I’ve had my fair share of interactions with little people (aka kids) that can’t ever seem to agree or go with the flow.
We’ve all seen that child in the mall or grocery store, talking back to their parent or guardian about what they want (or don’t want) to do. For extra theatrical effect, they may throw themselves on the ground and flail about like a fish on the dock. Perhaps you have one of those kids?
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Experts say that pushback from kids may not be such a bad thing. Now follow me for a minute – animals act in “play fighting” as youngsters to learn skills needed to hunt and capture their pray. I know, most people these days don’t need to hunt for their food. Rather, they need to use verbal skills negotiate in personal and professional settings. Examples of this include staying safe (like saying no to drugs) and justifying a pay raise.
So in theory, your kids are practicing on you to be successful adults later in life. And experts agree. Joseph P. Allen, a Psychologist, states, “We tell parents to think of those arguments not as a nuisance but as a critical training ground.”
At the most basic level, when kids push back at authority, they are trying to exert some level of control over their decisions. They are just practicing a life skill. Isn’t it better that a child isn’t just blindly following the crowd or peer pressure and thinking on their own?
What’s important to note is the way they do it and reason why they push back.
Children should challenge their parents and peers with respect, not as a temper tantrum. They should communicate when the time is appropriate and understand that there may be consequences for their actions. There also is an element of compromise, as life is never as easy as saying, “Yes” or “No.” Clinical Psychologist, Kelly M. Flanagan, encourages parents to teach their kids to say “No.”
Our families are where we first learn how to say “No” in a safe, supportive environment. If we don’t learn to do so there, we won’t learn to do so anywhere. If our children can’t say “No” to us, they won’t say it to anyone.
As parent or caregiver, allowing children to express their thoughts, opinions and feelings, is a great way to show support of their individual, and sometimes complicated, bouncy journey. Here’s a time where my parents supported my decision to rebut a claim at a young age:
I can recall a time in 7th grade when I had to turn in a book report. The instructions given by the teacher had been something like: Complete your paper, with a minimum of 850 words, and double line spacing.
At that time in my life, I was extremely conscience of wasting paper, and in an effort to save a page, decided to make my line spacing 1.5 instead of 2. When papers were graded and returned, mine came back with a “92” grade (or B+) on it with an explanation in red that said, “Your paper was extremely well written; however, it did not meet the length requirement.”
I questioned my teacher and came to find out she assumed that since the report was 6 pages (and not 7), I hadn’t met the requirement. My mouth dropped. I had in fact, written more than 850 words (something like 927), so how dare she say it was too short??!
In tears, I brought the paper home to my parents and explained why I was in such despair. My mom listened and offered this solution, “Well, if you’re right, think about what you want to say to your teacher and have proof to back up your claim.”
So I made my report have 2 line spacing, reprinted it (so much for saving paper), and politely brought it to her attention by comparing the length of version #1 and version #2. And what do you know, my grade was changed from a 92 to 98.
My mother had retained authority (as I came to her for advice), but allowed me to make the decision to stand up to my teacher, and devise a reasonable way to prove and execute my claim.
So the next time your child doesn’t want to do a chore, or complains about XYZ, take a breath and ask, “OK, is there some other chore you’d prefer to do? Any when will you be able to complete this chore.”
Giving them the ability to find a solution to a problem is a great way to redirect the energy, and still keep the house clean 
Photo by swong95765 
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