2016-04-06

SPUTNIK/REUTERS

Vladimir Putin earns $ 200,000 as the leader of Russia, but he’s often cited as the richest man in the world with a personal fortune of $ 200 billion.

The biggest leak of info in history has revealed that countless world leaders, politicians, sheiks, commie presidents, dictators, international billionaires and trillionaires, as well as the parents, children and siblings of ex-presidents, premiers and prime ministers have all been sheltering and laundering money.

And we’re supposed to be shocked — why? We’d be shocked if say, Bernie Sanders, was secretly sheltering millions. Putin, not so much.

Are you really surprised that the Saudi Arabian King Salman bin Abdulaziz Al Saud; Russian President Vladimir Putin; Ukrainian President Petro Poroshenko; Icelandic Prime Minister Sigmundur Davíð Gunnlaugsson; Pakistan’s Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif; Iraqi Vice President and former Prime Minister Ayad Allawi have all been living like kings (well, one at least actually is), according to the documents? And why is that? Because they’ve all allegedly been laundering like a chain of Wash-o-Mats.

JONATHAN NACKSTRAND/AFP/Getty Images

Icelandic Prime Minister Sigmundur David Gunnlaugsson resigned after it was revealed he has a secret offshore company.

And speaking of which there’s the family of Chinese President Xi Jinping, who along with several current and former members of China’s Politburo have apparently laundered so much money they make the Mafia look like a bunch of church ladies pilfering from the collection basket.

ICELAND’S PRIME MINISTER RESIGNS AFTER PANAMA PAPERS EXPOSE OFFSHORE ACCOUNT

Then there’s Gunnlaugsson, an ice-cold money grubber who resigned Tuesday before crazed Icelanders set him adrift on an ice floe. And this was a country in financial recovery! Can you imagine how much crooked pols had stolen back in 2008 when the country had to declare bankruptcy?

No laundry list (and especially this one) would be complete without including Vlad the Impaler — Putin — who is now allegedly impaling Rupert Murdoch’s ex, Wendi Deng. Putin is often cited as the richest man in the world with a personal fortune of $ 200 billion. This is a helluva good chunk of cash considering his salary is a mere $ 200,000.

Donald Trump isn’t wrong when he says these foreigners are robbing us blind. Hell, it looks like they’re robbing their own people — and everyone they do business with as well.

So far, no Americans have been exposed — yet.

Richard Drew/AP

Pakistan’s Prime Minister Muhammad Nawaz Sharif is among the rich folks allegedly laundering money.

But luckily we know our American politicians are above all that. Well, with the exception of say, most recently, New York Slime Meisters Sheldon Silver, Dean Skelos, Shirley Huntley, Michael Grimm, Pedro Espada Jr., and Malcolm Smith. For starters.

OK, never mind. Those crooks are just small-time local hoods. Thank God our national bazillionaire politicians are honest. Take Hillary and Bill Clinton. They don’t shelter money in offshore accounts because they get to hide it in plain sight in their family foundation, which is harder to penetrate than Trump’s hair.

VLADIMIR PUTIN CLAIMS TO BE ‘MAIN TARGET’ OF PANAMA PAPERS ATTACK

The Clinton Family Foundation in 2013 had net assets of more than $ 283 million, with Bill and Hill among the biggest investors.

There’s a couple who have some nice lucrative second jobs — $ 675,000 per speech on Wall Street and $ 275,000 for one at SUNY public college. Yes, I did say “public college.”

Lucky couple! Before they could COUNT their cash, they went from dead broke to breaking the bank.

MIKE BLAKE/REUTERS

Mississippi Gov. Phil Bryant signed a bill that could allow virtually everyone to be denied services “to protect sincerely held religious beliefs.”

YES, THEY ARE MISS. BEHAVING

Just because you can’t fly the Confederate flag on public buildings in much of the South doesn’t mean that what goes on inside those public buildings isn’t every bit as hateful and bigoted as a 1957 school board meeting in Selma.

On Tuesday, Mississippi Gov. Phil Bryant signed a bill into law that could — will — allow government workers and private businesses to deny services to lesbian and gay couples “to protect sincerely held religious beliefs.”

MISSISSIPPI LAW ALLOWS BUSINESSES TO REFUSE SERVICE TO GAY COUPLES

Understood. Religious people in this country — one founded on Judeo-Christian beliefs — should follow the Bible and keep its laws.

Therefore, will the following people please step up to be denied all services: Those wearing ripped jeans, linen and wool-blend shirts, anyone sporting tattoos, and/or big bellies, gold necklaces, everyone in the major leagues, NASCAR, Uber and cab drivers, pilots, flight attendants, shop keepers, and, well, everyone else who works on Sunday.

These are all banned or frowned upon in the Bible. Let the denials begin.

Prince Williams/WireImage

It didn’t take long for Blac Chyna and Rob Kardashian to get engaged.

BLAC & WHITE & WHAT A MESS

Blac Chyna and white slacker (Rob Kardashian) are now engaged. This after being together for 15 or maybe 20 minutes but garnering 15 to 20 million bucks worth of free publicity.

Meantime, Blac has a son with Tyga who is now dating Rob’s sister, Kylie. Got it? Good.

So if Blac and Rob get married and Kylie and Tyga wed, Blac and Tyga become Auntie Mommy and Uncle Daddy and Rob and Kylie become step-Uncle Daddy and Auntie Mommy. This family is starting to mate among their own like ancient Egyptians!

Added to that confusion, there’s Daddy who became Mommy, while Mommy became Momager. The three selfie-and-sex-obsessed older sisters who became celebrities for no reason, all had main men, husbands and a boyfriend, who also aren’t anymore. The one current husband, Kanye West, has become so fascinated and consumed with hatred for Taylor Swift that he’s become a kind of celebrity-celebrity stalker.

And you wonder why people are fascinated with them?

PUPPY LOVE

Warm our hearts story:

Retired Marine Corps dog Lucca who lost her leg while sniffing out bombs in Afghanistan, was yesterday awarded the top military medal for the 400 missions she completed during her service.

The medal was awarded in London by the People’s Dispensary for Sick Animals and is “the highest award any animal in the world can achieve while serving in military conflict.”

In 2012, while on patrol in Afghanistan’s Helmand province with her handler, Cpl. Juan Rodriguez, a bomb exploded and blew off her leg.

PHONY GUNS

Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to have an iPhone?

Great — a gun that folds up to look like an iPhone. The gun’s designer, Kirk Kjellberg, told “CBS This Morning,” that “There are some people that would take serious issue in the workplace or somewhere else to see a gun on you, and I think it gives people the opportunity to avoid that conversation.”

SEN. SCHUMER CALLS FOR PROBE AHEAD OF RELEASE OF GUN THAT LOOKS LIKE SMARTPHONE

No. With this gun/phone you won’t even get a chance to talk — or duck — because the shot your co-worker takes with his phone won’t be a selfie.

As cops are facing heat around the country for shooting young, unarmed black men, will a legit excuse now be: “He was reaching for his phone so I shot him first”?

DEAD & NOT-SO-DEAD MEN WALKING

Another fake out another show? While we’re all, er, eternally grateful that Glenn didn’t die like they made us think he did, and that Daryl is still among the walking living, we won’t be fooled again. As Newser Nicole Lyn Pesce pointed out: Basta! Negan and his bat Lucille bashed somebody’s head in, but we don’t know whose. If it’s peripheral guy Aaron, who suddenly had a giant part in the season finale, and not a major character, well, we were played. You picked a bad time to wield me Lucille.

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bernie sanders ,

vladimir putin ,

petro porochenko ,

donald trump ,

hillary clinton ,

bill clinton ,

mississippi ,

phil bryant ,

lgbt news ,

blac chyna ,

rob kardashian ,

tyga ,

kylie jenner ,

kanye west ,

taylor swift ,

gun violence gun control

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