(Warning: Long ass post
Note: I was also going to paste a bunch of links but remembered that my post might get flagged so will try and post them after)
Hey all,
Been meaning to type this for awhile but have been really busy for the last few months but figured today was the time to do it, especially since I've been having some internal conflict if you read my other thread.
Like many of you here, I discovered the whole "game"/self improvement philosophy almost 10 years ago (damn, been that long) and it has been a big passion and huge part of my lifestyle ever since. I admit, I actually did do those Mystery openers back in the day haha, but then progressed to direct game where you're just blatantly honest and straight forward, then to studying art of logistics of instafucks during day, to developing EQ emotional intelligence to read girl's emotions to know when they were DTF and/or when to escalate, then to developing my ideal lifestyle, then now to just being truly happy with present moment, enjoying NOW, to be in a CONTINUOUS FLOW STATE.
I bring all this up because the whole idea of flow, for me at least, is when a human is truly happy, truly one with the universe. To quote Mike Cernovich, I'm starting to sound a little woo-woo, but think about it. When you're on vacation, you're in a natural flow state, so it's easier to meet chicks. When you're just naturally chilled out and relaxed, ideas come to you in an instant that can change your business, problems, basically anything in your life. If you're an athlete, when you're in the zone. If you're an artist, when you're creating. If you're like me, a musician, it's when you're either writing that song that you can't get out of your head or when you're jamming, and everything just comes together. It all relates.
I'm gonna come back to this concept of flow later but for now, will tell a story of a situation that happened earlier this year. One of my clients, who is a very unhappy person due to his childhood (possibly because of being adopted) was under a lot of stress and just yelled at me, totally went off. He does this to everybody so it's not like he was personally going at me, but he really went off. During this period, I was in very good shape, probably the best shape of my life, eating healthy, getting enough sleep, working out and lifting the most I've ever done. But a few days later, I got sick. It's one thing if I caught it from a co-worker but I telecommute from home. So the only possible reason I got sick was from the exposure to that negative energy from my client. Some of you might doubt it but for me, it was a pretty freakin big deal. About a month prior, one of my roommates who is an athlete/fighter/dancer introduced me to the idea of Qi. I had heard of Tai Chi before where old people do some slow ass movements but it never appealed to me. But the fact that an athlete who is in great shape, who also fights and dances believed in it made me research it.
You can Youtube/Google Qi,Chi,Ki and find many Tai Chi exercises/Shamanic mantras/etc but this is my personal interpretation of what Qi is.
It is energy. Plain and simple. It's the air you breathe, the music you hear, the feeling you get in your boner when you see a hot chick, when you see a great movie, the rain, the colors in your blanket, the sounds from the chick moaning in the porn you're watching, the wind, the sky, the words you're reading on your computer screen, positive AND negative energy, etc etc.
Now that I had found my personal interpretation of Qi, I started researching the idea of flow. There are some great books on flow, the most famous one probably being written by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi but there's also an organization called the Flow Genome Project that studies peak performance where some of their speakers have spoken at TED/Google, etc.
What's interesting is the person who probably first really started the discussion on the concept of Flow was Maslow. The same dude who developed the pyramid of Maslows Hierarchy of Needs. Unfortunately he died before he could fully delve into it but that's when Mihaly took over the reins and then the people at the Flow Genome project.
So what gives flow? Well, it's individual to each person. I already covered a lot of it in my Qi definition but it can be fucking a hot chick, listening to a great song, writing and playing a great song, seeing the sun set, hunting in the club or on the street for chicks, planning your life out, playing sports, traveling to new cities and countries, meditating, etc.
Now, here's where some Buddhism comes into play along with the whole Eckhart Tolle Power of Now stuff. If you read my last paragraph of what personally gives me flow, you have about several options. Some of them are free (watching the sunset, meditating), some of them cost a little bit of money (hunting in the club for chicks, playing sports as you need at least club entrance fee and sports equipment/gym fee) or can cost a LOT of money (traveling to new cities and countries)
My problem in the past was that I was so focused on living an ideal lifestyle of living all over the world in the FUTURE, that I was sacrificing my happiness NOW.
I did not grow up Buddhist but have learned a few simple lessons that relate to what I've written. Suffering is wanting. We want to fuck hot chicks. We want a lot of money. We want to live in cool places. etc etc. In my opinion, nothing wrong with going for a goal but if the price you're paying is your life energy and time, that's not a good deal. And this relates to our whole modern society. It's not natural. The fact that we feel tired and apathetic is NOT natural. It's only when we're in flow that we're in our natural state of being, of living.
Soooo, now that we got this out of the way, how does this relate to marriage and why I even considered marrying a girl who isn't perfect in my eyes when I had only embraced the whole idea of open relationships.
Let me credit JJ Roberts on this (although he refers to it as unfenced) because while there has been a lot of criticism of his books and pricing, it was his maturity in his older posts, then his book and then video (although salesy) that influenced me to pursue "unfenced relationships" For me at least, fucking a girl is a million times better if I actually love the chick as opposed to banging chicks who I don't give a shit about. A really retarded silly way of looking at it is to compare whacking off when you're tired from work, half asleep and got a boner vs watching your fave porn star in a new movie with lube and nobody is home and you feel fully rested. I've had some great, bomb ass orgasms but have also had some ehhh, ight ones too. Life is short. I want to only hook up with and invest time with girls that truly move my nut muscle and I feel a connection with. Otherwise, I might as well whack off and call it a day and concentrate on other more important shit. Now, we're men so of course we want to fuck multiple women and have variety plus as mentioned earlier, approaching girls with blunt honesty and confidence was very effective for me and felt right so having multiple, unfenced, yet loving relationships seemed like the best solution, especially since I had cheated on my ex in the past and lost another girl who I really loved because of that cheating.
Enter December 2015. I've got my 2nd open girlfriend who is aware of my other girlfriend and vice versa. For those of you who have harems but you're hiding it, to me that doesn't count, because I've done that whole fake Facebook, alternate phone number, changing girl's names to guys, etc Not hating on it because everybody has to make their own choices but I feel proud because being truly non-needy and accepting of humanity represented a huge personal growth for me by having two open relationships. And I was ready for more!
But then one time, she got my phone and saw my messages to my other gf and started crying. She then asked me if I had ever considered marrying her to which I honestly said
"No"
To which she started crying and after about one month, my she started becoming distant. At first, I figured she found someone else, which I was completely cool with so long as when WE were together, she was still just as loving and passionate but she wasn't. To me, that was the deal. We could both see other people so long as when WE were together, we were just as intimate as before. So when she wasn't putting out anymore, being distant and in combination with my whole discovery of Qi and Flow state, started to consider the idea of marriage and yikes, even having kids.
If you read my other thread, I said a bunch of negative shit about my gal but in this post, I will list some of the positives. I won't go too long cuz it will get lame but want to give an accurate representation of how I came to my conclusion.
1) She's the first chick I've ever gone out with to say that having kids are like presents from God
2) She looks like my favorite porn star
3) While she constantly talks about money and responsibility, she can also goof around and have fun
4) While she constantly talks about money, she's also with me NOW when I do NOT have a lot of money
5) To put it simply, I'm happy with her and when things are good, I don't have that hunger to meet new chicks (although side note, when things weren't so good a month back, I did do some day game)
So it's taken me about an hour to write this much so am starting to lose my flow so to summarize, it's been a combination of events, life experiences, timing that has led me to be open to marrying this girl. She's really insecure about the fact that I also loved my ex-gfs the same way I loved her so why didn't I marry them. This is true, I do love her but I've also loved other girls before her. But it's ME who's changed or evolved. I'm at this point where she's here NOW. So because I have someone who I dig very much who's down right in front of me, why would I not enjoy this moment NOW as opposed to WANTING and possibly SUFFERING for FUTURE girls by spending time working my ass off, hunting in the club and streets, traveling around the world when if I had met her in say Thailand or Europe, would just be as equally attracted to her in that context.
Anyways, any thoughts, comments and opinions greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading and hope it helps some of you