If there’s anything I’ve learned since getting engaged, shopping for ‘the one’ is not always the blissful experience most of us imagine. Thanks to Hollywood movies and hit TV shows, it’s fair to say our expectations have been set; boutiques will be beautiful, champagne will be offered on arrival, dressing rooms will be large enough to waltz around in, and when you eventually have that ‘Cinderella moment’, everybody will cry (including your consultant). But unless you’re willing to pay £25 or more for the privilege, the reality is somewhat different. In several London boutiques I visited, I was lucky to be offered water, dressing rooms weren’t big enough to swing a cat, rear view mirrors were scarce, I had to fight with other brides for the pedestal (and occasionally the dress)…the list goes on. Fortunately, I found sanctuary in Phillipa Lepley who created an experience more memorable than when I first saw Kate Middleton step out of the car in that dress (I camped outside, I love the Royal Family – it was a big deal). But I have to admit, before getting to this point a small part of me was dreading the whole thing, and it wasn’t down to the stories I’d read online or the money I was likely to waste on appointments…
When it comes to making decisions in non-life threatening situations, generally, I do not excel. If I go out for dinner and order something within 15 minutes of being handed a menu, it’s a small victory. If I make it all the way to the main course without changing my mind five minutes after ordering, it’s nothing short of a miracle. Clothes shopping is as equally traumatic. If I make it out of the changing rooms without going on hunger strike, there’s still no guarantee the clothes I purchase will migrate from the shopping bag into my wardrobe. Nine times out of ten, everything is returned the following week. I just.can’t.commit.
My indecisive nature, apathy for fashion and general dissatisfaction about the way things look on me gave me the fear BIG TIME. Add a bucket full of body concerns (bulging upper arms, a belly that wobbles like jelly, excess puppy fat essentially all over my body that wrinkles up like a pug’s face when compressed) and you have one tough customer. How on earth I was going to buy a wedding dress when I couldn’t even commit to a pair of pants from M&S, I did not know. But thanks in no small part to Phillipa Lepley, my brilliant consultant Ania and a small hand of fate, I triumphed in this task and walked away with a dress before we’d even booked our venue – hurrah!
The Search Begins
To avoid the inevitable scenario of falling in love with a dress I couldn’t afford, I only started my search once we’d worked out our overall budget. This ended up being about 18 months before the wedding (I clearly ignored the guidelines) but to be fair we hadn’t officially set the date and based on my nature it was a sensible move. As with most wedding expenses, I had no idea how much a dress would cost so I turned to my resources for guidance. The average figure quoted in Brides magazine seemed reasonable (£1340), and at this early stage I couldn’t see the logic in spending much more on something I’d be wearing for half a day. Sadly this sensible logic was very short lived.
Up until the point of getting engaged, my only source of dress inspiration came from celebrity weddings in Hello magazine and pictures of weddings on Facebook. But despite my limited insight, I was pretty certain how I wanted it to look (I even drew a sketch and took it along to my appointments). My dream dress was influenced by four of my favourite celebrity wedding dresses (see above) but was also based on styles I knew would enhance my best features and hide problem areas.
Based on my own experience, having boobs that weigh more than a small baby makes dress shopping problematic. Strapless dresses can’t keep them up, backless – just impossible, high-necks create a sag at least 1 foot long, and column dresses hang in a such a way I might as well be pregnant. I’ve also learned that thick straps tend to make my upper arms look chunky so I liked the idea of having sleeves, and I knew I’d need a ‘V’ or sweetheart shaped neckline to create some definition up top. Sadly this ruled out lot of beautiful styles, but knowing what did and didn’t suit me made the process a whole lot easier.
Managing The Mind Games
To avoid multiple consultation fees, I decided I’d take the day off work and started looking at London-based boutiques online. But before making my shortlist, I popped along to a local wedding shop for a trial run. I wanted to know what styles I liked without being influenced by opinions, but I also wanted to be sure that I was shortlisting the right boutiques based on the styles that suited me best. The visit confirmed everything I’d suspected; to get the silhouette I wanted, I’d need a corset or a well structured bodice and for that, I’d have to increase my budget. This is where the panic set in…
Surely it wasn’t acceptable to spend more money on a dress I’d be wearing for 10 hours than an engagement ring I’d be wearing my whole life? Initially I thought no and ended up arranging appointments at several sample sales (including Caroline Castigliano, Browns Brides, Teokath and Mirror Mirror) all in the hope I’d find a high-quality dress without having to sell a kidney. But nothing floated my boat. After spending days online on just about every second-hand wedding dress shop, I eventually convinced myself it was acceptable to splurge (anyone in a similar situation, here was my rationale). Firstly, I completely love my engagement ring. Every time I look at it I feel very lucky to have something so beautiful. Sure it’s not the biggest diamond in the world but why does it have to be? It’s perfect for me and I wouldn’t want anything else. What I wouldn’t be happy with is a dress that’s uncomfortable, itchy and doesn’t make me feel good about myself. Of course this doesn’t legitimise obscene spending, but providing the budget can stretch a little, there’s no reason to feel guilty for spending more on one wedding expense than another – particularly when it’s as important as the dress…! Secondly, I fully intend to sell mine on once I’m married (any takers this time next year let me know yes?!).
Based on my new budget, I booked appointments at Phillipa Lepley, Sassi Holford, Angelica Bridal, Mia Sposa and Catherine Deane. I wanted to see what my money could buy (in terms of quality, comfort and finish) so I selected a range of boutiques from high end to affordable. Whilst this turned out to be a good decision, booking five appointments was not (anyone tempted to do this – don’t!)
If God created wedding dress shopping experiences…
The first appointment of the day started at Phillipa Lepley, and it’s fair to say my dress search ended as soon as I stepped foot into her boutique. The experience I received was on an entirely different level to anywhere else I went – but it wasn’t just the beautifully decorated boutique or the exquisite dresses that won me over. What really stood out was the service I received from my consultant and the rest of the team (who are all trained dressmakers FYI) – from their very first phone call to the complimentary pair of La Perla briefs I received last month, it’s been nothing short of exceptional.
Being one of the UK’s leading couture designers, Phillipa’s dresses don’t come cheap, but the boutique does hold sample sales every couple of months with dresses starting from £1400. So if like me you fall in love with the designer but can’t afford to go couture, I absolutely recommend booking an appointment. It was without doubt one of the best decisions I’ve made and an experience every bride deserves.
The First Appointment
When I arrived at the boutique with my Mother and Maid of Honour, we were greeted with a big warm smile by my consultant, Ania. She took our coats, offered us drinks and made us feel extremely at ease. We sat down and spoke in detail about the wedding so she could get a feel for the surroundings and my dress preferences. My budget was sensitively approached and she explained the options between the couture and samples dresses available. We were then left us to browse the entire stock of dresses and told to select as many as we wanted (I think I tried on about 10!) We were ushered downstairs to the most beautiful changing room that spanned the entire length of the boutique (plenty of space for waltzing) and my guests took seats behind a huge curtain. When the first dress went on, I couldn’t believe my eyes (and my waist – which was now apparently tiny). What this corset did to me was frankly astonishing. I looked so slim and regal but I was comfortable the entire time. As I turned around, Ania pulled back the curtain to gasps of amazement from my mum and best friend. It was like a scene from a movie and a moment I’ll never forget!
The dresses I tried on were all absolutely stunning and it was difficult choosing between them, but the first appointment seemed more about learning what I liked and experimenting with styles rather than shortlisting dresses. What I did discover at this stage was that full sleeves on a petite, big-busted body was too much, plain duchesse satin was winning over lace, and in Phillipa’s corsets, strapless dresses were possible! I left the boutique on cloud nine and after receiving an email with all the prices of the dresses I tried on, I booked a second appointment. I retuned a week later and tried on three dresses that previously stood out that were within my financial reach. After 2h30(!), I left the boutique still a little unsure, but by the time I rang up to book a final appointment, the sample dress I wanted had been sold! But I believe this happened for a reason, for at the very same time, I also enquired about a different dress that in my eyes was the most beautiful in her collection. For some reason it wasn’t visible on the website until the day I called, so when I found out it was available to buy as a sample (and was also within my budget), I booked an appointment immediately. I met my mother at the boutique the following afternoon and all I will say is this: although she didn’t cry, when I turned around for the last time and saw her quiet smile and twinkling eyes, I knew the search was over.
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Passing On Some Wisdom
If anyone told me that I’d find a wedding dress within one month of starting my search, I’d laugh in their face! The fact that I did is down to a mixture of factors but being prepared and understanding what you feel good in definitely helps. So if you’ve recently got engaged or you’re yet to start looking for a dress, here’s a few tips based on my experience:
Things to consider before you book your appointment:
1. Research. With many boutiques now charging for appointments, it pays to do your research in advance. Think about the shapes and necklines that suit you best based on your everyday wear then identify boutiques that stock these styles. Doing so will make it a lot easier for your consultant and potentially save you money on unnecessary appointments.
2. Set your budget. Have a rough figure in mind and work out if there’s any flexibility because you’re bound to fall in love with something that’s JUST over your budget. Don’t forget to account for extra costs such as alterations and VAT, and avoid trying on anything you love but can’t afford – it will haunt you!
3. Pick your appointment dates wisely. If you want to avoid the consultation fees, consider taking a day off work and going midweek. If you have your heart set on a particular dress, call the boutique in advance and check it will be there on the day you visit. I got caught out on this as several dresses I wanted to try on were being used for photo shoots.
4. Spread your visits out. As tempting as it is, don’t cram lots of appointments (for instance five) into one day – it’s exhausting and becomes quite confusing. Spread them out and extend the fun!
5. Consider going to your first appointment solo. This may sound absurd, but doing a trial run alone can really help. Figuring out what you truly feel good in is best done without other people influencing your decision. If you don’t want to go alone, take someone with you who you trust, not just for their opinions but for their ability to spot when you’re feeling uncomfortable or you’re innately excited or you just need help to rationalise your thoughts. My mum is amazing at this and I couldn’t have done it without her.
Things to consider on the day of your appointment:
1. Choose your undergarments wisely. Wear nude, seamless underwear. If you own a pair of spanx, take them. The consultants will not judge you.
2. Do your hair and make-up. Going to your appointment looking polished will make a big difference to how you view your dress. If you plan on having your hair up on the day, pin it back or take some grips as this can also change the entire look.
3. Be open-minded. Like a lot of brides, I was convinced about the style of dress I wanted to wear. I knew what I liked, I knew what I didn’t like and I’d even prepared pinboards for my consultants just to be clear! The dress I ended up choosing couldn’t have been more different to my original vision, so try to be open-minded. If the consultant wants to put you in something you’d never think of wearing, go with it. Chances are you’ll be pleasantly surprised!
4. Consider your venue and ceremony. If you’re getting married abroad, you won’t want a dress with fabric that can crease or has more layers that a rainbow cake. If you’re getting married in a church, eyebrows will raise if there’s more skin than material on show!
5. Be ready to commit (mentally and financially). This only really applies if you’re looking for a sample dress as they don’t tend to hang around for long. Prepare yourself for making that decision but definitely don’t rush if you’re not 100% content.
A final note on choosing ‘the one’.
Having a ‘Cinderella moment’ and making your mother cry are not prerequisites for finding your dream dress. I half expected to look like the Virgin Mary surrounded by white clouds, a chorus of angles with beams of light coming from every orifice. Obviously this did not happen and my mother did not cry, but this didn’t mean it wasn’t the right one for me. I could’ve happily walked down the aisle in all of Phillipa’s dresses but in the end my decision came down to practicality and expense. So don’t be worried if the moment you’re waiting for isn’t obvious – just go with gut!