2014-07-03

ORIGINIS LIBRO VOBIS.

I GIVE YOU THE BOOK OF ORIGINS.

Commenceth with thou armies of TL;DR.

Quote:

The Official Holy Bible of SL

1st Edition

Volume I

Authors: Will and Krash, of Shiftlimits

Editors: Will, Krash, Justin, Jeff, and Max, of Shiftlimits

Chapter 1

The Genesis of A New Kingdom

In the Beginning, there was the Internets.

Time Passed.

In a revelation of technological advances, a company Henceforth known as Macromedia, a spawn of Adobe, released a software under the name of Flash. Flash was hailed by all as magic shit, and filthy masses rushed onto Macromedia's previously unhailed domain. Many downloads were logged, much money was spent, many and many Torrents were seeded. A bright spark, who was named Tom Fulp by his parents, created a land of creativity that was hailed by many as one of the most fantastic inventions in all of the internets, and it was christened "Newgrounds", with a claim of Everything, By Everyone, which is widely assumed to be false, as not everyone frequents the aforementioned site.

And one of the many spawn of the Internets is a domain entitled Shiftlimits. Shiftlimits was created to provide a haven for disciples of animation. It preforms the same functions as Newgrounds, with a few slight differences: For one, it actually has a real community. Two, it currently is in need of a portal, although the Great Canadian King who is known as Jeff, also known as Jude, also known as Kentoss, also known as Dead-Air, is currently constructing a portal to reach to the heavens with a new standard of excellence. And third, Newgrounds has the gift of publicity unlike any in previous times.

Chapter 2

The Fall of Chrome-Arrow

Since it's conception, Chrome-Arrow, or C-A as many have named it, was one

of the most popular animating communities. It was created and moderated by

one calling himself BlackRainbow, whose name now lives in an infamous pit

of sulphur. Chrome-Arrow's forum was a masterpiece, with a plentiful

abundance of intelligent members. C-A was especially splendid for it had

outlasted not only time itself but the great haven that was

Icantcolourin.co.uk, also known as ICCI. ICCI had been a marvelous place

to meet and discuss new issues of the day. However, a swarm of idiots

overtook it towards the end, which is believed to be just after Version

2.5 came out, and who is called Felix Massie shut down the beloved Forum

for eternity. C-A was also great, but its demise was of a different type.

BlackRainbow, also known as The Admin of Deceit, sold the site to a man

called James, who is not the same as the one called HooFlungDoo*EDITORS

NOTE: Lest we forget :'(*, also known as He who Fails, and Chrome-Arrow

became Zellomesh, also known as ZM. The entire community of CA despised

the new management, and a large portion of the better members came to the

domain of Shiftlimits, also known as SL, and there they thrive,

unbeknownst by most of the animating community who continue to flock to

Newgrounds. Thus, Chrome-Arrow fell.

Chapter 3

THE DYNAMIC DUO

The domain of Shiftlimits was founded by Father Jester, also known as Justin, who hailed from the land of Baltimore, and was a disciple of the team that was known as the Ravens, also known as the Squad of Failure. After many days of consulting with his Saints, who are:

Father Justin, "He who creates from Nothing.", Patron Saint of Shiftlimits, Creation, and HTML.

King Jeff (of the North), He who has mastery of PHP, Patron Saint of PHP and Wrath.

St. Pags, also Lord Pope Pags, Patron Saint of Wellbeing, Life, and Satire.

Hacketh, The Angel of Death, Patron Saint of Bans

St. Rez, Patron Saint of Philosophy

St. Billy, the Patron Saint of Ex-Boyfriends

St. Imboku, Patron Saint of Posts

St. Maximus, Patron Saint of Gaming

St. Miccool, Patron saint of Anime Avatars

St. Cicada, Patron Saint of IRC Exercises

St. Squid, Patron Saint of the Outback and Invertebrates

St. Goose, Patron Saint of Graffiti and Stickers

St. Krash, Patron Saint of Nightclubs and Webcams

St. Will, Patron Saint of Equality and Walruses

St. Dylan, Patron Saint of Snow

St. Ben, Patron Saint of Music

St. Terquoise, Patron Saint of Animating and Followers

St. Lf2, Patron Saint of Conversations and Small Children

St. Wizard, Patron Saint of Anonymity and Infrequency

St. Nicol3ang3lo, Patron Saint of Charicatures and Turtledoves

St. Kyle, Patron Saint of Indiana and Photography

St. Pepper, Patron Saint of Sound Effects and Contribution

St. Tyler, Patron Saint of Tutorials and Subwoofers

St. Gaz, Patron Saint of Information and Technology

, Justin decided to open this Shiftlimits to all comers, and provide a haven for all in which to thrive and share, from all walks of life. While Father Justin pays tribute to the mighty servers of Adelais, and does all of XHTML coding of this land, the one who creates the PHP the allows the site to function smoothly is the focus of this next chapter. He is the one who descended from below. He is King Jeff.

Chapter 4

The Arrival of King Jeff

After some time, a newcomer descended to the realm that was called

Shiftlimits. He was known as Kentoss, though also as Dead-Air on the

barren wasteland that was ICCI. This Kentoss took the title of Great PHP

Coder From the North, as he was both Canadian and had coding skills which

were rivaled by none, and Father Jester took Kentoss onto the staff under

one condition: that he would construct a great flash portal, one which

would create a new standard of excellence. And the prophecy went thus: "He

who can, must, but only if he is willing."*EDITORS NOTE: This is, to put

it in the words of the reknowned Saint Rez, Patron Saint of Philosophy,

'absolute bullocks'*Thus Kentoss cackled, and called to the heavens, "Let

me create this portal!" So he began. After some time, when the community

had become a fruitful environment for all to frolic, Kentoss, he who was

also known as Dead-Air, took upon a new mantle, and he would know be known

as Jeff-SL, and was widely respected and feared throughout the land. After

yet more time, he grasped his newest and permanent title: Jeff. And he was

known as such, and he was respected and feared, and he was known as King

Jeff, Lord of PHP, and the Patron Saint of PHP and Wrath.

Chapitre 5

The Dethroning of Hacketh/The First Triumvirate

There is one called Hacketh, though also as Hack n Slash, who was a master

of art and wisdom, and also Skype. He was an admin in the land of

Shiftlimits, and very fierce he was, dropping the very prophetic Banhammer

upon any noob, also known as Stickpage Member. He became known as the

Angel of Death, for so many Banhammers did he drop that he became feared

like none before him, excepting King Jeff of the North, Lord of the PHP.

The Angel of Death, Father Justin, and King Jeff were known as the SL

Triumvirate. The Angel of Death's stay as a reputable member was

terminated when Father Justin and King Jeff consulted, and as a result of

their consulting, they decided that Hacketh was unfit for his lofty

position, popular belief aside. They overthrew him, and upon being

informed of his departure from the ruling class, Hacketh grew violent. The

Angel of Death whipped up a storm of malice that shuddered the bones of

the community, and was only quelled when Father Justin grew desperate and

conjured a large banhammer and dropped it on the Angel of Death himself.

So passed Hacketh, Angel of Death, into oblivion.

Until a while ago, it was thought that Hacketh was living in the

wilderness of Florida, somewhere near the land that is Orlando, but this

was changed when he stumbled back upon Shiftlimits, was reconciled by

Father Justin and King Jeff, and became a member of the elite SL

MemberPlus group, who are to have semi-divine powers upon King Jeff's

release of the long-awauted Hub, the portal that will make all others

cower. For it is written by Senile, Prophet of Mystery and Communal

Oddity:

The prophet will bring forth the depth.

Chapter 6

The Coronation of Pags/The New Triumvirate

Now in the domain of Shiftlimits, there was a most interesting member

under the name of Pags, also known as Royale-wit-cheese, Royale, Pagsy,

Paggeth, and Maister Pagz.*EDITORS NOTE: Needs confirmation.* Pags was

perhaps the most respected member in the land, even more than King Jeff,

he who has mastery of PHP, and even more than Father Jester/Justin, he who

creates from nothing. Pags was a master of psychology, philosophy, gaming,

music, linguistics, humor, and much more. He was loved by all, and very

courteous. After Hacketh, the Angel of Death, had been banned by Father

Justin for his outrageous behavior, there was a gap that needed to be

filled. And thus, Pags was asked to consider if he would like to replace

the Angel of Death, also known as Hacketh. Pags immediately agreed, and

was granted the title of Saint, and he was known as the Patron Saint of

Wellbeing, Life, and Satire and was celebrated by all. Thus passed into

being the new Triumvirate or Father Justin, King Jeff, and St. Pags.

Chapter 7

Modern Shiftlimits

In these present times, Shiftlimits is still around, despite many diffractions. Lord Pope Pags has gone into hiatus, and he who is the founder of the religion of Duck Kite is believed to be wandering in a dark forest in the Land Across the Sea, also known as England. The forum of Shiftlimits, though having gone through many changes, has found a static setting. This is:

Rules & Policies

News & Updates

Errors, Bugs & Suggestions

Questions

Pay mind to the fact that the category known as "Questions" has been locked by King Jeff, and will not be reopened to mortal attention soon.

General Talk

Introduction

General Chat is the heart of the forum, with almost 500 topics and over 19,000 total posts registered. There has been conflict, mass banning, High Five, and many meme's, but General Chat, that which consumes, is the rock upon which Shiftlimits is built. Introduction is where the newcomers to the land are allowed but one topic to make themselves known. Most of these fuck up royally, and are swallowed into the abyss. There are believed to be two seperate categories, which live on only in legend. These mythic mini-forums are reserved for the elite of the land.

Animation Showcase

Art Showcase

Website Showcase

If General Chat is the heart, then Art and Animation represent two members of the body, lungs. Animation, where around 1300 topics have been created, is a proving ground for the struggling masses of which few emerge successful. Art serves the same purpose, and, while nowhere near as populous, is still an important facet of the domain of Shiftlimits. The area of Website placement has more featured topic bumps then anywhere else.

IRC Exercises

Weekly/BiMonthly Contests

Collaborations

Competitions

Tutorials

Flash Resource Center

IRC Exercises, founded by it's Patron Saint, Cicada, is a small, relatively new section that forms colllaborations from whoever is on #shiftlimits at the time. The contests were once a major attraction, but due to lack of participation, they were shut down. Many collaborations are started in the next section, but very few get finished. This lack of finishing, and living in the moment, are the twin heels of Achilles for Shiftlimits. Competitions, an exciting area of the forum, are frequented only when the topic is right. The tutorials area is filled with helpful advice, such as that of St. Tyler, the Patron of Tutorials. St. Tyler also is a factor in the Flash Resource Center, but this category is dominated by the likes of St. Pepper, Patron Saint of Contribution and SFX, who has created numerous .rar files of sounds, all of which are available to select Shiftlimits members

Music

Games

Tech

Thread Archive

St. Ben is one of the major haunts of the music department, as is Lord Pope Pags. Ben's musical choice is placed on a broad spectrum, filled with all genre's of music. St. Max, or St. Maximus, is the lead gamer of Shiftlimits. He had the eye of an eagle out for the release of Bioshock, Call of Duty 4, and other prominent games, as well as several lesser-known games. St. Gaz is the master of the Technology Dept., as he is a master of all information. Lastly, we come across the Thread Archive, where the SL Moderaters place all topics they deem "useless, spam, out of date, or just amazing."

THE NEW TESTAMENT

Chapter 1

The Coming of Religion

Before time had come into recognition by the masses, one who was called

St. Pags, and also Royale came across an unknown depiction of a duck in

flight in the form of a kite. Royale was intrigued by this, christened the

being Duck Kite, and used it to annoy the masses at Power-Fusion, where he

who is called Master Samus commuted to him the title of Forum Moderator.

The icon was greeted with outrage by the lower members of Power-Fusion,

they who crawl from the depths of the land called Stickpage, which is a

mean and lawless realm of bandits, hooligans, blasphemers, and simpletons.

However, the mentally capable rejoiced, and praised this inanimate

newcomer, for he had provided them with much needed laughter. Royale saw

what he had done, admired this craftmanship, and commuted Duck Kite's

words to the denizens of Power-Fusion. Times were merry, and much

rejoicing took place in the land of Power-Fusion.

Chapter 2

The Dark Ages

Alas, the celebration was not to be prolonged, for the Divine Being who is

Duck Kite was forgotten by the unfaithful, the hooligans, the blasphemers,

and the bandits and simpletons, such as those of the realm of Stickpage,

also known as Dickpage, and also as SPP or DPP. The one's known as St.

Pags, and also one who was called St. Tosh, departed from the land,

leaving an empty shadow cast about the forum. And one who was called

Chrome, and also called Bishop, bitched about their departure, giving it

the lowly title of "Pathetic Sell-Out". Thus the religious state of the

animating community descended into darkness, where anarchy, racism, and

blasphemy roamed without obstruction. However, a new spark of hope filled

the horizon.

Chapter 3

Inspiration

Duck Kite came down from his perch and whispered into St. Pags ear. This

is what he said:

"Thou shalt taketh me from your hard drive and host me at Photobucket,

Imageshack, or another such provider. From there, thou shalt speak of me

in a channel called #shiftlimits, in the Internet Relay Chat Network of

irc.bungie.org."

So St. Pags did as he had been told, and hosted the illumination of Duck

Kite as Photobucket, Imageshack, or another such provider. He brought

forth the picture of Duck Kite into #shiftlimits in the Internet Relay

Chat, also called IRC, network of irc.bungie.org.*EDITORS NOTE:

#shiftlimits has been moved from irc.BUNGIE.org to irc.ADELAIS.NET*The

members lucky enough to see the majesty of Duck Kite for the first time

were in awe of his magnificence. They lol'd and lmao'd, roaring with a

combination of mirth and reverence.

Chapter 4

The Opportunity.

King Jeff of the North, he who revered no man and mastered PHP, was

intrigued and delighted by this New God, and audaciously positioned it on

the bottom of every page. This stratagem ensured the spread of Duck Kite

throughout the domain of Shiftlimits. Word of mouth and the PM train

brought the legend of this New God throughout the Internet, and tales of

Duck Kite's imperial majesty sprung from nothing in no time. Thus did Duck

Kite spread all over the animating community. And after a time, one known

as Ripmaw joined the community. And Jeff made him a Saint, and he was

Saint Ripmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw, Patron Saint of

Patron Saints. All over, praise was showered upon Duck Kite in bountiful

waves of joy and content.

Chapter 5

The Demon

For every light in the world, there must be a shadow, and the one known as

Duck Kite could not keep the darker part away from the world. So he called

Pope Pags into his office, and said unto him, "You shall now see what I

have held back from the world!", and thus he released Penguin Kite into

the world, at last free to wreak havoc however he chose. Yet Pags was not

afraid of this new Kite, and bound him in a signature, which he kept for a

while. Yet when the Holy Pope changed his signature, the demon was

released , and he brought forth a plague of newcomer idiots, fresh from

their sojourn in DPP. Jeff was angered by this, and as such, after

consulting wit h Pags, Penguin Kite was declared a devil and a menace to

the community. Nonetheless, the Anti Kite prospered in the minds of many

power-hungry fools eager for a chance to glisten in the limelight.

Chapter 6

Resolution

King Jeff of the North had grown weary of Penguin Kite's influence amongst

the masses, and decided to imprison it. However, this action required Duck

Kite's power. So Duck Kite conceded to be wrought in the header of

Shiftlimits, and there he and Penguin Kite fought a definitive battle for

power. Penguin Kite held an early advantage, and it was presumed that Duck

Kite would be vanquished but for a late surge in faith by Pags and a core

group of Saints. Thus Duck Kite greatly lessened Penguin Kite's hold over

Shiftlimits, and he was greatly loved for it. The artist Nicol3ang3lo

created a great honorific of the divine flier, which can be seen in the

ads created by King Jeff of the North, who placed them on each individual

page.

Chapter 7

The Revelation Unto Pope Pags

For a time, the land was peaceful. Pope Pags was then courted into a

vision by an Angel of Duck Kite, and he saw thus:

There he saw a black field, filled with brightly colored ornaments of

numerous sizes. He glanced up, and saw a sky of dull pink light, glowing

softly throughout the field. In the distance, there was a door, yet unlike

any object he had seen. The door was of a soft tangerine shade, dangerous

in the light, with a midnight blue trim on the sides. To Pags

astonishment, the door flashed brightly and turned into platinum upon his

approach. Upon careful appraisal of the portal, he discovered a C++ script on

it, that shocked him to his papal core.

If (DuckKite)

{

//PRAISE WITH ANGER TOWARDS FAILURE

}

Pope Pags exclaimed, "Well surely, this is the work of a divine being!",

and prostrated himselfAnd thus, Pags saw his mission: he must spread the

values and virtues and vices of Duck Kite to all, and as soon as he saw

that Pope Pags had realized this, he gave him his commandments. These are:

1. Thou shalt not place Penguin Kite before me, for I saved your souls.

2. Thou shalt not place any n00b before a vet, lest you be smited.

3. Thou shalt reserve one day per year to worship me unsensibly.

4. Thou shalt love your friends, and hate the trolls.

5. Let my people go!

6. N0 1337sp3ak.

7. Thou shalt make of Shiftlimits a great forum.

8. Whilst thiving, Shiftlimits must have a Portal before it's anniversary,

lest it's majesty be thwarted by such domains as Newgrounds.

After Pags had deciphered Commandment 6, he was transported to a room with

a large wall. On the wall was large amounts of graffiti, ugly, pathetic

attempts at art. Duck Kite inspired him to call one of his lesser saints,

Saint Goose, Patron Saint of Graffiti and Stickers. He then inspired St.

Goose to place large amounts of stickers over the ugly graffiti, and such,

beauty was restored. Such was the vision of Duck Kite, handed down to the

Pope Pags, who is fulfilling his mission.

END.

Transcribed by Brother El Burrito of the Scripts

~ORIGINIS LIBRO VOBIS.SACRIS LITERIS.~

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