If someone you know has been diagnosed with cancer, you’ll know that the news can hit family and friends hard too. That’s why, last week, we held a live webchat for anyone with a loved one with cancer.
Teresa, a specialist nurse from the Macmillan Support Line, answered questions on subjects like the emotional effects of supporting someone with cancer, getting practical support and physical activity for people living with cancer.
Here are all the questions and answers from the chat.
If you giving any kind of support to loved one with cancer, you will find lots more helpful information on the carers section of our website. If you would like to talk to a nurse like Teresa one-to-one, you can also call our free Macmillan Support Line on 0808 808 0000 (Monday-Friday, 9am-8pm).
My husband was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukaemia in August 2011. He began maintenance phase about six weeks ago. He got an infection and was in hospital for a week. He has been out for nearly five weeks, but continues to have vomiting and diarrhoea. His bloods are at an all-time low. He sees his consultant again tomorrow, but I am demented with worry that the leukaemia is back. He is also having night sweats, losing weight and has an itchy rash nearly all over. He is 59.
It’s understandable to feel this way. However, it’s not unusual for symptoms to continue for some time following treatment. You may want to share your concerns with your husband's specialist tomorrow, but you may also find it helpful to call and speak to our team on the Macmillan Support Line (0808 808 0000) so we can talk through your worries with you more.
We also have some tips on our website on how to manage sweating and itching, which might help your husband, and also some information on diarrhoea.
You sound like you’re doing an amazing job of supporting your husband, but it’s important to remember to look after yourself, too. Have a read of our webpage on looking after yourself.
Is there an email link that can be used to contact a nurse if I’m not up to chatting?
Yes, you can do so here: www.macmillan.org.uk/HowWeCanHelp/TalkToUs/AskMacmillanForm.
Is there any help for carers?
Was there any particular type of help you were looking for? For example, emotional support, practical help, financial support?
Someone to talk to, more than anything.
You can give our team a call on our free Support Line (0808 808 0000, Monday-Friday, 9am-8pm) – they are there to listen, as well as to give practical information.
You might also find it helpful to join our Online Community. We have a Carers group where you can share your feelings and get support from others who are also supporting a loved one with cancer.
My dad was diagnosed with lung cancer and a brain tumour in September. He's undergone radiotherapy but is too weak for chemotherapy at the moment. He hasn't been advised how to build himself up for the chemo, can you advise?
He was on steroids but he’s winding down on those. His feet have swollen up quite badly so he's unable to walk much more than a few steps (early September he was still playing two rounds of golf per week so has really deteriorated fast). He's eating well but looks very pale and is so tired all the time. Is there anything he can do or take to help strengthen himself up?
Building up someone's diet is one way to help to build someone's strength. There’s some information on a building-up diet on our website.
We also have information on physical activity which can help you to work out some safe and suitable activities for your Dad.
Also, are there any online support groups for families? My mum is being amazing and I have friends to talk to but don't have a partner and would really appreciate being able to talk to people in a similar position to me.
We have a Carers group on the Online Community. You could also have a look at our website to find support groups in your area and you might also find Carers UK helpful - they provide information and advice about caring, alongside practical and emotional support for carers.
All the support groups in my area seem to be for patients. How can I find out if there are any groups for family members? I'm so scared I won't cope with what’s coming my way.
I am so sorry to read this, it sounds like it has been very distressing for you all. Perhaps you need some support for yourself. I feel you may benefit from talking this over with one our nurses on the helpline and we will be able to give you more time and explore ways to help support yourself.
Is it possible to call Macmillan for some guidance on how to deal with family feuds during my husband's battle with a brain tumour?
I’m so sorry to hear that you are dealing with a family feud on top of your husband’s brain tumour. Yes, of course, you can phone and chat to us on 0808 808 0000.
I’m caring for my wife and was wondering if there is emotional support, which I need after having a stroke. My emotions are all over the place and I find it hard to cope with mine and my wife’s at the same time.
You can call our Support Line (0808 808 0000) for support from our team or try the Carers group on the Online Community for support from others who understand what you’re going through.
Or, if you would prefer to speak to someone face-to-face, you might prefer to have a look at our webpage on support groups. They can be the perfect place to speak openly in a confidential environment, meet new people and share experiences.
You might find the section on emotions on our website useful.
My mum has anal cancer, she has tried radiotherapy but had to stop due to two previous bowel resections it caused her bowel to obstruct. She has ruled out surgery as it is very very drastic. A week after stopping radiotherapy she tried to take her own life, then she contracted pneumonia so all in all its been a cycle of immense emotions. She is home now and having support from Macmillan, but my dad, my brother and I are not so good. I can't sleep, I'm horrible all of the time – help!
I’m really sorry to hear about your mum. You may find it helpful to read some of information about the emotions experienced by carers and families.
Carers Direct has lots of information that may be helpful for you and your family, including an online course about caring with confidence.
Is it unfair of me as a carer to want some time at home on my own? I manage to get out to catch up with family, but find it hard to raise the issue of needing some time at home for a couple of days.
I’m really sorry to hear you don’t have any time for yourself. It’s essential, as a carer, to recognise your own needs and it is certainly not unfair to want some time on your own. You may want to consider using respite care to give yourself a break – take a look at our respite care page for more information.
In addition, Carers Trust can help you find a trained support worker who might be able to come into the home to take over responsibilities for a certain period of time to give you a break. (They have a network of local and independent charities across England and Wales so funding and services may vary.)
You might like to have a read of our webpage about the emotions that can affect carers.
In the last couple of years I’ve lost two brothers and two sisters to this evil cancer. I had breast cancer and had a mastectomy. I think its going to come back and take me, so should I be monitored more? My breast nurse just told me only if I get symptoms, but my brothers and sisters had symptoms and then were told it’s too far gone. I’ve had counselling but it ended after eight weeks. It seems I’m just waiting for it to return. Why should I survive when my siblings didn’t?
I am so sorry to hear of your loss and your own situation. I can only imagine how distressing this is for you. I really feel you would benefit more from calling us on 0808 808 0000 and having some time to talk about your individual situation.
My dad was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer in August. He has gone through his chemotherapy and awaiting his operation in January. What support is available to my dad and also my mum? I try to support them as much as I can but they are difficult conversations.
I wonder if your dad has a specialist nurse at the hospital? Your dad may have been introduced to a key nurse that specialises in his particular type of cancer? If so, this would be a really good source of support for him.
There is also an organisation called the Oesophageal Patient's Association that may be of help. Macmillan also provides a range of booklets for carers that you can order for free.
If they might like some more support in person, they might want to visit one of our cancer info and support centres. Some offer counselling, and self help and support groups.
My husband has just weeks to live. He doesn't know the prognosis and does not want to know. He is at home and is bed-bound so must have some idea. The thing is, we have always been honest with our children (11 and 14) until now. I want them to know so they can make the most of the time and also understand how I am feeling but as my husband does not know I am completely confused. All this, on top of knowing I am going to lose him, caring for him, working and bringing up the two boys - I feel like I am going mad! Any advice would be good!
I am so sorry to read that you are having such a distressing time and can understand why you are finding it so difficult to manage everyone's needs. You may find our information on talking to children about cancer helpful. We also have some information about working while caring for someone with cancer.
I wonder if you have spoken with your husband about being honest with the children? You may find it helpful to call us on our Support Line and talk this over with one of the nurses.
My sister has terminal cancer and we have been told she only had months about seven weeks ago. The nurse has given her steroids about two weeks ago - this has boosted her, but when will they stop working?
I am sorry to read about your sister. It’s difficult say exactly when the steroids will no longer be of benefit - the time people stay on steroids tends to vary. It’s good to hear that they have boosted her for the moment. I wonder if your sister has a Macmillan Nurse or palliative care nurse who can offer help with symptom control, emotional support and what to expect?
How do I find out if my brother is seeing the best specialist for his cancer?
All cancer specialists work within a cancer centre. Your brother should be referred to the specialist who is most appropriate for him, who works at a hospital where there is cancer centre. Most large hospitals will have a cancer centre. The specialist may be a surgeon, cancer specialist (oncologist) or other specialist, depending on your brother’s situation. Each cancer centre will have oncologists that specialises in a particular area of the body. He can ask the doctor about their area of experience.
Macmillan is not able to recommend cancer specialists. However, your brother may find this information about finding a specialist useful. It has websites of where you can find details of UK specialists.
More useful links
Feelings and emotions when caring for someone with cancer.
Coping with feelings and emotions when caring for someone with cancer.
The Young Carers website – for young people supporting someone with cancer.
Carers may face financial costs when they are caring for someone with cancer. Information about financial help for carers can help relieve some of the stress carers can feel.