If you’re like me, and you’re wearing your 2003 NFC East champs t-shirt right now and heading to the barbershop, not because you want to get your haircut, but because you want to talk about Philly sports with Stephen A. Smith, you’re a little torn over who to root for in the 50th consecutive Super Bowl the Eagles won’t win.
Although Eagles fans won’t be able to directly brag about a championship, we can still call the city’s sports radio stations and say “my guy killed it for the boys on South Street” and co-opt one of the player’s efforts in an attempt to give the city, and by association ourselves, credit for that player’s team’s accomplishment. But who is our guy? Each team has a number of players who could reasonably represent the area in the mold of Joe Flacco or the lord and savior himself, Mike Trout. Below is a comprehensive list of the players who best embody the City of Brotherly Love, and hopefully, if you’re still on the fence, you are inspired by one of these players with ties to the Delaware Valley, and choose to cheer his team to victory.
Philly Brown, WR – Carolina Panthers
I mean, his name in Philly! This speedy 24-year-old wide out attended Cardinal O’Hara High School in Springfield, PA and is quickly becoming a standout among the Panthers’ star-less receiving corps. He’s put up 135 yards and an incredible 22.5 yards-per-reception in two playoff games so far. Pretty decent production for an undrafted guy out of Ohio State. His unlikely rise to prominence and outstanding nickname (real first name is Corey) make him the Rocky Balboa of this year’s Big Game.
Brandon McManus, K – Denver Broncos
T for Temple U,
U-niversi-T!
Fight! Fight! Fight!
For the Cherry and the White,
For the Cherry and the White,
We’ll Fight! Fight! Fight!
McManus is a Temple alum from North Penn High who has become on of the league’s most dangerous kickers. He finished the 2015 regular season tenth in the league in points scored (125), fifth in field goals made (30) and tenth in extra points made (41).
Kurt Coleman, S – Carolina Panthers
#shouldofkept
Evan Mathis, OL – Denver Broncos
#shouldofkept
Remember when the O-line was going to be fine without Mathis? No matter what kind of season he had individually, he’s starting for a conference champion in the Super Bowl, while the Eagles were unable to run inside zones, rendering the north-south superstar running back to whom they gave $21 million guaranteed after sending the franchise’s all-time leading rusher into upstate New York exile, utterly useless. If you’re on Team Resenting Chip, then Mathis and Denver definitely deserve your support.
Sean McDermott, Defensive Coordinator – Carolina Panthers
McDermott was with the Eagles organization from 1999-2008 and then spent two years as the team’s defensive coordinator, where the Eagles paid him for his decade of service by providing him with Ellis Hobbs and Ernie Sims. Surprisingly enough, he didn’t put together a Gang Green-level D, and was scapegoated and run out of town. After Chip Kelly’s dismissal, many thought McDermott a candidate for the head coaching position, but Lurie and the braintrust didn’t even interview him. If you’re on the Anti-Pederson bandwagon, McDermott and the Panthers are for you.
Peyton Manning, QB – Denver Broncos
He’s the greatest regular season quarterback of all-time, but he’s got one less ring than his idiot-brother up 95. Root for Denver so Eli can’t hold the “more championships” thing over Peyton on Thanksgiving, like you know he does. What is Eli, a Cowboys fan?
Ron Rivera, Head Coach – Carolina Panthers
Rivera coached linebackers in Philadelphia under Jim Johnson from 1999-2003, and played LB under defensive coordinator Buddy Ryan in 1984 and 1985 for the Chicago Bears, before Buddy left to become the greatest coach in Eagles history before the ’86 season. What else do you need to know?
Jordan Norwood, WR – Denver Broncos
Norwood spent most of the 2009 season on the Eagles’ practice squad, and actually dressed for one game in December of that season. He went to Penn State, and attended high school in the State College Area, so if you’re one of those weirdos who thinks PSU is somehow connected to Philly, maybe you’re a Denver guy.
Greg Olsen, TE – Carolina Panthers
From Wayne, NJ. Guessing that’s up north, which I usually ignore, but something about this guy, I dunno. Just seems like a Philly guy. Something about him. He’s big and tough and brings his lunch to work in a pail. A real gym rat-type with deceptive athleticism.
DeMarcus Ware, OLB – Denver Broncos
This one could go either way. He’s making the Cowboys look stupid for letting him go, but he’s also worn that star on his helmet, and that’s a life-long infection with no cure.
Kelvin Benjamin, WR – Carolina Panthers
Sure, he’s on injured reserve. But he’s also awesome, and the Eagles took Marcus Smith over him. Let’s definitely blame Chip for that and make Benjamin the offensive Earl Thomas.
T.J. Ward, S – Denver Broncos
Eagles should have signed him AND Malcolm Jenkins. They had the money. Safety problems solved. But he went to Oregon, so we may hate him. I don’t know if we’ve decided on Oregon yet.
Josh Norman, CB – Carolina Panthers
Root for this future Eagle today. Norman is a pending free agent, and the Eagles always sign the number one corner available as long as his name isn’t Darrelle Revis.
Todd Davis, LB – Denver Broncos
Lancaster, CA – Lancaster, PA… Basically the same thing, right?
Joe Webb, “QB” – Carolina Panthers
Man, fuck this guy.
Lou Young, CB – Carolina Panthers
His name is a combination of Lou Williams and Thaddeus Young, two of the best Sixers of the last 30 years.
Scott Simonson, TE – Carolina Panthers
Went to high school in Monmouth County, NJ. Is that close enough to cling to? He had one catch in the regular season.
Cameron Artis-Payne, RB – Carolina Panthers
Born and raised in Harrisburg, PA. We pretty much hate everything about the state that isn’t Philly, but we can make an exception for the Super Bowl.
It appears the data has skewed toward the Panthers, and you’re probably thinking “ok, cool. I’m a Panther fan this week.” But let us not forget the most compelling argument for cheering on the Broncos this Sunday, and in every game in which Denver isn’t competing directly with Philadelphia:
Jeffrey Beall
Mile High Salute for Denver this Sunday. Bring home a championship, Broncos!
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