It’s here! The long awaited LOVE series… ahhh… Forever My Valentine! Each day this week, ‘Or so she says…’ will feature one blog reader and get a sneak peek into their love life… their favorite things, what makes their marriage work, and so much more.
To make things extra special this year, Get Away Today has offered to throw in a romantic 3 night San Diego hotel stay & I’ll throw in a $200 Visa gift card to one of the 5 couples featured this week. The couple that wins will be the one who gets the most contest entries at the bottom of their post. So, if you want to support the couple you’re reading about and help them win, be sure to help them earn some entries! They only have ONE DAY to earn their entries… the day of their post, until 10pm MST that very night.
Hi! My name is Emily and my husband Todd and I have been married for almost 4 years, and we have 5 fabulous children between as we are a blended family. In all seriousness, we feel like we’ve been together for much longer than the 5 years since we started seriously dating. We’ve connected on a much deeper level than might have otherwise happened if we’d met when we were younger, or under different circumstances. We had both gone though very difficult and painful divorces, and we had each suffered spousal betrayal in our previous marriages. Having that type of thing happen to you changes your perception on marriage and relationships in general. Coming into a new relationship, we were both more mature and wary than we’d have been if we’d met one another in our 20’s. Additionally, we both had our children to consider. It wasn’t just about us and our feelings for each other; we needed to keep our kids needs and concerns at the forefront.
So we didn’t exactly move quickly through our dating and engagement, but I wouldn’t have had it any other way, because I married my best friend! That is not something I could ever say about my previous marriage, and I was always envious of people who had that in their marriage. Now I know what I was missing out on all those years! My husband helped me through so many difficulties when we were dating, and he was such a blessing to me in so many ways. He often did things “anonymously” for me when we were dating and I was struggling as a single mom. He’d frequently send me anonymous notes of encouragement and cards “from a friend”. When he found out I’d gotten a traffic ticket that needed to be paid, he left an envelope at my work with the money I needed in it. When I let it slip that I was short on cash for the month, he left 2 bags of groceries at my door. Another time, he showed up anyway when I lost my job that day, and called to cancel our date for that evening. He insisted on feeding me dinner, and brought Chinese take-out for both of us, but said he’d just eat in his car if I didn’t really feel like company. And then again that night he went to the grocery store to buy me more groceries. It wasn’t just material help that he offered me as friend…He was also my listening ear on so many occasions that I couldn’t even begin to count them. We went on many fun dates together, but sometimes we would just talk and have serious conversations about our individual lives. When he finally really “KISSED” me, after 6 months of dating, I think I started falling for him without really wanting to completely give over my heart to anyone….because he is the BEST kisser I’ve ever known! As time went on, we become closer and began sharing pretty much everything with one another. He never judged me for my mistakes or felt sorry for me in my difficulties. He just loved me as a friend, and then it gradually turned to more. When I finally came to realize that I didn’t need to keep dating other people, he was there for me with open arms, happily awaiting my realization! And that’s when our romance really started….when I gave my heart to him.
We now spend our time mostly as “part-time empty-nesters” because our 2 younger children also live with their other parents, and our older children are living their own lives away from our home. We’re really okay with that most of the time! Of course we miss our kids when they’re not with us, but we recognize that they have lives with their other parents as well as us, and we would never, ever begrudge them of that. Being alone together much of the time affords us the opportunity to do things that most parents don’t get to do. We can go out of town whenever we want, and we have lovely quiet evenings together to do whatever sounds like fun! We often are able to just relax and enjoy a quiet dinner at home with gourmet food that picky eaters probably wouldn’t like anyway, and we can have discussions about any topic we desire while we eat! We won’t be having any “ours” babies….we’re too old! But we are so okay with that! So it’s just yours, mine, and “all our kids” together with us on occasion. Our kids all get along great with one another, so we are very blessed in that way.
Todd is a runner, and he loves doing Family History Work when he has some free time. He is also an avid reader and reads to his daughter whenever she is with us, and he likes playing his guitar. I clearly love to cook, and I document some of my recipe creations on my cooking blog www.Come2mykitchen. I’m also a designer/crafter/party planner/florist. Oh, and vintage photographer. I document many of my creative ventures on my other blog www.AdventuresofaBusyBee.com. The best thing of all my creating is that my husband is SO very supportive of me! He constantly tells me that he doesn’t need anything for himself, he just wants to give me the wings to fly. There haven’t been many crazy ideas I’ve had where he hasn’t been behind me telling me if that’s what I want to do, then I should do it. He fully supports me, and that is the greatest blessing to me in our marriage.
How did you meet?
We met on an online dating site, though that wasn’t how we began our relationship. Todd only had an account for one month, and he just happened to connect with me during that time frame. He asked for my email, and that was how he first contacted me, then we talked on the phone quite a bit after that. Our first in person meeting was a couple of months later when I invited him to attend a Single Adults Dance that I was also attending that was within a short drive of his home. He came to the dance and found me, we danced for a few songs, and then I set him off to dance with other people! I never did dance with him again that night, but we continued to talk on the phone.
What did you do on your first date?
Todd and I were talking on the phone one day discussing the fact that I was going to be moving in the coming week. He asked if I needed any help with my move, and I told him that I really needed someone who could drive my big moving truck and that it would take most of the day. He readily volunteered to do so, and that is what our first “date” was, though it wasn’t really meant to be that! I just was appreciative of his friendship and his kindness in willingly giving up his whole Saturday for me. I did insist on buying lunch for him at Arby’s, but a couple of days later, he drove down to where I was living (about 50 minutes away) and took me to lunch during my work day. So, I suppose that was REALLY our first date. Another amazing thing about Todd’s devotion for me long before we married is how concerned he was for me as a person. I was having a particularly emotional day that day, and I think I cried through a lot of our lunch as I discussed my difficulties, and he listened patiently. Despite that, he asked me out again for the following week. It may have taken him months to get up the nerve to ask me out in the first place, but once he made the move, he kept at it!
What is the best romantic get-away that you’ve been on with your spouse?
Our honeymoon, when we got married almost 4 years ago, was our most romantic trip! We went to New York and took a cruise up to Canada. We now go on a short trip once a year, and it usually includes lots of outdoor recreation and me cooking for us most nights. I love to cook yummy food for my man, and he very much appreciates my cooking skills! We’ll usually eat out a couple of meals on our trips, but we love grocery shopping together for the ingredients to use in the meals I create for just the two of us.
What would the ultimate romantic get-away be?
Oh that’s easy, and I think we both agree on the fact that going to Italy, France and the British Isles for a month would be the ultimate romantic get-away. Some day.…some day! If we could participate in cooking experiences together while we are in those locales, I think that would also be very romantic!
What are your songs or favorite albums that make you think of each other?
My favorite love song to describe our relationship is “I know how the River feels” by Diamond Rio. Todd’s favorite is currently anything by Ed Sheeran, and he likes to slow dance with me when one of them comes on the radio, or on our computer. A song that was very important to me personally during the time we were dating is one that always reminds him of me when he hears it. That would be “What faith can do” by Kutless. He also thinks of me when he hears “You’re Beautiful” by Mercy Me because he sent that video to me when we were dating on a day when he knew I was really struggling with some things.. We also love beautiful soundtracks to enjoy in our quiet time, and one of our favorites is the soundtrack to “The Secret Garden”.
If you were to make a special dinner for him, what would you make??
Well, that’s a tough call because he likes everything I make! He certainly is a “Meat and Potatoes” lover though, so occasionally I’ll make a delicious roast with some sort of yummy potatoes and a big fresh salad for him. I like to get a roast with a good thick layer of fat on one side, and my technique for making it taste like Prime Rib is this:
Dry Rub with lots of Kosher Salt, Pepper and Herbs and let it sit for 30 minutes. Place in a shallow roasting pan with the fat layer on the top. Oven to 450° for 20 minutes, then down to 300 until the internal roast temperature reaches 135°. Let rest, covered with foil, for 10 minutes, and then it’s a perfect juicy medium pink. The trick to this one is searing the outside of the roast with the high heat, and then letting it cook on a lower temp for an hour or more, all while it self-bastes itself with the fat layer.
It’s REALLY delicious.
For regular weeknight dinners, I’m always experimenting, but I often go back to some of our favorites, including Easy Greek Gyros that taste as good (or better!) as any we’ve had at restaurants around town. You can find that recipe as well as others on my cooking blog at www.Come2MyKitchen.com.
What is the coolest gift you ever bought him?
The best “gift” I’ve ever given him was when we were dating. He’d been telling me for a couple of months that he loved me, but I’d not gotten to that point myself. About 2 weeks before his birthday, I finally realized that I really did love him too! I decided to hold out telling until his birthday so I could finally give him “the gift” that I knew would be the most meaningful to him. It really was a special moment for both of us, and solidified that we very likely had a future together, even though there was still a lot to work out in our lives. I also gave him a little sterling silver heart on a ribbon to let him know I was almost ready to give him my heart if he could just be patient with me. Now, the COOLEST gift I’ve given him was a very surprising “Surprise Party” for his 50th birthday! Truth be told, he would say it was another gift I gave him that was his favorite that year, which was Guitar Lessons! He doesn’t like to be in the spotlight, so the surprise party was out of his comfort level for sure….but he loved it. I know he did.
If you could give your husband anything, what would it be?
My husband is always telling me that he doesn’t “need” anything and that he has plenty for himself. He’s very humble and unassuming, and that extends to his material needs. Occasionally he refers to something he’d like to get “someday”, but he’s too unselfish to actually go and get something for himself. I love that about him, but I do wish that he would do something like that for himself once in a while! But he’ll always put my needs and desires, and that of his children, above his own. I would love to give him a week-long Guitar Retreat (does that even exist??) where he could learn more, and get all the cool stuff he needs to be the guitar player he longs to be!
What are your favorite things that your husband has given to you?
One of my husbands many wonderful qualities is the talent of giving “meaningful” gifts. Most every gift he has ever given me has been accompanied by a poem of some sort. One time he even put a poem to music and wrote me a song, which he played on his guitar, to go along with my gift. The gift and accompanying poem/card he gave me on my birthday in 2011 “sealed the deal” for me, and I gave him the news a couple of days later that I was only wanting to be with him. He knows me so well and gave me the perfect gifts to show me how fully he “gets me”. When we were dating, for Christmas he gave me a telephoto lens for my camera, which was SUCH a generous gift!
Finish this sentence: ‘It makes laugh when my husband…’
Oh dear, this one could get me in trouble. Eeek! Well, first of all, if you didn’t know my husband personally you would never guess what a truly funny man he is! He puts off a bit of a quiet accountant kind of vibe, but trust me, he’s not quiet! (nor is he an accountant, but I can’t tell you his profession or we’d have to kill you. J) He really cracks me up, but the thing he does that really gets me laughing is when he pulls his pants up high like Erkel and does this whole nerdy-guy thing. When he dances along with it, it’s just more than I can take! Sometimes he dons his round nerd costume glasses and sticks out his front teeth. Are you getting the visual here? My daughter is usually shaking her head and saying “oh my, my, my” when he does this around the kids, and his daughter is usually running from the room out of embarrassment! Besides the nerd routine, he comes up with the FUNNIEST comments about pretty much everything. I love his sense of humor and his willingness to be goofy with me and our kids.
What are some every day ways that you show love for each other?
Well, first of all, we pray together every morning and night as a commitment to having a Godly and blessed marriage. We write little love notes to each other that we leave in random places. We send each other text messages. We read marriage/re-marriage books together. We sit together to watch a few of our favorite TV shows and snuggle. We always say I love you when we’re together, and on the phone. I always greet him as soon as he comes home at the end of the day with a hug and kiss. He does the dishes when I cook, and he always cleans the bathrooms!! (That’s true love, right?) However, we also support each other in our individual activities, and give each other time alone to do our own things. My husband likes to run, and I like to create. We don’t feel the need to be doing everything “together” because we recognize that we are two very different people and we each have things we like to do that are a big part of who we were before we became husband and wife. We also support each other in our roles as parents, and give each other the opportunity for alone time with our respective children. It doesn’t always have to be one big happy family because that’s just not the reality for most blended families. It’s healthy to show love for each other by being independent in some ways!
What are some things you like to do together?
We go on walks, and we hang out together. We take trips…sometimes to another state, and sometimes to Costco! We like to work in our yard. We like to take bike rides. We love to go to my family’s cabin all by ourselves. We are always talking about important things, and not so important things. We like to plan for our future and talk about what our long term goals are. We love to talk about our kids and how we can be the best parents possible for them. (When you’re not full-time parents, this topic takes on a whole new meaning and importance.) We love going on dates and eating yummy food or occasionally seeing a good movie. We love little concerts and the symphony, and we love going to art museums and galleries. Do we sound boring? I promise we’re not! We love watching American Idol and Modern Family. Occasionally I can talk him into watching a little Downton Abbey with me, but he really doesn’t like “that Mary”. So then we have discussions about society in general, and that is always entertaining! We like to laugh together, and sometimes we do that by reading and watching funny things online. And of course, we love our “alone time” when we really connect and enjoy each other!
What is your favorite smell on your husband?
So this is on my to-do list! I’ve never given him any cologne, and it’s just now occurred to me that it’s past time for me to do that. I’ll be going for something a little earthy, but a little sweet and masculine at the same time. I’d love some suggestions from your readers!
Finish this sentence: ‘I love my marriage because…’
Even though we are very different people, we compliment each other with our differences. Where I am loud, he is quiet. Where I am frenzied, he is calm. Where I am weak, he is strong. Where he is about doing things simply, I add excitement. Where he is happy in the background, I am thrilled being lifted up by his love. He always says that I “added color to his world” when we met, and he loves the variety I have brought to his life. We do have many things that are similar in our personalities, and most importantly our values, beliefs and morals are very compatible. That element makes for a happy and lasting marriage, in my opinion. Although we do most things very differently, we have the same goals and desires to live the way we believe. Two Valentines Days ago, my sweet husband wrote a very special poem for me, which highlighted the differences in our personalities, as well as focusing on our individual nick-names and traits associated with them: He’s the Fox, and I’m the Busy Bee. This past Valentines Day, I found a drawing of a sitting fox with a tiny bumblebee perched on it’s nose. I added a final verse of my own to the poem he had given me the year before, and then edited it over the top of the drawing. I framed it and gave it to him as my gift for Valentines. It now sits on a table in our entryway as a reminder to both of us that the differences between us are important and helpful to our marriage. Opposites attract, after all! With my husband’s permission, I am now sharing “our” combined poem with you:
THE FOX AND THE BEE
Fox trots briskly up a meadow path
and notices the Busy Bee.
Beguiled, he watches her wind her way
back and forth across the lee.
From flower to flower you zip about,
you’ll surely tire in such a spree.
The path is straight, it does not stray;
Such energy you use, said he.
God gave me wings, and he made flowers.
It is a fact to me, said she,
That not all God’s work lies in straight lines.
He does his work creatively!
Companions we can be, said she,
To the same end , but differently.
And my own path is purposeful,
in my efforts to make honey.
Pondering on this for a moment,
The wise Fox found he agreed.
So offering his love and devotion to the Bee,
together, they created a beautiful life indeed.
~~~~
Help Emily & Todd win a romantic 3 night hotel stay in San Diego & $200 dollar visa gift card from Get Away Today & Or so she says… by earning entries for them! They have until 10:00 pm MST tonight to get as many as possible. Whichever Valentine couple featured this week gets the most entries WINS!
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Mariel
Owner & Author at Or so she says...
Mariel (mahr-eeee-elle) is a mother to six, wife to one. Loves homeschooling, golfing, cupcakes, traveling, cuddling, non-fiction books, gardening, James Taylor, and family time. This is her blog. Enjoy!
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