As per tradition, the 74th Annual Golden Globe Award nominations were broadcast live in the wee hours Dec. 12, from the Beverly Hilton on NBC’s "Today" show. America's sweethearts Anna Kendrick, Laura Dern and Don Cheadle were joined by this year's trio of Miss Golden Globes -- Sophia, Sistine, and Scarlet Stallone -- and Dick Clark Productions' Executive VP of TV Barry Adelman, and the president of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, Lorenzo Soria.
Like a story in Globe-nominated historical documentary "Game of Thrones," all of those begots were necessary to get us to the meat of the thing: The nominees, and our picks, which follow. The ceremony is Sunday, Jan. 8 on NBC. You should wear a color that makes your eyes pop, but nothing too formal or uncomfortable -- it is a very long show, with a lot of very drunk show-biz people desperately mugging and angling for your attention, so you will be shifting in your seat a fair amount.
Best Television Series -- Drama
“The Crown” (Should Win. A lady, the monarchy, and a binge watch. Three things that are no longer in vogue.)
“Westworld” (Will Probably Win, if only because it has global appeal and is newer than "Thrones." Plus it's tricksy and we continually reward that impulse -- to think of television as a game you can win.)
“Stranger Things” (Wild Card. The HFPA is nothing if not desperate to seem interesting, and that's the demo.)
“Game of Thrones” (Everybody did blow up, and Mhysa Khaleesi got naked & set sail. This is maybe another wild card.)
“This Is Us” ("Best" is stretching it. Also, it's very American.)
Best Television Series -- Musical or Comedy
“Atlanta” (Should Win. For Darius & Van [Keith Stanfield & Zazie Beets] alone. Darius is the best character on television, followed quickly by Van and the rest of the cast. Plus, FX is so much more than Ryan Murphy and we need these foreigners to understand this.)
“Veep”/“Transparent” (Tossup for Will Win, but edge to "Veep" for putting American foolishness on blast. Must be outrageously satisfying to be like "well, at least this tiny group of Americans gets it.")
“Black-ish” (Wild Card: Not the most solid season of the show, but contains a lot of heavy hitters.)
“Mozart in the Jungle” (Talk to the Emmys about this one.)
Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series -- Drama
Billy Bob Thornton, “Goliath” (Should Win. The best acting, technically, is when you are convinced the actor thinks it's a documentary.)
Bob Odenkirk, “Better Call Saul” (Will Win? Translates better than the others.)
Rami Malek, “Mr. Robot” (Wild Card. In theory Malek deserves all the awards, but what was required of him this season should never have been required of anyone.)
Matthew Rhys, “The Americans” / Liev Schreiber, “Ray Donovan” (Enough already. Just: Enough.)
Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series -- Drama
Evan Rachel Wood – “Westworld” (Should Win. Scholars will still be dissecting her microexpressions 20 years from now, and frankly she was robbed for "Once & Again" over thirty years ago when this park was just getting started.)
Keri Russell – “The Americans” (Will Win. We didn't start the fire!)
Winona Ryder – “Stranger Things” (Wild Card for proving that Winona can still do the one thing she ever does.)
Caitriona Balfe – “Outlander” / Claire Foy – “The Crown” (Ladies in a lady show < literally anything in a boy show.)
Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series -- Musical or Comedy
Donald Glover, “Atlanta” (Should Win, probably Will Win. White men's possessiveness of Glover and his creations is a known quantity -- but it sure is working in his favor.)
Jeffrey Tambor, “Transparent” (This was Maura's year, but this is getting problematic out here in the real world.)
Nick Nolte, “Graves” (Awesome role and performance, well-intentioned and -written show, zero visibility.)
Anthony Anderson, “Black-ish” (A thankless year for Mr. Anderson, as Dre slow-motion drops into banana-peel, dumb-dad territory.)
Gael García Bernal, “Mozart in the Jungle” (Not this year.)
Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series -- Musical or Comedy
Rachel Bloom, “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend” (Previous winner! Never forget that. Deserves it again, except that...)
...Gina Rodriguez, “Jane the Virgin,” did incredible work this year, and utterly deserves to win. (Hate to see a split vote here.)
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, “Veep” (May Win, although historically this award goes to the youth vote -- CW stars, "Girls," "Parks & Rec." JLD belongs to all of us! But Laura Linney/Laura Dern were all the way back in 2010/2011 -- since then, we're getting further and further from conventional Emmy territory.)
Sarah Jessica Parker, “Divorce” (SJP has never been about vanity, so there's nothing brave about this performance -- she's just a charismatic, talented actor playing a role. Where that whole line of thought gets sticky is...)
...Issa Rae, “Insecure” (Too subtle, too believable, and -- unfortunately, when we're talking about female characters and especially female characters of color -- way too unlikeable. The parallels between the two shows are mortifying here.)
Tracee Ellis Ross, “Black-ish” (Not this year. Award for Best Human in the Universe, maybe -- but not this one.)
Best Television Limited Series or Motion Picture Made for Television
“The Dresser” (Should Win, absolutely will not win.)
“The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story” (Least bad of a bunch of bad options.)
“American Crime” (Wild Card. Subject matter worth rewarding.)
“The Night Manager” (This is not the People's Choice Awards; Tom Hiddleston fans do not run these awards.)
“The Night Of” (Could benefit from the fuzzy logic that a vote for this is somehow like rewarding "Serial" for existing.)
Best Performance by an Actor in a Limited Series or TV Movie
Courtney B. Vance, “The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story” (Should Win, for being awesome.)
Bryan Cranston, “All The Way” (Will Win, and you know why.)
Riz Ahmed, “The Night Of” (Wild Card. Deserves it, but may get lost in the shuffle. He's fantastic in everything, but he's got a year more of this buzz before it starts producing awards.)
Tom Hiddleston, “The Night Manager” (Not arguing with this nom. He was good.)
John Turturro, “The Night Of” (Lifetime achievement consideration.)
Best Performance by an Actress in a Limited Series or TV Movie
Thandie Newton, “Westworld” (Should Win; took a pretty thin, cerebral role and turned it into an entire TV show.)
Sarah Paulson, “The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story” (Will Win. Put a bow around the whole of 2016 and move on.)
Charlotte Rampling, “London Spy” (Wild Card. HFPA loves a sexy-as-hell, menacing older lady.)
Felicity Huffman, “American Crime” (This is not an award for Worst Part of Any TV Show, sorry.)
Riley Keough, “The Girlfriend Experience” (Fantastic work that probably will not be rewarded in this arena, but again -- HFPA loves to feel hep and this is a show, and nomination, for hepcats.)
Best Supporting Actress in a Series, Limited Series or TV Movie
Kerry Washington, “Confirmation” (Should Win, especially in a year that continually proves how recent the Thomas hearings really were -- and how much women are still made to suffer for men's comfort.)
Olivia Colman, “The Night Manager” (May Win. Lifetime achievement.)
Lena Headey, “Game Of Thrones” (Wild Card. Cersei did a lot this year -- and all of it stank! But at least she did stuff.)
Chrissy Metz, “This Is Us” / Mandy Moore, “This Is Us” (Good show, great actresses, but you're one gimmick away from success. Also: Forcing Mandy Moore into that old-lady makeup is the opposite of cool, and you need to quit it. You get one anti-Globe for that.)
Best Supporting Actor in a Series, Limited Series or TV Movie
Christian Slater, “Mr. Robot” (Should Win: Not to take the spotlight off Rami Malek, but this year was technically more challenging for Slater, and he went above and beyond.)
Sterling K. Brown, “The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story” (Should Win at least one of these.)
Hugh Laurie, “The Night Manager” (May Win, in a "welcome back Kotter" sense that just having him around is soothing.)
John Lithgow, “The Crown” (How about for "Dexter" Season 4? Can we just do that again?)
John Travolta, “The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story” (I mean, bless his heart. But no.)
Best Motion Picture -- Drama
“Moonlight” (Should Win, but: "identity politics.")
“Manchester by the Sea” (Will Win, which is fine, because Kenneth Lonargan is the best.)
“Lion” (Wild Card -- great cast, great idea and story; not hugely promoted and feels a bit American.)
“Hacksaw Ridge” (Good pedigree, dumb story; Mel Gibson involvement.)
“Hell or High Water” (Topical -- predatory banking, cute boys, crummy white people: The "golden triangle" of cinema.)
Best Motion Picture -- Musical or Comedy
“20th Century Women” (Should Win -- this story of making your son into a man, from scratch, in the 1970s, couldn't be more relevant. But alas -- it has "women" in the title.)
“La La Land” (Will Win. A movie about Hollywood is a lock, even for the Globes. It's right there in the name of the awards, the La La Land Foreign Press.)
“Deadpool” (Wild Card -- nihilism became somewhat chic during the voting period, and it's a legitimately good movie.)
“Florence Foster Jenkins” (Good pedigree, tone-deaf art-house story. Call us when it's Oscar time, though.)
“Sing Street” (Doubly topical -- economically stressed child becomes David Bowie.)
Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture -- Drama
Denzel Washington, “Fences” (Should Win -- originated the role and responsible for creating a legacy for the entire 10-play cycle. Think that's too many movies? Let's ask any of the world-famous Hobbits and magical Elves of the Dungeons & Dragons Decalogue.)
Casey Affleck, “Manchester by the Sea” (Will Win, despite numerous troubling allegations and a costar [Lucas Hedges/Patrick] who outshines him in nearly every scene.)
Joel Edgerton, “Loving” (Wild Card: too topical. Too real. Can't handle it this year.)
Viggo Mortensen, “Captain Fantastic” (A neat movie but not the most universal. Plays on American fears/apocalyptic dreams too well.)
Andrew Garfield, “Hacksaw Ridge” (Affected performance in a pretty dumb movie made by a racist? Call the Oscars -- right now it's Globe time, brother.)
Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture -- Drama
Ruth Negga, “Loving” (Should Win, but probably won't win, as the HFPA likes to reward stories about problems that have actually been solved, not false victories over problems still happening, like the Oscars do. It's part of being better than America while also depending solely on America for its soul, aka "the Canadian Gambit.")
Amy Adams, “Arrival” (Will Win, just for being Amy Adams and for dealing with the insane logic of the last third of the movie.)
Natalie Portman, “Jackie” (Wild Card: Great movie, good Natalie Portman performance of "Natalie Portman (as Jackie Kennedy)," great feeling of being disappointed in the USA, which foreigners quite enjoy.)
Jessica Chastain, “Miss Sloane” (Why waste HFPA juice on such an obvious & doomed Oscar grab?)
Isabelle Huppert, “Elle” (The GG like to pretend they are this cool, but are not actually this cool. Verhoeven legitimately scares people because they are not used to honesty... Or, in this case, a two-hour rape joke.)
Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture -- Musical or Comedy
Ryan Reynolds, “Deadpool” (Should Win; no reason really except that "The Nines" is a perfect movie, Blake Lively deserves more shiny things to put on her mantle -- and Reynolds killed this one without even being able to show his face. Think about that for a second.)
Colin Farrell, “The Lobster” (Will Win; the movie is as accessibly weird as a Haruki Murakami novel and Colin is believable as a guy who sucks very bad, even though he has gone through life looking like Colin Farrell in a malfunctioning hotness-dampening disguise.)
Ryan Gosling, “La La Land” (Wild Card; a movie about Hollywood plus somebody tells Gosling that "jazz is about the future," which is the most Golden Globe thing you could ever say in a movie, plus it is mostly about Ryan Gosling's feelings, which is the most movie thing you can have in a movie.)
Hugh Grant, “Florence Foster Jenkins” (Hugh Grant: The second-best exotic thing we've got this year, but it's a star vehicle.)
Jonah Hill, “War Dogs” (Next time maybe try Performing in a Motion Picture with someone other than Miles Teller -- an immediate DQ in the eyes of this court.)
Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture -- Musical or Comedy
Hailee Steinfeld, “The Edge of Seventeen” (Should Win, but we're trained in this culture to ignore and dismiss the depth of teenage girls out of hand -- young women don't matter, for at least two reasons -- so she's succeeding on exactly an infrared level that less than half of the population can even see or hear.)
Emma Stone, “La La Land” (Will Win; a movie about Hollywood -- plus, a Pacific Islander, as we all know.)
Meryl Streep, “Florence Foster Jenkins" (Wild Card is her middle name. Meryl Wild Card Streep Gummer, Esq.)
Annette Bening, “20th Century Women” (If you keep rewarding her for doing this, she's going to keep just doing this. Even if "this" is the best version of it -- even better than "Kids Are All Right," which was already pretty perfect. It's such a love letter to her, as a mother -- like "Beginners" crossed with "The World According to Garp." Brilliant.)
Lily Collins, “Rules Don’t Apply” (A movie about Hollywood and Howard Hughes, but still not enough for an untested ingenue -- in the role of an untested ingenue -- up against these heavy hitters. The fact that she, Emmy Rossum, and nature's very own Alden Ehrenreich were all fairly recently in "Beautiful Creatures," a YA movie about Louisiana witches, should be enough for you to see that movie -- but do not.)
Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture
Aaron Taylor-Johnson, “Nocturnal Animals” (Should Win; straight up incredible -- any movie he is in gains a full letter grade, even boring old "Anna Karenina," but this was a career-defining performance.)
Jeff Bridges, “Hell or High Water” (Will Win; deservedly so, no hate.)
Dev Patel, “Lion” (Wild Card -- we want Dev to succeed but co-starring with Google Earth in a reverse-scenario "Eat Pray Love" is not the way to get people to see him do it.)
Mahershala Ali, “Moonlight” (This movie will not sweep, but yeah -- could get supporting nods. His character is so, so much to deal with.)
Simon Helberg, “Florence Foster Jenkins” (This is a person who is on "The Big Bang Theory." This is also a person who cannot stop talking about learning of his nomination while on the toilet. Do not reward this person.)
Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture
Viola Davis, “Fences” (Should Win, if only for the barn-burner speech that would result -- and to account for the fact that "HTGAWM" has been relegated to "soap" -- gendered and blown off -- in Season 2, depriving a lot of us from seeing how great she is on a regular basis.)
Michelle Williams, “Manchester by the Sea” (Will Win; believably plays a saint, plus there is an accent.)
Octavia Spencer, “Hidden Figures” (Wild Card; this movie also won't sweep but could get supporting nods.)
Naomie Harris, “Moonlight” (Golden Globes not woke enough to spread it around -- but also not heteronormative enough to give the one award to a lady.)
Nicole Kidman, “Lion” (Try giving Kidman a supporting win. Just try it and see what she does.)
Best Director -- Motion Picture
Kenneth Lonergan, “Manchester by the Sea” (Should Win, just for "Margaret" and the way Hollywood treats him.)
Damien Chazelle, “La La Land” (Will Win, for not forcing us through the torture march of "Whiplash" over again.)
Tom Ford, “Nocturnal Animals” (Wild Card! Too tricksy! Too visual! Too beautiful at all times!)
Mel Gibson, “Hacksaw Ridge” (Not even in Trump's America.)
Barry Jenkins, “Moonlight” (The HFPA doesn't get performative virtue the way Americans do, and wouldn't understand the intersectional issues at play here anyway -- they're uniquely and painfully American and come from a long legacy of many different kinds of institutionalized hatred that most can only recognize in its final form.)
Best Screenplay
“Moonlight” (Should Win. Engages all cylinders -- visual, emotional, tonal, verbal, spiritual.)
“Manchester by the Sea” (Will Win. White family man undone by tragedy; still must quip.)
“Hell or High Water” (Wild Card. Giving an award to the idea of poor people is the ultimate privilege.)
“Nocturnal Animals” (This movie is not about the screenplay in any fashion. Best Artistic Concepts Masquerading as Costume. Best Self-Owns Regarding Jobs in the Arts. Best Vanity Project Proving Tom Ford Can Do Literally Anything But Button His Shirt.)
“La La Land” (Sure, go nuts. Whatever. It's fine.)
Best Motion Picture -- Foreign Language
“Elle,” France (Should Win. We've been ignoring Verhoeven for 20 years and he's always right, even when he makes a very problematic movie like this, which is essentially "Gone Girl" if it was based on the novel "Stone Cold Bummer" by Manipulate.)
“Divines,” France (Will Win. A very Oscars-y story about drug runners and prancing around.)
“The Salesman,” Iran/France (Wild Card. A good way to tell America what for.)
“Neruda,” Chile (Too complicated, politically. Artistic revolutions against fascism producing worse fascism? Not this year mister.)
“Toni Erdmann,” Germany (Basically "Jurassic Park" but Chris Pratt and the dinosaurs are her dad. Lighten up, German Lady!)
Best Motion Picture -- Animated
“Moana” (Should Win Best Picture straight up, frankly. Does for religion what "Frozen" did for borderline personality disorder.)
“Kubo and the Two Strings” (May well win for its innovative look and complicated story; too bent on being accessible to acknowledge its own roots. You should not have to google the movie after the fact to learn that it is a Japanese folk tale.)
“Sing” (Wild Card. Nearly as good as "Moana," unexpectedly, but suffers from its advertising.)
“Zootopia” (Trying so hard to be socially conscious that you trip on it and end up wicked racist is a very Hollywood move and also a very European one, so who knows.)
“My Life as a Zucchini” (No interest; Platonic ideal of a foreign animated feature, down to the ugly orphans and treacly existentialism.)
Best Original Song -- Motion Picture
“Faith,” “Sing” (Should Win, will not win.)
“How Far I’ll Go,” “Moana” (Should Win, will win thanks to "Hamilton.")
“City of Stars,” “La La Land” (Better than the two below.)
"Can’t Stop the Feeling,” “Trolls” (Can people still possibly love Justin Timberlake this much in 2016? Jimmy Fallon doesn't count, he loves everything exactly this much. It's incredibly catchy and you will have it in your head for all of 2017 but that doesn't mean it's good artistically -- just that it's a genius consumer product.)
“Gold,” “Gold” (Gold.)
Best Original Score -- Motion Picture
Hans Zimmer, Pharrell Williams, Benjamin Wallfisch, “Hidden Figures” (Should Win. This is what the future looks like.)
Johann Johannsson, “Arrival” (Will Win. Denis Villeneuve is so obsessed with sound and loudness and vibrating your chair it's like you deserve an award yourself, just for putting up with the nosebleeds.)
Nicholas Britell, “Moonlight” (Wild Card; score is just one of the ways this film presents itself as necessary and new.)
Justin Hurwitz, “La La Land” (Classic, moving, clever as all get out -- but never really foregrounded in such a busy movie.)
Dustin O’Halloran, Hauschka, “Lion” (Lovely and tonally perfect but not particularly ambitious.)
The Golden Globes, the Academy Awards' vastly more enjoyable and drunker aunt, airs live on NBC Sunday, Jan. 8 at 5 p.m. PT/8 p.m. ET, also from the Beverly Hilton Hotel, and will be hosted by one-time Emmy host and former novelty musician Jimmy Fallon.