Motorsport Olympics (No, Seriously)
It's one of those fun questions to punt around whilst the Olympics are on; how would you do a Car Olympics? The high jump might get a bit messy, for example; unless you're a Dodge Charger with 01 on the door, two rednecks driving and an incredibly good special effects team. And how on Earth do you expect a car to swim, let alone drive on water or throw a javelin? All of this is of course just idle chatter, some fun and (Olympic) games to bounce about over a pint or two. Even my fellow bloggers here on this rather nice new-look site have mooted some amusing ideas. But what if we were to actually put down our pints, stop guffawing at the idea of cars jumping over hurdles and think about the idea seriously for a second. A motorsport Olympics; how about it? Like, for real?
Let's dismiss this notion first off of trying to compare it to the sports featured in a human Olympics, because actually, motorsport has a lot of these disciplines covered. We already have 100/200/400m sprints in a straight line covered in the form of drag racing. The four-wheeled Mo Farahs of the world compete in endurance races of various lengths and spans of time. The fire-breathing NASCAR race cars battle it out at high speed in oval velodromes not a million miles away from the cycling elite. What Bradley Wiggins does now on a bicycle, i.e. sprint from point to point as fast as possible on public roads, is a pretty familiar concept to World Rally drivers like Sebastian Loeb, Marcus Gronholm, and the dearly departed Richard Burns and Colin McRae. In fact, Mr McRae was redefining the term 'flying Scotsman' long before Chris Hoy started hoovering up gold medals left, right and centre. And as for showing off in an arena hoping to impress a panel of judges, a la diving or equestrian? The D1 Grand Prix drifting folks have got that one more than covered. Wherever you look, cars and drivers are already pushing themselves to the very limit in their chosen disciplines around the world. So if we're to take the idea of an international motorised Olympiad seriously, let seek not to ask what cars can do that humans are doing already; because guess what? They're already doing it.
Secondly, it's easy to fall down the football route in the regular Olympics; they already have a massive world championship event that is seen as the pinnacle of achievement for it's competitors, so why should we let them into the Olympics too? It's not like they care about a crummy bit of metal, is it? You'd be surprised just how flawed that accusation is. For example, we may only pay attention to track and field athletics once every four years, but they have World Championships and an international Diamond League on a regular basis - it just happens to be that, for them, an Olympic gold has more significance than a World Championship gold. But even in sports with epic events outside of the Olympics, such as tennis, an Olympic gold is something to be treasured. It was easy to accuse Roger Federer of not trying just because he lost to Andy Murray in a final, but I dare you to go up to his face and accuse him of not being bothered. Didn't think so, eh keyboard warrior? So even though nearly all motorsport disciplines have world championships and marquee races, a motorised Olympics could slot into the existing calender and become another major title for manufacturers, teams and drivers the world over to aspire to. It'll be one more accolade for Michael Schumacher to win, anyway.
So, we've sorted out the legitimacy of the motorised Olympiad, and what events and motorsport categories shall be there. But what about the competitors? Easy - the drivers and their cars would combine in one medal table, with manufacturers and drivers all competing under a national banner. So just like normal, the US would have a great chance of topping the medal table with their behemoths of Chevrolet, Dodge and Ford. But their main rivals wouldn't be China (not yet, anyway) - moreover someone like Italy, represented by Ferrari, Alfa Romeo, Lamborghini, Maserati, Fiat et al, or Germany, with it's holy trinity of BMW, Mercedes-Benz and Audi. Oh yeah, and Porsche. They've done quite well in motorsport before, haven't they? And I'd have a cheeky bet on Japan to top the table, with Nissan, Toyota, Honda and so forth. Let's not forget our plucky Team GB; the dreams of our nation would rest on the proud shoulders of Aston Martin, Jaguar, McLaren and Lotus, as well as the noble underdogs of Ascari, Caterham, Noble (pun fully intended) and Ginetta. All coached by the hordes of hi-tech gurus of motorsport companies such as Prodrive. They'd face stiff French opposition in the rallying time trials, though - Citroen and Mr Loeb are pretty tough to beat these days.
Just like in my previous Olympics/car blogs, the issue of foreign ownership of these marques should be raised, then swiftly shot down again. The counter-arguement this time is simple - who was Team GB's athletics team coached by? Charles Van Commenee, a Dutchman. Where did Mo Farah train for his assault on the long-distances races? In the US, with Alberto Salazar. So foreign guidance isn't against the rules here - it's what flag the competitors (in which case, the manufacturers and the drivers) fly that counts here. You would have an unusual dichotomy of great drivers from certain countries being saddled with sub-standard machinery; for example, I can imagine Fernando Alonso getting rather annoyed and demanding someone pull over and let him by when he realises he's saddled with a Seat. Also, the South Americans have produced some of the greatest drivers ever (arguably the greatest ever in Ayrton Senna), but can you name a South American car? Anyone? I'm scratching my head and searching Wikipedia desperately, but I can't say I've found any either. I'll get back to you on that one, but for now, my point stands.
Speaking of the cars, we get into a dark area that has blighted real-world Olympiads far too often for comfort; the issue of doping and use of banned substances to get an advantage. From off the bat, then, where does this leave us with regards the kind of cars that can compete? Simple; demand road legality to any car that competes. Just like the IOC demands substance legality for it's competitors. Hey, the athletes are real humans after all, that have to exist as humans in the real world. So too should the cars, right? I can hear the petrified bleating from F1 fans already, decrying the potential absence of the machines they hold so dear. Let me placate your cries by listing some epic race machines that are fully homologated as road-legal cars: the Caparo T1. The KTM X-Bow. The Ariel Atom. Prototype sportscars of the late 90s such as the Porsche 911 GT1, Nissan R390, Jaguar XJR-15, and the gorgeous Toyota GT-One. You'd be surprised just how much performance you can get into a road-legal car. I believe one year at Le Mans, someone even managed to make an ex-Group C Porsche 962 a road-legal car to fit the regulations of that year. Anything is possible. Demand manufacturers, tuning companies and race teams push the boundaries of what is possible in a road car, and watch the technological breakthroughs come thick and fast - straight into a showroom near you.
The Caparo T1
The Jaguar XJR-15
The Porsche 911 GT1
So then, the plans for the first ever motorsport Olympiad are (in my head at least) gathering pace and literally only days away from being confirmed as happening. Last thing then - host location. Easy. Anyone with an big stadium (an Olympic stadium would be ideal), some racetracks and countryside would be in with a shout. That opens up pretty much most of the world in one fell swoop. Having a big stadium as a HQ for the Games, for the Opening and Closing Ceremonies, makes sense; after all, the Race of Champions have proven just how thrilling motorsport can be when hosted within the confines of a modern stadium. Most importantly, the world of motorsport in these host cities would be able to feel the awesome community spirit and party atmosphere of two weeks of non-stop sport, music and global love. Let's be honest, it's the one thing motorsport can't really do - only smaller events such as the Goodwood Festival of Speed come close to this carnival spirit.
So then guys, I reckon that's all the hurdles cleared (if you'll forgive the obvious pun) and challenges faced; I now declare myself head of the IMOC (International Motorsport Olympics Commission). Because clearly I can do that. Obviously. Anyone else want to join the IMOC board? Or do you want to pitch a nation forward to host the Motorsport Games of the 1st Motoring Olympiad? Who do you think would have the best chance of topping the medal table? Comment away, and/or tweet me at @AJBomberspots. Until then, fairwell; my role as head of the IMOC is a busy one, after all.