ltofoceania:
quingigillion:
@ltofoceania
DPD!dirk headcanons
- due to extreme trauma/brainwashing/experimentation in blackwing, dirk experiences dissociative personality disorder, with svlad being a coping mechanism personality who accepted the CIA training and will FUCK SHIT UP while dirk is more stable but very childlike and naive
- todd first sees dirk when blackwing comes to take him for a second time and Svlad takes over. he kills the operatives without a care, in order to stay alive and protect him and dirk
- todds freaking out and theres just this cool quiet very english voice telling him to shut up and let him work and the next thing todd knows him and this not-dirk are surrounded by a mountain of bodies
- dirk is terrified svlad will come out and scare or hurt todd and his other new friends and does his best to stop him from appearing. whenever dirk comes back he’s always horrified and cries and apologises profusely to todd
- in a bioshock/winter soldier way riggins has dirk programmed to become svlad when a certain phrase is spoken allowing him to control this weapon
- in his own way svlad gets to know todd and quite approves of his other halfs “friend” so he spares him but it still freaks todd out to see dirk become this emotionless trained killing machine
- sometimes todd just comes home to find a tided apartment and svlad sitting there being obnoxious and he just shrugs and says dirk couldnt cope and let svlad take over because dirk sometimes relies on svlad to be strong and shelter him and do the stuff he finds too difficult to do
- todd panics whenever svlads around for too long because he worries dirk will never come back and he has to live with this high maintenace cold shoulder killer while he waits for dirk
- often todd cant even tell straight away when theyve switched
- even in dangerous situations dirk begins to resist svlad, endangering them both, because he doesnt want todd to have to deal with the aftermath
- also they have to keep two wardrobes
because of svlads distaste for dirks colourful jackets and printed ties and he always changes into something silk in black or grey whenever hes around for more than an hour
- dirk gets headaches whenever svlad is out for a long time
- imagine svlad kissing todd out of curiosity one day and when dirk comes back hes horribly horribly stressed and teary and angry that svlad would take todd from him and steal HIS friend away and corrupt it into something sexual and svlads like oh child, cant you see todd needs someone his own age to understand and relate to
- svlad is charming and handsome and deceptively distracting but whenever todd kisses him its like kissing a plank of wood because something is cold and dead inside him
- svlad has issues with loneliness. he wont ever admit it but he does actually like having people who can help if theyre competent. the loneliness bothers him just as much as dirk if not more because dirk has friends and they are his friends. not svlads.
- the others start to accept svlad more but he begins to make a concious effort to only come out when dirk most needs him, in a feeble attempt not to be an ass and give dirk some happiness
- svlad working on his people skills as he tries to fit into dirk’s life better. everyone is freaked out by it. normally he makes offhand comments (insults) to them all in passing but the day he says “todd, you’re looking well. i am going out for a walk. do you need me to pick up anything from the shops on my way back?” everyone loses their shit. they think svlad is dying
- ask dirk gains more control he begins to let svlad ride shotgun and eventually swap out with him for brief periods while him and todd are spooning or grocery shopping or something so that svlad can feel normal and fill the gaping hole in his chest, if only for 5 minutes
- occasionally dirk tries on svlads clothes because he has them and they fit and somewhere deep in him svlad is Eyerolling™ and when todd walks in his heart still stops until dirk turns around with a grin and its clearly him not the killing machine (or is it???????? dun dun durrr)
@quingigillion
You done did it again. Quality. I shall add the rest of what we discussed if you don’t mind.
- Maybe Svlad just gets very good at imitating Dirk and one days slides in and no one even notices.
~But Svlad’s got a tick that Dirk doesn’t, or rather a lack of ticks.How like in the show Dirk is real twitchy. His hands are always going.Svlad doesn’t twitch like that. Svlad is always still. He can pass for Dirk until he’s forced to sit still. His hands remain still. Dirk however is always fiddling with something.
- Svlad is a finely tuned instrument of death while Dirk is leaf in the stream of creation.
- When there’s no twitchy hands Todd is like “the fuck you want Svlad?”
Svlad is all: “I don’t know what you mean?”
Todd: “Bitch I know you aren’t Dirk. You’re far too still. Like a statue and it’s uncomfortable to just look at you.”
~Dirk is cacKLING within and is so proud of Todd. Svlad is just “fml I am a trained killing machine and this Basic™ man just called me out.”
- And even if he does manage to get the twitch down there’s something about the way he glances around. Like he’s checking for exits. And spot checks like Farah. Todd knows that Dirk just learned about those but doesn’t even understand the concept.
- Todd always finds out eventually but then has to worry about how long Svlad was there for, tries to think of when he might have switched.
- Dirk is always apologetic after.
~Todd’s like: “Don’t be. That asshole should be the one apologizing.”
- Except for when it’s on the good days and Dirk & Svlad, in collusion with Farah, are testing Todd. But sometimes it’s just Svlad being a dick and shutting Dirk out so he can hold hands with Todd and solve cases b/c he’s a jealous boy.
~Svlad got it into his head that if Todd is to be an appropriate partner for Dirk, then he has to learn how to deal with unexpected switches. Even though Dirk has been very good at controlling it, you can never bee too careful. Todd can read him by that point and gives Svlad shit about it.
~Svlad can’t take the teasing and is just: “Dirk come back please. Deal with your boyfriend. I can’t do this. He bopped my nose with ice cream."
- Todd pecks Dirk on the cheek and as he pulls away he’s like “Svlad I felt you switch, honestly, leave us in peace.” Svlad is just "I didn’t even want to be out in the first place. Dirk forced it. He likes to torture me!”
- So there’s a nice understanding between the 3 of them. Svlad learns to be more human while Dirk learns to not be so afraid anymore. And Todd learns to love both of the two men.
- Svlad versus ice cream on nose = short circuiting
I’m crying because this is glorious.
Svlad wearing the same kind of black silk CIA-style suit and leather gloves that Friedkin was wearing at the end of episode eight and Dirk fucking loathes switching back because he’ll catch sight of himself in the mirror and have the worst flashbacks. Dirk swears he’s going to donate all of Svlad’s stupid suits to charity one day but he knows damn well that Svlad would have no qualms about torching his collection of leather jackets so there’s this uneasy aesthetic truce. For now.
They’re in bed one night and Dirk jokes that technically this counts as a threesome and Todd’s brain short-circuits.
Svlad joking that they should change the office plaque to Svlad Cjelli’s Holistic Detective Agency and the entire mystery squad is like no, that would cost a lot of money and also we’re not assholes. We like working for Dirk a lot. We like working for you… not as much.
Todd boops Svlad on the nose with ice-cream and it’s like when a cat suddenly gets something on its face, there’s a lot of facial twitching and if he had fur it would be standing on end.
Dirk and Svlad feeling when they get an intuition and arguing furiously about what the fuck it means (Dirk usually thinks that it involves a chase, Svlad usually thinks that something or someone has to die). It’s for that reason that Svlad and Bart get along like a house on fire.
Though often Dirk switches back after Svlad’s been spending time with Bart and he doesn’t realize that he’s covered in blood until Todd’s looking at him with concern because he’s been accidentally leaving red handprints all over the apartment again (Dirk usually spends at least half an hour in the shower when this happens, and both he and Todd pretend that he’s not having an anxiety attack every time).
Svlad trying to Bond™ with Farah over their extensive knowledge of weaponry, they go out to the shooting range with Estevez one weekend and go out drinking afterwards. Svlad manages to drink both of them under the table but taps out overnight, Dirk’s left to deal with the worst hangover in his entire life and he swears that he’s never going to forgive Svlad for this.
Until.
One night where Dirk and Todd are in the middle of a fight and one of the mafia henchmen throws a knife at Todd but suddenly Svlad’s there catching the knife mid-air just before it hits Todd in the chest (when asked about it later, Svlad looks thoughtful and shrugs and eventually says that saving Todd took a lot less energy than dealing with an emotionally distraught Dirk would take).
Following on from the above, Dirk isn’t quite sure how to thank Svlad. It’s hard to be grateful to someone who is also essentially yourself (Dirk has a lot of emotions about whether Svlad is actually a ride-or-die friend or an arch-nemesis or a particularly intense role he’s playing, he’s slowly getting better at understanding
dissociative personality disorder
as a concept but the CIA wasn’t great with his mental health so there’s a long way to go). He eventually decides that a bit of compromise never hurt anyone and invests in a black leather jacket (it’s still leather! but it doesn’t look like a liquorice allsort!) which both psychic beans can happily wear.
Both Dirk and Svlad love J-Pop but only one of them willingly embraces it (Svlad maintains that he has A Reputation™ to uphold and no-one really wants to antagonize the heavily armed psychic ex-CIA agent).
((Tagging @marizetta because of CIA!Dirk reasons!))