Women and Men over centuries have been into sexual relations. My own personal thoughts on this are that Sex is a big part of life. Throughout years of loving the art of sexual relations, bondage, and anything to do with kinky things that have cam up I believe I am not a sex addict since I have only done it with my ex and that was only about 8 times before we broke up. I have never had more than one sexual relationship. I have never had intercourse with anyone before him. I am a very sexually person, it’s like what’s mainly on my mind which I think is perfectly healthy since sex is a part of life.
I have been interested in sexual relationships when I was about 7. I started becoming interested in the art of one’s body entering another’s. At first I thought it was all about just having sex for fun. I did not learn about what it was in till I had “The Talk” with my grandmother who I call my mother. I almost had sexual relations with my ex boyfriend from when I was 7. I was older than him by about a few days. He pressured me into it since he told me he was cheating on me with some girl who would have sex with him. He was a dirty little boy whore not yet a man. It pissed me off a first but I got over it. Since then I was interested in what it was so I asked my grandmother.
She told me what sex is and how it works, so I started to experiment with sexual feelings. It was on my mind constantly and I didn’t know why it was. I couldn’t quite find what it was that made them impulses come to me so quickly, and it made me want to do things and try things that I thought I was ready. I was not yet ready for some feelings that are attached to it. I was not ready or mature enough to handle anything to do with sex. But it was constantly on my mind, and still is. I am 14 years old and have so many thoughts of erotic things and I am interested in older guys for maturity and relationships. I am interested in guys somewhat near my age like from maybe 15 to 17. I cannot date guy’s younger than me since they are too immature to keep anything a secret. Well some guys that are 13 or 14 can be mature but also immature at the same time.
When I was in my room alone I discovered masturbation but did not even know what it was. I started doing that like once every week. I only started that because I felt some sexual attraction tor words my boyfriend at the time Anthony. When I was 9 he was 13. We dated when I was 10 and him 14. I looked older and acted older. I acted as if I was his age, so it made us get along very well and we hit it off. I cared for the boy as if he was the love of my life. From being in a broken home for years I would accept love as soon as I could get it. He made me feel happy and made me feel amazing. Once I thought we was ready for sexual relations my hormones hit me quick every time he came into my room I wanted to push him on my bed and get on top of him, both of us being naked.
Every time I was with him, I just wanted to go to a private place and put my hand down his pants. I wanted to kiss him so bad that I couldn’t even see straight. He would always hold my hand, call me beautiful, say nice things to me and all but that wasn’t enough for me. We had a secret place that his friend and he would go to. I was jealous of her, since I thought she would steal him away from me. They were the same age and she was way prettier than I could ever be. I was going to tell him that I want him to touch me, kiss my neck, bite me anywhere he would like to, and suck on any part of my body. I wanted to become sexual with him in till he broke up with me. He left me for his friend that I was extremely jealous of.
After thinking many times of the sexual things I wanted to do with him I finally realized that he only wanted to fuck me. He didn’t care about me he just wanted to have sexual intercourse and I wasn’t going to stand for him wanting only one thing. I was hurt for weeks and weeks and weeks. After that I started having sexual feelings tor words another guy except he was my friend for a while. He loved seeing me and loved hanging around with me. The best thing was we touched each other but only our chests. I started developing breasts at the age of 8. I am still in the same cup size from when I was 9, which really sucks since most guys like big breasts or medium sized breasts and me being small sized made it hard. Anyway, the boy was named Tommy and him and I spent a whole lot of time together. I remember almost everything with him every kiss, every touch, and every lick. I had sexual feelings for him but it wasn’t all I wanted. I wanted nothing more than a friendship maybe even a relationship but his mother hated me. She hated my very existence which I don’t blame her. She liked it that her son was happy but did not enjoy how I was always around him and he was always with me. He enjoyed my company more than his mothers which made her jealous. Which I honestly don’t care anymore, it’s in the past so she can leave me be. I’m perfectly fine with how I am and who I am. After that I started school and went with my friends who I knew for a while.
Once I started school in Batavia Middle School I met this amazing boy names Collin and I have had sexual thoughts, and feelings tor words him but he was not interested in the weird, strange, psychotic, gothic girl. No one liked me not even my teachers, besides Darren and Chealsea. Chealsea was my best friend Darren was a guy who talked to me a lot in school hours. He got my phone number from a note I wrote Collin which was his friend so he texted it. I wasn’t interested in the music I like now, but was still an outcast. Chealsea and I were made fun of a lot but we didn’t care and I didn’t pay attention.
When Darren and I talked I felt like sparks flew all around and had some sort of feeling that I wanted to date him and be his. I wanted to be his slave basically I wanted to be owned by him. I wasn’t even in to bondage at that time; I didn’t know what it was called when someone owned you in till I learned about slaves in history class. Later on I wanted to be his in every perspective. When I moved to Amelia in 6th grade he was going there to and was on the football team. We started talking again once we were in our homeroom together on orientation day. He stood right next to me and spoke to me the whole entire time. We talked about other people that we miss and wish we was still hanging with. Another guy from our school Brendon was about to go to Amelia with us. I remember feeling a sexual attraction tor words him. I am now thinking about that and just laugh so hard; it is hilarious that I felt attraction tor words him. He was such a dick to all girls that he used to flirt with. It makes me think a lot when I write this.
Back to Darren! He was a great friend and I wanted him to be more. Once we were in Amelia I wanted to fuck him bad. I am honestly saying this from one person to whoever reads this. Sexual relationships really are a hard thing for me since I can’t even have a healthy relationship in general. But like all women we need sex in our life. We can go without it but without that sexual feeling and something that you enjoy a whole hell of a lot. I am on a website called vampirefreaks and it has this one cult that I would love to join but I’m not 18 yet. It states that when guy’s love sex and go out and do it a lot they are counted as pimps in a good way or a player, but females if we have sex a lot and enjoy sex we are whores. That is really wrong in so many ways!
It can be a disease to be to sexually active and sex can be terrible if it is not conceptual. I know the feeling of rape, and it has been terrible dealing with it. Not being able to feel like you are actually not a whore. Feeling like you are a whore, a slut, a nasty person that should never be around anymore. I feel so disgusting and when I look at myself in the mirror feeling terrible, feeling like I’m scum. It’s terrible, I am not really happy with myself I cry at night because I’m not feeling correct on who I am. I am fucked up from that, my sex drive is so high from being raped and then the second time it happened It was like I belonged in hell because the devil wanted me for his own purpose and that god hates me.
I know realize I have been silly because now I am a Christian. I still feel like a whore sometimes whenever I think about something dirty. I am so down on myself to. I was afraid to actually have sex, I still am. When my ex Colton and I had sex I was always trying to seduce him even when he didn’t want to have sex. But lately I have been speaking to a really nice guy who I kind of want to play around with. He makes me feel pretty and amazing. He makes me feel so out there, he takes interest in me and like’s how I “look sexy” how I can be “sexy” he loves my kinkiness and love how I like sex, how I like bondage and how I am really open about it. I’m kind of glad he won’t date me, because he makes me feel so amazing and just I love how he can be my fuck buddy and then see each other the next day or talk to him so much.
I put so much trust in to him, and I know that if he does something that can hurt me bad enough to where I will cry and cry and cry and cry. W talked about having sex and doing some things. I have so many fantasies with him so many thoughts and just so many things that are sexually based that we both want to do. He even told me he wouldn’t hurt me, and wouldn’t do anything that would hurt me. It makes me so happy that I have found someone who I want to be with just he is so close to 18 its unbelievable and I want him to be with me even though he won’t. His reason was because he is probably afraid to be in another relationship of commitment. I tried telling him that I would like to be there for him that I want him more than a friend and a sexual partner.
He gives me such inspiration to began writing fantasies and write about sexual thoughts and feelings. I thank him with all my heart, and all my sexual apperception for the near future. I sent him a text saying “so since I want to start writing about sexual thoughts and feelings and erotica. I have only been with one guy and did that with him. Since I trust you would you want to be my sexual relations partner for a bit?” He went to sleep hours ago. But still I would like to see if he would. I have had sex with my ex many times but it was so plain and boring. If any guy reads this then I want to say that you need to realize that WOMEN DON’T JUST LIKE PLAIN OLD MISHONARY SEX!!!!!! We like to get experimental sometimes. We enjoy spicing things up some times, to keep things good and we like to spice up love lives and if we are in love with whom we are dating then we want to express making love with someone, since I have expressed my feelings on this I will now start off with my experiences.
Starting with sexual experiences I will state that I was in love with Colton and was ready for sexual relationships. We hung out at my house a lot and would lay down in my bed together we would touch and tease each other so much, it was a pleasure just to have him tease me. The feeling he gave me the first time he touched my breasts and put them against his nice, sexy, warm chest. Mmmmm I remember the first night he touched me. Oh wow having his really warm soft hands touching my kiki. The way he rubbed me made me so wet, and then when he fingered me I couldn’t stop moaning. My moans almost turned to screams I grabbed on to his shirt and just squeezed.
His hands are manly but soft so his fingers were bigger than mine. He fit at least 3 fingers inside. The way he kissed me was the best romantic moment that made me even wetter, how he just loved the way I moaned and making me feel loved and making me feel like he was so irresistible. It was unbelievable that another person could make me feel like that. I couldn’t even compare him to my ex Preston. I can’t stand to say his first name since it’s the same as the guy who will become my Inspiration and fuck buddy for in till I move.
He graduates from this school in May, and then he wants to become a marine. I hope he still speaks to me after words. I wish I was his age actually; I could be turning 18 sooner than I will be. In 4 years I will be 18 and want to leave that day. I can go out and date the right age that I want to date. I can be who I want to be and start the career I will be trying to do. Back to on the topic. Colton had the right size of hands for my sexual feelings and the feeling it kind of hurt me a little from begging him to go faster and deeper. Preston I use to blow him when we was dating, he had the magic touch. The same speed as Colton but it didn’t hurt at all, the feeling is something I will miss and always moan to whenever I think about him and how he touched me!
The way that he looked at me made me melt under his one light touch. If we had sex, then Oh my god he would have me screaming just from his stairs and his kisses. The foreplay would be better than the oral would be, and I just know I would be pulling his hair and biting his neck trying to make him moan like he did whenever I gave him head. I just wish he would have not lied and said I love you to me. Just the feel of him inside me would make me melt and make me just commit myself to being his sexual slave and that means dating or not.
Preston was my best partner in oral situations or I was his, because when he kissed me I just fell in love with how he held my hand or how he made me love him. It hurt when I found out he just wanted me to give him head, and let him touch a girl. We had skype sex many times and it was always so private. We enjoyed being together. When we became a public relationship he was getting made fun of since he’s a senior and I am a freshmen in High School, it seemed wrong to other people because he was dating the schools whore. I cried since what his ex said was so mean and just she hates me in general for what I don’t know.
She told Preston and I, that he can do a lot better than me. I know he can do way better than me, I’m so ugly in my own self esteem. Many others say I am gorgeous but how do I date 23 people in one year? I dated 23 people in 2013 and that is just terrible. I never had sex or gave head to any of them but two Preston and Colton that’s it. I look for love though so that’s something that scares most people away! I just want to find love like I did with Colton.
I always lay in my room sighing about having no one to care for and no one to cuddle up to me and feel so happy with. He made me feel so happy and loved. My sexual feelings tor words him were strong and he just was scared of it I guess. Every time we had sex it hurt at first really bad, but then it got better as we did more things. I couldn’t find out why he came early every time we had sex, in till I asked for help on a cult on vampirefreaks. I had so much help with that site from the cult fucking awesome chicks without them then I wouldn’t know anything about my sexual relationship with my ex boyfriend.
My sexual experiences haven’t been the best really; I still don’t know why it hurt every time we had sex. I was relaxed and was really wanting to do it with him, and when we did he just… he didn’t mean to hurt me. He loved me and that’s the last thing he would want to do. I care for him a lot, and he made me feel the best there was. But now he doesn’t care and he just isn’t the best with me. But we don’t care about each other anymore.
My sexual life has not been the best since I am not entirely interested in some things anymore. Colton he broke my heart; I was his rebound and was his new magi. I don’t care anymore so I won’t waste my time anymore. Preston he just was a total dick, who is someone who rather hurt me than get to know me. I felt amazing in his presence and he made me so happy. I actually smiled when I was around him same as with Colton. I just hope Zac can do that for me like he does over the internet.
Preston made me feel so I don’t even know the correct word for this because he is such an amazing person. Funny, sexy, cute, adorable, we like the same bands, and he was perfect for my sexual needs. I just guess he is not interested in me and wasn’t interested in the beginning of this. Only Zac knows how much hatred I have for Preston and he doesn’t even like him that much for how he treated me. He said that what he did to me was low. And it was, what Preston did to me was low. He hid me in the shadows because of my age. He hid me from his friends because of my grade. One of his friends should know better not to make fun of Preston for dating me because I used to talk to that guy all the time and about everything. I poured my heart out to him as well. I cared deeply for him and he didn’t give a damn.
I TOLD HIM EVERYTHING!!! Literally cared about him, and I fell in love with him in a matter of a year. I was broken hearted because I couldn’t change him and I wish I did. I wanted to be with Jarred more than I loved Colton and we wanted to get married. It seemed like I was just the wrong person for all the guys and girls I’ve dated and it feels like I’m not made to love someone else.
I feel like it is terrible because Jarred was like this one man I loved Josh. I was working on him for almost 3 or 4 years. Tyler as well, but I seriously loved him and didn’t realize it in till he kissed a ex friend of mine. Since that one kiss…….. since that one kiss I was wrecked. My love for Tyler was officially gone and I didn’t want to talk to him. If he ever decides to read this than that is the reason why I picked a fight with you about “I can’t talk to you” I couldn’t speak because I would cry and be broken. I’m still not over it yet…… not even over him. I want to kiss him so bad right now. I can’t though.
I loved how when we hung out in the cemetery he would let me hold his hand or hold on to him. I’m into being clingy, mainly to him because he is such a teddy bear. He is so snuggly and warm, then him being so charming, handsome, an amazing guy, and just being him. He’s exactly like Jarred which made me love Jarred the only thing they don’t have in common is that Jarred doesn’t date and Tyler he does. I love his awesome hugs, and I love being up against him. I love his smile, his laugh, and his cute an adorable eyes that light up whenever he’s in the sun!
I just hope one day he gives me a kiss or give me a chance to be his girlfriend. Sadly I know that day will never come, he knows it and I know it. Everyone knows we won’t get together he like’s “normal” girls and I am not normal. I am gothic, emo, scene, punk and have a different unique style of clothing.
I just want to say you all can learn from my mistakes. I get many questions on this it’s like I can help people who are interested in sexual relationships and in relationships period but I can’t find love or happiness and I’ve helped many people with this kind of stuff. I can be asked any question and probably answer it in a few sentences. Some questions I would like to share is easy to do once I find them all.
1.) Why do some people cheat on others when the one being cheated on is really nice and sweet?
I have to say that this has happened to my friend Erik. He was hurt by his girlfriend Kya, who cheated on him for lust. Those who cheat are out to hurt people by wanting lust, some people have a hard time trying to stay loyal sometimes. It’s best to try and talk to someone for a few weeks before thinking about getting into a serious relationship with another person.
2.) If a girl or guy I like cares for me enough to engage in sexual activity, and we have dated for about a few days. Am I a harlot for wanting to have sex with him from only 1 or 2 days?
No, you are not a harlot. You just like sex and think it’s the right time to have sex. Female’s everyday make the decision to have sex with a complete stranger. I don’t think having a lot of partners is a good idea but if It is someone you talk to a lot then go for it!
3.) My boyfriend/girlfriend and I have been dating for a few months and I am
starting to lose interest but do care about the person. What do I do?
I think you should do something romantic or take her/him out to a date like the very first one. Do something simple and try to reconnect. Married people do this sometimes. Some will renew their vowels to remind them why I love each other. Go on a picnic in the park and have a fun time together.
4.) How do I ask someone to be mine as in dating?
Tyler I asked him after three years. I would do something special, like go to a place you both would like to be. If they are a friend or you guys have been talking for a while then ask to hang out. After that you can do something cute and bring something they would like to do.
5.) What are some romantic idea’s that I can do for valentine’s day?
I say flowers and a cute little note as something simple. Or go out and give them a little love note to hang out or be together for something. If you two like intercourse, then go for the romantic lovemaking. Get rose pedals or roses and take the pedals off and spread them on the bed. I would try a heart and some on the floor. If you can then be able to be in his or her bed naked. If not then go out on a romantic date such as: a picnic, a romantic walk out when the sunsets out, or a romantic date at a restaurant.
6.) When I care about someone enough how do I tell them I love them?
Break it to them easy. You don’t know how they will handle it or take it. I broke it to Tyler, and I think I creped him out. Josh….. I told Josh that I love him over the phone and told him that I care for him so much and am in love but he didn’t accept it and didn’t care. Jarred he has no emotion really. If they handle it correct then still break it to them when you really know so you avoid being broken hearted.
7.) How long are you supposed to wait before you say I love you?
It is all up to you actually. If you feel affection for another person and it is the correct term for how you feel then It’s time. I fell in love with in 3 years, a year, 2 months, 1 month, 3 weeks, 1 week and 5 days. It depends on who you are really. If you feel like it’s the right time then it is the right time. Just don’t lie to someone to get them in bed or make them feel better.
I have many fantasies like all women, men and teenager’s have. I enjoy the school girl fantasy, sex in a elevator, a odd one would be walking around and a hot attractive psycho killer wanting you to be his slave, and a slave and master fantasy of a really good boyfriend and I. Fantasies are natural in life we all know this. People who are sexually active and attractive to others will have fantasies of people who they met, haven’t met, knew for a long time and sometimes it can be a family member. It can trigger anything and they can be random, They can also be in dreams as sex dreams.
I have had a fantasy of being with a German man who means a lot to me, and I had a sexual fantasy/dream of him as him being my German language and German history teacher. I was dressed in a sexy School girl short skirt with a Black Veil Brides Rock N Roll band vest. Him light grey skinny jeans, with a Pierce the Veil Band tee. He looked so sexy that it was unbelievable. Him and I were alone in a room with no windows and I climbed right on his desk in front of him. I had my legs opened a little too where I can fall into his lap and wouldn’t hurt him one bit. I leaned down to kiss his lips and played with his hair. I got up and got right on his lap rubbing the outside of his pants where his dick was and then kissed his neck hearing him talk to me made me feel so soothing and easy. I think the German language is so sexy and is amazing it makes me so easy. He spoke in German which is his home country. It’s perfectly legal there to for a man his age to be with a girl my age. When I was on his lap he took his hand and ran it up my inner thigh taking my underwear off. He was kind of hard, in till he took his hand and started to rub on my clit. He rubbed me slowly and kissed my neck making me moan softly, rubbing and then sliding in side with his soft fingers.
He went harder and harder making me moan even more as he bit my neck harder than usual almost breaking my skin. I had my nails in his back and then he picked me up and put me on my desk. He bit me then took my shirt off. Kissing down my chest taking my bra off licking down to where he can add a delight to him and then adding pleasure to me!!! Moans gone louder and louder! Biting my clit a little hard like I like it! The pleasure of this made me feel so great that it was an amazing feeling.
The psycho killer fantasy is filled with excitement and sexual activity so I loved it the most. The feelings of a knife handle inside of you feeling that danger. Having a knife on your naked body so cold and feeling the struggle of either have sex or get killed. This was based off of my friend Scream. He means a lot to me. I miss talking to him and he is weird and strange and reminds me of a killer making me think so dirty. Going out alone at night then walking home. He comes behind me putting a knife to my neck. I reach down to unzip his pants then slip it inside under his boxers and start to touch him. I was rubbing his balls and then made my way up to his dick. He loosens up on the knife at my throat enjoying his self so much more than the factor of killing me. Then turning around to see his face in the light and seeing them gorgeous pale blue eyes his long dark hair, and then his evil but sexy smile. I kiss him then move his long hair to the other side so I could kiss his neck. He pushed me into the bushes and then started to bite my neck. I’m still touching him making him feel amazing and making him moan. The way he looked was perfect. He finally took his hand and glided it down to my pants unzipping my jeans and pulling me on top of him to where he could un do my bra. It was a scary, dangerous, but extremely interesting thought I had. To continue it he put his finger inside me so deep that it was painful and felt great at the same time. It wasn’t rape because I wanted it, I was basically throwing myself at him and it just felt great!
Then being in a elevator. It just hasn’t been all to my mind so I won’t pay any more attention. It’s not crossing my mind either. Anyone interested then feel free to dream about it. Your life and your fantasy make it as you want it to be.
Your relationships are yours not anyone else so they don’t have a say so what so ever. You love him/her and care for them then you to belong together. If not then don’t be together! Fuck other people and their opinions on you and who you’re dating. Be free and be who you want to be! You and your partner can tell you how to live your lifes and who you to should date or should be. Only you can do what you want!
If you like sex you like sex you’re not a whore! You are just you! Sex isn’t everything it can be very dangerous! Rape is a terrible thing filled with people who want to have power over another and you know that is really wrong! Being abused sexually is the most traumatic thing you can go through. You know how people can be they are nasty disturbing people who just need to be stopped. It is a terrible thing ever to be dealt with, I believe it has been the worst thing on earth!
Here are some other questions!
1.) How can you trust someone enough to have sex with them?
It’s all on you! If you have a trust bond with someone then you trust them. If you trust them enough to engage in sexual activity then go ahead It is basically all up to you to trust them with your body.
2.) Why do I need to be in a sexual relationship.
You do not need to have sex in a relationship! Sexual relations are healthy but you can be healthy without sex in a relationship. It’s perfectly normal to not do anything in a relationship. So no you do not need to have sex in a relationship!
3.) When’s the right time to have sex?
The right time to have sex in my opinion is when you think its right. If you want to have sex within the next week of a relationship then goes ahead! If you want a slow meaningful time, then go ahead and do it when you’re ready and your partner.
4.) Why did you make this?
I made this because, I wanted to share some of my experiences to help others. I am a people pleaser! I also love helping people. I need questions to answer that I know I can answer for other people. It’s just in my nature to help people on relationships, sexual things, advice and so on.
5.) Would you ever consider birth control? And should I get it?
I am on birth control right now. I take the pill, but only because of my blood problems for my period. I am unnatural when it used to come to my periods. To be honest it doesn’t really prevent pregnancies what so ever! So if you want on it then I say you must use protection when it comes to having sex.
6.) When is the right time to be married?
The right time is up to you honestly. Some Russians must be married by the age of 25 and in the olden time’s you had to be married by the time you was 14. To be honest I don’t think you are ready in till you have been in a relationship where neither one of you is cheating on each other, or to where you both are happy and in love and willing to be together. Not stupid things like marry just to be married.
7.) I am a Christian like you and you have had sex I haven’t. I’m waiting for marriage why are you a harlot?
I am a Christian but it does not mean I’m one of them fake people. I go to church when I can and I go to Solid rock in Middletown or Lebanon Ohio. It is the best church you can go to since they don’t judge you if you have sex before marriage. Don’t judge me only god can! It’s okay to have sex before marriage but if it’s only because of your religion then that’s really stupid. If it’s because you want to wait to find the right person and then engage in a sexual relationship after marriage then go ahead I wish I could of waited for that but since my virginity was already stolen then I thought I couldn’t do that so I decided that I want to find the right people.
8.) Why give advice if you don’t do it?
I don’t know how I can’t keep a relationship when I give good advice I try and try to follow it but somehow I can’t manage to do so. I guess it’s true those who can’t have love make advice columns about relationships. I have relationships but I just cannot keep a healthy one! It’s sucks but I will start listening to my advice more clearly if I ever sell this book out to anyone!
9.) Who is Zac?
Zac is an amazing sweet guy that makes me smile. He is the best guy I’ve talked to and we share some interests. He always tells me that I’m pretty when I am calling myself ugly, or calling myself a whore. He doesn’t believe any rumors about me from school. He doesn’t think I’m a whore and he doesn’t tell me that I deserve to be raped. He makes me so happy just by his smile. I care about him a lot and really have no clue why. As bad as I want to date him I just cannot. He won’t allow it, because he broke his own heart. He probably thinks that he is a jerk to girls and is better off not dating anyone. He show’s me sympathy, but I honestly think he is the best guy I have ever spoken to. He doesn’t use me, he doesn’t want to hurt me in anyway and he is a really nice guy. I would love to get the chance to be his girlfriend someday. Not only because I want to have sexual relations but because he treats me like I’m a human and not a piece of ass. We have serious talks and I love that about him. He is just the best guy that every girl wants and needs in their life. I don’ care how much he tries to act like what is said about him.
I love people and am a people person so yea I thought this would be a great read. To think about others and relationships from a girl’s point of view it is very interesting to see how my advice works sometimes. I know my relationships and how they have been terrible in the past but I learn from them and people who have a hard time in their relationships. In health before Winter Break we had a sex education teacher taught us about Rape, Sex, Safe Sex, Date Rape, Dating Abuse and taught us many things about this. I am interested in telling you all about what was in our packages from our classes.
The program we had in our class is called YWCA: Teen Choice. It can work for adults and can work for teens for safe relationships, and safe sexual partners. It states the goal is to empower teens to make healthy choices for themselves by information on information about dangers in the world when it comes to dating. I am using this for men, women and teenagers who will read this in the near future. I want to make sure the people who read this will be safe when they go out for drinks, or go out to dinner or a movie.
Let’s begin with the 3Cs in the packet. The three Cs begin with Communication, Conflict resolution, and commitment. The meaning of Communication they give is that it is vital to all relationships. There is 5 definitions that had popped up. I put them in a box below to show the actual definitions compared to the one teen choice gave us.
Communication 1.) The act of process of communicating; fact of being communicated.
2.) The Imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing, or signs.
3.) Something imparted, interchange, or transmitted
4.) A document or message importing news, views, information, etc.
5.) Passage, or an opportunity or means of passage, between places
To compare these definitions is that they all are true. Communication is very important in a relationship of any kind. There is bad communication and good. In a family relationship you need communication to speak to everyone that lives with you, so they know what you want or what you need. In a dating relationship you need communication and to know who you are dating. And in a friendship relationship, you need to know who you are friends with and what will happen, where you guys will hang out and so on. Mainly it is common interests and what you all share with each other.
For instance Josh and I loved the same bands such as Korn, Nickelback, Paramore, Seether, Breaking Benjamin, Avenged Sevenfold, Eminem, System Of A down, and Papa Roach. With Tyler and I we both enjoy Breaking Benjamin, Escape The Fate, Avenged Sevenfold, My Chemical Romance, Hawthorne Heights, System Of A Down, A Day To Remember, BrokeNCYDE, Eminem, Suicide Silence, 5-thirteen, Ronnie Radke and possibly Falling In Reverse. Zac and I don’t have any musical interests besides some rap artists. Preston and I both liked well I love the Black Veil Brides, Breaking Benjamin and I think Avenged Sevenfold. We both Love rock music so that’s something.
Zac and I we get along and have a good communication. We talk about a lot of things whenever a subject comes up. Josh and I, I told him everything about me and everything wrong with me. We had a good communication as well. Preston and I we had a good but kind of dirty communication. Almost every guy and girl I have been with I’ve had a good communication with. Then the guy’s that liked me they um, they kind of would yell at me most the time and we would argue A lot.
On to our next C is conflict resolution. Conflict resolution is crucial to effective communications in relationships. I have really nothing to say besides resolve it in a good manner. Do not harm each other by throwing things or using violence in with your hands. Conflict Resolution is a form of Communication where you talk and solve the problem of what the situation is. An example is if a guy that has a girlfriend who hangs out with one of the guy’s on her cheerleading team, or on the football team. The guy get’s jealous and he confronts her about it! They don’t fight physically or yell at each other they talk things out and see what they want to do. They just decide to keep it as a dating relationship, and the guy he needs to know that she is taken and is in a happy relationship.
If they did not use that useful tool then this is what might happen. He get’s jealous goes out and hit’s the guy and has a physical fight. When the girl hears he might scream and yell at her that could of lead to violence. That is no way to resolve the situation. She loves the guy she is with and is just friends. He would lose her and then he’d regret doing anything with the situation that just happened. They were in a committed relationship; he would feel so terrible because he would fuck up her relationship.
Finally, the last C is obvious. It is commitment, and I know we all have our own definitions of commitment. The definition teen choice gave to us was Commitment to any healthy relationship requires that both have the skills necessary to communicate and resolves conflict. If you manage these things in a relationship then you are headed tor words commitment. Everyone wants a committed relationship, and wants a happy healthy relationship. We want to be loved and cared for. Men, women and believe it or not teens want to find love to. The one’s who had to grow up faster than they should are ready for a committed relationship and want to be happy. They want to be loved and cared for since someone in their life didn’t give them that affection or is still not giving that affection. Men and Women can feel like they are lonely if all they focus on is work, if they have children then they feel like they are trapped and alone. It’s good to have a partner with you to help take care of you and a family or work on their way to make/become a family. We want love and we want to be cared for since we are all humans.
My friend from vampirefreaks, he is 20 and is a great guy. I want to date him but it is illegal in the states. It is legal for a 20 year old to be with a 14 year old, and is legal to have sex with her if in Germany. He lives there and I live here. I talk to him about seeing him sometime when I’m 18 so I can hang with him and be near him. He told me that he wants to get married to anyone he loves by the time he is 26. I’ll see him when he is 24 which I’m hoping he is not married or even engaged because I would like to be with him. I am interested in older men but I cannot and will not date them because it is illegal. I do date online sometimes which is kind of dangerous but I never date anyone close to me because of the dangers of being raped, killed and/or kidnapped. Danger is all around when it comes to dating. Men can get raped, and we known women, children and teenagers can be raped as well. The world has some sick pedophiles out there. But my definition of a pedophile is someone who takes it too far with a minor. It would be using unnecessary touching, and that can lead to rape but we will talk about that when date rape comes up.
8 Basic Skills for building equal Power through Communications.
1) Secure your center
Make sure you feel cool and collected. When you are able to respond with these feeling, that means you are centered. If you are centered, you will be able to think more clearly.
2) Ask Clarifying questions
Ask the person you are upset with honest and open questions about the situation you are in. Please do not jump to conclusions just breathe and calm down. After listening to his or her answers, you will probably realize that the conflict between you two was all just a big misunderstanding.
3) Find out what your partner’s feelings are
Ask whoever you are dating or married how he or she feels about the situation that is causing the conflict or situation. Is he or she hurt, depressed, melancholy, numb, sad, confused, or angry?
4) Express your feelings.
Let your partner know how you feel. Be honest and specific with each other. Refer directly to the situation and what it upsets you. One good way to do this is to use an “I statement.”
For Example:
I feel (An Emotion)_______________
When you (a specific action)________________
Because_______________________________________
5) Determine what’s important to you.
In every situation there are things you cannot compromise. These things may be important to anyone’s self-esteem, confidence, safety, or happiness. In an earlier session, each of you decides how you want to be treated in dating relationships. Some of those conditions may be important to you in all relationships. Know what you can compromise without regret and what you must protect.
6) Acknowledge what’s important to your partner
Your partner will have things he or she is not willing to compromise as well. With other things, she or he may be more flexible. Know what these things are and tell your partner you understand whatever they are wanting or needing to do/get is very important to her or him. Simply by showing someone that you hear them, you can also improve communication in this.
7) Think about your similarities and differences
Compare your feelings and what is important to you with your partner’s feelings and what is important to him or her. Determine where you agree and disagree. Think about what you disagree.
8) Exchange ideas for a possible solution
With all of this information, think about possible solutions. You may want to brainstorm a long list with your boyfriend/girlfriend/wife or husband. After listing potential solutions, the two of you can talk about how each solution would work and the best solution for the situation.
Dealing with Anger!
This is from the teen choice packet and I am putting it on here so you know what is from.
Anger is a normal human emotion. Everyone experiences this emotion, especially when they are faced with conflicts. Anger is a strong emotion, but it is controllable. You choose the actions that you take when you are angry. You can teach yourself to take the right actions without resorting to violence. But what are the right actions?
Healthy ways to deal with anger:
• Talk about your feelings
• Express yourself calmly
• Carefully listen to others
• Negotiate to work out your problems
• Take the time to cool down…exercise, listen to music, read, cry, take a walk… do anything that will allow you to relax and then try to deal with the situation once you have calmed down.
Anger is a part of life, but violence should not be.
Learn to talk about your feelings.
You have the RIGHT to be angry.
You deserve RESPECT when you are angry.
You have the RESPONSIBILITY to express your anger without resorting to violence.
It Can Be Great to be in a Relationship.
During the teen years, dating can be a good way to learn how to be part of a loving relationship.
Make the commitment to a healthy relationship with your partner.
The Benefits are:
• Lower stress levels
• Someone supports our beliefs and values
• Learn more about ourselves and others
• Feel safe emotionally and physically
• Someone we can problem solve with
• We thrive and grow as an individual
• Practice and develop out inner personal skills
• Explore deepen trust
• Experience and grow from conflict resolution
• Contribute to a positive image of couple hood
• Learn to compromise
• Role model for others especially other youth
• Peaceful and stable relationships contribute to a more productive and safe community for all.
Everyone benefits when couples choose to commit to communicate and resolve conflicts.
Unhealthy Relationship red flags
Does your bf/gf/wife or husband
• Try to control you
• Get jealous or accuse you of cheating
• Expect to check-in all the time
• Embarrass you or put you down
• Threaten or hurt you or your pets
• Make you feel like you don’t have the right to say no
• Isolate you from your family and friends
• Make decisions for you
• Mess with your stuff
• Physicallt restrain you
• Threaten or force unwanted sexual activity
• Share inappropriate information about you
• Easily lose his/her temper
• Scare you by
o Acting violently
o Driving dangerously
o Yelling and calling your names
o Slamming doors
o Hitting, kicking or throwing stuff
Why do people want to treat others terribly?
The answer is power and control!
Healthy Relationship Green Flag
Does your bf, gf, wife or husband
• View you as an equal
• Respect your personal boundaries
• Treat you fairly
• Make sure you feel safe emotionally and Physically
• Listen to your feelings
• Respect your opinions and values
• Support your goals
• Support you spending time with your friends and family
• Trust you
• Discuss disagreements calmly
• Allow the relationships to go at your pace
• Communicates openly and honestly
Dating Abuse: Who can help you or a friend?
Physical Abuse Emotionally Abuse Sexual Abuse
hitting Verbal Rape
Slapping Social Assault
Kicking Appearance Unwanted touching
Pinching Online
Sexual Harassment
• Any deliberate or repeated behavior or action that has a sexual overtone and is unwelcome, hostile, offensive, or degrading to the recipient.
• Physical or Nonphysical
• Behavior directed at, or that has an impact on, members of one sex(making fun of males who wear make up or teasing females who want to play football or wrestle.)
Forms of sexual harassment
o Quid pro harassment(this for that)
• When someone with power (teacher, boss at work, coach) tries to make you have sex or sexual contact with them by threatening you, or implying a threat, if you don’t. The sexual harassment could also say or imply that you will be given something (a better grade, a promotion at work, a position on a team) in exchange for having sex with them. If a person in power makes you feel uncomfortable sexually this is sexual harassment.
• Hostile Environment harassment
Any hurtful and unwanted language, behavior or action that causes another person fear, anxiety, shame, or embarrassment, and interferes with the persons job or school work.
I Have been sexually harassed but over the internet. It was terrible even knowing that someone else would try there sick mind and try to touch you virtually. If they can hack your computer they can trace where you live and then come rape, molest, kidnap or even kill you. If they trace your IP address then they can possibly get your address. It’s dangerous sometimes to meet people online, and then talk to them. They gain your trust then fuck you up by any way possible.
Questions?
1.) What is rape? Would you anyone agree or want to be raped? Is rape different than sexual assault?
Rape is when unnecessary sexual intercourse happens when the person being assaulted is not enjoying or did not give consent. No, no one would agree to be raped or want to be raped. Rape is a form of Sexual Assult.
2.) What does a rapist look like? Does the victim of a sexual assault usually know the person who assaulted them or is it a stranger?
A rapist can look like anything honestly. He can be nice, friendly and then he could be ugly, evil. A female can be a rapist as well as a man can. The person who sexually assaults them may or may not know who is raping them. It is a 50 out of a 50 percent chance that it’s someone you know or not.
3.) Does anyone deserve to be raped? What if the person was wearing revealing clothing? What if the person is a stripper or a prostitute?
NO, no one deserves to get raped. If the person’s wearing something revealing they don’t deserve or asked to be raped! Even if they are a stripper or prostitute, they do not ask for it and they do not deserve it. It’s not their fault.
4.) Why do people rape other people? Name 3 possibilities?
Power, humiliation, and to harm
5.) Name 3 things that A person should/could do after they have been sexually assaulted?
They can try to build up the courage to tell the police. Tell someone a friend they can also go take a rape kit.
6.) What evidence can be collected that would prove that a rape occurred? How is that evidence collected?
Torn clothing, sperm seen on the body, sperm inside of the vagina. It’s collected by a rape kit.
Sexual Assault Laws
Rape
o Any forced sexual penetration with any object
Some type of force or threat of force is involved
The Person is under the age of 13, whether or not the offender knows the victims age
A perpetrator gives the victim Drugs/Alcohol to make the victim unable to consent
Sexual Imposition
o Unwanted sexual touching of an erogenous zone of another including the thigh, genitals, buttocks, pubic region, and/or breasts.
Sexual Battery
o Sexual battery occurs when the perpetrator has disciplinary control over a victim that he/she has sex with. This includes a victim’s guardians or the faculty and staff in the school that the victim attends.
Unlawful Sexual Conduct with A Minor
o When a person who is 13, 14, or 15 has sexual intercourse with a person who is
18 years old or older and over 4 years older = felony
18 years old and under 4 years older = misdemeanor
Consent – when both partners are willingly agree to and approve of the sexual act.
Date Rape!
It is forced, manipulated or coerced sexual intercourse by someone the victim knows.
Can happen anywhere at any time
Females between the ages of 15 and 24 are at the highest risk for being raped by someone they know
70%-80% of people who are sexually assaulted know who the perpetration.
Guidelines for protecting yourself from Date Rape
• Trust your feelings. If you feel pressured into having unwanted sex, you are probably right. If you feel threatened, take action – before the potential attacker does.
• Plan ahead. Know where you are going and how you will get home. Try not to depend on a date for transportation if you do not know him/her well.
• Always take the time to let your family or friends know where you will be.
• Double date with another couple or go out with a group of friends
• Do not accept a ride or walk home from a person you just met or someone you do not know and trust. Also, avoid going to the home or apartment of someone you do not know well
• Avoid letting a date take you to remote, dark, or secluded place. Big ass NO NO NO right there! Make sure you go to a public place that is well lit in till you know your date very well and know almost everything.
• Talk to your date about you expectations. Be sure to communicate openly if what you want from the relationship changes. You have the RIGHT to change your mind at any time about what you want, even if you have already kissed, touched, or had sex.
• If you feel like you are being pressured or coerced try to stay calm. Clearly and assertively say that you are uncomfortable want the behavior to stop. If necessary, look for possible ways to escape. If you can’t escape, resist as long as it is safe for you to do so. If it is too dangerous, STOP. Submission does not mean consent.
Remember, Rape is NEVER the victim’s fault.
DON’T EVER DRINK AND THEN HAVE SEX IT DOESN’T HELP ANY!
Drinking then having sex is a big NO because you do not think clearly and you can wake up thinking it was rape.
Drinking reduces your ability to defend yourself and recognize a dangerous situation!
Over 50% of all sexual assaults committed involve alcohol use by the victim, the perpetrator, or both.
Take your drink everywhere with you, or order another one. Do not let anyone take it from you and do not except a drink from a stranger. They may drug your drink!
Date Rape Drugs
All drugs can be used as a date rape drug because all drugs alter your mind and/or body and make you more vulnerable to being sexually assaulted
Common drugs used to facilitate sexual assault:
• Alcohol
o Beer, Liquor, Wine, Booze, etc…..
• GHB
o Grievous Bodily harm, G, Liquid Ecstasy, Georgia Home Boy
• Rohypnol
o Roofies, Rophies, Roche, Forget – Me Pill
• Ecstasy- MDMA
o X, Rolls, Adam, Clarity, Lover’s Speed, XTC
• LSD
o Acid, Yellow sunshine
• Methamphetamine
o Meth, Speed, Ice, Chalk, Crank, Crystal
• Prescription pain relievers, stimulates, sedatives, and tranquilizers
o Quaaludes, Xanax, Valium, Adderall, Codeine, OxyCoton, Percocet, Vicodin
How to help a friend who has been sexually assaulted
If someone you care about is a victim of sexual assault, you can help by communicating three messages
1.) I believe you
2.) It’s not your fault
3.) Help is available
Contraceptives
Birth Control
Pills
Depo Provera (Shot)
Abstinence
Ortho-Evra Patch
Male Condom
Female Condom
Intrauterine Device
Nuvaring
Birth Control Implant(Implanon)
Chlaydia Gonorrhea Syphilis Public Lice
Virus, Bug
Or Bacteria Bacteria Bacteria Bacteria Bug
Transmission Unprotected
Vaginal
Anal or oral Unprotected
Vaginal
Anal or oral Vaginal, oral anal or direct contact Sexual skin to skin contact
Symptoms No
Symptoms No Symptoms 1Painless sores
2 Flu symptoms
3blindness/death Itchyness, redness, can spred, scabbies eggs
Testing Urine sample Swop frm the cervix or penis Doctor and blood test See the doctor
Treatments
Management Treated
Antibiotics Treated Antibiotic Treatment Antibiotics Specific Shampoos
Effects if not
Treated Pelvic inflamtory and can pass to children duringbirth Steral living, joint heat problems Blindness, heart disease, death Itchyness
Genital Herpes HPV/Genital Warts HIV/AIDS
Virus, bacteria or bug Virus Virus Virus
Transmission Direct contact sorce/blisters
Vaginal/oral Direct skin to skin contact and unprotected sex 1 Blood
2 Seamen
3vaginal secerations
4 breast milk
Symptoms Dangling, itchy, watery eyes, scab up Warts/bumps on Genitals Immune system does not work/ a person dies of somethin