From Amanda’s “vase” to Paris’ “gum,” here are some of my all-time favorite celebrity excuses.
Menstrual Cramps
On December 11, 2006, several drivers dialed 911 after they spotted a SUV going the wrong way on the 134 Freeway in Burbank. When CHP responded, they discovered the confused driver was none other than Nicole Richie. While there was no alcohol in her system, she did admit to having smoked pot and taken Vicodin before getting behind the wheel, but she had a good explanation for it: “I have really bad menstrual cramps.”
I Got Caught Up In The Moment
When Michael Jackson dangled his infant child Blanket over Berlin’s Adlon Hotel balcony in November 2002 as a crowd of nearly 200 screaming fans congregated below, the world went into a frenzy, but the pop star had a good reason for his major parenting mishap: “I got caught up in the excitement of the moment.”
It Was The Anniversary Of My Father’s Death
When Khloe Kartrashian was busted for DUI in March 2007, she blamed the incident on “the anniversary” of her father’s death during an interview with Ryan Seacrest the following year. This, however, couldn’t be farther from the truth… considering her dad died September 30, 2003.
The excuse, however, covers the phony DUI reenactment that appeared during season one of Keeping Up With The Kartrashians - which hadn’t even gotten the greenlight from E! during the time of Khloe’s actual arrest. Reality TV not being real? Shocker!
Stray Dessert
In December 2006, Paris Hilton was spotted leaving a lunch with pal Brandon Davis at NYC’s Nello restaurant with a bright white substance inside her nostril.
After the sighting hit Page Six, Paris’ super-publicist Elliot Mintz swooped in to save her & come up with one of my favorite excuses of all time:
“I can tell you Paris does not use narcotics. I would imagine [it’s] something like whipped cream or a sugary substance from dessert. Something that naturally might have found it’s way to onto her face if she touched her nose or whatever. I’d label it a stray dessert.“
I know when I eat something sugary or sweet, part of it always ends up in my nose. Totally understandable P, we all know you’d never do coke anyways!
The Pants With The Coke Aren’t Mine
In the wee hours of July 24, 2007, police responded to a frantic call from a woman claiming she was being chased by someone in a white GMC. The woman led the car into a parking lot where police caught the driver of the GMC… Lindsay Lohan. When cops found cocaine in Lohan’s pocket, she quickly explained: ”I am wearing a pair of borrowed jeans from a friend.“ And in that moment, history was made.
Lindsay’s frenemy Paris Hilton also employed the ’borrowed from a friend’ excuse when she was busted for cocaine possession on the Vegas strip in August 2010. When police found a small quantity of blow in her brand new Chanel bag, she claimed that she had borrowed the purse from a pal.
Her Twitter account, however, told a much different story:
It Was For A Role
When Winona Ryder walked into a Beverly Hills Saks Fifth Avenue on December 12, 2001, quite a few eyebrows were raised when she started cutting security tags off of the clothing with scissors - and even more when she walked out of the store without paying for anything! Once security guards caught her, a store manager pondered whether or not they should refer to the case to the police. Ryder then stood up, took the manager’s hand, and told him: ”I’m sorry for what I did. My director directed me to shoplift for a role I was preparing.“
Other stars who’ve used the ’preparing for a role’ excuse include actress Tatum O'Neal when she was caught buying crack cocaine near her Manhattan apartment building in June 2008 (To be fair, if she just said her dad’s Ryan O'Neal that would’ve explained everything), and Britney Spears when she infamously brutalized a car with an umbrella in February 2007:
Many wondered if Britney was losing her mind, but she simply explained she was getting ready to give Crossroads its much-deserved sequel:
Ridiculous Expectations
When Kirsten Dunst checked into Utah’s famous Cirque Lodge Rehab in February 2008, many assumed her problems were alcohol or drug related, I mean… these pictures sure didn’t help:
But soon after checking out of the facility, she announced the real reason she sought treatment was for her depression. However, the reason she said was depressed is what really qualifies her for this post. In an interview with Town & Country magazine last year, she explained that the ridiculous expectations Hollywood stars face is what made her depressed in the first place… and the only addiction she had is to people-pleasing. Whatever you say, Kiki!
My Bong Was A Vase
When the doorman to Amanda Bynes’ West 47th Street apartment building spotted the former Nickelodeon star smoking weed in the lobby on May 23, 2013, he called the police to report the troubled starlet. By the time cops arrived, however, Amanda had already retreated to her apartment on the 36th floor. When the officers got to her apartment, they spotted a bong sitting on the kitchen counter. Suddenly, a frantic Amanda grabbed it & chugged it out the window to the pedestrian-filled sidewalk below.
During a court hearing the following day, though, Amanda kindly explained to the judge that the glass object she tossed out the window wasn’t a bong like the police had thought, it was ”just a vase.“ Well, that settles it!
We’re Country!
In February 2006, pictures surfaced of Britney Spears driving with her 5-month-old son Sean Preston on her lap. Immediately after the pictures were released, outrage ensued over Brit Brit’s bad parenting, and it even sparked an investigation by the LA County Department of Children & Family Services. Brit’s original explanation for the incident was that she was ”trapped“ in her car by paparazzi & that she ”instinctively took measures“ to get Sean out of harm’s way. However, she sorta backtracked on that statement during a June 2006 interview with Matt Lauer, simply relating the incident to the fact she’s from Louisiana.
In-N-Out Burger
Paris Hilton had just spent the day shooting her Nothing In This World video on September 7, 2006 when she was stopped by Hollywood police for driving erratically. When officers conducted a field sobriety test, it was determined that Paris was under the influence & she was booked for DUI. She had a good explanation for the arrest, though, when she talked about it on Ryan Seacrest’s radio show later that morning: ”I was just really hungry and I wanted to have an In-N-Out burger.“
Pretending To Be A Horse
In January 2009, pictures of Amy Winehouse crawling on her hands and knees at a hotel in St. Lucia surfaced online, alongside reports that she was crouching near tables trying to get alcohol from other hotel guests. Her dad Mitch, however, explained it all: ”She was just having fun pretending to be a horse.“
Acid Reflux
The night Ashlee Simpson’s career died is one for the history books. On October 23, 2004, Ashlee appeared on Saturday Night Live as a musical guest to promote her album Autobiography. After ”performing“ Pieces of Me without a hitch, she got ready for her second song when the vocals to Pieces of Me started blaring once again. Clueless as to what she should do next, she decided to do a hoedown. At the end of the episode she awkwardly stood beside host Jude Law & blamed the snafu on her band playing the wrong song, but she came up with a better excuse two nights later: ”I have severe acid reflux and it was just acting up that day.“
Allergic Reaction
On October 26, 2010, police removed a naked and drunk Charlie Sheen from his suite at the Plaza Hotel at 2AM after he reportedly caused $7,000 in damage. The star reportedly flew into a rage after accusing the prostitute he had brought back to his suite of stealing his wallet. He was hospitalized following the incident, with officers describing him as ”emotionally disturbed.“ His rep, however, said the incident was the result of ”an adverse allergic reaction“ to some medication. I’m guessing that medication was cocaine.
Mercury Poisoning
In December 2008, many were doubtful when Jeremy Piven suddenly exited Broadway’s Speed The Plow halfway through its run. The reason? Jeremy’s doctor claimed that the star had a ”very high level of mercury“ in his system from eating too much sushi & was too ill to perform. Even his costar Elisabeth Moss wasn’t buying the excuse, saying in a 2013 interview: ”I saw him like a month later at the Golden Globes, when he was supposed to be really sick.“
I Was Just Giving Her A Ride
On May 2, 1997, police stopped Eddie Murphy after they had observed him picking up a prostitute in West Hollywood. Eddie was released without being charged with a crime, while the prostitute - who had an outstanding warrant for prostitution - was sentenced to 90 days in jail. Eddie’s rep issued a statement regarding the incident later that day, claiming: ”She asked him for a ride, and Eddie did so, like he had helped people in the past. Nothing happened at all, but Eddie said he will never do this again.“ I guess you can’t even be a good samaritan nowadays without getting in trouble!
I Was Redoing Her Kitchen
When January Jones was involved in a hit & run in June 2010, an onlooker was surprised to see someone else pull up to the scene and chat with with the star… Bobby Flay. After telling her to leave the scene, Bobby took off & January left her driver’s license with a witness & disappeared. She returned less than an hour later, but cops could not perform a field sobriety test due to the fact she’d left the scene. Ultimately, the investigation was dropped and no charges were filed, but as for January’s relationship with Bobby, Bobby told TMZ at the time that he had only met her ”once before“ and they only had each other’s numbers because she wanted to ”redo her kitchen“ and give his number to her designer - but the plot thickens! Last year during Bobby’s divorce from Stephanie March, Stephanie alleged that Bobby and January had been having an affair and had sex many different places… including the hotel January had been drinking at before her crash.
I Forgot Because I Was High
When rapper Method Man was busted for tax evasion in October 2009, he had a simple explanation for why he forgot to pay all that money - chronic marijuana use: ”Because I got high, I forgot to pay. It was stupid.“ The following year he pleaded guilty to the charge and was sentenced to a conditional discharge.
I Was Tired
When Mariah Carey was hospitalized in July 2001, her publicist initially claimed the star was ”very tired“ and needed a break. The hospitalization came on the heels of bizarre website posts and strange promotional outings, including a TRL appearance in which Mariah surprised Carson Daly with an ice-cream cart. But when news broke that prior to the hospitalization Mariah had a breakdown, complete with plate-tossing & glass-breaking, her publicist quickly confirmed that the singer had suffered an ”emotional and physical breakdown“ and was under psychiatric care.
Another fan of the ’exhaustion’ excuse is Lindsay Lohan, who made headlines in July 2006 when a CEO for Morgan Creek Productions - who’d been producing the film Georgia Rule - lambasted her for missing a day of filming due to her ”exhaustion,“ when really she’d been out partying the previous night.
Wisdom Teeth
On July 16, 2009, Mischa Barton was hospitalized at Cedars-Sinai Psychiatric Ward under an involuntary hold. Despite the star getting a DUI in 2007, completing a rehab stint in 2008, being photographed falling out of nightclubs nearly every other day, and dramatically dropping and increasing her weight in the months before her hospitalization, she claimed the hold was the result of a botched ”wisdom tooth surgery“ in an interview following her release. She later added onto the story in a 2010 interview by claiming her fear of needles led to the 5150: ”I was in a lot of pain and if they feel you are depressed or a danger to yourself they can hold you on a 5150. I am terrified of needles and they wanted to pump me full of drugs and I said, ‘No, absolutely not. I don’t want to be here,’ and got into a fight with the nurses, and that led to my 5150.“
I Thought It Was Gum
On August 28, 2010, Las Vegas police stopped a car after seeing a cloud of what they suspected was marijuana smoke coming from the window. Police spoke to the driver, Cy Waits, and his girlfriend, Paris Hilton, but things got interesting when a little white baggie filled with .8 grams of cocaine fell out of Paris’ purse. When cops took notice, Paris look surprised and said she thought it was gum. She later pleaded guilty to drug possession.
I’m Too Rich For That
Despite many reports claiming otherwise, during an December 2002 interview with Diane Sawyer, Whitney Houston denied ever smoking crack. Her reasoning? ”Crack is cheap. I make too much money to ever smoke crack. Let’s get that straight. Okay? We don’t do crack. We don’t do that. Crack is whack.“
It Was The Benadryl
On July 11, 2009, Burn Notice star Jeffrey Donovan was stopped by Miami Beach police after he quickly swerved to avoid hitting the back of a patrol car. The actor refused a Breathalyzer test, but still failed a roadside sobriety test. He admitted to the arresting officer: ”I really think I’m only borderline and not too drunk. The only mistake I made tonight was drinking Benadryl and three glasses of wine.“ The DUI charge was later knocked down to a reckless driving one.
My Passport Was Stolen
During a May 2010 trip to Cannes film festival, Lindsay Lohan continued to be the center of attention when she claimed she couldn’t make it back to a Beverly Hills court hearing because her passport was stolen. Lindsay’s dad Michael called the excuse ”just another lie,“ but mom Dina jumped to her defense. Lindsay’s lawyer Shawn Holley also backed up the star’s story, but French police shot down the claims & said that Lindsay never filed a police report over the missing passport. Lindsay quickly pointed fingers at her father, telling Us Weekly: ”I always said my father had someone do it.“ Michael denied the claims, and a judge imposed new bail conditions on LL once she returned to America.
I Didn’t See The Coke!
The ’missing passport’ wasn’t Lindsay’s only excuse during her time at Cannes in May 2010. While she was waiting to return to the U.S., a photo surfaced online of her posing next to lines of cocaine. Lindsay’s explanation? It was ”a set up“ and she had never met the people she was posing with before, they were just fans who asked her to come into their hotel room to take a picture.
The ’I didn’t see it’ excuse was also used by former Panic! At The Disco guitarist Ryan Ross when a photo of him surrounded by girls - and a few lines of coke - made its way onto the Internet in July 2009. Like Lindsay, he claimed he didn’t even know the coke was there: ”I’m not gonna tell you whose house it was at, but yeah, there was a party the night before, and I slept on the couch, and we took a picture. I didn’t even really know [the cocaine] was there.“
Maybe She Had A Cold?
The only person to rival Lindsay Lohan for the ’Queen of Excuses’ title is Paris Hilton. Paris is so good at coming up with excuses, actually, that she can even come up with some for other people, too! When former pal Lilo texted her in January 2005 that she caught frenemy Jessica Simpson rubbing her nose in an awfully suspicious fashion in the bathroom of Miami’s Shore Club, Paris innocuously suggested: ”Maybe she has a cold.“
Hope you guys enjoyed the post, and hopefully some of you took notes for the next time you’re caught doing something you shouldn’t! And if you didn’t find any worth using, then just stick to ”Vitamins“ - that’ll always work.