Okay Girls.
It's Bachelorette time.
And to be honest, I'm part THRILLED and part DEVASTATED that we are about to go on this journey together. Sigh.
I will say that in the first 5 minutes of the show I am mildly intrigued because Andi manages to show us several really cute outfits!
A black power suit.
A yellow dress with a dark denim jacket and wedges.
Dark denim jeans with a light denim shirt, a cognac belt, and some nude wedges.
Jeans with a sheer white top (found it, it's Free People HERE and on sale!)
White jeans with a bright orange shell and a black blazer.
And ALWAYS with the MK large faced gold watch.
Love it.
Even if this season bites, at least we'll get to see some cute outfits!
I am happy to report that her Large Gold MK Runway watch that I was so worried about last season when she was wearing it under the waterfall, seems to be alive and tickin'! She was wearing it in several of the shots during the first several minutes of the show. Whew!
Several things before we really get into it.
1)
I would like to write an open letter to the powers that be at ABC.
Dear ABC Execs,
I rather enjoyed the 1 1/2 hour show this week, as opposed to the regular 2 hour show that too often just seems like a long slow death to me.
90 minutes is PLENTY O' TIME to go on this journey.
If you would kindly take this into consideration, I America would be forever grateful.
Hugs and Kisses,
Sheaffer
2)
Another quick note to the Bachelor Producers.
Provide more alcohol to the guys before their first meeting.
Also it might be fun to not let them eat.
Yes, I think hungry and drunk could be the perfect formula to kick up these meetings a notch. Or 7.
3)
I'm sure most of you DVR the show and don't watch the commercials...so I feel like it is my public duty to inform you that Desiree was in some sort of Suave infomercial during one of the commercial breaks.
She and this hair guy talked about her wedding hair.
It was slightly painful.
4)
Andi declares in her opening package that she could be engaged by the summer.
Andi.
Tap the breaks.
You might want to meet the guys first.
Speaking of!
It's time to start the PARADE OF TOOLS GUYS.
(And no, not all of them are tools. But some of them are. There's no denying that.)
Okay. HERE WE GO.
It shows some of the guys inside of their limos, and I already see a common theme emerging.
On Desiree's season (I think it was Desiree's anyway), it was the brightly colored tank top and deep v-neck that kept appearing.
And on this season, I already see that these guys seem to love gingham.
Hey, I get it. I love gingham too.
#whodoesn'tlovegingham
#nobody
Guy #1.
Marcus from Dallas. 25. Sports Medicine Manager.
First guy out of the limo and we have a hottie people!
And, I'd like to point out that Andi goes ahead and asserts that she's "a hugger".
He says "I have a lot to give and offer" and seems genuine and actually not cheesy at all.
Andi responds to this by saying "Okay!"
AND LET THE RECORD SHOW YOUR HONOR....this is about the 1st of 76,000 times she says "okay" during the show, WHICH I FIND ODD...considering she blasted Huhwahan for
saying "It's Okay".
Andi.
Don't make me tally mark your "okays". I'm not afraid.
Guy #2.
Chris from Iowa. 32. Farmer.
Let's all agree that Chris is nice enough, but Andi doesn't seem like the kind of gal who will live on a farm and be an hour and a half from the closest mall. Or grocery store.
It's okay Andy.
I'm not that kind of girl either.
Guy #3.
JJ from San Fransisco. 30. He's a Pantsapreneur.
Um, WHAT?
This is what I can gather...he's an entrepreneur....trying to market a new fangled thing called pants.
Yeah...we've been there and done that JJ. Everybody knows and love pants.
Still, I think he might be pretty likeable. After he takes the suspenders off of course.
He does say that "he feels giddy inside" and "is excited to kick of this love quest."
Um, no. Just no.
And....can you figure out who he looks like?
I'm going to give you a second.
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Bill Nye The Science Guy.
(I wish I would have thought of this myself, but I've got to give the credit to Allison.
Shout out Allison!)
Seriously. Put a lab coat on JJ and hand him a beaker, and you wouldn't know the difference.
Guy #4.
Marquel from Las Vegas. 26. Sponsorship Salesman.
And our first LOVER OF GINGHAM.
Later in the night Marquel has a cookie tasting with Andi.
He pulls out a black and white cookie and tells her to look to the cookie.
Man, I love a good Seinfeld reference.
Guy #5.
Tasos from Denver, Co. 30. He's a wedding event coordinator.
He brings a lock for them to put it on a gate, like people do at that famous bridge (that I think is in Paris). Andi thought it was cute.
Guy #6.
Cody from Chicago. 28. Personal trainer.
His schtick is that he pushes the limo up the driveway.
But here's what stands out in my mind about him.
His suit confuses me. And his suit jacket collar is popped.
#putdownthecollarcody
#andmaybechangeyourname
Guy #7.
Steven from California. 28. Snowboard Product Developer.
He was "stoked" to be there.
Guy #8.
Rudie from California. 31. Attorney.
I'm staring at him because I think he looks like somebody, but I can't quite put my finger on it.
And then I realize!
He looks like the Beav.
Now wait.
He looks like Peter Brady.
HOLD. UP.
It's Donny Osmond. He looks like Donny Osmond!
Guy #9.
Carl from Fort Lauderdale. 30. Firefighter.
Carl loves some gingham too. But he decided to contain his gingham love to his tie.
Well played Carl.
You don't want to let your gingham all hang out too soon.
Guy #10.
Jason from Wisconson. 35. Urgent Care Physician.
Here's the thing Jason. You're a doctor. And doctors don't have bobs.
I'm pretty sure that's in the curriculum for first year med students.
He tells her that because he's a doctor he can tell things about her by just looking at her.
He thinks she might have a fever because she "looks really hot."
And then Andi gives him the courtesy laugh of all courtesy laughs.
Guy #11.
Nick from Chicago. 33. Software Sales Executive.
I'm immediately confused because he looks pretty dang similar to Rudie.
And The Beav.
And Peter.
And Donnie.
Guy #12.
Dylan from Boston.. 26. Accountant.
He was incredibly nervous, and I thought it was cute.
Guy #13.
Patrick from Newport Beach. 29. Advertising Executive.
That's all I got.
Guy #14.
Emil from Costa Mesa, California. 33. Helicopter Pilot.
In case you don't know how to pronounce his name, don't you worry, he'll help you out with that.
"It's Anal with an M."
No Joke. That's what he said.
Thanks for that Anal with an M.
And thank you mom and dad for not naming me Anal with an M.
p.s.
I'm pretty sure there's something written in the Bachelor handbook that outlines the fact that if you say "anal" during first introductions that you get immediately disqualified.
#don'teversayanal
If it's not in the Bachelor handbook, it should be.
And while we're on the subject, this little "never say anal" piece of advice doesn't just apply to reality t.v. It's a lesson that can be applied in real life too.
That's just a little life nugget from me to you. Take it an apply it.
You're welcome.
Guy #15.
Brett from Pennsylvania. 29. Hairstylist.
I think THANK HEAVENS!
A HAIRSTYLIST!
I immediately start dreaming of a night at the mansion in the not so distant future where too much Zima, a set of clippers, and a double dog dare from one of the guys results in an impromptu beauty shop situation.
I'm looking at you Dr. Long Hair, Snow Boarder Steven, and the other guy with the long hair who you will meet in a minute.
Brett steps out of the limo, and there is a sudden change in the music.
That is ABC's away of alerting us that something is about to happen.
Is it something good?
Is it something bad?
Neither really. It's just something dumb.
He steps out of the limo with a lamp, and I immediately think "I LOVE LAMP."
And apparently so does everybody else on social media.
It was probably trending.
So yes. He comes out of the limo with a lamp.
It COULD have been funny.
But alas, it wasn't.
Brett crashed and burned.
There was no follow through with his lamp bit.
Brett, if you are going to bring a lamp out of the limo YOU HAVE TO COMMIT.
I would like to commend the editing team though.
The music they put under this whole meeting was hilarious.
Guy #16.
Craig from Denver. 29. Tax Accountant.
He hops out of the limo and starts spraying champagne all over the already glistening driveway.
Clean up on aisle 7.
I immediately like Craig. Not really because I think he's the perfect match for Andi (because I have no idea), but because Craig I've got a feeling that Carl is going to make the cocktail parties FUN.
Craig seems a little over-eager, and I'm thinking that when you combine over-eager with a gin and tonic, FIREWORKS PEOPLE.
#somebodygetthismanaginandtonic
Guy #17.
Ron from Memphis. 28. Beverage Sales Manager.
We've got another gingham lover.
*lavendarginghamforthewin
Guy #18.
Bradley from Missouri. 32. Opera Singer.
Yes, he is an opera singer.
#buh-bye
Guy #19.
Josh from Denver. 29. Telecommunication Marketer.
#joshlovesginghamtoo
Seems like a regular guy. Super sweet and easy to talk to.
Guy #20.
Nick from Florida. 27. Pro Golfer.
He toots up on a golf cart.
My first impression is that he's exactly like a guy I went to high school with.
He's that guy from high school (you all remember him) that's cute enough (but not super cute), but all of the girls LOVED him because he was JUST. SO. MUCH. FUN.
Tell me that you all didn't think of that exact guy from your high school.
I bet 9/10 of you have a name floating around in your head right now.
Every school has THAT guy.
Guy #21.
Brian from Pennsylvania. 27. Basketball Coach.
Again, seems like a regular guy that's cute and genuine.
He admits to tying his tie like 6 times because of nerves.
Guy #22.
Andrew from California. 30. Social Media Marketer.
#ginghamrocks
Guy #23.
Mike from Utah. 29. Bartender.
He has a nickname that he shares with her. People call him Camps.
There's no way this guy is getting a rose.
Guy #24.
Eric from California. 31. Explorer.
Eric is the young man who died in a tragic hang gliding accident after he left filming, and he seems so sweet, so normal, and just like an all-around great guy.
He forget to tell her his name, and when she asked his name he had such a cute reaction.
He seems amazing. And he has dimples for days. SO cute.
It breaks my heart for his friends and family.
Guy #25.
Josh from Atlanta, Georgia. 29. Former pro-baseball player.
Gosh this Josh has some seriously white teeth. And again, we've got dimples.
So, now I see two season themes emerging this season.
#gingham
#dimples
SO THAT'S IT FOR THE INTROS!
TIME TO HEAD INTO THE MANSION!
It's late, and I'm fading, so I'm going to make this short.
She loves the pro-baseball player.
Pink Shirt hosts his cookie tasting.
Wait? What's going on? There's more crazy music playing in the background so we now know that we are all being alerted that something is up.
Chris Bukowski shows up and makes his case for the fact that he needs to meet Andi.
You guys remember Chris?
You don't, well, here's a little refresher.
The security guard with his tiny little braids is SO OVER Chris B. and his shenanigans.
Seriously. Look at his face.
Harrison goes and tells Andi that Chris B. is a party-crasher and dying to meet her.
As soon as she can put a face to the name, she's all "No thank you".
I think Andi made the "right" decision, but I would have LOVED Chris being in the house.
The only guy I would have turned away faster?
This guy.
While Harrison is out kicking Bukowski to the curb, two of the guys in the mansion are falling in love. With each other. They have "so much in common" and a full fledged romance is starting to develop right before our eyes.
The opera guy is singing .Weird.
Marcus speaks Polish.
Who goes home?
Dr. Long Hair
Anal with an M
The Beav Peter Brady Donny Rudie
I'm so stoked Steven
Camps
Bitter Party of 1 (a.k.a Josh)
Pack your bags boys. It's time to get up on outta here.
And I don't know if this is true, but I hear that Harrison slipped the limo driver a $20 and told him to just go ahead and swing by Pro-Cuts on the way to the airport.
And then there were 19.
I would like to leave you with some questions:
1)
Why is that guy's nickname Camps?
I feel like an explanation was needed.
2)
Are we all scared of Chris Bukowski, or is that just me?
3)
Do you suddenly feel a deep desire to add a gingham shirt to your closet?
Come back next week for Episode 2!!!
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All right ladies...if you made it through the recap, you should reward yourself with a little shopping. Lucky for you, there are still lots of great deals to be had.
My new favorite wedges are on sale again! (Pay no attention to the April date in the pic below, they are on sale again!)
Click HERE!
$77.40 and FREE SHIPPING AND RETURNS!
Here they are on me! Love.
LOFT is 40% OFF your ENTIRE PURCHASE again!
AND you can get the Cash Cards! With every $50 you spend, you can get TWO $25 LOFT cash cards. So basically, you can shop for 40% off today, and you can shop for 50% off later!
Click HERE to shop the entire sale.
Click HERE for my shorts that I love!
These run big, so order down. For size reference, I'm wearing a 2.
And I found my top! Thanks Kim for the heads up on how to find it!
Click HERE for my top. For size reference, I'm wearing a small.
(Sorry, the necklace was from years ago from LOFT.)
If you're new here and didn't see my post on Wednesday, you need to click HERE.
I have lots of picks on that post from the incredible Nordstrom anniversary sale, including the following jacket which has to be my favorite.
The Rubbish Military Jacket is now $26.98.
SHUT THE FRONT DOOR.
I know.
You might have already seen or heard about this (because I've done everything but rent a plane to sky write it across the sky, but this jacket is awesome.
It comes in 5 colors.
AND IT'S SO FLIPPING CUTE.
And I don't know if you heard, BUT IT'S $26.98.
Click HERE for the jacket.
This one is a bit longer than my other military jackets and has a REALLY COOL collar!!!!!
It also comes in black and a wine color!
Pay attention to the collar in the shot on the right.
It can be open like in the pictures in the khaki jacket above, but it can also be cinched up (there's a draw string inside the collar) and it's DARLING all cinched up.
Click HERE.
Again, for size reference, I'm wearing a small.
If you already have a green military jacket and don't think it's practical to add another one to your closet (for the record, you're wrong)...but if you like the jacket and just don't want it to be green, YOU'RE IN LUCK!
It also comes in black and navy.
Click HERE.
And a couple more of my favorites from Wednesday's post.
Do you see my heels?
OOH. LA. LA.
And guess what? They aren't just HOT, they are COMFY!
No lie. They are the most comfy heels I've ever owned.
And my friend Jeni wore THESE to girl's night last night.
She was wearing yellow shorts, a white v-neck, and THESE sandals.
And I'm telling you, DARLING.
They made her regular ol' t-shirt and shorts look AMAZING!
I wouldn't have given them a second thought if I wouldn't have seen her in them.
But DANG. After seeing her in them, I'm not sure I can resist their siren song.
Okay, so it's Friday at 3:00 p.m. and I'm just now adding this next information.
I went to Nordstrom this morning and tried on several of the on sale shoes.
And I LOVED these next three.
I was planning on posting them on Monday, but when I got home I got scared they might sell out over the weekend in the popular sizes. So, here you go!
nude with gold cuff HERE
saddle with brass studs HERE
brass with gold cuff HERE
Now, for your shopping ease, I threw some more of my favorite SALE ITEMS
into these handy dandy little tools.
Just scroll through click what you are interested in!
ACCESSORIES
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SHOES
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BAGS
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DRESSES
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PANTS / JEANS / SHORTS / SKIRTS
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TOPS
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OUTER LAYERS
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SWIMSUITS
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And one more time, click HERE to see my original post with picks in case you missed it!
Or just click HERE to shop the entire sale.
It's broken down into categories and easy to sort through all of the goods
HAPPY FRIDAY EVERYBODY!!!!!!!
XOXO,
SHEAFFER :)