This is probably the most exciting thing which i am going to document on this space.
It's finally 3 months and so i can reveal this...
I am going to be a Mommy?!?!?!
They say it's not good to reveal it before the 3 months mark so yeah i played safe. Now there's my reason for the recent weight gain (if you realized).....haha. You have no idea how difficult it was to answer when people ask me why I've gained so much weight recently! I don't usually allow myself to gain THAT much weight so easily because I'm always going for jogs to maintain my weight. So when I gained weight it actually shocked a few people? Haha. But now y'all know!!
When you find out news like this, you have 2 options and the decision has to be made FAST. The earlier the better.
I could've taken the easy way out, which was to abort and then lead life as per normal, not mentioning anything to the public. People usually get an abortion because they are too young and financially unstable to raise a child. However, i couldn't bring myself to do it. I just knew i'd regret my whole life if i went through with the abortion. I felt that my reason, if i did it, was not a good enough reason too. Moreover, it's always been a wish to be a young mummy - i can still be chio when my child is like 12? I'm 23, i believe i've been through a lot in life and am matured enough to look after a child. Money isn't a problem because i am working, plus my boyfriend is very stable. Stable enough to provide me with a roof over my head and monthly allowance to support both the baby and i. I am a grown woman now and i have spoken to professionals who will be helping me out to make sure things go as how i plan. My parents are always super supportive in everything i do and when i told my mom about it, she wasn't angry at all. I love how she always believes in me and gives me all the support i needed. I am really lucky to have her in my life because discussing and talking about the situation with her was really helpful.
The only problem i had was that this was not how i planned my life to be. Like every girl, it was a dream to find a loving boyfriend, getting proposed in the sweetest most unforgettable way like in the movies, wear my dream wedding gown at a beautiful wedding banquet, go on a honeymoon in a country i've been dreaming to go to and then, have kids. I didn't want to rush things with my boyfriend either. What most people do if they want to keep the kid is to hurry up register their marriage and throw a wedding banquet. I can't do it though. I don't want to get married because we've been together for such a short time and i am afraid he isn't The One. Like the quote in Frozen "you can't marry a person you just met". Lol. Ok and not like it was right to have sex with someone before marriage and not use protection and all that yeah i know, i know. Yes he is my boyfriend but a few months isn't enough for me to tell if he will be a good husband and a good father. Lets say we rush into this marriage and a year later find out we can't get along? Going through a divorce takes a long time and although i know it will kinda benefit me but i've heard stories from friends about all the unhappiness in the 3 years before the divorce gets finalized.
Some people may think it's selfish for the kid, to bring up a kid this way. Some people have told me how tough it is to be a single mom (especially in Singapore) but trust me when i say i've thought of this HARD and coming to this decision certainly wasn't easy at all. There are a lot of things i thought about which i can't blog about (as much as i'm open about my life, some things still have to be kept private) which would explain more on why i made this decision. Those things only my family would know....and a few close friends. It is a choice be a single mom for now and spend the next few years with him seeing how things go. It may not be the WISEST choice but this is what i want. If our relationship grows stronger, then we get married when the time is right! Of course there are pros and cons to this decision but that's life isn't it?
My life is really full of ups and downs and since i was a little girl. Life was never easy for me but i am slightly thankful because if my life wasn't tough, i wouldn't be who i am today. I won't say i'm powerful but i know that i am stronger than many. Having a positive attitude attracts positive things! Start looking for the good, seeking the positive, and striving to make every day a joyful experience! Being a single mom isn't the best thing that can happen to someone, no one actually wishes for that but hey, i can take control and make it an awesome thing by doing the best i can and instead of thinking of it as something "embarrassing" and "miserable". I really am looking forward to this journey ahead!
"Positive thinking by itself won’t lead to success, but it certainly goes a long way to motivate you to do the other things required."
I read lots of articles online to help prepare myself for this!
Your life isn’t going to be all doom and gloom, despite how you’re feeling right now, and, regardless of all the negative stories in the media, thousands of single parents live happy and fulfilled lives, with children who grow up in contented, stable environments. So the first thing you can do is give yourself a break.
Of course, that doesn’t necessarily mean that it will be a bed of roses, especially to begin with. The first few weeks and months are by far the hardest – which is why we’re here to help you through with some tips and advice, both from professionals and from other mums who’ve been there, done that and bought the single parents’ T shirt. Here's their advice...
Decide to accept your new responsibilities
This is probably the biggest challenge of all. It’s very easy to feel overwhelmed and resentful about your situation, particularly if you didn’t choose it. Yes, you will have less personal time, be solely responsible for your children’s needs, and probably have extra financial stress. But these are all things that can and will be dealt with – and they will get a lot easier as you adapt. Resenting your situation will make it harder for you to cope with it, and won’t help you or your children come to terms with your new lives.
Develop a support network
We can’t stress this enough: make sure you get all the help, support and advice you can. Talk to friends and family and let them know you need them, make friends on our single parents chat room and check out our list of support organisations. If you have a civil relationship with your ex, he or she can be part of this support too. And, if necessary, talk to your GP or health visitor for help on things like counselling, support groups. You may actively need to seek it, but the more support you have, the merrier.
Another golden rule, this one. The more in control of your new situation you feel, the better. As single mum Bryony says:
“I really struggled to begin with. I just felt overwhelmed by everything. Trying to make money, look after the kids, do the housework – it was too much. I slowly realised that a lot of my problems were down to the fact that I was totally disorganised, which was making me feel depressed. It sounds stupid, but when I started doing things like getting the kids’ uniforms ready the night before, making sure the kitchen was tidy before I went to bed, having a drawer for all the bills… little things like that started to help me feel more in control of my life. I have to admit that sometimes I still let things slip – it’s tiring - but I force myself to get back on top of things, as I know it’s better for the kids too.”
A tough one, but one you'll need to prioritise. Booking a neighbour or babysitter occasionally so that you can have time to yourself, just to get your hair cut or see a friend, is a lifesaver. It's not being selfish - it's being human, and you won't be able to cope unless you do it. And the more you’re able to cope, the more you can help your children cope. Fact.
Be there for your children - really
Try to be with your children emotionally when you’re with them. It’s really easy to retreat into your unhappiness when you’re feeling low, but this is the time when your children really need you. Single mum Sam says:
"I was so bogged down in thinking about myself that even when I was with the kids I wasn't focusing on them. I spent all my time on my phone talking to my friends or crying, and looking back that wasn't fair on the children. I'm ashamed to say I drank a lot too. At one point I found my eldest, Charlie, sitting on his bed staring at the wall. He wouldn't speak to me for the whole evening. It was a real shock as he's always so chatty and demanding, and I did realise then that I hadn't been giving him any real attention at all. So I made a decision that I'd do something that the kids wanted to do every day - just simple activities like playing a game or taking the dog for a walk together. I actually think doing this helped me to get out of my rut and stop wallowing."
Don't be scared of the future
Your new situation brings a whole load of positives as well as the negatives. Being single doesn't mean that the future is something that just happens to you. Think about where you hope to be a year from now, or in the next couple of years, and think about setting achievable goals to reach your target.
Will i be a good mommy? Will my child be damaged without a father? Will they lack confidence and blame it on me? How old will he/she be when he/she asks about her real father? What will I say? I will have to decide that when the day comes, because I just don't know what will be best until that very moment. I know it's what feels right.
I don't know of many single mom role models but i'm really willing to learn a thing or 2 from you if you are a single mom so feel free to drop me an email ok? :)
I'm not sure how the reaction from the public will be like but choosing to reveal this means i already prepared myself well.
The next few months will be spent planning and preparing! Hope to learn as much as i can and know what to expect when the time comes.
Now the news is out, I can't wait to post the posts I've kept as draft! :)