I recently came upon an opportunity to interview Amit Deshpande, a social worker, working towards equal human rights for both the genders. This selfless gentleman worked for a social cause without expecting anything in return. Certain excerpts from my interview with him are given below:
Tell us briefly about yourself?
Amit Deshpande
Amit: I am 34 years old and an engineer by profession, born and bred in Mumbai, in a simple middle class family. I have two sisters and my parents, though from a humble background, always made sure we have real equality within the household, both in terms of rights and responsibilities among all three of us siblings. I was always socially aware and was perturbed with the facts that the men’s rights activist groups had put across. I had briefly stayed in Bangalore and had used RTI (Right to Information) to get a chemist booked by the Sales Tax Department in Bangalore who was selling psycho-active drugs without prescription which is illegal. He was doing this with impunity without even holding a licence to sell (News report can be found here). Further, the Anna-andolan inspired me to be more active socially. One of my articles had even made it to the print edition of the newspaper ‘dna’.
Generally it is seen that people join the MRA movement after some experience. Can you share the same with us?
Amit: I got married in 2008 and had visited the MRA meeting in Mulund, Mumbai out of curiosity for a personal issue.
After visiting the MRA meetings, I learnt about the suicide stats of men which is that every 8 minutes a married man commits suicide in India and about the rampant misuse of Sec 498A of IPC, where more than 90% of the cases are found to be frivolous. I decided to work against the human rights violation that is happening to innocent people and joined the men’s rights movement.
As can be seen above about 2 times more married men commit suicide as compared to married women which shows the social pressure that they are facing.
Could you please elaborate on the said misuse of 498A?
Amit: 498A is the provision under IPC which deals with husband and his family subjecting wife to cruelty for dowry. It is a cognizable, non-bailable and a non-compoundable offense. We have got cases where the entire family of the husband such as his mother, sisters, bhabhis, other female relatives, ailing parents were booked under this section and were arrested. Even people who came to help the victim were booked. There have been cases where a dog’s name has been put in the complaint and even a 2 month old baby got an anticipatory bail under this section. In the past the Supreme Court had raised concerns on the misuse of this section and had told the government to amend it.
A short 5 minute documentary on the said misuse on 498A is given below:
What do you think are the problems faced by the Indian men these days and why is it difficult to come out of these toxic relationships?
Amit: Men have the biggest problem of proving their ‘manhood’ for acceptance. On the other hand, the concept of ‘real men’ in our society has put a huge pressure on all men. There is a lack of positive spaces for men where they can come out and share their issues. More men are dying by committing suicides. More men are dying due to stress related diseases. Men face a lot of misandry in all spheres of life. Men can be framed in a false case of rape or molestation or domestic violence or dowry harassment. Men have to face toxic relationships and they cannot even complain or come out of it unscathed and the society doesn’t allow them freedom from such toxic relationships.
You say society is forcing them into these toxic relations. How is that so. Are we not living in a patriarchal society which benefits men?
Amit: The problem is the social setup we have termed as patriarchy; which doesn’t respect a vulnerable man, so we have men always trying to cloak themselves as macho and strong when actually they might be facing a complete breakdown from inside. It is patriarchy which puts all responsibilities and liabilities on men and bestows rights on the fairer sex. Such a social construct keeps men in a bondage in these toxic relations. When the despair and indignation becomes unbearable some men are driven to suicide.
You mean to say women get more benefit than men in Patriarchy. Could you please elaborate?
Amit: Patriarchy has traditionally given the role of protectors/ providers to men. So men are judged by how well they play these roles. Patriarchy gives economic power to men, but gives emotional power to women. Men in a patriarchal set up are pitted against each other. The society progresses by the competition amongst men. Men lay down their lives for all others especially women and children. While women have to be the caretakers, their only issue is to find a good protector/provider. Let’s do a reality check; against whom are the most violent crimes taking place in the society or who dies the most due to diseases or which gender has the most casualties during war.
Burt: We did check out these details, and Men had the most incidents of violent crimes against them, maximum number of deaths due to diseases were for men and also most troop casualties during war were male. A detailed article on the same can be found here.
If men cannot discuss their pain in a social construct that patriarchy has created for them. What options do they have for support?
Amit: We are trying to address this issue in our own small way by holding weekly meetings. We have a network of over 40 NGOs all over India which conduct weekly meetings in over 20 cities. We try to create a positive space for men where they can be heard without being judged.
Save Indian Family, the umbrella foundation, has started an all India helpline for men in distress. Its numbers are given below.
You mentioned that you have also started an NGO for specifically helping men in trouble. Could you please discuss a little bit on it?
Amit: We have founded an NGO in Mumbai, Vaastav Foundation which will work exclusively to highlight the issues of men. The foundation regularly conducts meetings at Veer Saavarkar Udyan, Borivali-W from 11 am to 2 pm and at Chintamani Deshmukh Garden, Mulund-E between 5pm to 7 pm every Sunday to help men in distress. Any one can attend these meetings. A person may also call us on the helpline numbers given above.
How do you get funding for conducting these activities?
Amit: We have been running the NGO and the movement completely out of our pockets. We have registered the NGO and are looking for donations.
How do you see the men’s issues movement shaping up in the future?
Amit: Mens movement will grow further as more and more men will get aware that they are being discriminated against. We have started seeing young men being aware of their rights and the sensing the discrimination. It is about time when people will start opting for the red pill (with a reference to the red pill of matrix).
Burt: Thanks Amit it was great talking with you and all the best for your NGO Vaastav and hope it shows us the reality.
You can listen to Amit talk about the Marriage Law Amendment Bill on a news debate, the link of which is given below:
As we can see Amit is a person fighting for true gender equality and human rights with a selfless and altruistic motive. No wonder he is a role model for me and many other people providing them with the much required ‘red pill’.
I am writing about #MyRoleModel as a part of the activity by Gillette India in association with BlogAdda.com.
Let us all support Amit in his endeavour and Stand up for a Cause…
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Date Sources for Graphs: NCRB Software for analysis Crime Info and ADSI Info.
Related articles
Misandry in India (avoiceformen.com)
Amit Deshpande’s Blog
Rebutting Patriarchy Theory (standupforacause.wordpress.com)