Microsoft paint skills
Well folks, the day is almost nigh–where filmmakers and film watcher-ers can put on their pretentious hats and get to talk about feeeeEEeeeEeeLllMmmmz that have changed so. many. lives.
It’s time for the Academy Awards!
I’m trying my damndest not to be too wordy–my mother told me to after all, so without further ado, here’s my preview, sans any outside influence as I have avoided any other forecasting/picks/fortune-telling from other sites.
OK, that sentence was even wordy. This is difficult.
The Show Itself
Ellen DeGeneres is hosting. Ellen DeGeneres may well be the most liked person in America; behind Tom Hanks and Sandra Bullock that is.
Ellen’s as uncontroversial as any host could ever be, having hosted the Grammys, Primetime Emmys, and the second time hosting the Academy Awards (the first being in 2007.) One Million Moms may not find the voice of Dory as delightful as the rest of us, but the program will likely be pleasant and potentially a bit dull (her 07′ hosting was rather stale) but still, it’s better than having a host as unlikeable as a … Seth MacFarlane or as bored as …. James Franco.
So, it could be worse.
There are some musical performers and award presenters as well that will be gracing the stage along with Ellen, the full list can be found here.
Here are a few of the puzzlers though:
- Channing Tatum AND Zac Efron
I guess people want to Channing all over their Efron?
Both are talented and exceedingly handsome, but does NBC really think the crowds that went to see Magic Mike, The Vow, and That Awkward Moment are going to be watching the Oscars? Naw, they’re too busy picking Instagram filters.
On to the next one.
- John Travolta
I thought we’d universally agreed that this guy is creepy+bad news? I guess not, but did you see him in Savages? Still shuddering from that theater experience.
- Pink
If you watched the Grammys (admit it) then you saw Pink go all Cirque du Soleil on a performance of some song, then, she came down to Earth and sang a duet with Nate Ruess of fun. which was just… creepier n hell. She’s performing again at the Academy Awards for reasons no one can explain. Yes, she’s a solid showman, but the Oscars?
It must have been that 2003 MTV Movie Award for best cameo in Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle.
- Matthew McConaughey
Wait, the rom-com guy? Wait, he’s nominated for an OSCAR. When did this happen!?
*sarcasm alert
On to the picks then!
Best Actress in a Supporting Role
Sally Hawkins for Blue Jasmine
Julia Roberts for August: Osage County
Lupita Nyong’o for 12 Years a Slave
Jennifer Lawrence for American Hustle
June Squibb for Nebraska
How I would react to Lupita Nyong’o too. If I saw J Law, would def faint.
Internet, this is a big moment for me. I am NOT picking Jennifer Lawrence, the shining star of Funkhouser, my soul mate, the love of my life.
OK, that may be excessive BUT I have lots of very special feelings for Jennifer Lawrence–her Kentucky heritage, her filmmaking choices, her talent, her hilarious interviews, her ability to fall and still look cuter than a basket of pugs; I was over the moon when Jennifer won the Golden Globe for Best Supporting for her role as Rosalyn Rosenfeld in American Hustle.
The role was handmade for her by David O. Russell (the master of the ensemble cast) and she killed it, as expected, and I nearly wet my paints like an excitable Jennifer Lawrence when she won the Golden Globe for Best Supporting Actress (the first award of the night which ruined the rest of the Globes.)
Blowing up microwaves, flirting with mobsters, beating up fat Bruce Wayne–I thoroughly enjoyed Lawrence and American Hustle, but this is Lupita Nyong’o's Oscar.
In her first full length film, playing the role of Patsey in 12 Years a Slave, she truly stole the snow from a stellar cast and emotionally taxing film. I won’t go on and on like I normally would (especially about Jennifer Lawrence..) but after winning the SAG, Critics’ Choice, and BAFTA for Best Supporting Actress, I believe the momentum has swung in the favor of Nyong’o, and rightly so.
I cannot remember a character in the past 10+ years of my life that has broken my heart again and again throughout the course of a film like Nyongo’o's Patsey.
This is a particularly strong category, with the hilarious honesty of two women in dark, family-centric comedies–Julia Roberts in August: Osage County and June Squibb in Nebraska also nominated. I really enjoyed the bizarre truthiness (Colbert word) of both dysfunctional families and these women in particular. I am going with the stripped down Julia Roberts as the dark horse of this category.
I rather loathed Blue Jasmine, but Sally Hawkins–ya done good too.
Best Actor in a Supporting Role
Barkhad Abdi for Captain Phillips
Bradley Cooper for American Hustle
Jonah Hill for The Wolf of Wall Street
Michael Fassbender for 12 Years a Slave
Jared Leto for Dallas Buyers Club
It’s Jared Leto, we all know it. OK, though this seems to be the category everyone is calling a “lock” after winning the Golden Globe, Critics’ Choice Award, and SAG award for Best Supporting–not so fast my friend.
Dallas Buyers Club was fantastic–entertaining, eye-opening, inspirational, all that good stuff. And Jared Leto, God bless his douchey 30 Seconds to Mars soul–was terrific and absolutely humanized a strong, transgender HIV positive woman, Rayon.
But I count myself among those who are tired of actors being so highly rewarded for:
– Playing something other than a “straight” character
– Going through a transformation (usually via extreme weight loss or gain)
– Being a male actor in women’s clothing
While I believe some in the Academy may share this sentiment–this is not intended to discount the work Leto did in this film, but to point out a tendency to say ”wow, he kissed a DUDE and wore a dress–automatic Oscar right there.”
Still going Leto in this category. Don’t question me.
Michael Fassbender is the most likely winner as a dark horse in this category (Jonah Hill, Bradley Cooper–no way Jose) for his role as the terrifying, drunken rage monster slaveowner with a clearly sociopathic wife–the secondary favorite in this category has to be Barkhad Abdi.
Did you know he was a cab driver? You did. Did you know Willie Cauley-Stein played football in high school and Jarnell Stokes doesn’t know how to stretch? Did ya?
Best Actor in a Leading Role
Christian Bale for American Hustle
Bruce Dern for Nebraska
Leonardo DiCaprio for The Wolf of Wall Street
Chiwetel Ejiofor for 12 Years a Slave
Matthew McConaughey for Dallas Buyers Club
It’s McConaughey vs. DiCaprio in this year’s Best Actor race, and it’s a tight one.
McConaughey has had a career transformation of sorts, going from rom com heartthrob to award winning actor overnight, while DiCaprio has been on the road to
Scorsese
Oscar glory for what feels likes my entire lifetime–it’s a showdown for the ages.
Both are absolutely great and choosing between these two incredible performances is rather painful–but I’m going DiCaprio, soley on the fact that it’s about damn time for him. It’s been a year of resurgence for
Pharrell
McConaughey, but the faithful, loyal, and true DiCaprio is poised for a statue. Hopefully. I love them both this is so HARD.
I have never laughed harder at a film scene in my entire life. Get this man some more Quaaludes, and, his Oscar.
PS: Watch Bruce Dern in Nebraska (has anyone else seen Nebraska, or am I just that hip?)–he’s my #3 in this category.
Best Actress in a Leading Role
Amy Adams for American Hustle
Cate Blanchett for Blue Jasmine
Sandra Bullock for Gravity
Judi Dench for Philomena
Meryl Streep for August: Osage County
You got this one Cate. It’s your time too. Are we happy it was for as “meh” a film as Woody Allen’s Blue Jasmine? No, and you shouldn’t be either. But you were the most convincing Xanax addled fallen socialite there ever was; and even acting like you’re married to Alec Baldwin has to be the worst. That’s auto-Oscar status right there.
Runner-up? Judi Dench for Philomena Lee. Not a particularly exceptional film (its overriding themes, based on a true story script was basically a can’t miss) but Judi Dench playing someone as simple, strong, and kind as Philomena Lee–a detour from her typical sophisticated woman trope–was refreshing.
Meryl was bein Meryl in August: Osage County and Sandra Bullock made 70 freaking million dollars from Gravity–let that number bounce around your brain for a bit.
My dark horse has to be Amy Adams, though I’m unsure how dark a horse she can be having starred in two Best Picture nominees and a little Superman film, all in 2013. I don’t see her taking home any individual accolades just yet, but hey Academy, surprise me why don’t ya?
Best Achievement in Directing
Alfonso Cuarón for Gravity
Steve McQueen for 12 Years a Slave
David O. Russell for American Hustle
Martin Scorsese for The Wolf of Wall Street
Alexander Payne for Nebraska
This is the surest sure thing (at least I think it is) of the major categories at the Academy Awards. Despite a rather clunky performance by George Clooney, this movie raked in more (way more) than any other Best Picture nominee, and with good reason. It was an innovative step for film technology and cinematography–it truly exemplifies the boundlessness of our potential in imaginative moviemaking.
And Alfonso Cuarón has rightly taken home every major award for directing in 2013, and he will presumably do so again on Sunday.
A dark horse for best director? I want to pick Alexander Payne, but I’m gonna go David O. Russell–he sure can throw together a loyal, talented cast and make some magic. Though admittedly, I loved the ensemble and the idea of this film in theory–it felt a bit cut and paste to me at times. But it was a fun kind of cut and paste? Meh?
Best Picture
American Hustle
Captain Phillips
Dallas Buyers Club
Gravity
Her
Nebraska
Philomena
12 Years a Slave
The Wolf of Wall Street
Her should just be renamed–sad white guy is sad. Also, Nebraska and Wolf.
Uhhhhhhhhhh
Ummmmmmm
HmmMmmMMmmMmm
But the once presumed sure thing Best Picture winner, 12 Years a Slave, has fallen to the wayside in the buzzing Internet buzz land, and I have a hunch either–the Academy is subconsciously pulling our chain and will pick 12 Years a Slave as Best Picture OR it’s going to be a big shocker and go to ….anyone else! Because, duh!
My Best Picture musings:
Maybe Leto and McConaughey are going to get their individual accolades and enough’s enough, but my movie senses are tingling–Dallas Buyers Club may swoop in and surprise us.
Falling in the “other dark horse” categories–The Wolf of Wall Street and American Hustle. Excess leads to downfall. Or, almost downfall.
Damn, and Her. Spike Jonze made me feel 10 kinds of miserable. That must mean it’s good right?
Toss up. It could be Gravity too. It was so pretty!! And her daughter is dead, isn’t that sad?!
I’m done. I’m picking 12 Years a Slave. Final answer. Michael Fassbender, Lupita Nyong’o, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Sarah Paulson–you were each absolutely phenomenal. Brad Pitt…your self-righteousness, even in fiction, knows no bounds.
[The rest of my Academy Awards picks]
To recap:
Lupita Nyong’o for 12 Years a Slave
Jared Leto for Dallas Buyers Club
Leonardo DiCaprio for The Wolf of Wall Street
Cate Blanchett for Blue Jasmine
Alfonso Cuarón for Gravity
12 Years a Slave
You can bet I will be live tweeting the Oscars Sunday, so check me out on Twitter. I also may fly to LA to destroy the red carpet mani cam–who knows what will go down.
[Check out my Oscar picks from last year on ye old KSR College]