL. Kind of like a best and fairest night. Even thought I’d hold it on the eve of the Grand Final. I know what you’re all thinking – “why don’t the AFL do something similar?” Well don’t worry I have already written to Gil suggesting he consider holding a best and fairest awards night on an annual basis. Suggested that they look at televising it too. Maybe even have the event somewhere like a casino perhaps – with a red carpet?? They could call it “Footy’s Night of Nights” I wrote. Also recommended they name the medal after a former player and administrator of the game… Cracking idea if I do say so myself. Can’t believe I’m the first to think of it!!!! I’ll be sure to let you all know what Gil thinks about it…
Any such copy-cat event held by the AFL will surely however be but a pale imitation of what is in store for the SCSPL Awards night. With so many achievements worthy of recognition in this season 2014, the awards will be flying off the shelf faster than green grass through a goose.
But for now, this week’s SCSPL Weekly Awards go to………………………………………….
The Running with the Bulls Award – Coach Hai and Team IDIG SCS maintain their dominance in the overall points race for another week. A slight dip in rankings after a tough week with the 14th best score of the round and dropping to 31st position overall. Really only Coach Pete and Team Creekers and Coach Banjo and Team BANJOkers in the hunt to chase the big man down.
The Yippi Ki-Yay Award – And Coach Banjo’s cause in the overall rankings race were bolstered last round with a league high 2,496, one of only three coaches topping the 2,400 mark in what was a lower scoring round from recent highs.
The Mike Powell Award – From winning the Nigara Falls Award last week and dropping to 11th, a last gasp 10 point win against Team Muppets saw Team Maulers rise through the rankings by three places into an unexpected finals berth.
The Niagra Falls Award – With 7 teams all dropping one place during the week, hardly seems fair to award a winner this week.
The Tenzing Norgay Award – Still waiting for their award from last week that was “lost in the mail”, Coach Nikhil and Team Champs have backed up their late season form to take out the win again this week rising 977 places into 13,550th.
LADDERS
LEAGUE LADDER
The home-and-away season is done and dusted for another year. The big talking point of the week was obviously Team Creekers as deserving minor premiers with an imposing 15/2 record, closely followed by an equally impressive 14/3 from Team BANJOkers, clearly the two consistent teams of the season. The other talking point was how on earth Team Maulers managed to get in the top 8 while their much fancied competitors fell by the wayside.
While three coaches and teams in their inaugural season of the SCSPL finished in the top 3 ladder positions, with the other 3 teams promoted to the SCSPL this year just missing out on finals action (but all in line for a crack at ‘Ol Rusty). The other 5 teams battling for the SCSPLPC all played finals in season 2013, including both the defending Premiers (Team Arrogance) and defending losers (yours truly).
By way of comparison, I’ve pulled the SCS league standings from 2012 and SCSPL standings from last year for comparative purposes:
So a record number of wins for Team Creekers across the H&A season. EVER!!! Congratulations Coach Pete. An absolutely sterling effort. Interestingly, Team Saints and Team Maulers are featuring in their third straight finals series. Awesome effort Coach Gary. And yes I am a lucky bastard aren’t I?
Commiserations to Coach Callan of Team Eagles Convocation and Coach Matthew of Team Jobi-Wan Kenobi who we are sadly forced to bid adieu this week prior to the first weekend of the finals. It’s been a tough year for both coaches, Coach Callan who made it to the prelims last year and our defending ‘Ol Rusty champ in Coach Matthew. Have managed to keep their teams chugging along, although one can only assume given their scoring drop from last year that busy personal commitments have hindered their efforts during the season. All the best for any other league finals you guys may be participating in and enjoy the off-season. Especially would like to extend a personal thanks to Coach Matthew, as an original member of the first SCS league back in 2012, and who was actually the first to kick-off with round previews of league match-ups for which I piggy-backed with post-round reviews and have continued on in their current format (much to everyone’s displeasure I’m sure).
While individual rankings and relegation considerations remain to keep the interest of the “fallen” teams, league rankings continue as well. So let’s not forget that there’s still much to play for!!!
In the overall league stakes, the SCSPL are just hanging in there in 50th position a drop of 6 places on the week before. Last round was not overly pretty with only five teams managing to improve their individual ranking.
LUCK LADDER
Called it last week (actually think it was pretty obvious about mid-season). But Coach Tim and Team Guns have done it!!!. They’ve gone where no team has gone before in the SCSPL and secured themselves back-to-back titles. Perhaps not quite the title they were hoping for come the start of the season, but unluckiest coach in the SCSPL for two years running is still something to tell the grand kiddies about in your geriatric years. And what a way to secure the title too in the final round.
Coach Tim has managed to not only win the title of unluckiest coach, but also miss out on the top 8 by the appendage of a fairyfly. After a last ditch lunge at the line by Coach Mate and Team Bulldogs, Coach Tim take the title narrowly by virtue of their better percentage and overall ranking. Congratulations young man!!! Remind me never to sit down at the casino tables with you my friend…
And while Coach Tim and Coach Mate reflect on their teams narrowly missing the top 8, spare a thought for Coach Gary and Team Saints, who but for an unlucky draw could have been sitting in the top 4 with a double-chance and instead faces an elimination final this week. Oh and Coach Craig too, who could have finished in the top 8 had the cards fallen the way of Team Muppets.
Otherwise, not a whole lot in the luck stakes for season 2014. What goes around often comes around and all, but seven teams ended up finishing either exactly where they “should” of or within two positions of where they should have had we played every other team every round. For Coach Tim however it just so happens that the unlucky stick whacks him in the head more often than the rest…
Only seven coaches managed to top the scorers across the league over the home and away season, with Coach Hai having the honours of doing it on, a season record, four separate occasions. And Coach Damien takes the cake as the team who propped up the bottom of the scoring tables on four occasions during the season.
WEEK ONE FINALS PREDICTIONS
The ladder and predicted finals match-ups from last week didn’t quite work out, but in my defence my complex mathematical formula actually managed to get 6 of 9 contests correct last week. So I’ve punched the numbers back through the supercomputer (aka calculator) to see who gets a week off next, those that are out and those whose dreams continue for a preliminary final berth via the semis.
SCSPL PREMIERSHIP
1ST QUALIFYING FINAL - (1) CREEKERS – 2,466 DEF (4) IDIG SCS – 2,439
I’ve been waiting for so long to see these two teams play against one another. Seems like ages since they last met… ;-)
All joshing aside, after filling the grandstands last weekend and with the “Full House” sign on display three hours before the first bounce, the SCSPL Commission will have been absolutely rapt to see these team’s going at each other once again to kick off the finals series.
With around half a dozen POD’s between them last weekend, it was always going to be a close game. A late out from Buddy for Team IDIG was always going to make it hard for the top scoring Coach Hai to overcome Team Creekers unbroken run and so it came to pass with a 100 point win for Coach Pete. Their win also pushed them to a 3/2 winning record based on scores over the past 5 rounds in comparison to Team IDIG. Assuming a similar number of POD’s again this round, the contest could again go either way. Last week, the supercomputer must have had a virus and picked Team IDIG to win by 6. After running a virus scan during the week and punching the numbers Team Creekers may well make it back to back wins and straight through to the preliminary final.
Team IDIG has the runs on the board however and will not make this an easy contest. Having made it through a qualifying final in season 2013 (before bowing out in the prelim), Coach Hai will surely be imploring his players to again aim for a week’s rest with the intent of going one or preferably even two better this year.
1ST ELIMINATION FINAL - (5) MR_ARROGANCE – 2,375 DEF (8) MOO MOO’S MAULERS – 2,320
The defending Premiers up against the defending losers. Premier Brett will have been quaking in his boots last Sunday when he saw that my boys had got through to the finals. Quaking in joy, jubilation and ecstasy that is. The contractors would have been called in to quote on extensions to the trophy room on the fifth floor of Premier Brett’s luxury estate and calls made for the speechwriters to begin preparations for their GF winning speech.
Having defeated Team Maulers time and time and time and time again, Team Arrogance will be the overwhelming favourites to make it through to the semi next week and continue on their way to defending their title. Team Arrogance will no doubt be miffed at being forced to qualify for the GF in the first place and Premier Brett has been upping the mind game stakes during the week taking out daily full page adds in The Age and Herald Sun with the simple words:
Premier Brett – “I am the best there is, was and ever will be.”
A parcel also arrived at Team Maulers HQ during the week which, when opened, revealed 30 T-shirts emblazoned with “2013 SCSPL Premiers – Team Arrogance” on the front and “Bwahahahahahaha” emblazoned on the back. One can only assume the origins of said parcel…
The difficult nature of this weekend’s match-up is not however lost on Team Maulers. Up against their bogey team of recent years, the players may be buoyed that they came within 28 points during their round 8 encounter and the fact that they had a superior score to Team Arrogance last week. But realistically, it would take another week of a number of late-outs affecting Team Arrogance to give my lads any hope of a win at all. Be hard to expect I could be blessed with such misfortune against an opposing team two weeks in a row. Stranger things have happened (after all I did manage to make the GF last year), but I certainly won’t be gambling my hard earned on Team Maulers this weekend.
2ND ELIMINATION FINAL - (6) COURTESANS - 2,342 DEF BY (7) ST JAMES FC – 2346
The “lucky” Team Courtesans versus the relatively “unlucky” Team Saints in this historic elimination final battle.
Winless in their first quest for finals glory in 2013 going out in straight sets despite finishing fourth during the regular season, Team Courtesans have some unfinished business to attend to this year. On the line is the prestigious record of being the first coach of canine descent to win an SCSPL finals game. Doesn’t get any bigger than that!!! The trees at the Team Courtesans clubrooms will be in for some extra fertilisation if they can get up this weekend.
Standing in the way of Team Courtesans and Coach Coco and Coach Keith are the mighty Team Saints led by Coach Gary. Having fallen to Team Courtesans by 245 points only two rounds ago, Team Saints will be going in as minor underdogs with the punters, not helped by the fact their recent record stands at 1/4 compared to 4/1 for their opponents. But over the same period, Team Saints have managed to outscore Team Courtesans on 3 occasions with a rolling average only marginally better than their opponents. So toss a coin. Put $50 on each team for a win and the place and you surely can’t go too wrong.
Finishing in 8th last year and getting knocked out in the elimination final has clearly spurred Team Saints to bigger and brighter things in the 2014 home and away season. Well one spot at least. At this rate, Coach Gary can look forward to guaranteeing his team a double chance come season 2017. But their focus will surely solely be on this weekend. One of these teams will break their SCSPL finals hoodoo come end of week one of the finals. That’s one thing I’d put money on.
2ND QUALIFYING FINAL - (2) BANJOKERS – 2,406 DEF BY (3) GRANT’S GREATS – 2,436
Last match-up of the week, but certainly not least with Team Jokers battling out against Team Greats for a preliminary final spot and a mere few steps away from sporting immortality in their inaugural SCSPL season.
This is the third of four matches in week one of finals that promises to be a nailbiter. Both teams have a 4/1 record in recent times and are in startling good form. Coach Grant has the narrowest of edges outscoring Coach Banjo (marginally) in 3 of the last 5 rounds. The computer suggests Team Greats will get up, but it really is another line-ball call. Coach Banjo got the win over the impressive Team IDIG in round 14 while Team Greats lost to them in round 15. Team Jokers lost to Team Zebras in round 16 while Team Greats beat them last round. Not sure what to make it, except perhaps that they both played Team IDIG and Team Zebras recently. But what would I know?
Their round 9 encounter, which Team Jokers won by 300 points, is not a great predictor of likely winner this week with it being during the bye rounds. Perhaps more telling is that Coach Banjo has had the wood over all other finals aspirants, barring Team Creekers, while Coach Grant has won against only 3. Again hard to make much of it and recent form suggests Coach Grant has his lads firing at the right time of year. Win, lose or draw, both teams will still be in the race next week. Except only one will have a week off to rest-up for a preliminary final encounter. This promises to be an epic contest.
’OL RUSTY
1ST QUALIFYING FINAL - (9) MASO’S MUPPETS – 2,227 DEF SUPERCOACH SCORES – 2,224
At the risk of repeating myself, but can I just say that this one promises to be a close contest? Actually I punched the numbers into the supercomputer at the secret underground bunker at SCSPL HQ and almost broke the damned thing it was having that much trouble calculating which team was favoured to win. With both teams scoring the same in round 13 and the remaining 4 games split evenly 2/2 on the scoring front, it fell to the averages over the same period. Even after the arduous task of calculating that complex mathematic equation - week 13 score + week 14 score + week 15 score + week 16 score + week 17 score / 5 (I know it almost blows a billion blood vessels in my brain every time I look at the equation), it suggested that Team Muppets would break their 4 game losing streak with a victory by a margin of a mere 3 points. But surely there’s more to it than that?
Well yes there is. I’m glad you asked, but at the same time I’m really not so sure that I’m the best or most qualified person to ask. But I’ll give it a crack nonetheless…
Team Muppets have looked done and dusted. From a round 12 top 4 position to 9th after the next 5 matches, it would have been near impossible to have predicted their fall from grace. But Coach Craig has not lost his fighting spirit and despite losing last week, they actually almost pulled off a miraculous victory to win through to a finals berth for the SCSPL Premiership Cup. But it wasn’t to be and ‘Ol Rusty now awaits. If it’s any consolation to Coach Craig, they at least have a double crack at ‘Ol Rusty. Perhaps little consolation to this proud club having also narrowly missed out on a top 8 finish last season, but possibly a mere three wins away from getting some silverware from the season. Would keep the sponsors happy at the very least.
Up against the one and only Mastercoach however and Coach Craig will start to be asking questions about who exactly he killed in a former life to deserve such a run of bad luck and form. Add to that an absence of trades and the balance beam starts to swing the way of Team SCS. And while Team SCS’s season has also not quite gone according to plan, with the wily, jack-of-all-trades, wise-one, oracle come Mastercoach at the helm, you’d be a brave punter to bet against them at this stage of the game. Coach Craig did manage to get a win against Team SCS in round 5 by 156 points, but that was so long ago it might have been last decade for what bearing it’s going to have this week. Finals footy is a different beast all together. Bound to see a ripping defensive contest between these 2 experienced SCSPL coaches.
1ST ELIMINATION FINAL - (13) ZAJAC’S ZEBRAS FC – 2,260 DEF (16) BUILT2PERFECTION – 2,198
The first finals match-up for ‘Ol Rusty featuring one of our teams playing their first year in the SCSPL in Team Zebras. And up against the runner-up to ‘Ol Rusty last season, it will be interesting to see how Coach Nick handles the pressure.
With an overall ranking of 4,883 and four wins against current top 8 finalists and Team Zebras can surely be taking a bunch of confidence into their first SCSPL finals campaign despite not quite being able to make it into the top 8. They’ve outscored their opponents in 3 of the last 5 rounds and won their first game in the SCSPL against them in round 1. They’ve even managed to score 2,500 points or so more than Team Perfection over the course of the season. But only one win separates them over the course of the H&A season and Team B2P have BTDT and if you were to RBTL and AFAIK they’re not in it J4F. IYKWIM?
But looking at the charts and stats and it’s pretty clear Coach Damien and Team B2P have not had things go their way at all since about round 6. After winning 4 of their first 5 games, it’s been only 2 from 12 after that seeing them drop to their lowest position on the ladder this season following their defeat last round.
Things have been far from rosy down at the Centre for Perfection in season 2014. With the club under financial pressure, Coach Damien has been forced to take on a weekend job to keep the coin rolling. Also hedging his bets by doing Uni studies in case this coaching caper doesn’t work out and it’s no wonder Team B2P have found the going tough. But while it may look like they’ll be pushing the proverbial up Mt Everest this weekend, a positive attitude, a little perseverance and perhaps taking out a few of Team Zebra’s POD’s at the first bounce and who knows what the weekend has in store.
For the winner, their (almost) dream piece of silverware is still up for grabs, while for the runner-up, it’s Mad Monday and end of season trip time!!!
2ND ELIMINATION FINAL - (14) SHAW BET – 2,352 DEF BY (15) NIKHIL’S CHAMPS – 2,415
In contrast to the earlier final with the supercomputer struggling to find a winner, “Barry” (as the supercomputer is affectionately known at SCSPL HQ) didn’t quite have so much trouble in this next elimination final.
After an admittedly pedestrian start to the season with a 1/12 record, Team Champs were at risk of having their supporters change the vowel in their name on the official merchandise. But what a turn-around since round 13… Five wins in a row and they’ve been in the top 4 scorers across the league for the past 3 weeks. Coach Nikhil’s tactics of using up all his trades and chucking Ablett on the bench has been a masterstroke!!! After outscoring Team Shaw Bet for the past 5 rounds, defeating Team Shaw Bet in round 14 and Barry (or “Bazza” as his closest SCSPL HQ colleagues refer to him) quickly concluded Team Champs would extend their winning run to 6 this weekend.
But as well know, computers don’t always manage to get things right. Just ask my wife about the time she inserted her credit card into the DVD Rom of the iMac when buying some crap off eBay and the computer didn’t spit out the card OR pay for the goods. Just one example of when we can’t always trust a computer. And Coach Liam will be hoping the underdog status will work in his teams’ favour this weekend. With both teams yet to experience the increased intensity of a SCSPL Final match with ‘Ol Rusty on the line, Team Shaw Bet will be hoping dealing with the intense pressure down the track with the bookmakers and leg-breakers in tow will be just the kind of experience they need to get them over the line.
And let’s not forget Coach Liam has managed wins against 2 teams in the top 8 and influenced the make-up of the contenders for SCSPL Premiership Cup over the past two rounds. While Team Champs have also had an influence over the final composition of the top 8, their solitary win over a top 8 team doesn’t really count. And that’s meaning no offence against Team Champs at all. Far from it. It’s just that the one team in the eight they managed to defeat was my mob and that surely doesn’t count?
On their day, Team Shaw Bet are capable of anything. But are they able to stop the steamrolling, end of season juggernaut that has been Team Champs? I tell you what, it’s going to be bloody tough, but if they manage get the win, you can “Bet” that their odds will be “Shaw”t, or at the very least “Shaw”tening.
2ND QUALIFYING FINAL - (11) LOLERN BULLDOGS SCE – 2,401 DEF (10) GOODIE’S GUNS – 2,360
After last week, Coach Mate and Coach Tim were left asking yours truly the same thing. They both kept asking: “Don't know how you do the voodoo that you do so well it's a spell, hell, makes me wanna shoop”. It was the way they asked me that was kinda strange too. Almost like a 1990’s hip hop/rap song. Very weird. But I digress…
After weaving my magic. Sticking a few pins in some dolls (stuffed, not blow-up). And casted a few spells, my job was complete. I had stolen a top 8 berth from them. The planets had aligned and left Team Bulldogs and Team Guns to battle for ‘Ol Rusty.
After season that started with promise and potential, their dream of the SCSPL Premiership Cup must now be shelved for another year. But that’s not to say a man can’t dream of more than one thing at a time. And I have no doubt, both Coach Mate and Coach Tim will have seen ‘Ol Rusty in the newspapers and their thoughts have turned to just what on earth they would ever use it for if they happened to win it. Guaranteed!!!
So this qualifying final is going to be a ripping test to see which team bounces back best from the disappointment of coming “oh so close” last round. But I’m pretty sure this is going to be an absolute beauty of a game. Worthy of a top 8 match-up even. Same amount of wins for the year. Both teams defeated two top eight teams during the H&A season. Not much separating them in the overall ranking sitch. And there was not a lot in it when last they played back in round 3 with Team Guns coming through with a 44 point win. The form of both teams in the back half of the season has been pretty impressive. And last but not least, they’ve both been bloody unlucky.
Given their standings in the luck department for season 2014, was considering of nominating this contest for the “**** Outta Luck Cup” won so convincingly by Coach Tim last season. But I haven’t because I didn’t want to be seen as giving Team Bulldogs an unfair advantage…
PREDICTED WEEK TWO FINALS LINE-UP
No second chances next week for the lucky losers from this round. Some possibly cracking semi-finals coming-up across the board.
END BIT
Got to be quick finishing up this week sorry lads. Hope all the finalists have terrific games on the weekend. Not just the SCSPL but across any other league contests as well. Looks set to be a great round of finals and setting the scene for some thrilling contests to come.
Like I said gotta go. The wife keeps running in and out from the letterbox. I asked her a few hours ago what was wrong and she said “my stupid computer keeps telling me, 'YOU'VE GOT MAIL!’” Probably time I told her what’s up. Could let her keep going for a while yet I suppose, but it’s well past beer o’clock and not only that, but a man gotta eat some time. Am I right?
**If you don’t hear from me again – the Commander-in-Chief has read this post. Please ring 000. If the operator asks for a description of the wife, please let ‘em know she’s the one with a set of matching round objects around her neck. Cheers!!!***