Planning A Military Wedding
In many ways, planning a military wedding is like planning any other wedding. The ceremony itself is not a military service but a religious one. What makes it a military wedding is the attire and perhaps some traditions not found in civilian weddings. There is such pomp and circumstance, pageantry and patriotism in these sophisticated rituals.
Military weddings are a privilege of those in the armed forces or cadets. All are formal, with military personnel in dress uniform and commanding officers seated according to rank.
Although, there is no “official” military wedding protocol, military weddings differ from tradition weddings in several ways; the main distinction of a military wedding is that the bride and/or groom, as well as service members in the wedding party, usually wear their uniforms. The type of uniform depends on the style of the wedding, the time of day, the season, and most importantly, the government-issued uniform manual:
“Mess” dress uniform is worn for both ultra-formal and formal weddings (i.e., a white or black-tie affair). For most branches, this means a dark-blue uniform, but during the summer months, the army and navy men may wear white pants.
“Class-A” or “Service” dress uniform is appropriate at a semi-formal event (comparable to a suit). Like the “Mess” dress uniforms, these are also dark-blue and sometimes with white pants.
An officer or enlisted personnel in the bridal party wear uniforms in accordance with the formality of the wedding and seasonal regulations. For officers, evening dress uniform conforms to civilian white tie and tails. Dinner or mess dress uniform is in accordance with black tie.
In the case of non-commissioned officers, dress blues or Army green uniforms may be worn at formal or informal weddings. A female officer may wear a traditional bridal gown, or she may be married in uniform
A boutonniere is never worn with a uniform. White gloves are a necessity for all saber (sword) bearers. The choice to attend the wedding in uniform as a military guest is optional.
Any non-military wedding-party members simply wear traditional wedding clothes of the same level of formality as those in uniform.
Suggested Dress
Bride and bridesmaids: The bride can wear her uniform (and so can any bridesmaids), but many military brides opt for a traditional white wedding dress. Bridesmaids might wear navy bridesmaids’ gowns to complement the colors of the men’s uniforms, or any other color dress the bride prefers.
Groom and groomsmen: If any ushers are members of a different service than the groom (Army instead of Navy, for example), they simply wear a uniform of comparable formality to his. The groom and best man do not wear gloves because they will be handling the rings, but the other ushers wear white gloves throughout the ceremony. Boutonnieres are never worn with uniforms; instead, officers wear their military decorations.
Parents: Should the fathers of the bride or groom be active or retired officers, they may wear uniforms. So may mothers, although they usually choose to wear traditional mother-of-the-bride attire.
Guests: Military guests (active or retired) may wear their uniforms or traditional formal attire. For a black- or white-tie affair, put “Mess dress uniform invited” on the invites to request that your guests come in uniform. For a semi-formal wedding put either “Class A uniform invited” or “Service dress uniform invited”.
More On Planning A Military Wedding
The Officiant
If you marry in a military chapel, the chaplain will perform your ceremony, and when you reserve the chapel you’ll arrange a meeting. A few sessions of pre-wedding counseling may also be required. If you’d like your civilian clergy person to co-officiate, talk to both officiants early about the possibility.
Chaplains are commissioned officers and are paid by the service they represent. You do not need to pay them a fee (although you should make a donation to the chapel. It’s customary to offer any assisting civilian clergyman an honorarium.
Seating of Officers
At the ceremony, the bride or groom’s commanding officer and spouse may sit in the front pew if the parents are not present. Or, the commanding officer may sit near or with the family. Flag and general officers are customarily seated just behind the two families.
Military Chapels
Military chapels book quickly in the spring and summer months. Many are filled usually a year in advance. The clergy at the chapel will assist you in making arrangements. Most require pre-marital counseling, so check with them in advance. If you are planning a saber arch, check to see if the chapel has sabers you can use.
If the service is performed by a military chaplain, there is never a fee. He or she should be consulted before hiring musicians or a photographer.
Rules for decorating military chapels vary across the country, but all flowers, candelabra, and other decor are arranged by the Chapel Altar Guild and are the same for all weddings. Some chapels and churches do not furnish decorations; the couple plans them themselves.
Military custom dictates that a formal invitation to the ceremony be extended to the chaplain and his or her spouse. Depending on the size of the couple’s station, as well as commanding officers, their spouses and all or some of the staff officers (and their wives or husbands) should be invited to the wedding.
Ceremony Venue
Many military weddings take place at military chapels or on academy grounds (Army, Navy, or Air Force). If you’d like to use another location, run it by your installation.
Most military chapels are like other in-demand ceremony sites — you need to reserve them at least a year ahead of time, often by applying in writing to the chaplain’s office.
All service academies have more than one chapel; at the Air Force Academy, for example, there are Protestant, Catholic, and Jewish chapels. To marry in a military chapel at a service academy, you must be a graduate or one of the following: a dependent of a graduate; an officer or enlisted person assigned to the academy complex, or his or her dependents; or a faculty or staff member, active or retired, or his or her dependents.
There will probably be no charge for the use of the chapel, but a donation to the chapel fund will be expected. The suggested donation amount is $50-$60.
Military Ceremony Honors
In a military wedding, honoring the bride (or the bride and groom) is an optional tradition based on the personal choice of the bride and groom. Following the religious rite, honoring the bride is a traditional ceremony in which the bride and groom pass through an arch formed by swords or rifles. Naval officers traditionally form the arch with swords.
Navy enlisted persons may honor the bride in a similar fashion. Enlisted members who do not bear arms can use hand salutes; those who bear arms can form an arch of rifles.
The tradition of the wedding arch of swords or honors differs slightly among the different branches of the armed services. In all cases, to have an arch of swords or honors is the choice of the bride and groom. It is an obligation of the best man or the groom to select those who will take part in this presentation, as well as to confirm that all weapons are at the ceremony. The senior usher is responsible for making certain that the ushers are adequately rehearsed in their roles in the honors ceremony as well as the religious rite.
After the religious rite, the senior usher forms all the ushers in two columns, and places them at the vestibule of the RMF, facing inboard. As the newly married couple advances near the Religious Ministries Facility (RMF); exit. . they pause. . the senior usher then declares, Ladies and Gentlemen, it is my honor to present to you, [rank or rate] and Mrs. John Doe. (Variations of this may be required if the bride, or both bride and groom, are military… whichever is common, acceptable, or suitable.) The newly married couple passes through the portal, and the senior usher commands, “Draw swords.” On command, all ushers carry out only the first count of the movement, leaving their swords raised, with tips touching, to form an arch under which the couple passes. After the newlyweds have passed, the senior usher commands, “Return swords.” All ushers return their swords in unison. The senior usher then dismisses the ushers.
This time-honored ritual may differ among the different branches of the armed services and can be altered to oblige enlisted persons. In all cases, however, only the bride and groom pass under the arch of swords or honors.
For additional information on Planning A Military Wedding tune into an archive of my interview on Army Wife Talk Radio. This interview was done in 2006 but the information is still very much relevant today.
Stay tuned for part 2 of Planning A Military Wedding!
Happy Planning
xoxoxo
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