When last we left, we became the heroes. A memorable moment led to Daniel Bryan getting what he wanted – a shot at both Triple H and the World Championship. But they say that whom the gods destroy, they first make happy. There's still three shows left for the Authority to soften up the threat; how will it begin?
The PG Era Rant for Monday Night Raw, March 17, 2014.
Live from San Antonio, Tejas.
Your hosts are Old, King, and Cole.
Pre-Show Highlights:
Jason Albert is your guest analyst, and with Booker T having the day off, Miz subs in.
Tonight: John Cena speaks; HHH responds to the Occupiers.
The recap of the Occupy segment gives me goosebumps.
Superstars match: Alicia Fox against Natalya.
This isn't related to the show, but: holy cow, that's a thick Boston accent on Jason Albert.
It's hard to see through Albert, but 3MB has a Superstars match against R-Truth and Xavier Woods.
Damien Sandow is in the Andre match, and he will be a part of tonight's Raw.
Match tonight: The Usos face We The People. This is based on SmackDown. Swagger apparently got the interview site wrong, and there's more tension that Zeb has to defuse.
Paul Heyman is here to talk during Raw tonight.
We open with another look at Occupy Raw.
And from there, HHH is in the ring. He opens by saying that this is the fans' fault. All of it. See, it didn't have to come to this, but HHH is going to end Daniel Bryan and the YES Movement, and he's doing it because the fans made him do it. He's not upset anymore – a week will do that – and he's decided he will be cold, calculated, and remorseless to Daniel Bryan, as he always is. But he wants to talk to Bryan later tonight, “man to man”. Until then, though, we have a show... and Batista is on his way. His shirt reads “NO Paparazzi”, so it appears we're getting Hollywood Dave after all.
Batista says that even though HHH has problems with Bryan, he's got problems with Batista too. Why is HHH giving “that billy goat faced troll” an opportunity to be in HIS match? “It's not what I signed up for.” Batista came back to be champ, and when he won the Rumble, he got that right. He's not here to be in a triple threat, where he may not get beat and still lose. What was HHH thinking? HHH: “You think for a second that Daniel Bryan has a chance in hell of beating me?” Wait, before we go any further, here's Randy Orton.
Orton agrees with Batista; why was it even a possibility? HHH is frustrated that people aren't giving him any credit, so let him spell it out: that will not happen. The crowd starts YES. HHH asks why both guys are freaking out. Has Daniel Bryan gotten in their heads that much?
Batista: “Apparently not as much as he's gotten into yours.” Crowd: “Ooooooooooooh.” Orton demands Bryan tonight in a no-DQ match, so he can teach Bryan a lesson and do what Batista couldn't do the previous week. HHH agrees. So there's our main event. Orton then talks to Batista and says it's not the YES Movement; they cheer Daniel Bryan because they gave up on Batista. “No disrespect, but when you left, nobody cared; when you came back, people cared even less.” Hey, if you lived up to the hype, we wouldn't be here. Batista says they love Daniel Bryan because Orton's a failure as champion. The only reason Orton has the gold is because of HHH. Orton is a paper champion who can't be Batista. Everyone knows Batista will beat Orton... and the two get into a shouting match, telling HHH to step aside. HHH starts to walk away, but Batista demands he fix this triple threat situation. HHH says he's sick of everything. He's sick of the fans cheering for Bryan, but he's also sick of Hollywood movie stars who want to tell HHH what to do and claim they know more than he does. He's also sick of gifted guys who can't win without his help because they're “so screwed in the head”. HHH thinks “the Old Man is right: the only one you can trust in this world is yourself.” He then says there will be a triple threat match at Mania, but it won't be Bryan... it'll be him. Now, instead of just Bryan, it's whomever wins the Bryan/HHH match being added to the main event. Batista is furious.... and walks into an RKO as HHH leaves. Crowd gives him a mixed reaction.
Later tonight, John Cena will talk to Bray Wyatt.
Up next, the Usos! They will face Swagger and Cesaro!
Sidenote: HHH threatening to add himself makes sense. Now there's the nightmare scenario they can tease us with, in addition to the dream scenario. But I wouldn't rule out a draw that leads to both men entering.
Renee Young chases down Batista. He says coming back was a mistake and walks out.
We the People v. The Usos. Swagger and Cesaro try to say they're seeing eye to eye. Swagger and Jimmy start. Swagger with a waistlock takedown, but Jimmy reverses to a headlock and tackle. Double-leg takedown and legdrop gets one. Jimmy with a chop, and Jey adds a flying forearm for one. Swagger stomps away and tags Cesaro in, who pounds away. Uppercuts follow, but Jey gets another forearm and corners Cesaro. Jimmy back in, and a double-team leads to a slam and headbutt for one. Jey tags himself in, but he's caught in a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker by Cesaro for two. Cesaro with a headbutt. Swagger in, and he stomps away like crazy on Jey. Swagger HITS THE CHINLOCK, but a blind charge hits boot and Jimmy's in. Leg lariat floors Swagger, but a whip leads to a corkscrew moonsault by Jimmy for two. Jimmy cuts Cesaro off, but Swagger boots him over the top rope as we go to break.
USO/WTP, part two. Cesaro has a sleeper on Jimmy. Swagger in, and Jimmy tries to fight out of the corner, but Swagger gets the high spinebuster for two. Vaderbomb and leaping stomp follow, getting two. Cesaro taunts Jimmy while stomping away, begging Jimmy to strike before knocking him down. Swagger in, but Jimmy dumps Cesaro and kicks Swagger. Swagger catches the ankle, but Jimmy with a Dragon Kick. Hot tag Jey, and clotheslines and a kneeling uppercut follow. Flying forearm and Rikishi hip check get two. Cesaro trips Jey, but Jimmy cuts off the swing and dumps Swagger. Assisted Samoan Drop follows for two. Jey goes up top, but Swagger pulls Cesaro out only to run into a double superkick. Dive onto Swagger, but the other dive runs into an uppercut. Neutralizer is the pin at 12:18. WE THE PEOPLE! **3/4 If this is the match at WrestleMania, things just got a lot more intriguing – now you can have either man break off. I still think having one break the Andre trophy over the other's head is better, but hey, it should be fun.
A sneak peek at the latest WWE cartoon: Slam City. The concept: the wrestlers are kicked out of the ring and have to find day jobs. Thankfully, it's a cartoon. Looks silly enough to work.
Later tonight: Daniel Bryan against Randy Orton in a no-DQ match.
We rewind to SmackDown to show you the Shield refusing to take orders from Kane, allowing Big Show to get the latest win in their eternal feud. After that, Kane attacks Seth Rollins, and Roman Reigns makes the save.
Backstage, the Shield are confronted by Kane, who says everyone made mistakes. Kane uses office-speak to tell them to stop holding grudges. Kane needs the Shield to help him with the Authority's mission. If the Authority can't count on the Shield, they will turn on them. So he's only gonna ask once: can they count on them? Rollins says, sure, they're on the same page. Kane approves, and he knows they'll do the right thing or else they will be replaced. Ambrose gives a cheesy thumbs-up.
It must be St. Patrick's Day, because Hornswoggle is here to give out green gifts. But Wade Barrett is here and he has a gavel. His cranky look at Hornswoggle is amazing. He says Hornswoggle is a real-life leprechaun celebrating the day. But now, the bad news: most of you will waste the holiday being drunk, waking up with a hangover and a ton of shame.
And because someone has a sense of humor, here's Sheamus. He's wearing the Ireland rugby shirt, since Ireland just won the Six Nations. And to continue the joke, Titus O'Neil is his opponent.
Sheamus v. Titus O'Neil. TITUS O'NEIL WITH AN ORANGE BEARD. YOUR ARGUMENT IS INVALID. He's in the Andre match. Christian is at ringside, and he too will enter the Andre match. Sheamus goes nuts to start, but Titus fights back. A series of reversals leads to a Sheamus clothesline. He pounds away in the corner, but Titus with clubs to the back. He puts his head down, and Sheamus gets a kick and clothesline over the top. Battering Ram off the apron follows. Titus reverses to send Sheamus into the post, then a backbreaker. Back in, Titus punches down for two. Fallaway slam and Sheamus rolls to the outside. Titus follows and picks on Hornswoggle, tossing him in the ring and catching him. He slaps Swoggle around, but Sheamus recovers and catches him off a fallaway slam. He then throws Hornswoggle INTO Titus, sending him to the apron for the Ten of Clubs. Running powerslam follows, and the Brogue Kick ends it at 4:07. Whatever. *1/4
Renee Young interviews Sheamus in the ring, asking what he'll do for the rest of St. Patrick's Day. Sheamus is happy about Ireland winning the Six Nations trophy, so speaking of trophies, he'll be in the Andre match. Christian disagrees, and he jumps from commentary to attack Sheamus and throws him into the steps. Killswitch on the floor follows.
Up next, John Cena has words.
Next week in Brooklyn, Ahnold is in the house with his Sabotage co-stars. Ahnold doing YES is unintentionally funny. Also, apparently Scooby-Doo and the Mystery Machine will be there. Somehow.
John Cena is here. Cena credits the building's energy. Cena says he's been around for 12 years, had 3,500 matches, and that means he's been “like an old married couple” with the fans. But Cena always gives his best. He's also been honest, so he needs to say something: he's afraid of Bray Wyatt. Afraid of who he is, what he says, and so no, but he's most afraid that people believe him. Bray Wyatt isn't like any other wrestler, because other wrestlers talk about who's best in the ring. Wyatt doesn't fit that mold; he just wants to kill and destroy. And Cena's legacy is the target. Wyatt wants the world to believe Cena is living a lie and that the WWE is phony. That John Cena is filled with evil. “I say the hell with that.” Cena's been around for too long, and he may be afraid of Wyatt, but he believes in his legacy. WrestleMania is not about Bray Wyatt, it's about fighting for every scar, every injury, every person who has ever taken his word. So at WrestleMania, he will fight for who he is and for his legacy.
And now, words from the opposition. Luke Harper whispers “Silent Night”. Bray says children believe in superheroes because they want the world to be good. They don't live long enough to understand the lies. Wyatt talks about his childhood: it wasn't good. He has scars, too, but they're from the world because it was his birthright. The world taught him that the world will wither away and die. So look at him now – wearing a Cena shirt! He could be just like Cena: signing autographs, shilling merchandise, dating his “plastic girlfriend”, hiding behind laughter, feeling better about himself. But that's Cena, not Bray. Wyatt admits to being different, because he doesn't care if he dies. All he wants is for Cena to know him. Follow the buzzards. There was a notable Cena chant during that interview.
Sidenote: I like that the Cena fans tried to drown out the promo. (Though given Bray's whisper-talk, there were times they succeeded.) It shows that the fans, love or hate him, know he's legit.
Up next: Daniel Bryan and Randy Orton!
No disqualification: Randy Orton v. Daniel Bryan. What happened to the champ entering first? We look back at Orton RKOing Batista and Batista walking out. Orton pounds away to start, but Bryan fights out of the corner and slams Orton into it. And another. He kicks away in the corner, following with a knee to the gut. We go outside as Bryan wraps Orton's leg around the ringpost. Bryan runs into the ring and dropkicks Orton, following up with uppercuts, but Orton stops it with a headbutt. Now Orton drags Bryan to the apron and clubs away. Orton chokes Bryan on the bottom rope, and back in, an uppercut staggers Bryan. More uppercutting follows, but Bryan gets Orton to the outside with a dropkick and follows with a tope suicida. YES follows, but Orton finds a kendo stick under the ring and smacks Bryan with it. Funny bit as a fan tells them to ring the bell and Orton chastises him about it being no-DQ. Orton suplexes Bryan onto the table (which doesn't break) as we go to commercial.
No-DQ, part two. Back in as Orton chokes Bryan with the stick in the ring before measuring him and scoring shots with it. Bryan rolls out of the ring, and Orton suplexes him on the barricade. Back in, it gets two. Back out, but Orton catches him (“Oh no...”) and crotches him on the post. From there, it's his back-to-back backbreaker on the floor. Orton throws him in, getting two. Twice. Orton goes ground and pound on Bryan before doing the Garvin Stomp. Orton with a straight right in the corner before mocking the YES chants. Cross-corner whip leads to Bryan's videogame comeback as the crowd goes nuts. Bryan with the coast-to-coast dropkick and top-rope Frankensteiner for two. Bryan finds the kendo stick now, and Orton begs off... but to no avail. YES kicks and kendo strikes alternate, leading to the roundhouse finish for two. Bryan goes up top, but Orton catches him. Orton doesn't follow, though, shaking the cobwebs and picking a punishment. He grabs the beard and headbutts Bryan before going up for a superplex. It connects, getting two. Orton is furious and stomps away, picking Bryan up for the Draping DDT. Orton smiles at the crowd and begs them to boo him louder. He signals for the RKO, but Bryan knows it and rolls out. Orton goes to follow and gets caned HARD. Bryan goes nuts on the outside, then dropkicks Orton into the timekeeper. He goes to pick Orton up, but Orton drops Bryan's jaw onto the barricade and goes for a chair. He jabs it in Bryan's gut, then slams it into his back. Back in (with the chair), but Batista returns and spears Orton. Bryan dropkicks Batista out and covers for the pin at 14:28. That ending was too out of nowhere, but the usual goodness between the two. ***1/4 Orton gets Batista Bombed for the heck of it. Crowd wants one more, but one is enough.
You can watch WrestleMania on the WWE Network, you know. Free trial ends Saturday! Here's how to sign up through WWE.com. (In doing so, we find out the next Hall of Famer. Sloppy, guys. I won't spoil it.)
Paul Heyman to speak!
And he's on the stage now. “Ladies, gentlemen... Texans...” With standard intros out of the way, Heyman is here to tell us that the Undertaker is hanging on by a thread. His last few challengers are people he's barely survived... but Brock has run through the same challengers. Not surprisingly, a mild CM Punk chant starts. We get footage of the Undertaker's Streak, put together by Heyman ostensibly, but it claims even “Death Itself is slowly dying”. The footage also says that Brock Lesnar is “Unmerciless”. Whoops. Point is, the victims of the Streak have been dispatched without any trouble by Brock Lesnar. Aha, that's why they used Mark Henry. Back live, Heyman says that this proves the Streak will be Conquered. On April 6, the Streak shall Rest In Peace.
Backstage, it's the Authority. Stephanie is surprised that HHH just wants to talk. Stephanie's kind of offended by the “like a man” part, because she's still mad about the disrespect to the McMahon family. HHH hasn't forgotten it, though, and he'll destroy him at WrestleMania. But wait, Stephanie wants to know what happens after HHH wins the title, and will it rip their family up when he's on the road. HHH glares at Stephanie and says he will take care of it. Stephanie: “You better.”
Fandango is headed to the ring to face Goldust, next.
Fandango v. Goldust. The Rhodes Brothers mock Fandango's dancing on their way to the ring. Fandango dances to start, but Goldust will not be out-weirded, so he crawls to Fandango. He blows a kiss to Summer Rae, then catches Fandango's boot and mocks him. Fandango with a tackle and more dancing, but Goldust with a hiptoss and atomic drop. Then an inverted one before Goldust dances and does the uppercut. Summer Rae jumps onto the apron, so Goldust does some DISCO. Summer Rae falls off into Cody's arms, and Fandango beats him down and throws him across the ring. Summer Rae enjoyed the save... until Fandango turned around. Fandango with a Hammer Throw for two. He goes to a cravat, elbowing Goldust and choking away on the middle rope. Back to the cravat. Goldust throws out and gets to punching away. Hammer Throw whip is reversed by Fandango for two. Fandango goes to a regular chinlock as all the energy leaves the match in a hurry. Fandango uses the knee, but a blind charge hits the boot and Goldust gets a spinning headscissors out of the corner. Goldust can't recover in time, and Fandango gets two. Something resembling a suplex try gets botched, but Fandango gets it second try. Diving legdrop misses, and the Curtain Call ends this at 5:09. Fandango was just awful in this match, and Dustin is visibly upset over the match. This needed more comedy and less Fandango blowing spots. -*
Kane is headed to the ring next.
Sidenote: I realize the gimmick and the charisma are useful on Johnny, but he's just so bad in the ring on a regular basis. This is the kind of person you need in a tag team. Tyler Breeze? Aiden English? There are options.
The Undertaker will appear on Main Event Live!
And that leads to the segue of Corporate Kane (which appears to be his unofficial name) going to the ring. Kane says it's his job to execute the vision of the Authority. Some actions should never happen, such as Occupy Raw. It was dangerous and violated all sorts of rules. So, Kane has investigated the event and concluded that Daniel Bryan was not acting alone. Someone else was working with him: Memphis native Jerry Lawler. Therefore, the Authority will take action. Kane orders Jerry into the ring, but Lawler won't move. This causes Kane to bring the Shield out. (Note: JBL is bragging about calling it.)
Shield surrounds the announcers, Lawler in particular, and Ambrose yells at Lawler to enter the ring. They escort Lawler into the ring. Kane removes his suit and tie, ready to punish Lawler. Kane has known Lawler for a long time, and knows he can't fight, so this won't be fun for Kane (much). He asks for Lawler's last words. Rollins says he sees the look in Lawler's eyes, but indicates Daniel Bryan won't save Lawler because the Shield “always does what's best for business”.
And then the Shield turn around to face Kane.
Kane is none too happy with this (as Lawler escapes) and gives orders to them, saying they're becoming a liability. But the Shield have Kane surrounded. Kane tries to fight out, but that gives the Shield the ability to attack en masse. Kane fights back, but Rollins gets an enzuigiri and Reigns gets a spear. It's Triplebomb time. Ambrose tells Kane not to tell them what to do ever again as they pose over Kane's body.
Later tonight, Daniel Bryan and Triple H will have a man to man talk as JBL loses his cool and calls everything short of 9/11 Daniel Bryan's fault.
Cameron and Naomi v. AJ Lee and Tamina Snuka. The Bellas are on commentary. Naomi has a fancy eyepatch that matches her outfit. Tamina and Cameron start. Tamina shoves Cameron, but Cameron gets an armdrag. Monkey flip is blocked, and Tamina with a lariat for two. Another clothesline follows for one. Kneedrop by Tamina, twice, gets one. JACKET THROW OF DOOM follows, then a double chickenwing as AJ tags in. AJ kicks Cameron, getting one. She goes to the chinlock, adding a bodyscissors. Cameron fights up, but AJ with a hairpull slam and in comes Tamina as Cole and the Bellas give JBL a hard time. Tamina with a slam for two. Fireman's carry, but Cameron tries a sunset flip. Cameron turns it into a dropkick, and hot tag Naomi. Dropkicks abound and Tamina goes flying, and a full nelson bomb gets two. It's BONZO GONZO as Cameron is dumped, but an enzuigiri sends Tamina out. AJ hooks a tilt-a-whirl guillotine, but Naomi reverses to an Oklahoma Slam. She goes up, and the split-legged moonsault gets the win at 3:37. Harmless. 3/4* So who's going to challenge AJ at Mania?
Meanwhile, AJ blames Tamina for the loss, and every loss for that matter. Tamina finally has enough and shoves AJ away. Both women are furious as they stare it down. Is that my answer?
WWE 2K14 has WrestleMania mode. You can set up Daniel Bryan facing Triple H if you want.
When we come back, we introduce the next member of the WWE Hall of Fame. The fact that they spoiled it earlier is mitigated by the fact TMZ did as well.
Fun bit as they show the Riverwalk and talk about the river being dyed green. Which would be fun except it's 9:30 local time and too dark to see the dye.
And the next Hall of Famer is... MISTER T! The video package more or less claims Mr. T made WrestleMania a big deal by his involvement, and if that's so, what took them so long to induct him? And yes, they put him in the Celebrity Wing, even though you could argue he should go in the regular Hall of Fame.
We look at Hogan's announcement of the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal for WrestleMania 30.
Damien Sandow, Alberto Del Rio, Ryback, and Curtis Axel v. Big Show, Dolph Ziggler, Mark Henry, and Big E Langston. Big Show, needless to say, enters the Andre match. As is everyone else. Langston and Ryback start. Ryback wins a lockup in the corner, getting a kick despite the ref's best intent. He clubs away on Langston, punching him down but missing on a criss-cross. Langston with a shoulder tackle and corner shoulder ram, but Ryback catches the second one only to walk into a Greco-Roman throw for one. Henry in, and he and Langston do a double avalanche. Henry with a headbutt, and Ryback brings in Axel. Axel gets run over and nailed with a big boot. Ziggler tags in, getting a Rude Awakening on Axel for one. Axel takes over during a satellite breakdown, and Ryback takes over with CLUBBERIN, THEY BE CLUBBERIN TONY! Big slam by Ryback gets very little. Headbutt by Ryback, but Ziggler vaults over a Hammer Throw and cleans house with dropkicks. Langston and Henry join in to clean out the heels, who regroup as we go to break.
Eight-man tag, part two. Del Rio slams Ziggler into the announce table, getting two back in. Sandow in, and they double-team Ziggler with Sandow stomping like a maniac. He chokes Ziggler on the bottom rope and headbutts like crazy, even screaming “You're Welcome” like a war cry. Ryback in, and a stalling suplex... stalls too long, and Ziggler gets a small package for two. Ryback levels Ziggler for two. Axel in, and he drops an elbow, followed by a dropkick. Axel mocks Ziggler in the ring, but Ziggler ducks a right and gets a leaping DDT. Sandow cuts off the hot tag (with Axel's help), getting a kneedrop for two. He hooks a chinlock, which lasts a while. Sandow cuts off a comeback with the knee smashes. He catches Dolph's dropkick and slingshots him into the top turnbuckle. Blind charge misses, though. Sandow tries to stop the tag, but he can't and Big Show is in to clean house. Avalanche to Sandow, followed by a shoulder tackle. Axel runs into a chop, but Ryback gets a spear. Langston sends Ryback out, but Del Rio with the step-up enzuigiri as he dumps Langston and Henry. Famouser by Ziggler and Del Rio's out. Axel dumps Ziggler – hey, this looks like a battle royal – and Show tosses Axel. Chokeslam to Sandow ends it at 11:56. **1/4
We look back at the finish from Orton/Bryan from earlier. This leads to Batista leaving – again – and Renee Young catching up – again. Batista's not a quitter, and he doesn't care who he faces because he will be champion.
Bray Wyatt is next in action.
A reminder, the Undertaker is on Main Event Live. And on SmackDown, John Cena faces Luke Harper.
Kofi Kingston v. Bray Wyatt. Before the match, we get a summation of Bray Wyatt's attack on John Cena's legacy. It's awesome. Bray kicks away on Kofi and headbutts him. Kofi comes back with a dropkick, which Bray approves of. Bray with an uppercut to stop Kofi and he stomps away. Another uppercut follows. Avalanche eats boot, then a second one hits the pendulum kick. Bray charges a leap off the top and gets his running forearm to flip Kofi. “I feel the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart...” Bray attacks some more and goes ground-and-pound. He leans his weight on Kofi before getting a swinging gutbuster. “Is this what Cena holds for me?” Kofi fires back, but to no avail as Bray stays on top in the corner. Avalanche connects, leading to the inverted look. Sister Abigail's Kiss ends it at 2:56. Just a squash. 1/2*
Before we go to the main event showdown between Daniel Bryan and HHH, here's an ad for Oculus, in theaters April 11.
Next week: Ahnold.
Main event: the showdown. JBL goes on a rant about how everything that has gone wrong is Daniel Bryan's fault. HHH makes it quick and invites Bryan down. Cole tries to say the ends justify the means with regards to Occupying Raw. HHH wants to get some things off his chest, even though no one in his inner circle wants to hear him talk. Crowd WHATs HHH. A lot of things have happened over the past 7 months, and HHH says everything that he did, he did because it's Best For Business. It's not personal, no matter what Bryan thinks. Bryan may not understand business, and he can't expect people to have his burden of daily decisions for the WWE. A lot has happened, though – and last week, Daniel Bryan crossed a line that you should never come back from. But HHH is willing to forgive, because no matter how they got there, it feels like they were supposed to be here in the ring together. But the fact is that in three weeks, they will have a match, no matter how it got there. And HHH will not apologize for his actions in the ring, nor should he – and the same to Bryan. They will do what they do best, but because Bryan crossed the line, HHH will end it. He doesn't want to, but he has to. He will end the YES Movement, end the uprising, and shut it all down. And if it means killing off Daniel Bryan, he's not sorry. It's what is Best For Business, and that's what HHH has to do. But he wanted to tell Bryan, as a man: no hard feelings. He offers a handshake. Crowd says no.
So does Daniel.
HHH gets it – he wouldn't take the handshake either if the roles were reversed. But before HHH leaves, he has one more item: HHH has dumped everything on Bryan since SummerSlam. And yet, even after all that HHH has put Bryan through, Bryan won't go away. Crowd chants for Bryan. HHH says they cheer him out of respect. The fans have seen what Bryan's been through – the mountain of crap from HHH that would've folded anyone else into taking their ball and going home (cough Punk cough) – but Bryan's still here. HHH admires Bryan's guts, and Bryan has earned HHH's respect.
Stephanie: “RESPECT!?” Stephanie says that Bryan was disrespectful and illegal and was reckless endangerment. So Stephanie is pressing charges. If you spit in the McMahon face, you suffer. She orders Bryan arrested. Out come six cops in riot gear, which makes HHH furious. Stephanie is just as furious over respect. The married couple argue as each one claims the other is undermining. Whose business is it, hers or theirs? Meanwhile, Bryan agrees to go quietly, but they mug him anyway. HHH is upset at the excessive force, since he didn't resist.
HHH smiles at Stephanie, then calls the cops off. He doesn't want this and asks the cops to step aside. They're not even real cops, you know. Besides, HHH will do it himself. And so with a handcuffed Bryan at his mercy, HHH goes to town on Bryan. He stomps and chokes away, then rips the suit off. He yanks Bryan out of the ring and throws him into the steps. He then drags Bryan and slams him into the announce table, but Bryan kicks back. It's too little too late, and HHH slams him onto the table on his wrists. Crowd is furious as Bryan eats barricade. HHH slaps Bryan around and beats him down. Stephanie is yelling to tear Bryan's head off as HHH keeps up the beating. Bryan keeps trying to kick back, but HHH just beats him up more and throws him into more barricades. He even tries to drown Bryan in the water bottle holder. He rips Bryan's shirt up and, as a coup de grace, throws him back onto the table on the monitors. Stephanie sarcastically does the YES point as HHH keeps up the beating. Now HHH adds the YES point as he picks Bryan up and allows Stephanie to slap him repeatedly. Bryan screams that Stephanie hits like a girl, but Stephanie isn't fazed and strikes again. HHH rolls Bryan into the ring as this just goes on and on. HHH grabs a chair and connects with Bryan's head – and given how little that's done, the crowd reacts strongly. Bryan is out cold as HHH takes his own shirt off, and even though they're calling the show over, it continues. HHH stands over Bryan, picks him up, and it's Pedigree time. Now Stephanie enters the ring, and the two stand over Bryan and kiss in triumph. HHH declares it his ring, his house, his show on the mic. There is no YES Movement. And finally, they play HHH's music as the segment and show end. No, wait, they reveal Stephanie had the keys to the cuffs as her necklace all along. Okay, now they leave.
FINAL THOUGHTS:
See how long that last paragraph is? That's how long it felt. And on Backstage Pass, you can hear HHH continue to taunt the crowd.
Here's the thing: it's a key component of any story to make sure the story doesn't go on too long. This went on too long by about five minutes. HHH made his point when Bryan was handcuffed. He beat up on Bryan and left him laying. Then it kept going. Look at where I think it ends, and where it does end. That's insane. And by the way, reverse the roles and I'd agree.
Now... next week needs to have the tables turned. He admitted this was a setup, that the cops were fake, that this was an assault with a deadly weapon. You can portray HHH as the favorite and Bryan the underdog all you want, but at the end of the day, it's an uncrowned World Champion against a retired wrestler. Bryan cannot look like too much of an underdog because it makes everyone look beneath HHH.
As for the rest of the show: Usos/WTP for Mania is something I can get behind if it goes there. AJ/Tamina appears to be happening. Naomi came back strong. The battle royal looks like it'll be more fun than most battle royals. But tonight was all about Bryan/HHH, or more to the point, about HHH.
Now, before you look at me like I'm just hating: it was a great idea. HHH snapping and adding himself because he can't trust anyone is within his character, as is suckering Bryan in for a beating. But seriously? The five extra minutes are the difference between a hot ending and a disturbing one.
FINAL STATS:
MATCH TIME: 54:31 over seven matches
BEST MATCH: Bryan/Orton
WORST MATCH: Fandango/Goldust
NIGHT MVP: Triple H
FINAL SCORE: 7. This was all about HHH getting his heat back, which he did and had to do. But I can't go higher because it went too far. Still, the undercard was fine, the feuds were set up beautifully, and even Batista and Orton have issues, which seems to be lost in the shuffle. Anyway, let's hope there's a scaleback on his momentum.
I'll be back next week. Whine about me and the show here.