Remember in the 1990’s, the revered golden age of bodybuilding, when show line-ups were stacked with talent, upon talent, upon physiques that you couldn’t help but remember?? I sure do; the San Francisco Pro, the Iron Man, the Night of the Fucking CHAMPIONS! This was a time when every show was amplified and there were “stars” in every line-up that you wanted to cheer on and some you wanted to boo. There were characters in this sport/cult; bad boys, good guys, underdog stories, champions, people’s champions, and well known assholes that loved being assholes and relished the asshole backlash. Flash forward 25 years and we, the fans, are lucky to see one, to zero, interesting fan favorites in each show. The only reason I’d even go to one of these PRO shows would be to steal the rims off of Dexter Jackson’s BMW 7-Series….and to blow diarrhea all over his door handles for rudely ignoring me at Venice Beach Gold’s Gym. He didn’t even look in my general direction when I tried to talk to him. All I wanted to do was to tell him that I heard from “someone I know”, that they were planning on stealing the rims off his BMW 7-Series…. I totally stole the rims off that mother fucker’s BMW 7-Series.
The thing about the ‘90’s though, was that the IFBB was already piled a mile high with memorable and notable talent. This is pretty much why the WBF failed! Good ‘ole Vince McMahon just tried to swoop in at the wrong time! The IFBB already had “names” and legends in the sport still competing. There was no need for any further competition. Hell, I remember the 1992 Mr. Olympia in Helsinki, Finland. I was there. With a crazy line-up like that, how the hell could the WBF contend? You had a newly crowned champion returning to drop the hammer on the competition, a brand new, hot, young pro named Kevin Levrone attempting to challenge for the title in only his 2nd Professional Show, and the blood of the old guard was making a storied return to the stage after living the dream on the Hollywood screen. What was his name again? That big, dumb, wop, Helen Keller son of a bitch with the calf implants?? Lou whats-his-Hulk? Anyways, the point was that the talent at that show was so deep, they made McMahon’s pockets look shallow. The ’92 Olympia pretty much put the nails in the coffin of the short lived WBF. That show was historic and iconic! But, I was mostly just there to pick up my boy, Shawn Ray, after the show so we could get fucked up on Absinthe and go balls deep in the crazy Helsinki She-Male scene.
The reason why I bring up the WBF is simple. It tried to grow as a flower in a garden that was already rich with rose bushes. It was the wrong place and the wrong time. But now, 25 years later, that garden has been plundered. Plundered and tilled. Plundered and tilled like the rectum of Jenna Haze. It is ripe and ready for excitement and story lines again! Save us. Save us, Vince McMahon from the eternally stretch-recoiled and unchaste butt-hole that is the talent pool of men’s open Bodybuilding!
I love bodybuilding. Hell I even loved the WBF, when it first came onto the scene. Sure, the guys were dressed up like outlandish characters and had personalities comparable to a gallon of grey paint, but at least they tried! They had wild outfits and crazy posing routines and every bodybuilder had a persona and a back story, ie, Gary Strydom was “Mr. Handsome” and an unbeatable champion that women loved and men wanted to emulate. And there was Aaron Baker, who was an evil wizard and a spell caster who was always looming about trying to cause trouble for Mr. Handsome’s rule. As it turned out, apart from being a phenomenal bodybuilder, Aaron Baker casted a pretty good spell on the cock too, much to Vince McMahon’s dismay. But the point is, people loved it and remember it to this day! I sure as hell do. I’ll tell you what I can’t remember, and that is: who took 3rd at the IFBB New York Pro (Night of the Champions) this year? And that was only 3 fucking weeks ago!
Look, I love bodybuilding. I love it more than internet porn. That’s not true, but if you melded them together, my world would be a whole lot happier. The point is, I yearn and wish to see bodybuilding bring back the excitement and the fun and the anticipation again. The same way it was in the 1990’s. And it looks like the only way that that is going to happen is if someone pulls a WBF and turns the game around on its head. Now would be a good time, don’t you think, Vince McMahon? Sure you’re more multi-billion dollar business mogul than a “bodybuilder” anymore, but I bet you still keep tabs on the goings on of the IFBB and who the current Mr. Olympia is? We need you to rise up and make us WANT to watch bodybuilding again! We need you to make stars and characters of these boring turds again! We need you to end the Mafioso rule of the IFBB League! And we need you to come back and save bodybuilding… Also if you could post pics of some of your Diva Division sluts all nude and on the receiving ends of “sharp shooters”, “figure four leg locks” and “boston crabs”, that would also be pretty sweet.
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