I’ve been itching to get out of town for a couple days…..
Work has been really shoving it up in me, and I am feeling beat, broke and bumfuzzled.
My last vacation, which was some time ago, left me pining for more blue waters, white beaches, and red headed sun worshipers.
Anybody who tells you that you can get too much of a good thing…
Well, do me a favor and sock em in the mouth for me, will ya?
And alas, a new summer is 8 months away.
ROADTRIP.
Yep.. exactly what I need..
Preferably some place close, but where weirdness abounds.
Kentucky.
Now, before you start getting all huffy and puffy about how nice a place Kentucky is,
lemme just say that it is indeed, a wonderful place, chock full of really friendly folk.
If you have any doubts as to just how high an esteem I hold Kentucky in, just check out my post on the beautiful Pleasant Hill Historic Site.
But it is a weird State… really, more like three States.
You got the eastern part, which is more like West Virginia as far as terrain and economy —
You got the central part, which is very busy and scenic,
And you got the western part, which could just as easy be Indiana, exceptin’ there’s not a State Trooper behind every speed limit sign, and they’re much more polite.
Somehow, I think maybe I just unintentionally insulted five groups in one disclaimer….. oh well. 
Ahem.
Ah. Kentucky.
Yes. As I was saying….
…. why don’t we all pile in our imaginary digital car ( a Ferrari 458 )
ummm…… you can have the front seat.
…………………. what we want is to go somewhere – we can have fun, a little mystery, some tragic irony,
………maybe even go where no man has gone before.
………….hhmmmmmmmmm………………
So… lets crank up the travelin’ music…. and we can HIT THE ROAD!
First Stop :
Bowling Green for the home of the world’s greatest sports car: the Corvette!
(ok… technically, it’s not the world’s greatest sports car… the Ferrari 458 is.)
Anyhoo…
Here in Bowling Green, every Corvette that was ever made since the late 50’s- was made HERE…
and you can tour the manufacturing plant…..
… very cool…..
and you can actually buy your new Corvette,
( assuming you WANT a $70,000 plastic car with awful fit and finish, bad paint, and an image that you make your bald spot look even balder)
and have it delivered to you RIGHT HERE at the plant……..
Oh yes.
The only thing I’m missing is the $30,000 for the down payment…..
( and the fact that I’m not sure I wouldn’t rather have the BMW M3 for the money )
But, even cooler is what’s next door :
The National Corvette Museum… right off the highway on 31W.
Here you can see all the different year models of the Corvette -
………………….. from the earliest models to later models.
Vintage Stingrays, in particular, interest me–
And, I do like all the 1961 models
…. but it’s not like I’d turn down the keys to any of these….
( I don’t really have a bald spot )
But, those 61 models go high, man.
There’s a very large display of Chevrolet racing memorabilia,
and a killer gift-shop with every Corvette item you can think of!
I got a very cool Corvette silk shirt that’s way too nice to wear………
…… I’m not really sure what my logic on that was, exactly……..
But, this place is an absolute must-see for any car-enthusiast!!!
Let’s get back on US Route 31W —-
and mosey our way east awhile……………………
This is sure gorgeous country alright……..
………plenty of rolling hills,
…………….horse farms,
……………….country stores,
….. red-headed hitch-hikers….. HEY!
Wait a minute….
Hey, man …..
…. slow down for pete’s sake!!!!
Awww shucks …..
Yer no fun anymore !!!
Okey dokey, well..
Let’s get focused and head EAST!
Outside the town of Corbin, near Cumberland Falls State Park….
…. we can visit a real live Ghost Town of a real fake Ghost Town…
What remains of a theme park, that used to be called Tombstone Junction.
Tombstone Junction was a Wild West amusement park, built here in the 1950s.
It’s claim to fame,
if you can call it that, is…
The place burned down in 1989 – TWICE.
All that’s left of the place is a few Kentucky-fried railroad cars, a barn with a sloped floor which used to be the Haunted House… and this:
the old Tombstone Junction gate sign.
Is there anything CREEPIER than an abandoned amusement park??
Not on my list, there ain’t.
Oh…
Ain’t we having some fun now……
(hey, can we turn around and pick up that redhead???)
RATS. ……….. party pooper.
We’ll continue east – through and past the route for THE WORLD’S LARGEST GARAGE SALE –
— the annual US Route 127 Sale – featuring tens of thousands of roadside sellers, running alongside US-127 all the way from Defiance, Ohio thru this part of Kentucky to Gadsden, Alabama.
(it runs for a week every August)
….. 400 hundred miles of garage sales…
……. from end to end to end to end to endless end………….
ACK!!!
IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THIS, YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE IT!!!!!!!!
Be ready for the worst traffic jam, the worst drivers, and the most JUNK you have ever seen in yer life.
My advice, unless you’re there for the sale —
…. if it’s the second week of August, just stay the hell away from the US-127 corridor entirely.
But I promise you, you will only make THAT mistake once.
Next…………… northbound.
Ever heard of “Crystal Cave” ……. or Floyd Collins??
We’ll take a detour north to visit Mammoth Cave National Park
……… and the saga of Floyd Collins – the “Greatest Cave Explorer Ever Known”.
You see, in the early 1900’s, Floyd was what you’d call a world famous cave expert.
He had explored and mapped many of the cave systems in the Southeastern U.S…..
and his family happened to own the property containing a very beautiful cave system called “Crystal Cave”
… which didn’t get a lot of visitors, because it was kinda hard to get to.
Visiting caves was a big tourist industry in Kentucky, and Floyd was determined to find an entrance to the cave system that was closer to the highway.
He worked down in those dark, damp caves all alone for about three weeks, until he slithered through a narrow crevice into what was soon to be known as “Sand Cave”.
He explored it some, but his lamp was failing, so he tried to exit the way he came……
… but he got his leg pinned between a rock and the crevice.
The rock slipped, locking his leg in place.
He was now a prisoner of Sand Cave….. trapped about 150 feet from the entrance.
His friends came looking for him the next day…
they dropped him some food and water…
…… and of course, they also tried to dig him out.
But that old boy was stuck.
During the following week, the media circus was three rings….
It was the biggest story since Lindbergh crossed the Delaware.
Wait… that hadn’t happened yet. Or was that a guy named George?
Anyway…. As I say, the old boy was stuck.
The newspapers were full of news about the rescue efforts…..
…. especially how after four days, the would be rescuers accidentally caused a cave-in that cut off Floyd from all light – and all supplies .
Only his voice told the rescuers that Floyd was still alive.
And that voice went silent on the fourteenth day.
Three days before they could open up a new hole to him.
And TWO MONTHS before they could retrieve Floyd’s body.
And once they did, they put it in a glass case, and re-displayed it in the cave, as just another tourist attraction.
If you look closely at the above picture of Floyd,
which was taken before his discovery of Sand Cave —
……..that triangular ribbon he wears advertises “Great Crystal Cave”.
How’s that for tragic irony, hmmmm?
Turning westbound………………………….
We gonna visit the birthplace of a real honest-to-goodness Psychic.
I’m not much on this kinda thing.
But, this man was special.
His name was Edgar Cayce….
He was called “The Sleeping Prophet”- and his ability to diagnose people’s illnesses, even though he had no formal education was amazing- and well documented.
He didn’t do it for the money -
He did it because he felt he had been given a gift from God, that he was obligated to use for the good of his fellow man.
Much of what he predicted came to pass… but some of his predictions were wrong, of course.
That one about Atlantis rising from the sea in the 1960’s ….
( I’ve dived the Bimini Road…. and there’s no Atlantis that I could see….. )
OH well……. even Nostradamus had his off days, ya know?
Still….. a very interesting guy.
He was born here, and is buried here.
Hopkinsville itself is a sweet little town, with a nice family diner and very friendly folks.
It also happens to be the home (drum roll) …..
of one of the most bizarre cases of “close encounter” reports —-
The infamous “Kelly-Hopkinsville” incident,
in 1955.. people thought they were being invaded by Gremlins.
Yes, I said Gremlins.
At least, that is how the alien visitors appeared to the seven people terrorized by the 3 foot tall taloned creatures at the Sutton farmhouse the night of August 21.
Here’s a drawing of the unwelcome visitors by a witness.
These midgets-from-outer-space apparently wanted to raid the icebox, and the locals were having none of it, buddy.
Maw-maw’s apple pies gotta cool for at least 12 hours before eating, ya know.
( State troopers and other local authorities also did report sighting strange lights and hearing strange sounds in the vicinity…….. )
….. Oh, did I mention that these little UFO creeps were green?
You know …….
…………… like Gremlins.
Green guys from outer space.
Imagine that.
Local authorities investigated, and found all kinds of bullet holes everywhere…..
The folks had been obviously been voraciously shooting at the apple-pie stealin’ varmints, with no success.
The Air Force suggested it might have been monkeys escaped from a circus, although no troop of missing maniacal monkeys was ever reported.
A mystery wrapped in a enigma.
But, at least the pies are safe.
Northwest we go…. to the confluence of the Tennessee and Ohio Rivers, and the town of Paducah to inquire about one of it’s most famous residents… “Speedy“.
I warn you, though….
The residents here aren’t that fond of big ugly muscular strangers from far-off furr-in places like Charlotte asking damned-fool-questions about “Speedy”…….
To call them petulant would be an understatement …
To call them truculent might be an overstatement …..
…… so we’ll just call em xenophobic and leave it at that.
I did find one kindly soul at the downtown antique store who told me the story….
….. after selling me a very overpriced but very nice collectible, that is.
It is kinda cool, isn’t it?
Anyhoo…
The story about “Speedy” is this…..
… he was just a feller who worked for a living in the town processing tobacco.
One spring day in 1928, “Speedy”, who couldn’t swim, went fishing on the banks of the Ohio River, fell in, and promptly sunk like the Titanic.
Poor ‘Speedy’ had caught his last catfish.
His friend, A.Z. Hamock, who happened to run a funeral home, decided to experiment on the body with his new ‘miracle’ preservative.
Which turned “Speedy” into something resembling a wood statue.
So, of course, his friend put him on display at the funeral home….
……… where he remained– until the great flood of 1937.
At that point, “Speedy” and the rest of the contents of the mortuary, along with most of Paducah itself, were washed down the Tennessee River.
The body was eventually returned to the town along with the bodies of 1937’s flood victims.
He was turned over to the now widowed Mrs. Hamock, who kept him at her house until 1994,
…………. finally burying him in the town’s Maplelawn Cemetery.
What is it with these people and dead bodies, anyhow????
Does anybody else get the feeling that life in these small towns can get pretty weird ????
Do me a favor….
….. if by some weird chance I should croak while visiting Kentucky,
would somebody PLEEZE rescue my body?
PLEEEZE???
HOY!