Most of my boyfriends over the years started off as my friends. We hung out a lot, feelings secretly developed, showed themselves and then—poof—a romantic relationship snuck up on us like a surprise party.
Maybe that’s why dating strangers has always been such a confusing crapshoot. I’ve had, shall we say, less long-term success there. Hot and heavy or dead before ever really alive with very little in between.
And it leaves me wondering how many dates do you have to go on to know if something there? What’s the right number of chances to give another person? Short of a guy licking the surface of the bar below our drinks, reeking of b.o. or trying to steal money from my wallet, I’ll pretty much always agree to a second meet-up.
The first date’s really the dress rehearsal. Everyone’s nervous and on their best behavior, covering up ticks and quirks and presenting the most sanitized slick version of self. That’s why when a first date version of someone in no way impresses, it’s Apollo 13 time. Houston, we have a problem and I have no desire to consciously see this man again.
After two dates, though, I have a harder time distinguishing my soul mate from someone I can stomach for two hours and laugh with. I want to be open-minded and not dismiss a potential love interest too soon. Yet we don’t want to waste each other’s time in Vanilla-Blandville either.
These past few weeks I’ve gone on a trio of dates with an accountant I met on OkCupid. And color me confused. On our first date we went to a wine bar on a Monday, closing out the place chit chatting about monster-sized steaks in Texas and failed attempts to join area wine clubs.
It was a solid good time. Yup, solid. Walking me part of the way back home (do you really think I’d tell someone where I lived after the first encounter) my date told me our time had been fun and asked me to do it again. “Sure,” I replied back. “Well then what the hell” he said with a shrug of his shoulders. And before I knew it he’d leaned down and planted one on my lips.
It was a slight surprise. Dates number two and three were also far from a waste of time. Miniature golf at the H Street Country Club is, in my mind, a smart bet. And a stroll through gardens followed by pizza is also an ace move.
Yet amidst expertly planned dates and-steady back and-forth conversation I wouldn’t necessarily call what we have a romantic connection. Perhaps a spark can bloom and sprout up in more time.
What’s your experience been in this area? Does a nice guy deserve more of a shot to grow on you? Or is there something to love (or at least crush) at first sight?
I can’t decide if it’s three strikes you’re out or third time’s the charm.
-Dena