SUPERCOACH SCORES PREMIER LEAGUE - PREVIEW
ROUND 1
The long and arduous 2013 post-season rehab is done and dusted. The RSI symptoms from the millions of mouse clicks on the "reverse trade" button have subsided. The strained vocal chords from screaming at the TV, computer, tablet, phone during the course of a weekend are now rested. All is forgiven with your spouse or partner for the hours upon hours studying the stats, the break-evens, and living, breathing SuperCoach during the preceding year. Work performance and school grades are up. The nervous shakes and symptoms of your initial withdrawal appear to be waning. Just when you started to think you could see the faintest of lights waaaaay, waaaaay, waaaaay down the end of that long dark, lonely tunnel and you thought you’d kicked the habit…
But let’s be completely honest, there’s still that one pesky, little itch that you can’t quite scratch.... That empty feeling in the pit of your stomach that just can’t quite be filled, no matter how hard you try. That thing that you just could not put your finger on, but you just know in your heart of hearts will make everything complete in your world. And so that time has now come… It is what the Jedi Order referred to when talking about “restoring balance to the force”. The cure of all that ails you is back by overwhelming popular demand…
That’s right the SuperCoach Scores Premier League (SCSPL) is back for season 2014 and what a year it promises to be. The wait is finally over… Up for grabs are the priceless jewels of the crown. You know you’ve reached the pinnacle when you have one of these beauties sitting in your virtual pool room in your virtual home, counting your virtual money from the largest virtual cash prize in sport which is non-existent. That’s right, I’m talking about the Premiership Cup and ‘Ol Rusty (awarded to the winner of the “minor premiership" race).
The real virtual Premiership trophy is still with Team Mr_Arrogance with Coach Brett defiantly and steadfastly refusing to return it to SCSPL HQ proudly exclaiming it to be a waste of time given it will only need to be returned to him by season’s end. And ‘Ol Rusty. Well for those who don’t know the story about ‘Ol Rusty (yes, there is a story I kid you not), well ‘Ol Rusty had a little bit of an adventure on its way to or from (the specific details are a little hazy now) Denmark where Rowsus the original title holder from 2012 was the rightful heir. Now on its eventual return a little more battered, bruised and weathered than it already was, Coach Damoz as runner-up of the 2013 minor premiership proceeded to abscond with it from the presentation ceremony for Team Jobi-Wan and it subsequently found its way to the Monash Uni’s O-Week celebrations. Uni students being uni students, proceeded to rip off ‘Ol Rusty’s base and use it as a beer bong for the week, so let’s just say it’s had a post-season of tribulations and is currently in need of a little refurbishment…
Now not only is the SCSPL and the Premiership Cup and ‘Ol Rusty back, but also, despite the absence of demand, are the League Previews. With less chance of meaningful statistical analysis than Russia relinquishing its hold on the Crimean peninsula, for those with high expectations of gaining a leg up over their opposition on a week to week basis, let me be the bearer of bad news...it’s not gonna happen from reading these Previews. You’d have more chance of getting your money back from Bill Vlahos and his punters club than you would getting any advantage from reading these previews. In fact there’s more likelihood of the Egyptian Government coming to a power sharing arrangement with the Muslim Brotherhood than there is that you’ll get anything more than a slight chuckle every now and then from the previews. I’ll even go so far as to say that there’s more chance of me being awarded one of the new fancy Knighthood by Prime Minister Abbott for my outstanding achievement and contribution to SC than you will… Ok, Ok, Ok, I think I’ve made my point.
So enough of the cringe worthy puns, the season is long and arduous and for any regular readers you shall be forced to endure your fair share of them during the course of the year. So strap yourself in for the ride.
Despite promising much prior to the start of season 2013, the SCSPL dropped away in the last few rounds of last year, due to what could only have been an act of sabotage, leaving us to finish a respectable, if not slightly disappointing 50th overall. Still there were some notable achievements during the course of 2013, not least of which were the remarkable achievements of the runner-up to the League Premiership, a team who shall remain nameless, but who’s feats will go down in history with poems and novels written about their exploits and songs sung and medals awarded in their honour.
With our battle for SuperCoach Scores league supremacy regrettably dashed last year, 12 teams have returned for season 2014 with the sole aim of reigning atop the overall league table. And in a move that will be sure to see that our destiny is realised once and for all is the elevation of six extremely impressive teams and coaches with the pedigree needed in the top flight competition that is the SCSPL.
With teams names that include the words “Champs”, “Greats”, “Guns”, “Perfection”, “Arrogance”, “Shaw Bet” and “Maulers” our destiny as the number 1 league in the country is really just a foregone conclusion. This is despite what some might say is a somewhat shaky start to this season with the SCSPL dropping to a disappointing 122 of 25,006 leagues after round 2. But let’s not dwell on the negative. I’m a glass half full kind of a guy and if we were to draw our attention to no more than 12 months ago, one would have seen that the SCSPL had an equally rocky start to season 2013 finding ourselves in 154th position after round 1. So all is far from being lost. Stay the course lads and glory will be ours!!! Perhaps more accurately we may just want to consider slightly adjusting the course in a slightly upward trajectory, but forget the semantics. In the immortal words of Sam Kekovich, “you know it makes sense”. So don’t fight this destiny which is ours. Embrace it and enjoy the ride!!!
Let’s now turn our attention to the contenders for sports most coveted title of 2014 Premier League Champion and the eagerly anticipated round 1 league match-ups....
THE CONTENDERS
MEMBER
TEAM NAME
SEED
2013 RANKING
LEAGUE RANKING POINTS
Impromptu
SuperCoach Scores
1
23,909
174,491
Mr_Arrogance
Mr_Arrogance
1
65
215,135
Termin8er789
Eagles Convocation
3
595
205,605
Zim^zuM
LolernBulldogs SCE
4
676
202,824
Courtesans
Courtesans
5
1,849
201,351
MovingUpward
Moo Moo’s Maulers
6
9,650
198,950
IDIG
IDIG SCS
7
7,684
198,816
Damoz
Built2Perfection
8
4,502
192,698
Maso
Maso’s Muppets
9
7,329
192,271
Jobi-Wan Kenobi
Jobi-Wan Kenobi
10
6,535
191,865
Rocky Dunlop
ST. JAMES FC
11
10,734
190,066
BuddyLove
BANJOkers
12
104
188,896
Goodie’s Guns
Goodie’s Guns
13
8,473
186,327
NK29
Nikhil’s Champs
14
184
185,816
benderiffic
Zajac’s Zebras F.C
15
220
185,580
Lenny5
Shaw Bet
16
1,010
182,990
Creeker
creekers
17
2,419
181,381
Grant
Grant’s Greats
18
1,066
179,534
WEEKLY MATCH-UPS
(4)MASO’S MUPPETS VS (5)EAGLES CONVOCATION
MEMBER
CURRENT RANKING
RECORD VS OPPONENT
Maso
9,677
0-1
Termin8er789
13,696
1-0
A mere 34 SC points currently separate these two combatants as they enter the first game of the league season and it promises to be a close contest.
Narrowly defeated in the preliminary final against the eventual Premiers, the Termin8er is back... And I’m not talking about the 67 year old former Californian Governor reprising his role in the fifth instalment of Terminator... Team Eagles Convocation have returned in season 2014 under the supreme guidance of Arnie’s lovechild Coach Callan and will no doubt be looking to go one or two better this season.
Somewhat eerily, after finishing 9th in the regular season and relegated to the quest for ‘Ol Rusty, Coach Craig and his team were also defeated in their preliminary final in season 2013. But of course Team Muppets will be striving to finish in the top 8 first and foremost this year.
I can see both team’s potentially finishing in the top 8, so the winner of this match-up could well and truly get themselves off to a head start against potential top 8 finalists.
At their last meeting in round 13 of season 2013, the Muppets were on the end of a 233 point hiding. Coach Craig and his team will no doubt be looking for redemption while Coach Callan will be looking for his team to increase their advantage. Team Muppets most recent history suggests that they struggle to get over the line in these close encounters. I’m sure it’s something they’ve addressed as a team in the pre-season, but as they say (whomever "they" are), "the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior". Could well be proven wrong, but I’m backing Team Eagles to get over the line…Just…
TIP: TEAM EAGLES CONVOCATION
(17)MOO MOO’S MAULERS VS (12)LOLERN BULLDOGS SCE
MEMBER
CURRENT RANKING
RECORD VS OPPONENT
MovingUpward
70,829
1-0
Zim^Zum
32,889
0-1
Achieving SC Elite status in the off-season, the 4th seeded Team Bulldogs kick off the season against the 6th seeded Team Maulers, who judging by the first 2 rounds have also achieved "SCE" status during the off-season, SC Excrement that is…
But coming back to Team Bulldogs, I must confess I went through season 2013 thinking Lolern was a place I’d never heard of. I’ve since come to the realisation however that with their penchant for “Lol’s”, the Bulldogs are in fact from another place I’ve never heard of which is called “Ern”. Funny name for a team to base their side from but, with a town name of “Ern”, I’m not surprised the local populace is forced to find a way to ROFL and LOL their way through each day...
A coaching change appears to have occurred in the off season with former Coach Zim handing over the reins to Coach Mate, who narrowly beat Coach ROFL for the head coaching gig in the off-season. Coach Mate will be looking to better his predecessors semi-final appearance from last season and getting into the top 4 for a guaranteed double-chance.
It hasn’t been an ideal start to the campaign by either team, less so for yours truly and Team Maulers will be praying to the SC Gods for a turn-around in form this weekend and possibly recreating their famous round 13 win against Team Bulldogs from last season. But having punched above their weight all season last year and making it to the Grand Final, I have grave fears for the fate of Team Maulers this year. One could be forgiven for thinking they’ve used up all their luck in season 2013. An unexpected win this weekend however could do wonders for the confidence of the team in what’s going to be a challenging year.
Can’t go past Team Bulldogs this week though. Should win comfortably and show the SCSPL exactly why they are considered “Elite” and why the Maulers are just crap.
TIP: TEAM BULLDOGS
(10) MR_ARROGANCE VS (1) IDIG SCS
MEMBER
CURRENT RANKING
RECORD VS OPPONENT
Mr_Arrogance
21,272
1-0
IDIG
1,089
0-1
The reigning 2013 SCSPL Premiers in Team Mr_Arrogance and Coach Brett are back this year in their quest for a historical back-to-back Premiership. Since their win over the desperately unlucky Maulers, last year, Coach Brett has insisted to all that he now be referred to as “Premier Arrogance”. The subsequent congratulatory face to face with the Premier of Victoria following their historic victory became a little awkward with Coach Brett insisting on sitting behind Napthine’s desk and demanding the Victorian Premier’s resignation. And if that wasn’t a sign of Team Arrogance’s growing bravado, such is the power and prestige of a SCSPL Premiership, there has been rampant speculation that Andrew Demetriou’s resignation announcement came the day after a meeting with Coach Brett. I don’t believe in coincidences, so it must be true…
Finishing 65th overall in season 2013, Team Mr_Arrogance will be demanding further improvement from the playing group this year. Coach Hai on the other hand will be hoping that the delayed start to the preseason following the wild premiership celebrations of Team Arrogance may just give his chargers at Team IDIG SCS an advantage over the number one seeds in the first game of the season.
Team IDIG SCS (formerly known as Team “IsDonIsGood”) employed a marketing team over the post-season and feedback from the fans was clearly that they dug abbreviations. And creatively came up with I DIG SC. I dig SuperCoach Scores too Coach Hai, as do many others, so they’ll clearly be on a winner as far as selling memberships are concerned. Seeded 7th in season 2014, Team IDIG SCS were unlucky losers in the preliminary final last year and the off-season has been spent with Coach Hai and players reflecting on what might have been. A shellacking early last year by 324 against Team Arrogance will also have been firmly in their mind as they prepared for round 1 of the season ahead. And their form has been impressive thus far, leading all comers in the SCSPL with an overall ranking of 1,089.
It’s a brave man who tips against the reigning Premiers, but one sense they could just be a little vulnerable in week one of the season. Can Team IDIG SCS continue their stellar start to the season? I’m tipping this will be match of the round and not a lot in it, but Coach Hai by a whisker…
TIP: TEAM IDIG SCS
(8) NIKHIL’S CHAMPS VS (6) GOODIE’S GUNS
MEMBER
CURRENT RANKING
RECORD VS OPPONENT
NK29
18,701
0-0
Goodie’s Guns
13,696
0-0
First match-up of the round with one of the thoroughly deserving team’s promoted to the SCSPL in season 2014 in Team Nikhil’s Champs under the stewardship of Coach Nikhil. I would suggest there’s no better way to guarantee your job as head coach than forcing the Board to name the team after the coach. A clearly crafty operator we have here in Coach Nikhil.
Defending an overall ranking of 184 from season 2013, there’s no doubt Team Champs will be “champing” at the bit to cut their teeth in the SCSPL and challenge for the Premiership title. “Premier Champs” certainly does have a certain ring to it don’t you think?
But first thing’s first, is their match-up against Team Goodie’s Guns returning to the SCSPL after a desperately unlucky season last year. With a pre-season spent avoiding ladders, voodoo dolls and buying up big on horseshoes and Chinese lanterns, Coach Tim will have been imploring his players to forget last year’s league standings where they finished the regular season in the depths of the ladder and to instead look for brighter days in season 2014. Losing 7 games by under 50 SC points last season, parallels have been made between Team Goodie’s and the North Melbourne Kangaroos of 2013, but they showed they can compete with the best and many experienced pundits have high expectations for a jump in ladder position this season.
A little history between these 2 coaches in the FDL and both know the opposition tactics well. This sets the scene for a nail-biting contest. The number 13 and 14th seeds who currently sit in 6th and 8th on the total points ladder after round 2 further indicate the closeness of these two combatants. Hard to pick a winner in this one. My gut says the experience of Team Guns should win the day, but my heart says it would be great start to the SCSPL for Team Champs to get a win under their belt on their first outing.
TIP: TEAM GOODIE'S GUNS
(7) CREEKERS VS (13) SUPERCOACH SCORES
MEMBER
CURRENT RANKING
RECORD VS OPPONENT
Creeker
17,925
0-0
Impromptu
34,403
0-0
The number 17 seed against the number 1 seed would, in tennis parlance be often considered a mismatch, but for the new boys in town Team creekers finished in the top 2,500 overall last year and coupled with a promising start to the season would no doubt be keen to test their mettle against the doyen of the SCSPL, the 2011 overall SC winner in Coach Jay as leader of Team SCS. With Urban Dictionary telling me that Creekers are ridiculously rich kids used to getting what they want, Coach Pete looks to have a handful with his Team. But at the same time, there’s a lot to be said for ambition and harnessed correctly, Team creekers could be one of many to watch out for this season of the SCSPL.
If he hasn’t been already, one should really dub Coach Jay, the “Pie Man”. With his fingers in so many pies, from winning SC, establishing SCS, Herald Sun writer, let alone business and family commitments, its little wonder Coach Jay started a poll on increasing the number of hours in a day to 25. But Team SCS mid-pack finish in season 2013 should not be dismissed lightly. A visionary of the game, one thing is for sure, you’d best got your game face on when up against his team or be prepared for a smashing.
With less than 100 SC points currently separating these two teams, it’s a tough call to tip a winner this week. Coach Pete might secretly be hoping that his opposing coach gets distracted this weekend, or perhaps lost in some Interweb code or Macro or whatever funky new trick he’s working on outside of game day. Can’t see it happening. Not sure I can tip against Coach Jay however (in fact I’ve been told I’m not allowed to, or my posting privileges will be terminated – just kidding!!!) but wouldn’t be entirely surprised if Team creekers get off to a dream start to their SCSPL career.
TIP: TEAM SUPERCOACH SCORES
(11) SHAW BET VS (16) COURTESANS
MEMBER
CURRENT RANKING
RECORD VS OPPONENT
Lenny5
31,306
0-0
Courtesans
39,884
0-0
Coach Liam and Team Shaw Bet look like they’re keen to challenge Team Mr_Arrogance as the most modest team coming into the 2014 SCSPL season. But with an overall ranking just shy of 3 digits from 2013, there’s no doubt that this team has something to be confident about. A steady but unspectacular start to the season keeps Team Shaw Bet under the radar which I am sure is just the way they like it. An astute knowledge of stats helps Coach Liam not only on the football field, but away from the game as well where he can often be found down at the track looking for the next “Shaw Thing” to raise funds for his football department.
It will however be a tough initiation into the SCSPL for Coach Liam as his team will be far from a sure thing up against Team Courtesans with Coach Coco quickly taking the helm from his master in former Coach (now Assistant Coach) Keith after just 2 rounds. A similar coaching dynamic occurred last year with Coach Coco’s innovative coaching tactics setting the SCSPL abuzz. From putting his players on a special dietary regime entailing schamkos and kibbles, the ritual peeing on the ground after a win and the occasional humping of a field umpire’s leg to show his disappointment with their decisions, Coach Coco has a little spark about him that makes him unique to the SCSPL. One may of course question whether the Board should have stuck with Coach Keith for a little longer in the top job, but the Board demands results at Team Courtesans and there’s no doubt the dual coach combo will be a formidable pairing.
Looking at first 2 rounds of SC, there doesn’t look to be a lot between these two teams. Team Courtesans has the experience in the SCSPL making the semis in 2013. While Team Shaw Bet is a favourite with his bookie mates. I’d pick a draw, but there’s no fun in that. Thinking Team Shaw Bet might just have the edge and hunger to start their SCSPL career with a win.
TIP: TEAM SHAW BET
(15) BUILT2PERFECTION VS (3) ZAJAS’ ZEBRAS FC
MEMBER
CURRENT RANKING
RECORD VS OPPONENT
Damoz
36,940
0-0
Benderiffic
5,204
0-0
One of the longest running quandaries in SC has not been whether Franklin’s move to the Swans will make him a starter in SC sides, or if and when Sandilands will be injured, but in fact is the playing strip of the Zajac’s Zebras F.C white with black stripes, or black with white stripes? If this type of subterfuge and maneuvering is any indication of what’s to come, Coach Nick and Team ZZ Top FC will be sure to fit right in here at the SCSPL. And Coach Nick hasn’t wasted any time settling into the pointy end of the total point’s leaderboard with a flying start. Can Team ZZ Top FC translate their winning formula to the league match-ups and the intensity of the competition in the SCSPL?
The returning Coach Damien and Team B2P will be keen to test his players against a current leading contender. After a flying finish to the SCSPL in 2013 featuring in the GF playoff for ‘Ol Rusty, one can only assume that Team B2P won’t be hanging onto his rookies for quite as long this year as he did last season. Forever the perfectionist, Coach Damien has even gone so far as to bolster his coaching credentials by starting a Uni degree in his “spare” time. After a few wild celebrations during O-Week, it’s time to see if any of that study can translate to the rigours of the professional SCSPL leagues. One thing’s for sure, Team B2P won’t be leaving any stone unturned in their quest for finals action in season 2014.
I had a good run at the end of the year with my tips favouring Team B2P, so my heart says I should let my money ride and back them in for round 1. But the form of Team Zebra’s has been more than impressive in these early stages of the season. With an overall rank of 220 from last year, I’m going to have to go with my head and tip Team Zebra’s in a game I think will be much closer than it might appear on paper.
TIP: TEAM ZAJAC’S ZEBRA FC
(14) JOBI-WAN KENOBI VS (2) BANJOkers
MEMBER
CURRENT RANKING
RECORD VS OPPONENT
Jobi-Wan Kenobi
36,092
0-0
BuddyLove
3,126
0-0
A contest between 2 teams with some silverware behind them. We have the winner of ‘Ol Rusty for 2013 making his return to the SCSP in Coach Matthew and Team Jobi-Wan up against one of the most decorated coaches on SCS, Coach Banjo and Team BANJOkers.
Coach Matthew would have had conflicting emotions at the end of the SCSPL season last year. The highs of winning ‘Ol Rusty, accompanied by the lows of finishing just outside the top 8. But it was a big year for Team Jobi-Wan last season with the coach getting married and all the distractions that such an endeavor entails. But as a new season dawns upon us, one can expect Coach Matthew will be ready to let fly in season 2014 and add to his collection of silverware.
And Team Jobi-Wan will need to be on their game this weekend in what looks to be a very tough round 1 encounter. But before we get onto my tip, I’ve gotta admit I have some very serious questions regarding Team BANJOkers that have been troubling me for quite some time now. I mean do their players joke around while playing banjo’s or are they starting a movement to ban jokers from the decks of playing cards? Maybe they are just a very serious team and don’t tolerate joking around at all in the change rooms? Is BuddyLove a profession of affection for Buddy Franklin, or perhaps Coach Banjo just loves the Eddie Murphy movie The Nutty Professor?? So many questions…. But one thing’s for sure, if Coach Banjo were to melt down the many medals he has been awarded in such a short period of time, he could sell off the precious metals and buy himself a country.
To any mere mortal it would be a scary proposition coming up against an in-form Team BANJOkers this weekend, but let’s not forget this is Team Jobi-Wan. Jedi don’t scare easily and Coach Matthew will no doubt be trying every little trick in the book to get an advantage this weekend and start the season in fine form. Not sure if they’ve quite shown enough in the early stages of the season to convince me they will get up over Tea BANJOkers. As runner-up in the Australian Open competition and Div 1 league competition, Coach Banjo will be motivated to get his SCSPL season off to a winning start.
TIP: TEAM BANJOkers
(9) GRANT’S GREATS VS (18) ST. JAMES FC
MEMBER
CURRENT RANKING
RECORD VS OPPONENT
Grant
20,766
0-0
Rocky Dunlop
75,610
0-0
The last match-up of the weekend features the last of the deserving newcomers to the SCSPL in Coach Grant and Team Grant’s Greats. Joining Coach Nikhil as a shrewd operator guaranteeing himself a long-term head-coaching contract with the naming of the team after himself, Coach Grant joins those other modest coaches here in the SCSPL. He and his team will fit in just fine…
Coach Grant has spent the best part of the preseason deciding on where he can best fit Tiger big man Hampson into his line-up and I must admit I was surprised to see him absent from the initial team. With a cracking 2013 overall result of 1,066, Coach Grant knows how the game is won and done and will no doubt be knocking on the door come finals time. One can only assume Hampson will be an upgrade target come the bye rounds.
Up against Team St. James FC this weekend and on current overall points, this one looks like it could be a blow-out. But it is just as well its very early days and “one bad week doth not make ones season”. That’s been Coach Gary and my catch-cry this week as the current resident cellar dwellers of the SCSPL, but write off Team St. James FC at your peril. Coach Gary finished in the top 8 of the SCSPL in season 2013 and while they may not have advanced past the Elimination Final, they have finals experience and will be looking to cause an upset of sorts after exorcising the demons from within after last week’s results. And with the recent booming popularity of the Papacy, club memberships at Team St James FC have been selling like hot cakes, I’d be expecting a big turn-out for this away game. Will it be enough to sway Team St James to victory? Tough call…
TIP: TEAM GRANT’S GREATS
END BIT
Carried on a bit longer than I anticipated (expect to hear that a bit as the season draws on - lol), but from next week will look to post a Preview on Thursday night after release of teams line-ups in anticipation of weekend ahead.
All the best for the first week of league match-ups!!! Looking forward to an awesome year...