Welcome to the 2014 Oscars Live Blog where I’ll bringing you all the snark you can muster as I break down this year’s Academy Awards as they unfold.
9:01 - Here’s the short truth about this year’s Oscars. The show was 3 hours and 31 minutes and the most memorable moment to come out of it was John Travolta failing to say Idina Menzel’s name. Don’t believe me? Look how many Twitter Followers she has - https://twitter.com/adeladazeem – Yup, this was a pretty horrible show. Good night!
8:57 - WINNER: 12 Years a Slave wins Best Picture of the Year (My Predictions: 17/24) – The narrative played out: It was always going to be Cuaron for director, Gravity for everything technical and Slave ultimately winning the big prize. Those who picked against it probably underestimated the fact that it would mean Brad Pitt’s winning his first Oscar. He and Clooney go back-to-back Best Picture wins. Oceans 14 is looking less likely.
8:55 - Thank God. If McConaughey hadn’t worked “All right, all right, all right” and “Just keep livin’” into his Oscar acceptance speech, I just wouldn’t have had faith in anything anymore.
8:51 - WINNER: Matthew McConaughey wins Best Actor for his work in Dallas Buyers Club (My Predictions: 16/23) – After a decade of schlock, people will say they never saw this coming for McConaughey, but go back and watch Contact and A Time to Kill and tell me you don’t see a future Oscar winner in those films.
8:44 - WINNER: Cate Blanchett wins Best Actress for her work in Blue Jasmine (My Predictions: 15/22) – Blanchett called her award “random” and “subjective” – that’s true for a lot of Oscars in a lot of years, but this is not one of them: This is the rare performance that’s so damn good that it just commands an Oscar the moment it’s screened. I think the last one was Forest Whitaker in The Last King of Scotland. It doesn’t happen much, but when it does, you know it immediately.
8:41 - Much to my surprise, Daniel Day-Lewis is here to present Best Actress. He’s probably preparing for a role as an Oscar presenter.
8:38 - In his speech, Cuaron thanked Jeff Robinov, an exec at Warner Bros. who was the only person who supported pulling Gravity out of turnaround. Robinov got fired for his efforts.
8:35 - WINNER: Alfonso Cuaron wins Best Director for Gravity (My Predictions: 14/21) – This is kind of starting to make up for his not getting nominated for Children of Men. Kind of.
8:33 - Nothing says heartfelt praise like reading a sentiment off the Teleprompter.
8:30 - Much to the delight of everyone in my Oscar pool, I’ve also lost the ability to pick winners. At this point it looks like somebody who’s not even nominated is going to win Best Picture.
8:27 - WINNER: Spike Jonze wins Best Original Screenplay for Her (My Predictions: 13/20, I predicted American Hustle) – The Oscars always puzzles me: Jonze doesn’t win anything for either Adaptation or Being John Malkovich, two films superior to Her and now he finally wins. It’s all about timing, kids.
8:25 - WINNER: John Ridley wins Best Adapted Screenplay for 12 Years a Slave (My Predictions: 13/19, I predicted Philomena) – Ridley also wins for writer I’d least want to fight. Jeez, he looks like he could play free safety for the Steelers tomorrow.
8:23 - We’re now on the fourth segment of the “Who Wants Pizza?” bit. This time with movie stars throwing money into a hat for the sake of bad comedy. Can’t Ellen just take the rest of the night off?
8:17 - WINNER: Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Robert Lopez win Best Original Song for their song ”Let it Go” from Frozen (My Predictions: 13/18, I predicted “Happy” and am overjoyed to be wrong) – Anderson-Lopez also just locked down an EGOT with this win and the pair take home best acceptance speech. Not bad for three minutes of a person’s life.
8:15 - WINNER: Steven Price wins Best Original Score for his score for Gravity (My Predictions: 13/17, I predicted Philomena) – If it weren’t for Documentary, we’d be one category away from a Weinstein shutout.
8:11 - That sound you’re hearing is everybody who voted for “Happy” because it’s on the radio, checking to see if they can change their ballots.
8:09 - Hey Guys! It’s Adi Dazi! Did the Teleprompter break or did Travolta just have a mini-stroke onstage?
8:05 - “We Crashed Twitter. We Made History. First Time Ever” – I could list the dozens of events that crashed Twitter, but it might take up so much space that it crashes this site.
8:00 - Bette Midler Alert! Bette Midler Alert! In what year is this show taking place?
7:58 - The Academy finally made good on its years-long threat to mute the applause during the In Memoriam Montage. Lame. It was the cruelest popularity contest in the world every year.
7:54 - Do they have to squeeze “This Year’s Show” into the In Memoriam Montage?
7:47 - Let me get this straight: Roy Scheider in Jaws, both Karate Kids and Rocky go into the superhero montage instead of the ordinary guy montage? You know, the one that featured several astronauts?
7:44 - WINNER: Catherine Martin and Beverly Dunn win Best Production Design for their work in The Great Gatsby (My Predictions: 13/16) – Sorry, I neglected to comment on Ellen’s Glinda the Good Witch Costume because I passed out.
7:38 - Showstopper from P!nk. If you’d told me in 2000 that the white rapper named after her hair color but spelled with punctuation would ever even be at the Oscars, let alone bring the house down, I would have bet all my Nintendo 64 games against you.
7:34 - The Academy may have had to fill a few minutes after disqualifying one of its Best Original Song nominees. In honor of the dearly departed phony nominee – here’s “Alone Yet Not Alone” for your enjoyment - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxCAvK2wIEo&feature=kp
7:31 - WINNER: Alfonso Cuaron and Mark Sanger win Best Film Editing for Gravity (My Predictions: 12/15) - Gravity‘s just about dormie for taking home the most Oscars this year.
7:28 - WINNER: Emmanuel Lubezki wins Best Cinematography for his work on Gravity. (My Predictions: 11/14).
7:23 - “She’s the woman who could fire me at any moment.” – no time like the present, Cheryl.
7:21 - Now she actually has pizza! It’s the horrible bit that will not die. At least the pizza guy will be on Good Morning America tomorrow.
7:16 - Nyong’o is so eloquent in her acceptance speech it’s almost like she went to Yale or something.
7:15 - WINNER: Lupita Nyong’o wins Best Supporting Actrees for her work in 12 Years a Slave. (My Predictions: 10/13)
7:14 - Even in Julia Roberts’ nominee clip she gets blown off the screen by Meryl Streep.
7:12 - And apparently the emotion of Sally Hawkins’ performance shut down the Oscar Telecast for a quick second.
7:10 - WINNER: Gravity wins for Best Sound Effects Editing (My Predictions: 9/12) - Gravity’s dominance in the technical categories is looking secure.
7:09 - In seeing, Lone Survivor’s only two nominations in the sound categories, it’s impossible not to mention just how badly the Oscar campaign for this movie got botched. Had it been campaigned and had its release platformed correctly, it absolutely would have gotten nominated for Best Picture. No doubt about it. Instead, it got dumped in two theaters on Christmas just to qualify for the Oscars – instead of treating it like a potential big winner. How did the studio not realize what it had in this film? It’s astonishing.
7:07 - WINNER - Gravity wins for Best Sound Mixing (My Predictions: 8/11).
7:03 - The best thing about her attempt to get the most re-tweets of a photo is Lupita Nyong’o's r brother getting right up in the front of the photo with absolutely no shame whatsoever. I’m both amazed at his guile and excited that he ruined such a lame bit.
7:02 - “Lupita, you gonna have some pizza?” – A callback to a joke that nobody enjoyed to begin with.
7:02 - I’m going to go ahead and assume I’m not the only one who is in no way excited for ABC’s “Resurrection”.
7:01 - UPDATE: Here’s the video for “The Hands That Built America” - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxCAvK2wIEo&feature=kp – I’m now strangely obsessed with this.
6:57 - This is U2′s second nomination in this category. If anybody can hum a few bars of “The Hands That Built America” from Gangs of New York without Googling it first, they would probably be the only person in the world with that ability.
6:54 - It’s not really a good sign when the biggest reaction Ellen’s gotten so far is for wearing a white suit.
6:51 - Tyler Perry is at The Oscars! This is what happens when you nominate a Jackass movie, Academy.
6:50 - WINNER: The Great Beauty wins for Best Foreign Language Film (My Predictions: 7/10). Like most people, I haven’t seen this movie, but I hear it’s great.
6:49 - Quick. Worse hair choice? Ewan MacGreggor or Viola Davis? TIE.
6:43 - I will never understand the decision to move Honorary Oscars off the big show. Instead of seeing tributes to the careers of Steve Martin and Angela Lansbury complete with speeches, we get a bunch of clip shows and really bad Ellen bits. That’s just completely the opposite of what this show should be about.
6:40 - With her increasingly long singing, Darlene Love managed to go from fun, to annoying, to borderline insane in 45 seconds. Only singing out-of-context can really do that.
6:38 - WINNER: 20 Feet From Stardom wins for Best Documentary Feature (My Predictions: 6/9) – this was, without a doubt, the Best Oscar Campaign of the year. This thing has been everywhere in LA the last couple months – every Academy member had it in their face. The Weinsteins win again.
6:36 – Ellen is ordering pizza for the audience. That bit was 90 seconds composed basically of dead air. Did they rehearse any of this beforehand?
6:34 - WINNER: The Lady in Number 6: Music Saved My Life wins for Best Documentary Short Subject (My Predictions: 5/8) – How sad that its lead missed out on the chance to see her film win an Oscar by only one week.
6:32 - Helium wins for Best Live Action Short (My Predictions: 4/7, I picked The Voorman Problem) – Good point by the Director pointing out that this category is an invaluable way of showcasing new talent on a big stage. Now here’s an idea – How about the Academy make the short films available to stream on its website so we can all be interested too?
6:31 - Jason Sudeikis and Kate Hudson win the award for first presenters of the night who don’t seem baffled by the Teleprompter.
6:26 - It’s incredibly apparent that the Best Song performances are going to save this show from oblivion. A striking case for the Academy relaxing its rules on song eligibility so we can ensure rosters like this every year.
6:24 - Ellen does a bit as a seat-filler. This is starting to feel like the Emmys.
6:22 – WINNER: Gravity wins for Best Visual Effects (My Predictions: 4/6) – probably the easiest prediction of the night. Most extraordinary Visual Effects since Avatar.
6:18 - Guys, the theme of tonight’s show is “Oscar Heroes”. So here’s a clip about everyday heroes. Y’know. Everyday people like Jackie Robinson, Muhammad Ali and Abraham Lincoln – just normal run-of-the-mill people.
6:15 - WINNER: Frozen wins Best Animated Feature (My Predictions: 3/5) – We may look back at this as the moment where Walt Disney Animation Studios began to overtake Pixar as the number preeminent creator of Animated Features.
6:13- WINNER: Mr. Hublot wins for Best Animated Short (My Predictions: 2/4, I picked Get a Horse!) – clearly this was a surprise for everyone as I’m not even sure their seats were in the the actual theater.
6:11 - Is Kim Novak attempting to make Jacqueline Bisset look sane with her appearance here? Is this the Oscars’ form of one-upsmanship?
6:10 - “My costar from EdTV“. Ellen: reminding us that she has actually been in a movie.
6:06 - Hey! Here’s some kids who are on “Team Oscar” who get to “participate” in the telecast. By participate, it appears, they mean stand on a stage and have their names read by Channing Tatum. In other words…How do I enter?
6:02 - That was pretty nifty. Two awards in four minutes and nothing felt rushed. Let’s hope that pace can maintain.
6:00 - WINNER: Adruitha Lee and Robin Mathews win Best Makeup and Hairstyling for their work on Dallas Buyers Club (My Predictions: 2/3)
5:58 - WINNER: Catherine Martin wins Best Costume Design for her work on The Great Gatsby (My Predicitons: 1/2, I predicted 12 Years a Slave).
5:54 - Pharrell turning the stuffy Dolby Theater into a momentary dance party complete with impromptu dance numbers with a few front-row-dwellers is the highlight of the show. I’m calling it. It’s over. They can just stop now.
5:51 – Right on cue, we dump 5 minutes of the show for Jim Carrey’s vamping and clips from a bunch of unrelated animated films chosen and edited in an order that’s completely unclear. When they play off Lupita Nyong’o later, remember what happened here.
5:46 – Leto’s speech is a shining example of why you don’t play people off the stage so you can get to your next recycled bit or nonsense dance number. Let the people talk, producers. Let them talk.
5:45 - 30 Seconds to Mars. It’s really astounding to see Jared Leto holding an Oscar when it was unclear if he was even interested in being an actor anymore. Wow.
5:43 - WINNER – Best Supporting Actor: Jared Leto in Dallas Buyers Club. (My Predictions: 1/1)
5:42 - The more I see Bradley Cooper’s performance again, the more I think he should win. Then I see clips from Leto and Fassbender and remember why I don’t have him at the top – this is a loaded category.
5:40 - It’s so nice that they keep letting Anne Hathaway’s little brother Henry present at these Awards shows. You’d think after last year he’d go back home, but they keep giving him a shot.
5:39 - “You Showed us something in that film that I haven’t seen for a very long time.” – Okay, Ellen. You win this round.
5:38 - Ever see either of Ellen Degeneres’ One-Night Stand specials on HBO back in the early 90s? Well, now you don’t have to. She’s doing the same character and similar bits right now. She didn’t want to do anything different for The Oscars?
5:34 - Four minutes and we’ve gotten an “old person” joke and a joke about somebody’s homeland. From the most outspoken person against any sort of homophobic joke nonetheless. How ironic. Also doesn’t help that the jokes were terrible.
5:32 - Another rain joke! You don’t know what it’s like, people! YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE!
5:31 - The show begins with “Hooray for Hollywood”! How shockingly and utterly original. I can’t wait for the jokes about Rudolph Valentino.
5:26 - Kevin Spacey in a deep blue dinner jacket and nursing a flute of champagne. Perfect old-Hollywood way to end the pre-show.
5:24 - Guys! Jess Cagle got into the Oscar Control Room! They might throw him out! Stay tuned, I think this is how the new season of 24 is going to start.
5:19 - According to Oscar Producer Neil Meron, preparing for the Academy Awards has been “every adjective you can imagine”. Smelly? Has it been smelly, Neil?
5:18 - I’m sure the rest of the country grows tired of “Rain in LA” stories, but I don’t think they know just how insanely different it is for us Angelenos to see water fall from the sky. It’s like if it suddenly started pouring plague frogs in New York. It’s about that rare.
5:09 - While we’re currently getting a half-decent Jimmy Kimmel bit, and just saw Robin Roberts with Bill Murray, the funniest bit of ABC’s Oscar Pre-Show has definitely been Tyson Beckford attempting to speak on live television. Why do they continue to get models on this show who are unable to string fifteen words together? Paging Kathy Ireland.
Before we begin, let’s preserve, for posterity, my 2014 Oscar Winner Predictions:
Best Picture: 12 Years a Slave
Best Director: Alfonso Cuaron for Gravity
Best Actor: Matthew McConaughey in Dallas Buyers Club
Best Actress: Cate Blanchett in Blue Jasmine
Best Supporting Actor: Jared Leto in Dallas Buyers Club
Best Supporting Actress: Lupita Nyong’o in 12 Years a Slave
Best Original Screenplay: American Hustle by David O. Russell and Eric Warren Singer
Best Adapted Screenplay: Philomena by Steve Coogan and Jeff Pope
Best Film Editing: Gravity
Best Cinematography: Gravity
Best Production Design: The Great Gatsby
Best Animated Feature: Frozen
Best Animated Short: Get a Horse!
Best Documentary Feature: 20 Feet From Stardom
Best Documentary Short: The Lady in Number 6: Music Saved My Life
Best Live Action Short: The Voorman Problem
Best Foreign Language Film: The Great Beauty
Best Costume Design: 12 Years a Slave
Best Makeup and Hairstyling: Dallas Buyers Club
Best Visual Effects: Gravity
Best Sound Mixing: Gravity
Best Sound Editing: Gravity
Best Original Score: Philomena
Best Original Song: “Happy”
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