Disclaimer: I drink too much wine. I am not an alcoholic. Proceed.
If you're 25+ and a fan of Buzzfeed (and let's face it, who isn't a fan of Buzzfeed?) you've probably been inundated with links to 'articles' about the 'quarter life crisis' endemic that is taking out 99% of our fragile, social media obsessed generation. Said articles usually reference 'Girls' and 'Bridesmaids,' with the occasional random quote thrown in for inspo. They are usually pretty hilarious. And they're usually terrifyingly accurate.
I had my quarter life crisis this year. And I can tell you - without a hint of the irony these articles are laced with - that it was the worst thing that has ever happened to me.
From what I gather, this meltdown of epic proportions is triggered by different things for different people. For me, it was relocating to London, and turning 25. In October last year I was happily coupled up with my teenagehood sweetheart, saving for a mortgage, and mentally preparing myself for the idea of marriage and babies within a 5 year period. That month, we moved here, I got a new job, and everything I knew aside from him was left in the dust. I was content, if not always 100% happy. Everything seemed fine.
A few short months later, I panicked. I left him. And I watched as my whole world collapsed around me.
Suddenly - after a decision that was literally made in a day - I was sleeping alone, my bills had doubled, I had no-one to speak to, and I had sole custody of three very demanding pets. Add to this the stress of a job that was still relatively new to me, a city as huge as it was lonely, and - within a couple of months - a dramatic new love interest that would spin my head out of control, and we had a problem on our hands. A(n almost) drink problem, more specifically. I can't even begin to explain how much wine I've gotten through this year...
Silver lining, though, is I got through it. Not unscathed. Definitely not unscathed, but healthy and happy, and able to stand on my own two feet.
Now, after approximately seven months of self loathing, questionable dating choices, and bad, bad decisions, I am able to look back on what has just happened and say that yes, it has probably been the worst year of my life. But yes, it has probably also been the best. Because I have learned more about myself than I've ever learned before. I've formed some amazing friendships. I'm doing well at work. Things might have been very, very bad there for a while. But I've had the time of my life inbetween the down days. Life is good. It just took some time to see it.
And so, in true 'how to survive' fashion, I am here to hand hold you through getting past it too.
Let's begin at the beginning.
So you're headed for crisis? First of all can I just say I'M SO SORRY THIS IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN TO YOU YOU POOR THING. I'm going to follow this up with STEP AWAY FROM THAT MAN YOU WOULDN'T USUALLY LOOK TWICE AT, HE IS TAKING ADVANTAGE OF YOUR VULNERABLE HOTNESS. And, finally, hey there, let's evaluate what the actual f is happening here, shall we?
If you have experienced any of the following, you are probably about to have some issues:
- Someone asked you and your long term love if you were *WINK WINK* next down the aisle *WINK WINK NUDGE NUDGE.* You had to excuse yourself to have a mild panic attack, having just laughed wildly and almost thrown up on yourself at the thought of already having found the person you will spend the rest of your life with. You then told your partner (and probably yourself) that everything was fine. And proceeded to drink ALL the wine.
- The career path questioning spiral. Am I doing what I'm supposed to be doing? Why aren't I earning more money? Is it OK that I like my job even though it isn't what I had planned to do with my life? What if it's the wrong path for me, and it's too late to turn back and start all over again? Followed by ALL the wine.
- You have considered settling for that creepy guy that shouts obscenities at people in the street and drinks cider from a brown paper bag, because you're convinced that if you don't find someone soon you will 'OMG DIE ALONE AND UNLOVED AND WHY DOES NO-ONE WANT ME?' This thought is accompanied by streaky mascara. And ALL the wine.
- Any other line of thought that has left you feeling sad and confused and desperate for a hug. Especially when you remedy it with, you guessed it, ALL the wine.
- All of the above.
So this is what you need to do. First of all put down the wine. We will pick it back up again later. But for now, let's be a bit serious and have a cup of tea instead, yeah? Because tea solves all problems, so say the British (AKA, me.)
Here is what needs to happen.
You need to sit down and really think about your life, and about where these thoughts are stemming from. You need to let yourself cry about the tragic and ridiculous things that are making you feel as though your life is over, and as though you've ruined everything. You also need to allow this to happen, instead of numbing the pain - as I did for months and months and months - with alcohol.
The fact of the matter is, you probably haven't ruined anything. Truthfully, you're probably doing just fine. You just don't know it yet.
Do what you need to do to figure out the cause of your drama, and then tackle it head on. And once you've tackled it? Make like T Swift, and Shake It Off.
"I've figured out what's wrong, and I've made some changes, and things have gotten worse."
They haven't, you just need to get used to the change. Embrace the change. Love the change. Change is good. Change is your friend. Change change change.
"OK. So what do I do now?" Now, you do the following:
- Say yes to new experiences. Always wanted to go to an all night rave in a swimming pool, surrounded by people that don't speak your language, but that respond quite nicely when you stroke their hair and tell them you love them? Go. Fancy breaking into London Zoo after hours, stripping down to your underwear, and taking a selfie with a tiger for your Tinder profile? Do it, man! (Just don't blame me when you find yourself spending a night in a cell for that one, mmmkay?)
- Put yourself out there. Meet new people, make new friends, date. I mean, dating is a fiery hell of confusion and torment, and I hate it, but you've got to get your stories from somewhere.
- Go to lock ins at pubs that keep you up until 8am talking about everything and nothing, and end in you making out with a good friend and asking him if he thinks one day he'll marry you (don't ask.)
- Allow yourself to feel it all. Even if it hurts sometimes.
For good measure, here is what not to do. Because a quarter life crisis can be a hella bitch, and things can get a little bit dramatic when you let it take over your days:
- Don't wake up still drunk from a heavy night out, get out of bed, and go and get exactly half of your hair removed on a whim, simply because you woke up next to a friend, and he was asleep on your hair, and in your drunken state you thought 'hey that's annoying, better not let that happen again!'
- Don't let a man treat you badly simply because you're sad, and he tells you he loves you. Remember actions speak louder than words. Don't be a fool.
- Don't spend every penny you have on ALL the wine. But feel free to spend the majority of it. As long as you can pay your rent and you don't wake up dead, you'll be fine...
And, last but not least, a quarter life crisis survival kit:
- Your best friend (you'll need her often)
- Waterproof mascara (because cry face)
- Wine (ALL of it)
Now, ladies and gentlemen (do any guys read this? I'm not so sure...) I am off to drink ALL the wine. Not because I need it, but because I want it. And because going through all of this has taught me many valuable life lessons, one of which is the value of quality time with people I love. And that usually involves wine.
Here's to survival. (And wine.)
Cheers!
Related: How to Survive, Pt. 1 (about being heartbroken) | How to Survive, Pt. 2 (about getting over it)
Not related: Cute pictures of animals to cheer you up, you soppy mess, you.