Energy! This week, we took a deep dive into what inspires, motivates, and strengthens us to live our values. Our call began with a genuine ‘How are you?’ by Pranidhi. Feeling inspired by how everyone practiced intentional listening throughout the week, she wanted to offer the opportunity to be listened to. One of the gems from this round of sharing was Amit’s story of accidentally dinging another car while opening his door. He was going back and forth trying to decide what to do and ultimately chose to leave a note on the other person’s car with all his information. Noticing competing voices in his mind, he cleared the noise within, stepped into the other person’s shoes, and found that it actually took more energy NOT to do the right thing. Weighing all the options, excuses, and rationales was a big energy expenditure. Once he left the note, he actually felt calmer. Though the driver whose car he dinged was upset during their initial phone call, he then followed up with an email thanking Amit for his honesty :)
Jacob had a similar experience this week when a camper dropped a pot full of dirt and also scattered his belongings from his backpack on the ground. Initially, Jacob felt some resistance toward helping him because this specific camper wasn’t his responsibility but he decided to help him after all, simply because he could. Afterward, he felt a warm fuzzy feeling inside.
As a result of both of these stories, we talked about what compels us to act at certain times, and not at others. The bystander effect came up, as well as the importance of community. Audrey commented that during one of her meditations this week, she almost stopped partway through but then kept going because she asked herself, WWTCD? (What would the circle do? ;))
Saheli stepped out of her comfort zone this week by talking to other people more, and shared the story of talking to a couple that was waiting in line for a tour of Hearst Castle. Though she was there with her family and could have spent the entire 1.5 hours with them, she chose to get to know these other people and she found it quite enjoyable! Pranidhi shared her experience of writing the shala’s quarterly report with multiple forms of capital. In addition to the financial numbers, she also included pictures, emails, and texts from the shala community. Because of a summer lull in students, she’d been experiencing some fear and anxiety and creating the quarterly report in this way reminded her of all the richness that the community is cultivating on so many levels! The report also inspired her husband, who commented, “I wish our quarterly reports were like this!”
This led us to a discussion on these multiple forms of capital- social, environmental, intellectual, LOVE, etc- and how we can give from whichever area we feel abundant in, even if it’s not money. Amit commented that some people are never satisfied with the amount of money that they have, which reminded Pranidhi of this video by Dacher Keltner that talks about empathy deficits in the wealthy. Jacob reflected that it seems like we’re born with an innate capability to empathize and be compassionate but somewhere along the way, we learn of ego, jealousy, and greed. Audrey asked us what causes this switch, and though we didn’t come up with any definite answers, we did agree that our community influences us a great deal (the nurture part of nature vs. nurture).
This brought us to a conversation around peer pressure. Saheli spoke of surrounding herself with friends who share her academic goals and also of pressure to fit in by watching certain tv shows and wearing certain clothes. Amit shared an experience he had when he was younger in which he chose to get to know a group of Indian-Americans despite other people’s opinions about them. This experience taught him the importance of checking in within instead of succumbing to outside influence. Audrey asked- In a world filled with outside influences, Who do we listen to? Pranidhi commented that we have to go out of our way to place ourselves in other people’s shoes because our online networks have a tendency to become bubbles, giving us the false perception that everyone echoes our views.
Honing in on this week’s theme of energy, Jacob reflected that he was initially confused by our homework materials. Previously, he had correlated energy with enthusiasm but now he sees it as being mindful, aware, and fully present. Saheli found that there’s a distinction between energy of the body and energy of the mind, which led Amit to share some studies on will power. The radish and cookies experiment showed that will power is not an infinite resource- it does get depleted and fatigued, just like a muscle. Studies have also shown that will power is effected by glucose as well as a shift in perspective.
From a deep dive into reserves of energy, we shifted to the question- Does our energy effect others? Saheli shared the story of her young cousin asking her aunt if she could help her make a cake. Her aunt got a little annoyed and snapped at her cousin. Her cousin was clearly hurt, which was not her aunt’s intention, so she went over to apologize, console, and ask her to help with the cake. In this sweet story, we saw how much the interplay of energy between two people can impact them both. Jacob also shared the quote “Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace.” by the Dalai Lama. Expanding on this, he reflected that we have to have reserves of will power to be able to ignore negative energy around us. Audrey shared a story of Pancho being asked at a school, “What do you do if people make fun of you?” His answer was “You can’t be made fun of without your permission.”
Following this thread, Pranidhi asked- What gives us the strength to keep acting via our internal compass in the face of resistance or negative feedback? For Saheli, time and processing give her the ability to keep going and she also shared that she cares more about the opinions of her family and other close relationships because those people actually know her. Jacob shared that he is very sensitive to others’ criticisms. Recently, a staff member was giving a group of counselors some constructive criticism and though Jacob was singled out as someone who was doing a great job, he still took the feedback to heart and felt compelled to do better.
Amit then questioned the need for validation itself. Should we be wary of it is or is it ok? Jacob realized that he seeks validation when he is outside of his comfort zone, which Saheli echoed. She shared the story of making cupcakes for her family and continually asking for specific feedback because "It’s good" just wasn’t good enough!
This led us to a discussion on sensitivity in general. Audrey told us a story from an Awakin circle in which a med student shared how she was super sensitive and often deeply impacted by her patients. An older doctor told her that she was going to have toughen up and not let herself be so impacted, and the student noticed that as he did so, he had some regret in his voice. Audrey then seeded the inquiry- How do we cultivate balance? How do we keep ourselves open to other people while maintaining our responsibilities? Jacob echoed the importance of finding this balance, which he’s seen come into play all the time as a camp counselor.
Pranidhi reflected that sensitivity is actually an asset, as it makes it easier to empathize with others, and that it has to be balanced with a strong sense of self and being able to maintain boundaries. A practice of self-awareness has helped her tremendously in working toward this balance, and so we finished our call by talking more deeply about our mindfulness practices. Audrey noticed how difficult it was to be mindful when in front of a computer because there’s so much stimulus coming in. She’s also found that when he meditates before checking email, her response to all that stimulus is different. Jacob felt all his senses more engaged this week and he enjoyed being able to take time to stop and smell the roses. His daily meditations act like a breather from his many tasks and help with mindfulness throughout the day.
To close, Amit encouraged us all to reflect on what it means to move beyond will power. Audrey shared that though it takes effort to be effortless, cultivating a lens of ‘How can I be of service’ in any situation and connecting with a deeper heart has created a sense of expansion. For example, instead of doing dishes as a chore, she’ll do them with ease and joy because she knows it will make someone’s day!
Audrey asked us to share one final word or thought that felt alive to us at the end of the call and she started us off with the word energized! Amit would like to explore how understanding and clarity impact our energy levels so that we’re not dependent on will power. Jacob was appreciative of all the stories and insights shared, Saheli felt excited to be more mindful, and Pranidhi felt called toward balance. Lots of inspiration this week, and we look forward to continuing to practice and integrate together! Stay tuned for our Week 6 theme of Patience… :)
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