Elderly light entertainer, Mr Bruce Beardsteen - famous, long ago, for singing about being with his baby, in his car - was inconsolable. Oh man, he roared at a crowd of his culturally retarded supporters, Oh man, this isn't what Rock'n'Roll is meant to be about. Hillary Trousers is the great Rock'n'Roll chick, right, and just what this country needed. I mean, she just owns that stage, right? shimmyin' across that space, in her sexy little pants suit, she just owns it, an' that thing she does, of just pointin' at some random face in the crowd and grinnin', man, like a monkey havin' hisself a wank, right?
that's just the coolest, most insincerest thing ever. Pure showbiz. Man, she's hot, that Hillary Trousers, an' as I said in one of my platinum-sellin' odes to dumb workin' people, Tramps like us, Baby She Was Born T'run, ooh-ooh ooh-oooooooh, oh-oh-oh-oh. And her ole man, Spunky Bill, man, he plays a cool sax. Spunky Bill is just so cock'n'roll, I mean Rock, Rock'n'Roll, shit, man, course I do.
Thass OK, Bruce, cock's fine by me.
Y'wanna suck mine a little bit,
stick a ceegar up yer asshole, mebbe.
Thank you, Mr President Spunky Bill.
It'd be my honour.
Friends, lemme tell ya.
I bin singin' about blue collar Americans for fifty years, made me a fuckin' fortune, actually, those lame, lovesick shitbrain Woody Guthrie caricatures I sung about, but as fer them dudes havin' the vote, I dunno how smart that is. I mean, there just ain't no way a knowin' if they'll vote how they're told.
Man, I'm just so fucked-up about Hillary not gettin' in the White House,
an' us all - me,
that great Limey bore, Sting,
my good friend, the Nobel laureate, Bob Dylan. Litter-ah-ture. A fine, fine thing.
Yeah, yeah, it is a shame there wasn't no books written last year.
Or poems.
Or plays.
Hey, Bobby, y'wanna suck my dick,
mebbe in the Oval Office.
I bet you'd like that.
an' Lady Gaga
- sittin' around jammin' some cool stuff and doing a few lines of Bolivian vitamin supplement, only not SpunkyBill, of course, what with his heart condition.
Mr Bruce Boss, superstar, liberal and political scientist then climbed on top of a piano,
leapt onto the stage, broke his hip and was helicoptered away to a private light entertainers' super (no poor folks allowed) hospital. ObamaCare, asked Mr Beard's manager, ObamaCare? Yer shittin' me, right?
My fellow motherfuckers.
So y'all changed, in just eight years, from Hope to Dope, from Change to Strange. Y'all gone fer Mexicanism, instead of the normal, decent American way of bombin' niggers abroadism, torturin' their asses in Gitmo - a great, great American institution, the envy of the water-boardin' community - an' shootin' them lazy cocksuckers down on they own streets.
Who'm I pointin at? Fucked if I know.
Is it some nigger?
I mean, my fellow motherfuckers, ain't it enough that we let 'em sing about We Shall Overcome;
I mean, what more do they want?
They don't expect to actually overcome, and be like us white folks, do they? They'd have nothin' to sing about, in them Lord-Amighty-Hear-Me-Lord gospel choirs they all like so much.
No, no, they got it all wrong, them troublemakers;
Black Lives Do matter, just not all of 'em.
Take me, f'rinstance,
me an' 'Chelle, an our two little wossanames - they girls, right? daughters? anyone know what their names are? - it's obvious that our lives matter, but some lazy nigger down on Main Street? Well whaddathey expect but that some KayKayKay patriot in a cop uniform is just gonna shoot 'em dead. I mean, they're only jumped-up slaves, ain't they, formerly owned by great American bankin' families, to whom we all owe just so doggone much.
Our magnificcnt lawnforcement gays're are just kinda correctin' some regrettable historical mistakes.
Did I say gays, back there?
Lawnforcement gays?
Well, whatever, we all using the same toilets, now, ain't we? An' like it says in the Constitution, gender is just a spectrum, right? So if ya feelin' like y'all is a woman, today, even though you ain't, why you now gotta legal right to go in the ladies' shithouse, pull yer pecker out and piss up the wall; yeah, an' any a them straight bitches complain, well we gonna throw them in jail.
That's inclusive LGBTQism right there; some big trucker wanna go in the ladies restroom an' wave his dick around, why that's his God-given right.
This is one of the major issues in the election.
Y'all gotta vote for important stuff, like this.
Thassright, Madam Secketarry, a big smile for the faggots.
Yeah, and the dykes, too.
Right and those recreational-gender-choice freaks.
Y'know, Mr President, back in the day, in Arkansas, me an' Bill, we'd a fried those sick freaks. Now here I am, kissin' their asses, or whatever they got down there, where the Sun don't shine, fucked if I know.
Chrissakes, I wish I was at home now with Huma, 'stead a playin' housemother and role model to every crazy, fucked-up, psycho degenerate in the country. These fuckers ain't even gay most of 'em, they just want something to bitch about.
One last thing, right, that I'm gonna do - well you're all gonna do, cos it's you suckers is gonna pay for it - what I'm gonna do is reimburse all our friends in the world's best dictatorships for all the money they donated to Hillary Trousers in order to buy the American election; yeah, Saudis, Qataris, Bahrainis, yeah, all them head-choppin', wimmen-stonin' great democracies like that,
they all paid Hillary's election expenses.
This display is brought to you by Global Friends of Hillary
I mean, all them sheikh folks buyin' themselves the White House. How good is that?
Wossat? Illegal?
Ragheads and financial terrorists owning our fine system a check's'n'balances?
Shit, no that ain't illegal. Well not in any sense of people being arrested. An' even if it is, legal an' illegal don't mean nothin' to Hillary. She just kinda transcends shit like legal and illegal. Yeah, thassright, cos she got a vagina.
Well, tell y'all the truth, I never did like the bitch but they had me over a barrel, back then, eight years ago.
To get ridda her I hadda pay-off all her election debts, promise to give her the job at State, yeah, where she criminally erased all the emails, done deals with crooks who was bribin' her an Spunky Bill, got our folks killed all over the world. yeah and that Chelsea, too, the daughter, yeah, I know, a hundred thousand dollars fer a Chelsea speech
from the UK DailyMail
Revealed: Chelsea Clinton earned an annual salary of $600,000 at NBC News even though she is barely on the air and the show she was working for has been cancelled
Chelsea Clinton joined NBC in 2011 but her last segment aired in January
Contract switched from annual to month-to-month because she will not stay with the network if her mother runs for president
Was originally a special correspondent for Rock Center with Brian Williams but the show went off the air in June 2013
Also unclear if she will continue making the infrequent taped segments after she gives birth this fall
News of her salary came the morning after she attended a charity function wearing leather pants, a Chanel necklace and Christian Louboutin heels
She and her husband bought a $10.5million apartment last spring
an' the dumb shitfaced cow ain't never done nothin',
cooden find the hole in her own ass,
yeah and then once I got rid of Hillary I hadda promise to support her campaign this time round.
Why? Well, my fellow motherfuckers, if a haddena done that then you mighta learned shit about me that it's best you didden a done. Best for me, anyhow.
Now that she done lost you might do anyways. I kept my end of the deal, though; ain't my fault if the people hate her rotten guts, is it? Sorry, I don't mean hate her rotten guts, I mean imprison her underneath a glass ceiling.
That ole glass ceiling, that there's the villain of the piece. Hadden oughta be no choice, if a women is runnin' fer office, even a mangy, decrepit, delusional ole crook like Hillary Trousers, why, everybody should just be forced to vote fer her ass. Otherwise what's the point of democracy?
But really, just between you and me, that's why she really lost,
it's cos she's a fucking monster.
An', my fellow motherfuckers, she was good fer Jack Shit as Secketarry of State, spent all her time hustlin' bribes from sheiks and tyrants and plottin' her campaign to be President Trousers, Secketarry of State my sweet white ass.
Vote fer Seckaterry Trousers, motherfuckers,
she da real thing.
Well it don't bother me none, I'm minted, as they say in Limeyland. I done such good work for the country's banks that I ain't never gonna have to work again. Thassright, not one a them financial terrorists going to jail; many of 'em even coming to work in the White House. Poor folks? Well them sonsafuckinbitches are always complaining. Niggers? They always bitchin', too. Okay? Now 'sone last thing I gotta do - 'part from showing my fellow tycoon, Mr Comb-Over, around the White House - and that's to pay back to the sheiks and despots all the money they done give President Trousers.
I mean, they paid good money to buy this election and this great country of theirs, I mean ours, and now they just gonna have to stand in line, like any ordinary State Department war criminal and wait their turn. Or get to the back of the queue fer everythin' like the Brits have to. Fuckin' Brits' who do they think they are? That's more people, right there, that's more people just not votin' like they bin told. But it seems kinda unAmerican, don't it, them despots and tyrants not gettin' what they paid for?
So what I'm gonna do is pay them back all the money they gave the Clinton Foundation.
Well, actually what you all gonna do is pay the money back, Wossat?
Aw, chicken feed, half a billion bucks, maybe a billion. An' anyways, under my administraion the national debt's so Goddamned big you can't even visualise it. An' there ain't no chance of payin' it off, not ever. Payin' back President Trousers' creditors, though, that ain't no big deal, an' it is, my fellow motherfuckers, the right thing to do.
Yes, we can
I mean, them swords, they don't come cheap.
Bernie Sanders? Sure, sure he would've won against President Trump. But he's a Goddamned nigger-lovin' socialist cocksucker. Anybody's better'n him.
I gotta go now an' play me some golf.
God bless America.
Rally round the flag, y'all.
Here, in the best part of England, First Minister Gnasher, of the Scottish Lunatics Party, dressed in one of her many Thatcher suits,
has been punching her wee fist on the lectern and putting President-Elect Trump on noteece, that the Scoattish people, sitting in their wee hoosies, will be watching him carefully, and that for now she is prepared to give him the benefit of the doot, he did win the election after all. Just like the Unionists did, here, in Scoatland, only we dinnae talk about that, because its the wrong kind of democracy.
Gnasher on Democracy,
honest to God, you dunno whether to laugh, cry or puke.
As First Minister I'm here to tell you that Donald Trump is the best thing that's happened to Scotland since, well, since me. Me and my three salaries, three pensions, three sets of expenses, my redtop newspaper columns and my economic expertise. No, no, that's fear mongering; the price of oil can only go up. Just as Donald J Trump is now my - and Scotland's outstandin overseas trade ambassador.
The harsh truth for her, however, and for the gabshite hysterical nincompoops in SNP Westminster
It is our wee view, d'ye ken, in the SNP, that Donald Trump should be arrested if he lands in the UK. Aye, fer dissin' me.
is that with one stroke of his red-inked protectionist pen - if he can write - Trump could bankrupt Scotland.
A tourism boycott or a tax-hike on whisky, salmon, tweed and shortbread would see the SNP lined up against the wall, motherfuckers, right where they belong, fucking Nazis.
President-elect Trump, as well as having upset the Nazis in the SNP,
has roused the sleeping giant that is the DogShooters Party,
all eight of them.
The ToiletMen's currrent and doomed leader,
Mr Susan Fallon;
but not of people who aren't like us,
like people who voted for Trump, which, in my opinion, was an absolute disgrace. Well, you may say that we have always been a bunch of child molesters, crooks, queerbashers and copraphiliacs, but that's just some of us. Alright, a majority of us, but majorities don't matter in modern, progessive, liberal politics, how could they, when the majority so often gets things wrong? Time after time, we allow them to vote and they vote the wrong way.
Susan, already demanding a re-run of the Brexit referendum, now insists that America revisit it's presidential contest in order that the democratic will of the people be overturned.
The house will come to order.
And I am sure that members on all sides will, like myself, be ready for a good laugh.
And so I call the leader of the ShitEaters Party,
Mr Susan Farron.
Thank you, Mr Tiny Speaker, and I am sure that I speak for all democrats everywhere when I say that Brexit Means Bollocks. It is quite clear that the people who voted for it may well be a majority but they do not speak for the minority of proper people who, for instance, as will many members and right honbourabe members, here, employ comely au pair girls - and indeeed boys - who work for room and board, nor for some of our vital industries which can only flourish and avoid paying taxes by paying slave wages to Polacks and Estonians. Not to mention the very many people who have second and third homes in Europe and those of us, that is to say all of us, here, who see a future career for ourselves in Europe. I mean, Mr Tiny Speaker, what would happen to parliamentary democracy if elected members were unable to retire to some made-up sinecure in Brussels, on a hundred grand a year, tax-free, all expenses paid? There is only one right and proper remedy to this Brexit nonsense and that is for us to ignore the referendum result, just as though it had never happened. Which it never should have.
To turn now to my party's position on the so-called US election, it is quite clear that people voted, quite deliberately for the wrong candidate........
order-order
The honourable member was very entertaining but I fear that our relationship with the United States may not bear his views on recent events and I must draw his remarks to a close. Before the silly fucker gets us nuked.
Since forever these commentaries have been hostile to the wretched Clintons whose venality eclipses that of lesser power couples, Tony'n'Imelda; Neil'n'Glenys, Dave'n'Sam; the dwarf, Sarkozi, and his warbling tart and now we have Mr and Mrs Askey, laundering corporate tax accounts in the Downing Street Zanussi. Lord knows what fresh, poisonous dynasties are forming, even now, in the sewers; there's that cunt, Viscount Straw of Bremain, Kinnock's embecile, gabshite spawn and his Euro-doxy. God help me, I have been arguing all my life that the terms career and public service are mutually exclusive but it makes no never mind; the cumuppance of Villainy, be it Labour's cock-waving house nigger, Fatty Prescott or cock-waving fascist, Blind Boy Blunkett, their infamy is cast by MediaMinster as Tragedy. That aphorism of Enoch Powell's, about all political careers ending in tragedy, that's what we get, endlessly, instead of journalism. And even that is wholly untrue - look at , just for instance, the drunk, Lord John Reid, making a fortune selling the contents of his mninisterial address book; look at drug dealer, Ken Clarke, a day-job for life in MediaMinster and a big career selling fags to third world children. Yeah, Tragedy, Enoch talking out of his over-learned classicist's arse. The coward, Cameron, slinks off having failed at everything he attempted - short of gay marriage and the destruction of Libya - as though he were Henry V, quitting the field, duty done. Tragedy. And so it is with the billionaire racketeers, the Clintons and their crooked sorry-arsed Democrat party. My dog, Harris, could've told them that Bernie Sanders would've kicked Trump's arse into another dimension. Right, Crime as Tragedy, that's the default setting at the PBC.
And nation shall speak shite unto nation.
Well, we told you Hillary was going to win because that's what we wanted to happen, what should have happened..
Maitliss, Neil, unknown ageing bimbo and Radio 2's Vine .
Fuck me Jesus, in any proper organissation this band of worthless cunts'd be out on their diseased arses.
I hope we managed to buy Emily Stringbean some new bondage gear while she was junketing in New York, telling us what was really going on.
Yes, Newsnight, the grown-up news channel.
It isn't just the staggerinmg, crass incompetence, though, when it comes to Madam Trousers. I can think of only one recent celebrity who has so unfailingly and instantaneously repelled me, set my teeth on edge and made my skin crawl - and this is just at the sight and sound of her, devoid of any consideration of her vile record of sexism, racism, incompetence, corruption, war-mongering and murder. That person is him, below, with his admirer, Esther Crow, scourge of paedophiles, just not those who are her lovers and friends.
Long before I knew the stories of Savile's beasting, long before that he made me shudder, like Oily Keith Vaz does, you only gotta see him, don't you, to smell his rottenness, Vaz; I was always revolted by Savile and I have always been revolted by Hillary Clinton.
Badness just announces itself.
I am delighted that for all her whore-money, for all her cronies in global MediaMinster she got her scabby arse kicked by a stuttering, redneck half-wit.
All it needs now is for something unforeseen and unspinnable to drive a stake through her rotten heart.
I guess we must be grateful to Trump, for his victory will see-off not only the nightmare Clintons but also the grotesque hausfrau, Merkel, and the ridiculous, cock-waving Hollande. Seeing Frankie boasting about how he and his fellows would deal firmly with Brexit Britain I reflected that if it hadn't been for Britain, in the early 'forties, he and his cowardly confreres collabeurative would now be speaking German and then I thought, fuck it, to all intents and purposes they are, anyway, down there in Vichy France Nouvelle.
If Mrs Askey does call a general election I would guess that UKIP would annihilate what was once the Labour party, that an emboldened electorate would reshape MediaMinster, as it has never been reshaped. And unlike the chattering, verminous denizens of MediaMinster I did say that Trump would win. What I didn't anticipate was quite how humiliated would be the Bankers' TeaBoy, Obama. No president has ever been so partisan in a US election, none so utterly rejected, that's his legacy, too; the empty, vain, useless speechifier, trumped by a buffoon. Oh, happy day.
In France Marie le Pen, like Trump, will romp home and some anti-immigration grouping will send Merkel packing. Andrew Neill, the PBC's ubiquitous, insufferable Mr Politics, would consult his postcards and disagree with me, but he'd be wrong, now as then.
One of the things which angered me most about the past little while is that I am that old, human-rights, egalitarian, leftish liberal, whose clothes were stolen by the verminous Clintons, Kinnocks and Blairs and used as camouflage for global larceny, torture and massacre. Those who quail at the prospect of President Donald J Chump should console themselves, as do I, with the thought that to get to the Left you sometimes have to turn Right for a while.