FDL Pre-Season/Draft Review
The 2013 FDL season was nothing less than a stellar success. Record gate takings, sponsorship deals and a mammoth television rights deal with Djibouti's main pay TV provider (FDL is wildly popular in Djibouti - go figure) has set up the FDL nicely to build on its inaugural year in season 2014.
As reward for his contribution to the FDL and for combatting community prejudice against Pirates, FDL Commissioner, Oz, was rewarded for his outstanding efforts with an Australian of the Year nomination. Pipped at the post, by Adam Goodes, Oz, was gracious in defeat, confident in the knowledge that with 3 new club licences issued for the season ahead and expansion of the FDL concept, due recognition would be forthcoming eventually. And if all else fails, he'd simply steal the award in 2015.
The introduction of key position player designations promised to add an interesting dimension to the drafting managers of each club. As was the ability to draft rookies during the pre-season draft and nominating them on clubs' supplementary lists.
So let’s have a look at each team’s progress thus far in the pre-season:
***apologies in advance lads - not 100% sure if I've got all team backgrounds correct etc - you will have to forgive the artistic licence I have taken***
Kansas City Gunslingers
Looking to expand FDL further in an effort to become the dominant sporting code in the world, at the end of the 2013 season, the FDL Commission scoured the world looking for an opportunity to impose itself further on the international stage.
Keen to break into one of the biggest sporting markets in the world, the United States, many thought that perhaps a team would be offered a licence on one of the population epicentres on either the East or West Coast. Renowned however for its trailblazing efforts, instead the FDL Commission decided to split the difference and went more or less slap bang in the middle, to the “Sunflower State” of Kansas.
With the Kansas City Chiefs doing nothing since their 1969 NFL Superbowl win and only competing against the Sporting Kansas City victory in the MLS in 2013, the commission saw an opening to bring the game to one of the biggest sporting audiences in the world.
And what better way to bring the FDL to the States than the selection of arguably the game’s best player in Gary Ablett as number 1 in the draft. An imposing midfield contingent of “guns” is sure to make the Gunslingers a formidable opponent in season 2014. A few bold picks to complete the spine of the Kansas City team could well make or break their season, but they have the making of a team which can excite the screaming American supporters who are likely to struggle understanding the absence of protective helmets and gear and regular timeouts.
Port Douglas Pilgrims
A survey of FDL teams at the end of the 2013 season saw a vast majority of clubs nominating the away trip to the Seagulls home ground in Crete as a favourite to escape the cold winter of Melbourne during the season. Accordingly, when a team licence came up for grabs, the FDL Commission were keen to investigate opportunities to branch out into an exotic, tropical location.
With some ill-conceived media and public perception of the Pilgrims resembling a cult, yours truly have been forced to engage a top crisis management company tasked with restoring the good name of the Pilgrims’ founder Sir Doug Doulas and club mascot Ted. It seems as though they may have their work cut out for them.
Offering a tropical climate, Swedish backpackers and lush beaches, the Pilgrims promised prospective draftees the finer life over their Southern counterparts. Their team anchored by Scott Pendlebury, a strong defensive line is balanced by a sub-par forward line and a mix of veterans and young guns in the midfield. A fast tracked acclimitisation program for draftees will hopefully give them an advantage when facing teams from down South during the winter months, unfamiliar with the extreme humidity up North.
Peninsula Tigers
Rounding out the new FDL licencees for 2014, is the Peninsula Tigers ably led by the imposing Johno, of GrandTheftCotchin fame.
Finishing 29th overall in the 2013 SC competition, Johno comes into the FDL competition with a great pedigree and keen to bring the FDL Premiership trophy to their home ground at Narambi on the Mornington Peninsula.
Runner-up at the 2013 US Open, Johno’s preseason saw him in training to make a tilt at his home Open at Rod Laver Arena. Anticipating a seeding in the top 10, Johno’s fortunes for the main event were cruelled by a nasty Christmas Day injury involving a slippery slide, a blow-up Pig and a kiddies pool full of red jelly. It gets a little wild down there on the Peninsula and a nasty ankle injury forced his withdrawal from the Open. Personal glory may have been sacrificed, but the enforced rest in bed reflecting on the 4 million YouTube views of his Christmas Day antics, did give Johno an opportunity to prepare for the FDL pre-season draft.
Bagging Dangerfield, Franklin and Nic Nat in his first 3 picks, other coaches of the FDL would have been wishing Johno had of perhaps been incapacitated from his Christmas time fun and games. With a youngish brigade of midfielders coming into their prime and a defensive line full of experience, there’ll be some excitement down the Peninsula for big things in season 2014.
Lolern Bulldogs
With a LOL here and a ROFL there, they sure are a happy bunch of campers out West at Lolern.
Known for his love of sport and fantasy sports in particular, Zim spent his off-season scouring for opportunities to lend his expertise in an effort to bring back some tips for the new FDL season. There was the Russian Arm Wrestling FDL, Scandanavian Beer Pong FDL, UAE Camel Racing FDL, the world famous UK Cheese Rolling FDL and last but not least, Extreme Ironing FDL. Results were somewhat mixed and all the fantasy league playing, saw Zim end up with a bit of a bad back come the start of 2014. But with a good dose of LMAO, and an injection of PMSL, Zim was back on his feet and ready to fire in season 2014.
Right from the start, Zim stated his intention as a prospective finals contender with Selwood and Griffen as the Bulldogs’ first 2 draft picks. Hodge, Mumford, Tippett coming in at picks 4, 5 and 6 respectively, saw Zim loling all the way to building a strong side. Reuniting the former Sydney ruck duo of Mumford and Pyke, the Bulldogs will be hoping their big men and speedy midfielders will be able to get the ball down to their forwards quickly. The Bulldog forward line contains either some injury prone or players with some question marks over their fitness/consistency, namely Higgins, Sylvia, Fasolo, Sylvia and Byrnes. If they stay on the park and produce, the Bulldogs will be rofling their way to finals footy come September.
Sussex City Swans
Another of the FDL international licencees, the Sussex City Swans, missed out on finals action in season 2013. Keen to improve in season 2014, Hairy has spent the pre-season looking at expanding the teams’ membership base and entered into a long-term partnership with the Swan Hotel. Ranked number 1 of 7 hotels in Arundel on TripAdvisor, things are looking up for the Swans for the year ahead. Mushy peas, black pudding, warm beer and fluffy slippers await visiting teams to the Swans during season 2014.
Founding member of the “Fantastic Four” entrusted with working on the top secret code underpinning the success of the FDL, Hairy was awarded the title of “Keeper of the Code” by the Queen at the Australia Day Awards. Designated, Bond-style, as simply “H”, all photographs and identifying features of “H” have now been destroyed or otherwise classified “restricted access only”. From this day forth, “H” is an enigma only.
The first team to break with the trend of selecting midfielders with their first pick, H went for the big man Minson and followed up with the 2013 Coleman medallist Roughy and Westhoff with pick 4. The 2013 NAB Rising Star winner O’Meara and a brigade of 2014 rookies in Billings, Aish and Bontempelli, mixed with a smattering of veterans and the Swans look to have covered their bases for the season ahead.
Icarus Seagulls
From the idyllic, sunburnt Mediterranean isle of Crete, the Icarus Seagulls have no difficulty attracting players to the club due its lifestyle. The well-documented financial issues of Greece led to speculation that the Seagulls may need to relocate in an effort to remain competitive, obtain sponsors and ultimately pay its players’ wages. With a recent influx of potential draftees and with the establishment of “draft” camps by the Australian Government, the equally idyllic island in the Pacific, Nauru, led the contenders for alternative hosting rights.
A controversial EU bailout was negotiated however and together with third party payments from the FDL to Sam for his role as a member of the Fantastic four, at least for season 2014, the Seagulls will be bankrolled to continue in Crete.
With its immediate future secured, Coach Sam spent the preseason sailing the Mediterranean, eating Moussaka and drinking copious amounts of Ouzo with his head buried in the AFL Prospectus.
Sam also went with a big man as their top draft pick. I’m sensing the code breakers perhaps know something us mere mortals don’t. A good variety of veterans in the top 10 and the Seagulls will be hoping the Mediterranean climate will assist in their weekly recovery. Bellchambers, Waters and Karnezis all start the season under an injury cloud, but no doubt the Seagulls will be dosing them up with the magic elixir, ouzo, in the hope they won’t be missing too many games and firing early in the season.
Port Phillip Bay Pirates
A change of Government late last year, saw the new PM famously promising to “turn back the boats”. The FDL world was abuzz with how this could impact on the future of the Port Phillip Bay Pirates and their fearless leader, Captain Oz in season 2014.
At risk of becoming “persona non grata”, there was a real likelihood of Captain Oz and any draftees on their vessel being towed to Indonesia or sunk by the Australian Navy. Some last minute, top secret negotiations between Captain Oz and Immigration Minister Scott Morrison, averted the risk of the Pirates’ home ground being relocated under the jurisdiction of indonesia. Some may call it a coincidence, but the announcement of the halving of Australia’s national deficit, only 2 days after their meeting, led to many speculating a pay-off from the Pirates’ well documented stash of plunder may have been involved in resolving the stand-off.
Having narrowly been defeated in his quest for a seat at the board of Carlton FC at their annual AGM in 2013, Oz, didn’t take it well. Still smarting at Mick Malthouse’s selection policy and tactics in season 2013, the Pirates decided if they couldn’t influence the Blues directly, they’d just have to draft half the Carlton players to join their band of bandits. Well maybe not half, but 6 to precise. With speed a prerequisite for any good Pirate, Captain Oz went hard with the midfielders early on in the draft. In keeping with their risk vs reward profession, the Pirates took a few speculators in the big man department which could either see their season sink, or otherwise see them ruling the seas in season 2014.
A junior member of the Fantastic Four, Oz's real hopes for season 2014, is to graduate from his “L’s” to his “P’s”.
Sandringham Sharks
Concern over whether the troubles of the NRL Sharks in the off-season might cause some issues for the Sandringham team given the close name recognition, Lenny spent the pre-season reassuring sponsors there was no connection between the two and responding to a “please explain” from the FDL Commission.
There was some brief consideration of a change in name to avoid any confusion. A survey of members testing the names, Dank’s Druggies, Sandringham A0D-9604 or the Sandringham Peptides was sent out. Members were less than impressed and fearing a backlash the Board elected to continue with the Sharks.
A host of injuries threatened to derail the Sharks in season 2013, but nonetheless made it through to the the elimination final of FDL, falling just short. Could 2014 be the year for Sandringham? An ink lover from way back, two of the first three picks in Swan and Beams was somewhat predictable. Some strong selections in the big man department, gives the Sharkies some teeth and on a cursory view, Lenny looks to have a good balance of veterans and youngsters that should hold them in good stead and pushing once again to finals contention.
Maroondah Muscle
Big changes at Maroondah during the off-season with the Club voting for a change of name from Methheads to Muscle. Speculation mounted over whether it was associated with the club’s well-known difficulties in obtaining sponsorship, or due to the series end of Breaking Bad. The Club refused to comment.
Details are a little murky, but word on the vine suggested that Fresh made demands of the FDL Commission for special draft dispensation. As one of the Fantastic Four entrusted with the top secret code, Fresh is said to have threatened to seek asylum in Russia as a whistleblower and leak details of the power of the code to the highest bidder. With it rumoured the secret code allows the FDL to also spy on the operations of all sporting teams in the world, Commish Oz was placed in a dilemma. Refusing to compromise the integrity of the FDL by providing draft dispensation, but fearing the international condemnation of its spying operations, inside word suggested Fresh was given a seven figure payout to keep his mouth shut. I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s some major development work down at Maroondah this year.
Minor premiers in season 2013, the wheels fell off in the prelim final against the Marauders, further stoking their fierce rivalry known affectionately as the M&M battle. In season 2014, Maroondah are keen to destroy Macleod and with the off-season spent ruing what might have been, Fresh went hard early and for mine, had one of the strongest first 10 picks across the league. Garland’s subsequent injury will be of some concern, but the Muscle will no doubt be confident their team of sports scientists will have him up and about in no time.
Macleod Marauders
Based in the inner city suburb of Macleod and with their home ground at the home of AFL, the MCG, the Macleod Marauders are out to create history in 2014, looking to become the first FDL team to win back to back flags. Following their stunning finals series in 2013, club manager, Nk was offered the head coaching role at AFL Club’s Melbourne, Brisbane, West Coast, Essendon and St. Kilda respectively. These offers were quickly rebuffed however with Nk declaring that in the absence of being offered the role of head coach of his beloved Geelong, his future remained in the FDL.
As defending champs, the Marauders had an agonising wait to the end of round 1 of the draft before their first pick but then proceeded to go on a big man drafting spree. The Marauders went back to their medieval roots where only the big men survived and acted quickly to secure some high profile talent in the key positions on the field. Looks to have one of the older teams on the park come round 1 as far as average age is concerned, but some proven quality that should see them up with the best come the early stages of the comp. Having been offered nearly every AFL coaching opportunity up for grabs but not securing the coveted Geelong position, Nk took a leaf out of Oz’s book and proceeded to draft 6 guns from the Cattery Great depth should be able to cover for the injury issues of Swallow and Motlop. With hot rookie prospects in Jack Martin and Luke McDonald secured early, Nk has shown there’ll be no premiership hangover at the Marauders.