Here’s a letter from a reader: 
I am fairly confident when speaking except when I'm speaking at work, even when I'm prepared. For some reason, when I'm in meetings, I get tongue-tied and forget what I'm going to say. I'm in the technology field so it's imperative that I think and talk clearly and quickly.
I'm reading Smart Talk and listening to your podcast. I attend Toastmasters semi-regularly and I've been looking for opportunities to speak outside of work. In fact, I taught a 3 hour class on Saturday and it went well. I'd like to feel just as comfortable and confident speaking with colleagues and experts in my profession. I would be interested in possibly having you coach me. Mary W.
Mary, one of my favorite activities is business and professional development coaching. However, due to the popularity of my podcast, I receive many requests for one-on-one help and unfortunately I can only take two to three coaching clients at a time, since I commit myself to making sure my clients accomplish their goals.
So let me give some general suggestions to help you, and others, move forward with your development.
First, it’s great that you’re already taking action on this. You’re stepping out, finding opportunities to speak in public to develop your overall confidence in public speaking. That will help.
And it’s not uncommon for people to feel confident speaking in front of strangers but shy among the people they know. There could be many reasons for this. Maybe you’re afraid of “messing up” in front of people you have to see every day. Maybe you’re concerned someone will disagree with you and you tend to avoid conflict. Maybe it’s a fear of asking a dumb question. Whatever it is, you can see the pattern here—it’s not public speaking you’re afraid of. It’s probably more a question of self-confidence. This is not at all uncommon, and it may be a little comfort to know it’s most common among the most intelligent (Is It Possible to Be Less Intelligent in Group Settings? Part 1 and Part 2) and the most talented (What Surprising Secret Do Katy Perry, Niall Horan, and Harrison Ford Have in Common?)! Nonetheless, these celebrities are proof that you too can overcome this issue.
Build Your Confidence
Since you’ve started speaking publicly, your next step is to build your own self-confidence. I’ve done several podcasts on this, and some of them have great links to resources that can really help you.
Thinking on Your Feet
How Power Poses Can Build Confidence
6 Body Language Secrets of Powerful People
Speak Up at Meetings
While you’re working on your confidence, you need to bite the bullet and speak at meetings. Perhaps you’ve heard Mark Twain’s quote, “Eat a frog first thing every morning and nothing worse will happen to you all day.” It’s a great reminder to do what you dislike most first, and everything is smooth sailing after that! So plan to speak up within the first 10 minutes of the meeting. In the beginning, keep it simple: agree with something someone said, or agree and add a little point or an anecdote. Then maybe work up to asking a question. Once you begin participating, you will start to get positive feedback (unless you work in a toxic environment. In which case, get out as soon as possible). This will also build your confidence, and you’ll begin to feel more comfortable sharing your own ideas.
When you’re at the meeting, watch your posture. Sit up straight, showing confidence.
When you’re at the meeting, watch your posture. Sit up straight, showing confidence. Speak from the diaphragm so you can be heard at the other end of the table. Smile and make eye contact.
Enlist Help
Mention to a colleague who is a good friend that you would like to start sharing more. Ask if he can support you at meetings. Ask him, if you share something would he back you up with a positive follow-up comment? Would he ask you a pre-determined question, which you have prepared an answer for, that will highlight your knowledge and skills? Once you have several positive experiences speaking at a meeting, you will find it gradually easier, until it becomes natural.
I encourage you to try these methods. I also recommend asking for a mentor—a senior leader in your Toastmaster's district to help you work on your goals. If you still think you’d benefit from a professional coach, feel free to contact me, or another qualified coach with a proven track record.
After you've given some of this a try, let me know which of these techniques helped you most! I'd love to add your experience to a future blog or podcast!
This is Lisa B. Marshall, moving you from mediocre to memorable, from information to influence, and from worker to leader! I invite you to read my best-selling books, Smart Talk and Ace Your Interview, listen to my other podcast, Smart Talk, and invest in your professional development via my online courses Powerful Presenter, Expert Presenter, or Influence: Maximize Your Impact.
As always, your success is my business!
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