SEX! Now that we’ve got your attention, there’s no denying that when it comes to everyone’s favorite three-letter word, most of spend a pretty hefty amount of time thinking about it, seeking it out, and—of course—doing it. However, we also seem to spend a good deal of time talking about it, as evidenced by the below sex quotes from a very diverse of list of people.
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Read on for 50 witty, poignant, and just plain famous sex quotes from writers, musicians, actors, comedians, and more.
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1. “I think that I get labeled a sex comic just because I’m a woman. Like, a guy could get up here and literally pull his dick out and people would be like, ‘He’s a thinker.’
–Amy Schumer
“I don’t know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.”
― Woody Allen
2. “Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.”
― Oscar Wilde
3. “Good sex is like good bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.”
― Mae West
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4. “If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library.”
― Frank Zappa
5. “It’s absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food.”
― Jarod Kintz, $3.33
6. “Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.”
― Woody Allen
7. “Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.”
― Barbara Bush
8. “But when a woman decides to sleep with a man, there is no wall she will not scale, no fortress she will not destroy, no moral consideration she will not ignore at its very root: there is no God worth worrying about.”
― Gabriel García Márquez, Love in the Time of Cholera
9. “My first time I jacked off, I thought I’d invented it. I looked down at my sloppy handful of junk and thought, This is going to make me rich.”
― Chuck Palahniuk, Choke
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10. “I couldn’t possibly have sex with someone with such a slender grasp on grammar!”
― Russell Brand
11. “You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.”
― Steve Martin
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12. “Sex is always about emotions. Good sex is about free emotions; bad sex is about blocked emotions.”
― Deepak Chopra
13. “My mother told me that life isn’t always about pleasing yourself and that sometimes you have to do things for the sole benefit of another human being. I completely agreed with her, but reminded her that that was what blow jobs were for.”
― Chelsea Handler
14. “We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.”
― Lily Tomlin
15. “Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.”
― George Bernard Shaw
16. “Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.”
― George Burns
17. “How did sex come to be thought of as dirty in the first place? God must have been a Republican.”
― Will Durst, political satirist
18. “Sex is a part of nature. I go along with nature.”
― Marilyn Monroe
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19. “I remember the first time I had sex — I kept the receipt.”
― Graucho Marx
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20. “To me, sex is power. It’s empowering when you do it because you want to do it.”
–Rihanna
21. “The only unnatural sex act is that which you cannot perform.”
― Alfred Kinsey, biologist
22. “Sex is great until you die, but it’s never as great as it was when you were a kid, when it was a mystery.”
―David Duchovny
23. “I write about sex because often it feels like the most important thing in the world.”
―Jeanette Winterston
24. “You can’t talk about fucking in America, people say you’re dirty. But if you talk about killing somebody, that’s cool.”
― Richard Pryor
25. “Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.”
― Billy Crystal
26. “I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.”
― Johnny Carson
27. “I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was ‘the man goes on top and the woman underneath.’ For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.”
― Joan Rivers
28. “Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.”
― Robert A. Heinlein, writer
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29. “I need more sex, OK? Before I die I wanna taste everyone in the world.”
― Angelina Jolie
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30. “People ask me a lot about my drive. I think it comes from, like, having a sexual addiction at a really young age. Look at the drive that people have to get sex—to dress like this and get a haircut and be in the club in the freezing cold at 3AM, the places they go to pick up a girl. If you can focus the energy into something valuable, put that into work ethic.”
–Kanye West
31. “Remember, sex is like a Chinese dinner. It ain’t over ’til you both get your cookie.”
― Alec Baldwin
32. “Love is an ice cream sundae, with all the marvelous coverings. Sex is the cherry on top.”
― Jimmy Dean
33. “Sex is the driving force on the planet. We should embrace it, not see it as the enemy.”
― Hugh Hefner
34. “Sex is the best high. It’s better than any drug. I want to die making love because it feels so good.”
― Bai Ling
35. “I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.”
― John Waters
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36. “Sex is like money; only too much is enough.”
― John Updike, novelist
37. “You can’t have rock and roll without drugs, you can’t have rock and roll without sex.”
― Rick James
38. “I have tried sex with both men and women. I found I liked it.”
― Dusty Springfield
39. “Sex. In America an obsession. In other parts of the world a fact.”
― Marlene Dietrich
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40. “Simulation of sex is a real workout. We must have done a hundred takes. There was an oxygen tank at one point.”
–Emma Stone
41. “I know nothing about sex, because I was always married.”
― Zsa Zsa Gabour
42. “Literature – creative literature – unconcerned with sex, is inconceivable.”
― Gertrude Stein
43. “I need sex for a clear complexion, but I’d rather do it for love.”
― Joan Crawford
44. “Kissing – and I mean like, yummy, smacking kissing – is the most delicious, most beautiful and passionate thing that two people can do, bar none. Better than sex, hands down.”
― Drew Barrymore
45. “Sex is a bad thing because it rumples the clothes.”
― Jackie Kennedy
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46. “This is the way I look at sex scenes: I have basically been doing them for a living for years. Trying to seduce an audience is the basis of rock ‘n roll, and if I may say so, I’m pretty good at it.”
― Jon Bon Jovi
47. “There’s no religion but sex and music.”
― Sting
48. “Sex is hardly ever just about sex.”
― Shirley MacLaine
49. “Maybe our generation is more about sex, but it feels like romance is dying out.”
― Orlando Bloom
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50. “Every girl who has dated a football player, they all have sex the same way.” –Kim Kardashian
51. “I don’t know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.”
52. “To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you’re impotent. She can’t wait to disprove it.”
― Cary Grant
53. “We’re warriors, this culture, and we’re very puritanical about sex and very embracing about violence and I don’t know why that is.” –Mark Ruffalo
54. “I make love a couple of times a week, and I take the Viagra when I’m going to be making love. I would say at 84 it helps. It’s God’s little helper.” –Hugh Hefner
55. “I do think about how many people have had sex to my music. And how many babies have been made to ‘Jealous.’ It’s got a good tempo for sex.” –Nick Jonas
56. “I am literally open to every single thing that is consenting and doesn’t involve an animal and everyone is of age.” –Miley Cyrus
57. “My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects.”
― Les Dawson
58. “I just feel like every kid is growing up too fast and they’re seeing too much. Everything is about sex, and that’s fine for me. I’m not saying I don’t like it. But I don’t think it should be everywhere, where kids are exposed to everything sexual. Because they have to have some innocence; there’s just no innocence left.”
― Ellen DeGeneres
59. “I want to wait to have sex until I’m married.”
― Britney Spears
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60.”Everything that truly makes us happy is quite simple—love, sex, and food!”
–Meryl Streep
61. “Sexually it was crazy. That’s all I’ll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm.”
–John Mayer
62. “Just because society, and government, and whatever was different 100 years ago, doesn’t mean that people didn’t have sex, pick their nose, or swear.”
–Kate Winslet
63. “We’ve all lived through that moment where we had sex for the first time. You’re terrified, so the idea of a guy so scared he let it get past him is relatable to us.”
–Judd Apatow
64. “Maybe it should be weird, simulating sex with your husband in front of people, but it’s really not. When it’s a love scene with someone you actually love, there’s no feeling like, ‘Can I touch him here, can I touch him there?’ You know what your boundaries are—or what they aren’t, I suppose.”
–Anna Paquin
65. “If sex is off the table [on a date] and you’re, like, ‘Let’s try and get to know each other,’ I would recommend drinking, highly.”
–Anna Kendrick
66. “In my sex fantasy, nobody ever loves me for my mind.”
–Nora Ephron
67. “If I don’t have sex every day, I get a headache.”
–JFK
68. “Well, there was no sex for 14 days.”
–Arnold Schwartzenegger
69. “I would lose weight if it affected my health or sex life, which it doesn’t.”
–Adele
70. “In my own personal limited sexual experience, I’ve found that there are guys doing things where you go there’s no way that that is your own personal instinct. You learned that from somewhere and it wasn’t, you know, a birds and bees conversation with your mom, and it also wasn’t taught to you by a high school girl you met in Michigan.”
–Lena Dunham
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