EDIT: At the suggestion of commenter John Dorian, I should give specific examples rather than generalizations, and apparently talk more about how these things affect men. Well, the question was about women. If you want to know about how patriarchy negative affects men, Mr. Dorian, I suggest you pose the question to Quora and let men tell you about their experiences rather than ask me to do so when I've never lived as a man. What you perceive as that chimera known as "female chauvinism" was simply me answering the question that was asked. But here you go, specific examples galore.
As a young girl, I was given toys that would encourage me to learn skills such as cooking, cleaning, childcare, and personal appearance maintenance. My brothers were given cars and legos, which I then got into trouble for wanting to share. I was repeatedly told from a young age that little girls have to be pretty, and quiet, and set an example. When I asked why my brothers didn't have to be quiet or wear itchy, uncomfortable pink dresses (I hated the color pink), I was told it was because they were boys. It did not matter that what was expected of me didn't come naturally to me. I was supposed to act in a certain way because I was a girl, and my failure to act that way meant I was a "bad girl." I was also told that nobody likes a girl who behaved the way I did, that boys wouldn't like me, that I was asking for trouble, etc. All this, mind you, for not wanting to wear uncomfortable dresses in a color I hated and sit quietly with my hands folded while the boys were tearing around on the playground, having fun.
I was told that girls were better at English while boys were better at math and science, so when I didn't immediately take to math and science the way I did to English, I assumed I was incapable of learning these subjects (despite scoring well above my grade level on all tests for years and being repeatedly placed in honors math and sciences courses throughout middle school and high school). I in fact DID have an aptitude for math that was well above typical for my age and education level. But I learned to hate it and came to believe I sincerely could not do it because I was a girl. I was not an adult with the knowledge and ability to know that this was utterly ludicrous. I was a child, being told by adults that I couldn't do something, and being encouraged to do something else instead. And since it was something that I actually had to be taught a bit rather than picking it up on my own, the way I did with reading or spelling, I assumed they were right. It never occurred to me that these were different kinds of skills with different rules and that they may have to be developed in different ways (i.e. one could be picked up through exposure while the other would require tutelage). I believed the grown-ups who told me girls couldn't do math, because they were grown-ups who were supposed to know what they were talking about and have my best interests at heart. Despite this, I should note that I went on to study and excel in traditionally competitive, male-dominated fields in college (journalism, graphic and web design, information technology). In a school that was 75% female, I was one of five women in my IT work study program. That's not four women at the same time, mind you, but four women who rotated through at different times while I was there.
Despite being an A/B student, earning a college degree while working two jobs to pay for my own expenses, driving a car I bought with my own money, being a few months away from completing a Masters at an Ivy League institution, and snagging and holding a full-time job that pays all my bills in an economy that has most of my similarly-educated peers still living at home with their parents while they continue the ever-fruitless hunt for an entry-level job...I am considered the black sheep (my dad calls me his "different child" to make it sound nicer), because, among other things, I'm a girl who doesn't want to get married or have children.
Last year I took a cross country road trip, which I spent months planning and saving for. Virtually every person I met on the way (as well as most of my friends and several family members) insisted that I was being reckless because a woman should never travel such great distances alone. They were very specific about the woman part. Several even outright stated that it would be a different matter entirely if I were a man, but it was "too dangerous" for a woman. My dad implied that I was incapable of taking care of myself and had no practical skills. I plotted, timed, budgeted, and navigated the entire trip, from Kennebunkport, Maine to Los Angeles, California and back to Boston, Massachusetts. I experienced no injuries or automobile accidents, I did not get lost, I went camping for part of the trip, I got into no trouble, and I had an amazing experience. But apparently I shouldn't have done it, because I'm a girl.
I had a roommate in college who lamented, completely unironically, that we were "wasting" our most fertile reproductive years on getting an education.
I have personally been called a bitch on multiple occasions for being assertive, for demanding respect, for refusing sexual advances.
Every time the real possibility of a female president comes up, there are questions in the media about whether a woman can do the job, whether we're "ready" for a female president, whether a woman is too gentle or too unstable (due to her periods, because that totally makes us unstable) to effectively perform in office.
Women currently make up a little over half the population of the United States, and hold less than a fourth of government positions. We have never had a female president.
People ask female political candidates with children how they plan to be a mother and hold an office at the same time. No one ever asks male candidates with children how they plan to be fathers and hold office at the same time.
If I develop romantic feelings for a guy friend who doesn't return them, I am told I've made things awkward. If I don't take that news well, I'm called pathetic and/or crazy. If a guy friend develops romantic feelings for me that I don't return, I am told that I've led him on, at best. At worst, he gets really angry with me and I become the bitch who friendzoned him and doesn't give nice guys a chance.
Men on the red carpet at Awards shows get asked about how it feels to be there, about their past achievements, about their hopes for the evening, etc. Women get asked to talk about who made their dress. If you want a real-life example of this, go watch the 2014 Oscars pre-show.
During the post-Avengers convention season, the male stars of The Avengers--Robert Downey, Jr, Chris Evans, Jeremy Renner, Chris Hemsworth, and Mark Ruffalo--were asked thoughtful, in-depth questions about their acting process, their characters, how they got into the right mindset, how it was performing the stunts, and working with the other cast and crew. Scarlet Johannson got asked about her weight loss regimen and her tight costume. When she stood up for herself and refused to answer those kinds of questions, she was called a diva and a bitch. When her male costars stood up for her, they were praised for being so brave and chivalrous.
Men star in comic book movies. Women co-star in comic book movies. Consider how many screen reboots and incarnations of Batman, Spiderman, and Superman there have been (despite overwhelming evidence on the part of the last that a reboot will not be welcomed by audiences). Consider how many there have been of Wonder Woman, despite the fact that people are begging for it.
Men are expected to shower--wash body and hair--and maybe shave their face (depending on their job it may not be necessary), and wear deodorant. Women are expected to shower--which includes conditioning the hair, taking a ped-egg or pumice stone to the feet, shaving the legs, pubic area, and armpits, and cleansing/exfoliating the face--keep their face free of any hair that isn't eyebrows, keep their eyebrows shaped, moisturize everything (with different moisturizers for face and body at the least), wear tasteful perfume, and apply at least some form of light makeup in order to be considered professional and hygienic. I know women who buy doubles of all of their beauty products, in order to maintain the appearance that is required of them at work. I know women who have been called out by their superiors for not meeting this minimum standard, even if they are adhering to what would be considered professional for men (i.e. they are clean, their clothes are clean and pressed, their hair is neat, they wear deodorant).
The media encourages women to look past a man's looks to the person he is, and are lambasted for rejecting a man according to his looks. Consider shows like The Big Bang Theory and The King of Queens, or movies like Knocked Up, in which an average-looking or overweight man is paired with a conventionally attractive woman. Consider the number of commercials depicting a family that features an average-looking guy with a stunningly beautiful wife. By contrast, the media encourages men to seek the most beautiful women out there. Men are given a metaphorical cookie for being so "open-minded" as to date a woman who doesn't fit society's standards for beauty. How often do you see an absolutely gorgeous man cast along a slightly overweight, plain-faced woman in a romantic comedy? I'd be willing to bet never. The few films that do cast an overweight woman in a supporting role typically maker her "fat comic relief," with the majority of the "humor" stemming from her weight (consider Fat Amy in Pitch Perfect as an example). When overweight or "ugly" women are cast in lead roles for film and television, their role is defined by the fact that they don't fit society's beauty standard, and much of the plot in some way revolves around or is defined by that (Ugly Betty, Super Fun Night, Beautiful Girl).
Fat men are comedians. See Seth Rogen, Zach Galifianakis, who play diverse and interesting roles that are often humorous and yet touching. Fat women are punchlines. See Rebel Wilson's entire career so far, which is generally based around jokes about her size, with the exception of the film Struck By Lightning (which still couldn't resist throwing in that one fat joke).
Rape jokes. Like rape itself, they almost always victimize women, and women who don't laugh at them or ignore them are considered a buzzkill. I have heard friends, male and female, tell rape jokes. I don't think they're funny. If I say so, however, I get shouted down. Also, consider the Daniel Tosh stand-up in which a woman called him out for a rape joke and got up to leave, to which he responded with asking the audience "wouldn't it be funny" if someone just raped her right there on the spot. The general consensus seems to be that he was totally justified and that she was "asking for it."
This country is 238 years old. Women have been able to vote for less than 100 of them. Yes, we've been legally able to vote since 1920, but that's still a late start out of the gate, which hardly makes for a fair spot in the human race, if you'll forgive me a pun.
A man who takes his shirt off outside when it's hot is cooling off. A woman who wears a tank top and shorts outside when it's hot is asking for it. Moreover, in most states it is illegal for a woman to be bare-chested in public no matter how hot it is, despite the fact that the breasts are not sex organs and that their primary function has nothing whatsoever to do with sex. And even when women are using their breasts for their primary biological function (breast feeding), they are often ridiculed for it and called disgusting and inappropriate. Women have been ordered out of places for breast feeding. This severely limits a woman's ability to remain mobile after childbirth and still choose the healthiest option for their babies, especially women who do not have the financial resources or time to pursue alternative methods of collecting and storing milk for feeding their newborns.
My female friends who choose to have a lot of sex are called sluts, often by the very guys they're sleeping with. When I refused to have sex at all, I got called a prude (especially by the guys I wasn't sleeping with). My female friends who don't want to have sex very often are called frigid. I want sex sometimes, but not all the time. For this, I have been called a tease. I have also been told by one of the guys I apparently "teased" that I was lucky he was a nice guy, because a guy who wasn't as nice as him might not have taken no for an answer. Basically, "good thing I'm nice or you would be raped right now." It literally does not matter how much sex you do or don't have as a woman, there's a derogatory term for you (especially if you say no when a man wants sex).
These derogatory terms are considered inherently feminine, as evidenced by the fact that when applied to men in an attempt to show that the person is universally judgmental of other people's sexual choices (as opposed to being sexist about it), the term is always man-slut, man-whore, etc.
"Strong female characters" in media usually means a one-dimensional cardboard cutout who eschews all physical, mental, and emotional weakness or frivolousness, because our society automatically genders weakness and frivolousness as inherently feminine, while strength, bravery, and stoicism are considered inherently male.
Interesting female characters are considered so unusual in popular media that writers like Joss Whedon and George R.R. Martin continually get asked by interviewers "why" and "how" they write such "strong" and "interesting" women, as if women are not inherently either of these things, or writing them as such should be considered very difficult.
Male villains are often feminized to highlight how "evil" they are (both reinforcing the idea that feminine=bad and utilizing gross "camp gay" stereotypes). Here's a great post about all of that, and if you read to the very bottom you'll see a lot of awesome history about those stereotypes as well: http://fandomsandfeminism
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"You hit like a girl." "You throw like a girl." "You play ball like a girl." "Don't be such a girl." All ways of insulting men and shaming them for their behavior...and all of them are based on the idea that "girl" is an insult.
Women are expected to choose between a career and a family. If a woman chooses her career, she's selfish and destined to die alone. I have personally been criticized for my choice to not have children, and had it heavily implied that I will regret it someday, that it's unnatural of me, that all women want to be mothers, etc. Not just by my family and friends, but by strangers on the internet (read the comments, there's at least one "I hope you don't regret it" in there).
If a woman chooses family, she's considered an anti-feminist doormat who's been brainwashed by the patriarchy (this is usually perpetuated by pseudo-feminists who think that feminism means moving barriers around rather than removing them and giving women actual self-determination). When I was in a four year relationship and thinking of getting married after college? Giant shitstorm from the women in my life about how I was wasting my potential and didn't I want to make something of myself (implying of course that I couldn't do that if I got married and started a family).
If a woman tries to do both, she's greedy as well as selfish, and how does she expect to be a good mother if she's always working? I have had this question posed to me. Many of my professionally motivated female friends have, also. See my earlier paragraph on the difference between how male and female political candidates with children are treated by media. Men, on the other hand, expect to be able to have both, because men are not expected to be the primary caregivers. None of my guy friends ever worry about balancing a family and a career. Many of them assume (out loud) that their wife will do most of the child-rearing. Not all men (obviously if you're a man and you don't think this way this isn't directed at you), but there are men out there that expect their wives to both work full time and still do the majority of the housework and childcare. And society's reinforcement from an early age of gender roles that espouse this idea support them in this belief.
Read other answers by
April Gunn on Quora:
Feminism: Why do feminists complain of photoshopped pictures of models in advertising and magazines, when the alternative is much worse?
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