Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!
Shiny and New:
1. Enter Title Here – Rahul Kanakia
Thoughts: I just imagine that that Kanakia couldn’t come up with a title, so that was the stand-in and then everyone was like OMG SO BRILLIANT SO META and it became the actual title.
2. Loud Is How I Love You (Hub City #1) – Mercy Brown
Thoughts: This isn’t what NA cover guys usually look like. Down for guitar player in a flannel.
3. Forgetting August – J. L. Berg
Thoughts: It’s like you can see him trying to remember what her name is. Ginger? Right? It’s Ginger? Poor August.
4. Marked – Laura Williams McCaffrey
Thoughts: This just looks a lot like covers from the past. That’s also a very narrow, unthreatening fist.
5. Air – Ryan Gattis
Thoughts: Because it’s sideways, it took me a while to find the title. It’s cool but also WHY SIDEWAYS?
6. Nothing Up My Sleeve – Diana López
Thoughts: BUT WHAT IS THAT IN YOUR PANT LEG, HMMMM?
7. Rodent – Lisa Lawrence
Thoughts: BURN THE HOUSE DOWN IT CANNOT BE SAVED RUN
8. Crusoe (The Darkness of the Stars #1) – Andrew Lane
Thoughts: The detailing on the door/wall/fence is simply lovely.
9. White Lies, Black Dare – Joanna Nadin
Thoughts: You know I am a fan of the covers with just a few colors. The included shadows make everything feel eerier.
10. A Fierce and Subtle Poison – Samantha Mabry
Thoughts: Feels a bit like the less awesome sibling of Wink Poppy Midnight tbh.
11. Betrayed (The Arnaud Legacy #2) – Lynn Carthage
Thoughts: She yells at the retreating back of her betrayer, “I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU STOLE MY HAIRBRUSH. I TRUSTED YOU!”
12. A Tyranny of Petticoats – Jessica Spotswood, ed
Thoughts: BEST. TITLE. EVER.
13. The Girl in the Well Is Me – Karen Rivers
Thoughts: And those girls with eerily sentient hair just watch me and gossip about me. How rude.
14. Zero-G (Zero-G #1) – William Shatner & Jeff Rovin
Thoughts: Damn it, Jim.
15. The Thirteenth World (Corridor #2) – A.N. Willis
Thoughts: Whatever she finds, at least she’ll face it with A+ lipstick game.
16. Join – Steve Toutonghi
Thoughts: Yes I will enlist with whatever is this pretty. *flies into the light*
17. The Telling – Alexandra Sirowy
Thoughts: Also she looks like she’s about to sneeze underwater.
18. Fatal Beauty – Nazarea Andrews
Thoughts: Heels are murder.
19. Who’s Afraid? – Maria Lewis
Thoughts: KAORU?!?!?!?
20. The King Slayer (The Witch Hunter #2) – Virginia Boecker
Thoughts: I’m a big fan of this. Mega fairy tale vibe. Doesn’t fit with the first cover or what I read of the first book but whatever pretty.
21. A Week of Mondays – Jessica Brody
Thoughts: It’s like Groundhog Day but with Monday. What inhuman cruelty.
22. The Cresswell Plot – Eliza Wass
Thoughts: But it leaves the warped Barbies out for public view. Misdirection!
23. Half Lost (The Half Bad Trilogy #3) – Sally Green
Thoughts: No, that tree is definitively lost to flame.
24. Dreamers Often Lie – Jacqueline West
Thoughts: It looks like she ripped herself and her nice dress into shreds. O_O
25. How Hard Can Love Be? (The Normal Series #2) – Holly Bourne
Thoughts: THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID.
26. Glass Shatters – Michelle Meyers
Thoughts: One hundred percent love, despite the creepy eye peering out at me. Okay, ninety-nine percent love.
27. The Push – Sara V. Zook
Thoughts: NOW KISS made into a book cover.
28. Romancing the Nerd – Leah Rae Miller
Thoughts: I’m thinking she’s the one doing the romancing? She doesn’t look especially nerdy. Though maybe bracelets are the current nerd teen fashion idk.
29. Titans – Victoria Scott
Thoughts: Aside from the fact that I prefer covers not to be vertical like this, LOVE. Those horses look like they should be pulling carriages to Hogwarts or carrying Nazgul.
30. Explorers of the Wild – Cale Atkinson
Thoughts: I don’t usually include picture books but OMG LOOK AT DA CUTE!
31. Sidekick – Natalie Whipple
Thoughts: FYI guys, I’m always down for friendship coming with a side of bacon.
32. Surge (The Taking #0.5) – Melissa West
Thoughts: Dude: heyyyy baby, wanna reenact that Spider-Man scene?
33. Throwing Stones – Robin Reardon
Thoughts: Interestingly, he’s protecting only his right eye from the stones.
34. Black River Falls – Jeff Hirsch
Thoughts: DYSTOPIAN RIVER FALLS.
35. Fire Falling (Air Awakens #2) – Elise Kova
Thoughts: This series has the BEST small pub covers ever.
36. The Poet and the Prophecy (Magic University #4) – Cecilia Tan
Thoughts: Keira Knightley???
37. I Love Him, I Love Him Not (Westgate Prep #2) – Ella Martin
Thoughts: Um, no, child. Falling in love does not mean you have to lose your best friend. Awesome outfit and hair, though.
38. Vicarious (Vicarious #1) – Paula Stokes
Thoughts: I do not want to live vicariously through her. That does not look fun to me.
39. The Unquiet Past (Secrets) – Kelley Armstrong
Thoughts: The past is coming for your brains.
Cover Battles:
1. Sense and Sensuality (The Gravesmeres #3) – Alicia Quigley
Original vs. Redesign: A former WTF redesigned to be much more respectable, though that young lady’s parents might not agree.
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2. The Walled City – Ryan Graudin
US Hardback vs. US Paperback: Always running on your knife is close enough to carrying it, right? Yeah, probs.
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3. The White Rose (The Lone City #2) – Amy Ewing
US vs. UK: Whyyyy are those girls on fire while rose petals rain down on them?
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4. Silence Is Goldfish – Annabel Pitcher
UK vs. US: Oh no, most annoying earworm ever. SILENCE IS GOLDFISH GOLDFISH BUT MY FINS STILL SWIM (or something idk)
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5. The Art of Being Normal – Lisa Williamson
UK vs. German vs. US: RainBOW DOWN to this awesome cover, bitches!
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WTF of the Week:
WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?” If you would like to be part of the fun and have spotted a truly hilarious or horrifying cover, submit it and your snark to readeroffictions@gmail.com and you might be included, though I will filter through submissions and limit the number of entries per week.
1. Black Crow (Raven #2) – J.L. Weil
Thoughts: When you try to do the sexy America Singer armpit sniff and fail.
2. Mark of the Necromancer (Sabrina Grayson) – Tamsin Silver
Thoughts: Well, something should have gotten fired, but it wasn’t the left side of this atrocious cover.
3. Glitter Ponies (Clockpunk Wizard #4) – Lita Burke
Thoughts: GLITTER PONIES!!!!
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