Welcome to Cover Snark, where the people are snarky and the covers quiver in fear. Since I don’t write many snarky book reviews here on A Reader of Fictions, Cover Snark is my outlet. If you click on the title of the book, where possible, I’ve linked to Goodreads. Clicking on the cover itself will show you the cover in a larger size, in most cases. Feel free to love covers I hate and vice versa. Let me know your thoughts in the comments!
Sorry for the belated Cover Snark. The covers are a bit mixed up. Some are in this post, and some will be in Thursday’s. *shrugs* Catching up is hard, yo.
Shiny and New:
1. The Fix – Natasha Sinel
Thoughts: Love her dress, and also that she seems to be wearing a hairtie on her wrist, which was my classic style for a lot of years.
2. Sweaterweather & Other Short Stories – Sara Varon
Thoughts: AWWWWWW. This appeals to my Rocky & Bullwinkle feels. Also to the feels that commercial with all the weird animal friendships does.
3. My Seventh-Grade Life In Tights – Brooks Benjamin
Thoughts: Some of those dance moves are hilariously awkward. Rather like the seventh grade. I love the words hidden in the background.
4. Why Not Me? – Mindy Kaling
Thoughts: Love love love her dress. This stupid feature makes me want to go shopping.
5. The Last Faerie Queen (The Last Changeling #2) – Chelsea Pitcher
Thoughts: That tattoo is straight up asking for someone to shoot an arrow into her shoulder.
6. The Devious Dr. Jekyll (Electric Empire #2) – Viola Carr
Thoughts: OH HEY LADY JEKYLL. The mad scientist look is way hotter on women.
7. The Secrets of Blood and Bone (Jackdaw Hammond #1) – Rebecca Alexander
Thoughts: Not the best use of wolf, but I love the title treatment, so I won’t howl about it too much.
8. Wake of Vultures – Lila Bowen
Thoughts: I don’t think this is going to win featherweight cover boxing.
9. Endure (Defy #3) – Sara B. Larson
Thoughts: Lol. I feel like this shield would distract people. Enemies would be taunting you for your “girly” shield, and you can run them through while they throw their heads back and laugh.
10. The Masked Truth – Kelley Armstrong
Thoughts: A wall seems like an ineffective mask, bc man that would be a lot to wear on your face.
11. The Year of Lightning (The Time Shift Trilogy #1) – Ryan Dalton
Thoughts: I find it odd that the cloud is zigzagging like lightning. Always cloud has envied lightning, but now it has mastered the art of the zigzag.
12. The Sleeping Life (Eferum #2) – Andrea K. Höst
Thoughts: That doesn’t sound too bad, minus the scary vines. I mean, I do love sleep.
13. Riot of Storm and Smoke (Threats of Sea and Sky #2) – Jennifer Ellision
Thoughts: It’s odd to me that the audiobook cover came out first, but who gives a damn when it looks like that?
14. The Forgotten Mountain (The Collectors’ Society #3) – Heather Lyons
Thoughts: GIRL THERE IS A HUGE FUCKING SPIDER. RUNNNNNNN.
15. The Time of the Clockmaker – Anna Caltabiano
Thoughts: Girl, that clock is exploding over your head and maybe trying to suck you through a tractor beam. You should be running as fast as the girl above, not praying.
16. The Nightmare Charade (The Arkwell Academy #3) – Mindee Arnett
Thoughts: All boats should look like dragons.
17. Inherit the Stars – Tessa Elwood
Thoughts: Is this how people in space are dressing? It’s very Star Trek meets Gossip Girl. I also don’t get why she’s turning away, like we’re the paparazzi and she can’t even.
18. Yours Truly (Pen Pal #1) – Cassie Shine
Thoughts: Cute, but I thought it was a middle grade until I went to grab a Goodreads link for it.
19. Return of the Witch – Paula Brackston
Thoughts: SURPRISE, BITCHESSSSSS!
20. My Secret to Tell – Natalie D. Richards
Thoughts: Meh.
21. And Again – Jessica Chiarella
Thoughts: Siamese twins?
22. The Key to Extraordinary – Natalie Lloyd
Thoughts: I’m not incredibly keyn on it, but whatevs cute illustrations.
23. Surviving Ice (Burying Water #4) – K.A. Tucker
Thoughts: Um YES TO THIS HEROINE.
24. See How They Run (Embassy Row #2) – Ally Carter
Thoughts: Looks more like she’s doing a runway strut away from the embassy she just burned down.
25. Through the Dark (The Darkest Minds #1.5, 2.5 ,3.5) – Alexandra Bracken
Thoughts: Well, it’s nICE, I guess.
26. This Is Where It Ends – Marieke Nijkamp
Thoughts: Cannot help wondering if this is really how chalk would react if hit by a bullet.
Cover Battles:
1. Extraordinary Means – Robyn Schneider
US vs. UK: The UK cover is fucking beautiful and seems to fit the content. US, YOU LOSE.
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2. The Tattooed Heart (Messenger of Fear #2) – Michael Grant
UK vs. US: I like that they resisted putting a heart on here. However, that mountain is very phallic all up in that A’s business.
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3. City of Ashes (The Mortal Instruments #2) – Cassandra Clare
US Original vs. US Redesign: This is SO much more badass, even though Clary looks like she’s just falling down. Meanwhile, these redesigns still look like adult PNR, just less like romance novels now.
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4. City of Glass (The Mortal Instruments, #3) – Cassandra Clare
US Original vs. US Redesign: Not sure which guy that is. Based on the chains, I’m guessing it’s the evil dude? Idek. Still better than the original. #lowbar
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5. City of Fallen Angels (The Mortal Instruments #4) – Cassandra Clare
US Original vs. US Redesign: Isabelle, I presume? She looks like a badass bitch, compared to Clary falling down. Seems about right.
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6. City of Lost Souls (The Mortal Instruments #5) – Cassandra Clare
US Original vs. US Redesign: Not sure who this guy is, but yes I will take this over a canoodling Jace and Clary any fucking day.
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7. City of Heavenly Fire (The Mortal Instruments #6) – Cassandra Clare
US Original vs. US Redesign: My, what a big sword he has.
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8. Clockwork Angel (The Infernal Devices #1) – Cassandra Clare
US Original vs. US Redesign: Weeping clockwork angels cannot be defeated with swords, sir.
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9. Clockwork Prince (The Infernal Devices, #2) – Cassandra Clare
US Original vs. US Redesign: JEM AND HIS VIOLIN. AHAHAHAHA. Am now wondering if he is in any way related to the Holograms….
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10. Clockwork Princess (The Infernal Devices #3) – Cassandra Clare
US Original vs. US Redesign: Hmmm, it looks more intense, but the heroine also looks way weaker. Then again, Tessa. That dress is gorgeous though, despite the blood spatter.
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11. The Winner’s Kiss (The Winner’s Trilogy #3) – Marie Rutkoski
US vs. UK: This may be an unpopular opinion, but I like these two better than the first two covers, because I don’t even know. I prefer the UK’s green dress, though, because pretty color.
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12. Madly (The Potion Trilogy #1) – Amy Alward
US Take 1 vs. US Take 2: Truly madly deeply glad they redesigned this.
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WTF of the Week:
WTF of the Week began as a special category for one cover I saw, but was so popular it became a recurring feature. Here, I highlight covers, both new and old, that I’ve found, which, upon viewing, made me either snort or say something along the lines of “Dear God, what is that thing?” If you would like to be part of the fun and have spotted a truly hilarious or horrifying cover, submit it and your snark to readeroffictions@gmail.com and you might be included, though I will filter through submissions and limit the number of entries per week.
1. Unforgettable – Eric James Stone
Thoughts: Video game nightmare. Also, how much does that guy look like Val Kilmer????
2. The Robot, Zombie, Dragon, A.I. Unicorn Chronicles – David Gatewood & Ellen Campbell, eds.
Thoughts: OMG LOOK AT IT.
3. I’m Losing You (Stafford Brothers #4) – Chicki Brown
Thoughts: “Stop crying, bitch. I’m sleeping.”
Choose Your Favorites:
Snarking is fun, but it’s time to give the designers/publishers/authors props (the authors often have no creative say, but hey props are nice). Vote for the covers that really impressed you this week.
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