“If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it’s not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever” – Dalai Lama
One of my former lecturers at the bogus nursing college used to say “don’t live your life in the fast lane, life will humble you dear”. He always told his female students that line. His words reverberated in my ears as I stood in the belly of the sitting room looking at Alex in the eyes. I was waiting for him to tell me he was just pulling my leg. I couldn’t believe a guy who promised me heaven and earth was the one kicking me out like a dog. It was supposed to be the best day of my life because I was moving to my own flat. I was going to be Miss Independent. I went “no Alex, you can’t do this to me. You promised you will take care of me. You promised you will buy me whatever I wanted. Is this your way of taking care of me? Please don’t do this to me babe. I love you very much. I will do whatever you want”. When you are in such situations you will say things you don’t mean just to twist the person’s heart. He didn’t seem to care. He was like “please don’t make this difficult Sharon. You and I had fun and it’s over now. Maybe you should go date boys your age. What were you thinking sleeping with a guy my age? I have a wife and God has shown me the way. Satan is using people like you to break happy marriages. I love my wife and I want to give my all to our marriage. Please bring back my card and the flat key. I can call cops if I want”. Yho nigger was serious. I could see by the look on his face that he meant business. Even when I shed tears he did not move emotionally. He wanted me out at all costs. I looked at the girl he was with and went “my sister, can I share the flat with you until I find something? There is no way I am gonna find a place this time of the month. I can’t go back to Phillip Nel Park because….well uhm ja. Please hle ngwana mma”. She looked at me like I was someone who just escaped from a psychiatric hospital. I almost said “nnyamao le marama nkare lerete la phukubje”. That’s how pissed I was at her for ignoring me.
When the begging failed I decided to implement stage 2. I reminded Alex of the video and pictures of him I had in my phone. He didn’t look disturbed. He told me to go ahead and publish them on social media. He was daring me. I went “I won’t publicise them if you give me what I want”. He took out his phone and showed me something. It was a picture of my mom naked. For a second I thought I was dreaming. Alex was like “you are not the only one with insurance hey. Now I know where you got your bitchism from. Like mother like daughter”. I wondered how my mom’s picture got in his phone. Imagine seeing a naked picture of your mom in a phone of a man you are riding. That was it, I admitted he won. I didn’t get along with my mom but I loved her. There was no way I was gonna risk her picture going viral on the net. I had to think for my brother. He told me he found the picture in Marcus’ phone. Mxm some mothers are a disgrace. What kind of a mom sends nudes at that age? My mom didn’t want to grow. She was an enemy of progress. I asked Alex if we can talk in private. He told me private or no private, his mind was made up. He asked the girl to give us privacy. I locked the door and took off my top. I squeezed my boobs and went “so you don’t want this anymore? Are you sure you don’t wanna suck them anymore?”. I was looking at his pants as I did that. I could see a tent gradually developing and smiled. Men will always be men and they don’t have capacity to say no to sex. He closed his eyes and went “God my Father, please deliver me from temptation. I am your son, the one who is trying to repent. Please take this evil away from me. I am trying to be a new man here. I want to be born again. In the name of the mighty Jesus, Amen”. The more he prayed was the more his tent became bigger and bigger. A dick has a mind of its own. It does not give a damn about prayers. Niggers get hard ons even at church. They look at a hot pastor’s wife and the dick goes booooom.
Alex unlocked the door and told me to leave. When a guy rejects a girl like me you must know he is fed up. I wasn’t your average girl. My sexy body game was fleek. I know they say you can’t blow your horn but fu*k, mine deserved a BJ. I gave him the keys and card. I took my bags and walked back to the RR’s car. RR was playing Solly Moholo’s music and dancing like nobody’s business. People were taking videos and he didn’t care. I loved how energetic he was. However, I couldn’t risk going to his car because I didn’t wanna appear in his dancing video. When he saw me he went “mmamoruti e tla re bine. Koša ye e dira atchar maan (come dance with me. This song rocks). Hayi haaak….”. I asked him to switch off the music. I wanted his fans to leave. He asked me why I was coming back with my bags. I got in the car and started crying. Normally when a girl is crying a gentleman will offer her something to wipe her tears. RR was not that type. He shook my shoulder and went “o na le matepe mmarena. O llela eng? O tshwere ke tlala (you love crying. Why are you crying? Are you hungry)?”. I didn’t respond to his questions. I just continued crying. I was hurting inside. It was difficult to accept that Alex of all people could treat me that way. My life was messed. These sugar daddies are ruthless. They think they can toy with our hearts and dump us just like that. I developed evil hatred for Alex and all older men. RR got out of the car. I asked where he was going and he went “I am going to buy you spatlho. Sello nyana se ke sa tlala. Ke a bona gore o tšhaba go apa. Ska warra, ke tla o rekela spatlho on the rocks (I am going to buy you a bunny chow. I can see you are afraid to talk. Don’t worry, I will buy you a bunny chow on the rocks)”. Even when you are hurt and paining people like RR will always make you wanna suspend your cry and laugh. He said things that only him could say. I thought he was joking until he started walking towards the direction of House 22. I was glad he left because it gave me a chance to make few calls. I called Nightie and told him what I needed a place to stay. He asked why. I told him my landlord got rid of me because of some disagreement we had. I didn’t wanna tell him his father was the one who kicked me out like a dog.
Nigger told me there was nothing he could do because he stayed with his baby mama. Mxm niggers will only want you when they want to get laid. When you need help they will tell you about their ugly baby mamas. I called JT and her phone was off. I called Skhosana and told him I needed a place to stay. He was like “do I look like Mma Stene (Land lady)? I want nothing to do with you. Remember what you said to me the last time I saw you? I am done with you and your mom”. He hung up on me. I called couple of people but none of them wanted to help. When days are dark friends are cows. I had no choice but to call Marcus. I told him I didn’t have a place to stay. He went “you are a big girl. That is what you said to me earlier. “I am a big girl and the jungle won’t swallow me. I will survive out there”. Those are your exact words. Now go and survive somewhere because I am done with you. You took advantage of my bounteousness”. He hung up on me. I used my FNB app to check my bank balance. The money I had wasn’t enough to survive for the rest of the month. I couldn’t afford to book in. I regretted not blowing Alex’s moola when I had a chance. In places like Sunnyside and surrounding areas it’s difficult to find a place to stay in the middle of a month. I called Oupa and he told me his ugly baby mama from Tembisa had moved in. They wanted to raise their kid together. I almost called Nobuhle and Thobile but my pride said no. I was desperate but still had a little bit of my pride. My last resort was moving in with RR in Diepsloot. That thought made me wanna commit suicide. I would probably be the only yellow bone in that area. While sitting there thinking what move to execute next, someone’s name appeared in my mind. I knew she wouldn’t say no. I immediately made a call to her. I didn’t even have to lie because she was a hoe herself. She had probably been in my situation before. I made a call to her. She answered with “hello chomza wa ka o mo pila. How are you Shazyonce?”. I didn’t have time to waste. I told Pulane the whole story. She was like “I once told you Marcus is ruthless and you didn’t believe me. He once slept with me and told me to leave his house immediately after coming. Just imagine, at 2am chomza”. I was not interested in what Marcus did to her, I just wanted a place to stay. She told me I could move in with her until month end. I was so happy and relieved. I was happy I didn’t have to move in with RR. I called RR to ask where he was. He told me he was walking back to the car. Nigger had bought me chips and ultramel. He went “ke romantic neh? We will eat together….or kanjani mmarena?”. I laughed out loud. I asked him to drop me at Tambotie. I hated the place but when you are desperate for a place to stay any place is a ‘Sandton’. RR wanted to play Solly Moholo again but I told him to play a different song. He played King Monada’s Ska bhora moreki and started dancing with his head while driving. I directed him to Tambotie. When we got there I called Pulane to come help me with the bags. They helped me to take the bags to Pulane’s place. RR whispered “tell your friend a nnyobise nyana. Ke omile strong (tell your frind to give me some. I have a hard on)”. Lol I didn’t have words for him. Around 11am RR told me he was leaving because he had to prepare for church. As soon as he left I took a nap. I just wanted to rest my mind. I woke up around 4pm. Pulane was wearing one of my favourite dresses. I got so pissed ….but then remembered I was staying at her place. She probably did it deliberately because she knew I was desperate. I told her she looked beautiful and she said thanks. She told me to take a bath because we had visitors. I told her I was not in a mood for visitors. She literally forced me to bath. I felt like a kid. After bathing she chose what I should wear….some mini dress. After getting dressed up she made a call. Within 10 minutes some 2 big guys came. I could tell by their accent that they were not South African. They were either Cameroonian or Naija. They didn’t waste time, they wanted to touch me and I went “don’t you dare touch me with your filthy hands”. I told Pulane to tell her visitors to play away from me. She grabbed me to the side and went:
“How are we gonna pay rent and buy groceries if you are behaving like a kid? Come, just go with the flow. You won’t die”
WTF x100……
THE END
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LETTERS SECTION
Dear Sharon,
I am from Limpopo and moved to Joburg 4 years ago to look for a job after completing my college qualification. I was renting a room until I met some gorgeous Xhosa lady. We fell in love from day one. After 6 months of dating she asked me to move in with her because she was staying alone at the house her late parents left for her. All her sisters were married. I agreed because even before I moved in I slept there 5 days a week. She is working at one of those R2500 a month jobs. 4 months after moving in she asked me to extend the house. Because I was under the impression we were going to get married, I used my money to extend the house. I didn’t mind, especially since she was pregnant with our baby. Her sisters loved and treated me like the man of the house whenever they visited. My mother was against it from day one but I told her I was happy. 7 months after our baby was born I lost my job. The first few months were cool. She gave me all the support I needed. Problem started when we finished my provident fund money. Her attitude changed. She started disrespecting me and sometimes calling her sisters to come gang up on me. I feel like a walking statue in a house I helped to build. I can’t tell my mom because I know what she will say. I don’t know what to do. Please help me.
Kind regards,
Matome