On this episode of Motivating Other Moms, Rosemary welcomes Cyndy Bragg, The Whoopie Queen. Rosemary and Cyndy discuss life as a mother, and how to give yourself permission to say no and permission to take care of yourself.
Tweetables
“Makin’ whoopee like a mother.”
“Motherhood is the only place you can experience heaven and hell at the same time.”
“Self care if health care”
About Our Guest
Cyndy Bragg, The Whoopie Queen, is a TV PERSONALITY, SPEAKER, AND COMEDIAN. With fun, humor, and sass, Cyndy encourages women to make life a joyriding adventure, even with bumps along the way. Cyndy’s Whoop-power Your Life franchise consists of an online and social media community, Ask Cyndy – a video advice series, Daily Dose of Whoop Pow words-of-wisdom on social media, and an upcoming interview series – Women with Whoop POW. Tips to whoop it up and live the sweet life @ whoopiequeen.com.
Transcript
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Cyndy Bragg:
Hi, I’m Cyndy Bragg with Whoop It Up, and you’re listening to Motivating Other Moms Radio.
Rosemary Nickel:
Hi this is Rosemary Nickel with Motivating Other Moms, and you are in store for another great episode. I have Cyndy Bragg here today and she is quite a mom. She is funny and she is here to teach us how to make whoopee.
Cyndy Bragg:
Makin’ whoopee like a mother.
Rosemary Nickel:
There’s lots of connotations with that and I’m wondering what they’re all thinking. They’re probably getting all excited about this.
Cyndy Bragg:
Whoopee actually means joy and fun and to whoop it up, and to have a life full of merriment. So if you Googled it you would come up with those definitions.
Rosemary Nickel:
Which, can we talk a little bit about the switch you’re making in your business and why?
Cyndy Bragg:
Sure.
Rosemary Nickel:
Is this the great branding lesson, and being able to be flexible in your business? You’re changing your branding a little bit, can you tell us about that and why?
Cyndy Bragg:
Yes, I have been the Whoopee Queen, my company’s name has been The Whoopee Queen, and I have gotten feedback over the years that it’s affiliated and associated with sex. I don’t want that connotation, although I love sex, I don’t want that connotation, to be claiming that. I also felt like I wanted something more inclusive for anyone, whereas, Whoopee Queen is all about me. And yes, you could be the queen of your life also but I’m changing to whoop it up, because it’s more of a call to action, and it’s real belief for me on how to live in that, life is hard but we can have a blast anyway it’s just the choices we make so Whoop It Up, to me, feels like something, it’s a rallying call and it can create a community behind it.
Rosemary Nickel:
I love that change, I couldn’t agree more. It feels really good and it does feel like that would be a community I would want to be apart of. I’m all about whooping it up.
Cyndy Bragg:
Yay! You’ll be my first member, then.
Rosemary Nickel:
Sign me up. Sign me up. I’m ready to whoop it up.
Cyndy Bragg:
Woohoo! Send me a t-shirt and a feather boa.
Rosemary Nickel:
Woohoo! Feather boa, that’s a little out of my comfort zone, but I’ll go there.
Cyndy Bragg:
You just put it somewhere where you want it to look at, to remember to have some fun, the back of your office chair or something.
Rosemary Nickel:
I’ve got to find my feather boa, what is my feather boa, what speaks to me? Boa is girly but it could be theater too, so it’s nice and dramatic.
Cyndy Bragg:
Yeah, I like the white feather boa, it’s sort of subtle and you know, a white marabou feather boa, that’s mine.
Rosemary Nickel:
Oooh, I like that. I like that a lot. How did you get started as The Whoopee Queen?
Cyndy Bragg:
Well let’s see, I used to be in television, and I was a TV producer at Showtime, and before that E! entertainment television, and Turner Broadcasting, and in New York, my husband got a job opportunity to move to DC to work for Discovery Channel. So, we move down here, and I had a 3 year old and a newborn at that point and I decided I wanted to stay home with the kids, for a while, while they were so little. I’m a little bit of an older mom so I wanted to be there and embrace it, and enjoy. So while I was home with the kids, I loved to bake, and during my pregnancy with my second, my daughter, I would just eat so much that my boss in the conference rooms when we would have meetings, one time said to me “you’re eating like a young Amish farmer” and so we looked up what they eat, and I discovered whoopee pies. Because when the kids would go out in the fields, their parents, their mom would make them these little treats. They’re chocolate cakes on top and bottom and in the middle is like a really yummy vanilla fluff filling. When these kids would go out in the field and working all day, they would exclaim whoopee! I thought, God, anybody who is that sort of serious, you know the Amish are a bit more subdued and serious, and if they would make an exclamation like that, I wanted to know what they were eating. So I started making them and became obsessed. They’re delicious, and I started doing different sort of designer flavors, and started selling them at a fair in town and the mayor of my town nicknamed me, The Whoopee Queen, so it stuck. I was actually in talks with Whole Foods for a while, got a commercial kitchen and after being in the commercial kitchen and doing that I’m like, “This is not going to fill up my cup,” but at the same time I was doing comedy and sort of like the affiliation of Whoopi and whooping it up and all that, and all that fun part of whoopee. The reason I love the whoopie pies, other than the way they taste, is that because when people eat them they’re so happy, they’re so yummy. I realized that my path was about joy. I kept the name, Whoopee Queen, while I was doing comedy and I did stand up for a long time. Now I’m doing more sort of motivational speeches using humor, so that’s sort of the story of how I got the name.
Rosemary Nickel:
How did you end up in comedy?
Cyndy Bragg:
Well, I don’t know, Rosemary, have you ever experienced sort of some mean girl behavior while you were growing up? Did you ever experience…
Rosemary Nickel:
Oh never ever ever.
Cyndy Bragg:
Okay, well I experienced it a little bit as a kid, but I got walloped with a big dose as an adult when we moved to my community. I live in Kensington,Maryland, which is just north of DC, about 25 minutes north of DC. I was an outsider, this is a very rooted community, and I, for whatever reason, sort of rubbed somebody wrong and I got, she sort of started trash talking me, and it really made me down. I had some health issues related to it, stress induced health issues, and talked about it in front of a group one time. It was sort of a big group and I sort of chronicled my experience, and instead of people, I thought people were going to cry, but they were laughing, and I thought, wow this feels good! So I’m like, I’m going to go be a comedian. Right?
Holy Shamoley was I wrong. I go and I do an open mic at a place in Baltimore, and I thought they were going to throw tomatoes at me. I mean it was like crickets. It was horrid. I actually got on stage and I had a bathrobe on and I did this whole little move and shimmy, related to being a mom who is going to come out of her shell, and not just be a mom, and be a mom who’s alive and anyway it did not go over well. So instead of crawling back in my kitchen and going, “Alright, that’s not for me,” I decided to take classes. I took classes at the DC Improv, and I took more classes, and more classes. I just kept going. I just love being in front of people, so that’s sort of how it happened, and I love the open mic world, I put together women’s comedy shows. We’ve had seven over the past couple years in four different states from DC, Maryland, New York, and even in Atlanta. I grew up in Atlanta, so I had a friend who had me there for a fundraiser, many of the same women perform and I bring in new people too, and the women who were on the stage we call them the Making Whoopee Comedy Show. And the women that perform, the only way to say it is that they’re badass women owning who they are, and for the 10 to 15 minutes that they’re up there, they’re hilarious, and they’re telling their story, and they’re owning their life. It is amazing to be at these shows. Then, we end the shows with some burlesque dancing. Burlesque was actually founded in comedy. The burlesque is not a risqué number, I don’t do them, I’d love to, but it’s not quite in my wheelhouse, but they, the women who do them, I have this woman in New York who teaches this Burlesque Bikini Bootcamp. Her name is Sally Tchassova, and she just has women really empower their body, every shape and size, and they get up there and they do like a theme song to Wonder Woman, and it’s just super fun. Super fun events.
Rosemary Nickel:
Oh my gosh! that is so much fun, I had interviewed Laurie Forster the wine coach, she’s the one who introduced me to you. You two are quite funny and I have to say, I’ve known Laurie for a while now, and I knew her before she added comedy to her speaking, and I was so impressed, and as a speaker, I think it’s easier to get on stage, than to stand up, and I think being a comedian is a much bigger level of vulnerability. As a motivational speaker, you’re standing up there and you may not be, you can get little cues from the audience to feed your energy to know you’re on the right track, but as a comedian to get up there and maybe fall flat on your face, it takes a certain kind of person to be able to stand up there and just go through your act, and maybe at first, it’s not great until you can nail what that act is going to be, and what gets the audience’s attention. How do you do that?
Cyndy Bragg:
Well, first let me just speak to Laurie. I adore her, Laurie, he’s been in quite a few of the making whoopee comedy shows. I adore that woman, and she’s now my friend, and I adore her. She is really great at what she does, so I’m grateful that she connected us. For your listeners, if you get a chance to go to one of her wine shows where she does her comedy and her wine tasting, do it, do it, do it. Of course, if you were around and we’re promoting one of our making whoopee comedy shows, come see Laurie and me, and our whole posse of women. But you know how do you do it? I think you really have to not let the silence or the lack of laughter deter your drive. I know that sounds odd, but I’ll give you a reason why I relate it to Chris Rock in just a second. I think for me it’s therapy, I feel like stuff is bubbling up, and for me to laugh at things and make them absurd is the way that I process. So for me, I have stuff comes up and I want to get out, and I want to talk about it, and if it resonated people great, and if it doesn’t great. A lot of the stuff, if I’m at a club where there’s a lot of young people, and I’m doing an open mic, not going to resonate as much, as to being in a more suburban area where there are more moms, my stuff really resonates, because I’m a mom, and my stuff isn’t all mommyhood, but someone in their early twenties isn’t going to relate to maybe me talking about how I have anger Tourette syndrome, and I’ll go off with a litany of profanity at times in the corner when my kids are making me go cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. That doesn’t quite work for a 23 year old, they haven’t experienced it yet. I think, for me, I can’t speak to every comedian, but I don’t have the desire to be the next big comedian. For me comedy is a hobby, and it’s an expression of life, and it’s a way to own and process, for me. And if it resonates great, and if it doesn’t, that’s ok. You know I’m up there to do it for me. For other comedians, the people that are really professional, if you will, they’re out three and four nights a week, maybe five nights a week, and they’re just doing their thing they’re fine tuning it, they’re writing it and rewriting it. It is a very difficult profession. The reason why I say you keep going is that I saw Chris Rock in New York, at a show and he came on about a year ago to do some material that he was working on for the movie that’s out right now, and he did not do well. It was crazy to see Chris Rock… bomb. It so inspired me. I’m like, “He’s just working out his material”. He had some funny bits in there, but it wasn’t him, he hadn’t got it is cadence down, he hadn’t got his thing down. I loved seeing him not do well, because it inspired me to go, “You don’t have to, he’s working through his stuff, he’s creating his material, and that’s part of the process.” So it was really inspiring.
Rosemary Nickel:
I can see that being really inspiring because most of the world only sees the cleaned-up good stuff, and they don’t see the work behind it, and how much it takes to get there, and it shows that you have to be able to just keep going at it, to get to the success.
Cyndy Bragg:
A lot of comedians especially at his level, they do not want people videotaping their work, if they’re featured or they’re headlining, that’s one thing, but if they’re showing up on a stage to work out, to just show up and try some material, they actually ask people not to videotape on their phone or anything, because they don’t want their bad stuff out there, they’re working their stuff through. It’s just such an interesting field, and I find a lot of the open mics a lot of the younger men, it’s so funny, they all talk about porn, and I’m like, “What!?!” and what time I got up there I was at an open mic downtown, and every young guy, I’m like one of the few women. There aren’t a ton of women who do it, there are more and more but this one time, it was just me. I’m not 25, so I get up there and I’m like, “Hey guys, I’ll tell you what porn is, porn for a woman at my age, is a guy with his shirt off cleaning and vacuuming, alright?”
Rosemary Nickel
Amen!
Cyndy Bragg:
They’re going to get some action.
Rosemary Nickel
That is right! Learn it now, boys!
Cyndy Bragg:
Yeah. There’s this funny book series out, called Porn For Women and it’s guys doing stuff around the house, with their shirts off. They look stunning, these men, but you know, you still enjoy it. You appreciate it.
Rosemary Nickel
Yes, yes you do. those are the things that are exciting for women of a certain…
Cyndy Bragg:
When you’re married.
Rosemary Nickel
Yes, when you’re married.
Cyndy Bragg:
And when you’ve got kids.
Rosemary Nickel
Oh my gosh, oh my gosh. There is nothing sexier than a husband taking care of their kids. So speaking about mean girls, moms can be pretty mean to each other.
Cyndy Bragg:
Yes! That’s sort of how I got into comedy, in that I used some of that material of getting some queen bee behavior from a community, but before I was able to deal with it in a comedic way, I got really stressed. I’m one of those people, I think I am pretty likable and I was so floored that this kind of attitude was coming my way. It was pretty harsh and there were some really nasty things said about me and it really got me stressed. I was new to this community. I had only lived here about a year and so all this stuff was happening, it was very clique-y, I got very stressed, and I developed a stress-induced vertigo. I’d wake up, have my coffee and within an hour, I couldn’t get off the floor. I was so dizzy. My husband had to drive the kids everywhere. This went on for about 2-3 months. One morning, I woke up during this period and I felt really good, so I decided, “Honey, I’m going to go to Target. I’m going to get some stuff for us.” So, I got to Target and I started sweating and I started having one of these episodes where I started getting dizzy and I was holding onto the shopping cart and I’m like, “I’ve got to get out of here.” So, I went and was sort of in a rush and I put my cart on the escalator, and instead of the little chain that hooks it in, I actually dropped it down the part where people are on. Oh my god! Thank goodness nobody was on it. I go and drop my shopping cart down a Target escalator, 9 am, not drunk, and it’s just bouncing like it’s a bat out of jumping trampoline place, it’s just bouncing off the side. All my milk and eggs and goldfish were all spewed all over this thing. It was like a suburban blood bath. When I got to the bottom, this is the universe in it’s weirdest state, the mean, trash-talking gal was down there and she was like, “Oh my God, whatever you have, I don’t want.” I knew right then and there that I wasn’t going to let this affect me for the long haul. I ended up going to a bunch of doctors and they found out that I have an inner ear disorder that gets triggered by stress and by caffeine, oddly enough. I don’t drink caffeinated coffee, or anything like that, now and I really manage my stress. I love that I experienced that now, because now I am in Target’s private shopper program. That’s what I call it when the security guard greets me and escorts me around with my list and gets me the hell out of that store as quickly as possible.
Rosemary Nickel: That’s hilarious. Yeah, moms can be pretty mean. When you’re in a store and you see that happen to somebody, just help them clean it up and say, “How can I help you?”
Cyndy Bragg:
Right. The medics were called, it was quite a scene. What’s interesting is that she was at my house for a gathering and she had opened a cabinet and inside the cabinet, in the kitchen, is where my husband leaves me all these little post it notes with sweet little nothings and she pulls it out, and I had walked out of the room and I came back in and I saw her reading them. She throws one on the counter and she’s like, “You still have sex with your husband?” Yeah I am.
Rosemary Nickel
And it’s a wonderful thing!
Cyndy Bragg:
Yeah! From there is where the trash talking started, from that episode, I just love that I’m in that super special shopper program at Target now. That’s the good part that came out of it.
Rosemary Nickel
I didn’t know they had that. I’ll have to remember that.
Cyndy Bragg:
Just drop a shopping cart down an escalator and you’ll see.
Rosemary Nickel:
You’re here today to help us create a, what kind of life?
Cyndy Bragg:
A life full of whoopee and wapow, and excitement and a life that is more full of fun as a mother. I think we need to have some truths that are right there for us because I thought being a mom is a really hard job. How do you feel about that?
Rosemary Nickel:
Some days I really just want to trade it in, to be quite honest. There’s a lot, I can’t say a lot because I don’t want people to think I think about it every day but, it’s exhausting. There’s days I think about that first apartment I moved into and I cried because I couldn’t, I’m like how am I going to be able to afford to live on my own, it was $250 a month rent. It was this little tiny apartment on top of a garage in an alley way and I miss that apartment so much sometimes.
Cyndy Bragg:
Yes. Don’t you want to go back there?
Rosemary Nickel:
Oh, I do! It’s like the best place in the world. It’s small, there’s nothing there and it’s quiet.
Cyndy Bragg:
I love that movie with Tina Fey and Steve Carrell, they are a married couple in the ‘burbs and they go and have a date. The city and the date goes wrong and at one point, he asks her, “What do you wish? What do you dream?” She says, “I just want to go to a hotel alone and have a Sprite.” It’s so funny. I heard this one quote and I love this, motherhood is the only place you can experience heaven and hell at the same time.
Rosemary Nickel:
That is a perfect description.
Cyndy Bragg:
It’s so amazing and then it’s so amazingly hard, too. I just feel like there’s some things that we could all, if we could all get our heads around, these are my truths that I found. I have a 12 and an 8 year old, so I still have the teenage years to go through, but I have a heart network of mommies, and moms and mamas who have kids in college, kids in high school. These are the truths I have found with the women in my circles and through, I also have a certification in positive psychology and these are things that I found using all of the means that I have. We can just jump right in if you want.
Rosemary Nickel:
I would love that.
Cyndy Bragg:
The first thing is to give yourself the bad housekeeping seal of approval. Instead of trying to make things so clean and tidy and perfect in your house, go ahead and own, if you could just own that you’re not great at that. I am not going to be perfect and I have the bad housekeeping seal of approval. You give yourself so much freedom with your friends and family, because then they don’t expect things from you. I have this like, “Love me, love my dust bunnies, come on in, we’re going to have a good time, but don’t expect me to have a perfect house.” Just take that level of perfection off, bring it down and be real. I’ve never met a woman who is super, I even call it OCD, super tidy, clean over the top, who seems joyful.
Rosemary Nickel:
I couldn’t agree more with that. There is a freedom that bad housekeeping seal of approval does create. Do you have an actual badge, a virtual badge that people can use.
Cyndy Bragg:
I have a badge from Party City that I have used before, it just says Winner on it, it’s a blue ribbon, but that would be a great, fun marketing item to have made.
Rosemary Nickel:
I think it is. Laurie mentioned that in her podcast, which is http://motivatingothermoms.com/laurieforster/. I created one, kind of, I did the best that I could, because I love that concept and I have to say thank you to you and her, because I had my first party in I can’t remember when, with just my girlfriends, my husband took the kids and I gave myself the permission, that bad housekeeping seal of approval, and we had a great time. I just let go of it.
Cyndy Bragg:
Rosemary! Yay!
Rosemary Nickel:
So, thank you.
Cyndy Bragg:
That is awesome, I would love to see what you created. Did you have it on when you had your party? Or did you just give it to yourself metaphorically.
Rosemary Nickel:
It’s on the website on Laurie’s podcast, on her notes, and I’ll put it in your show notes as well. It does need to be tweaked, but you could go to https://www.fiverr.com/ people, it’s $5 to get your intros on your podcast made, to get edited, to get transcripts. Fiver is the best.
Cyndy Bragg:
Cool. Alright, good. Yeah, Laurie and I did this bad housekeeping seal of approval for a girlfriend get together, we came up with that. Sometimes we go on TV together and do little tips and tricks together, so we came up with that. I love it. That’s a big one. So many women people don’t have people over because they’re concerned how things look. It’s like, quit, stop. Just be you. That’s why people are coming to see you.
Rosemary Nickel:
Exactly. If they don’t stay, because of that…
Cyndy Bragg:
Good!
Rosemary Nickel:
Then they have self selected for you, and say thank you.
Cyndy Bragg:
Good! Buh-bye.
Rosemary Nickel:
Buh-bye.
Cyndy Bragg:
The next thing about having a boundary of where you give your time. I know a lot of moms, we give and we give and we give. We have so much to do, and so may people we’re taking care of, and so many things to take care of, then when you go to volunteer PTA, or volunteer for an organization in your community, or you’re the class mom, or you’re taking on another project at work, or you’re an entrepreneur and you want to do this other great thing because it’ll possibly lead to something else. Just sit with that, sit on it on a few minutes, then go, on a scale of 1-10, if it’s not 7 or higher, it is not something you should be doing. A lot of women have a hard time saying no. We’re so programmed to be amenable. I coach women on saying, “It’s just not going to work.” Practice it, Rosemary.
Rosemary Nickel:
This is just not going to work for me right now.
Cyndy Bragg:
It’s a lot softer than just saying no. You don’t have to give a lot of reasons why. I’ve actually had somebody who’s tenacious and she just keeps coming at me, and I just repeat, “It’s not going to work. I know I would love to do it, but it’s not going to work.” I probably had to say it to her like five times. At some point it’ll soak in, but there are people who will keep trying. Practice that mantra when it’s something that has come your way and it’s not a 7 or higher. It’s just not going to work.
Rosemary Nickel:
I love, love, love that. I’ve been seeing so much on social media about moms being stressed out. I have to say that’s probably the #1 tip of all times because women don’t know how to say no and they feel so uncomfortable with saying no because they don’t want to hurt somebody’s feelings, they don’t want to disappoint them, and that really just sucks the life out of your family. It’s a real trickle down effect when you keep saying yes to everything.
Cyndy Bragg:
I learned it from, I was on a committee, it was a community event, and we were doing a gala, and I’m at these meetings and there’s these women who have been on these boards for ten years and they had me on the board, and here I am, I’m full of energy and I want to do this and that. We had the gala and one of our county commissioners was there and he asked my husband if he could dance with me, and my husband was like, “Sure.” I know how to swing dance, it was a swing dance party. During our swing dance, I asked him if he would not only put funds towards renovating this building that was a library, that we were trying to save. I also said we need to make it wheel chair accessible and handy cap accessible. At the follow up meeting, after the gala, we were going over the money that was raised and one of the women on the board said to me, “Cindy, I can’t believe you used that tart like behavior to ask for extra funds.” I just sat there and I thought, all the time and energy, that just doesn’t work for me, and if you think that was a tart, I could really put it on. So, I learned that’s just not going to work, and that’s where I said to her, “You know what? You saying that, it’s just not going to work for what I have put in here.” So, I elected not to be involved anymore. Glad to say that the library is saved, and it’s getting renovated, but my point in this is that there are things that you can give your time and energy to and it’s not going to fill you up and make you feel appreciated or satisfied, or like you said, it’s going to deplete your family and your energy so just make sure that it’s something really really is great for you and your family, before you take it on. So, I use the 1-10 and if it’s not a 7 or higher, I go bye bye, it’s just not going to work.
Rosemary Nickel:
That is excellent advice. Excellent. What is the next piece of wonderful advice that is going to make us go whoopee?
Cyndy Bragg:
Well, I want to ask you this, would you date yourself?
Rosemary Nickel:
Well, golly gee, I would be friends with me.
Cyndy Bragg:
Right.
Rosemary Nickel:
I don’t know if I would want to live with me.
Cyndy Bragg:
I would say women, we don’t, once we start, we don’t take care of ourselves anymore. We are giving, giving, giving, like I talked about and so you really have to take care of yourself. There’s a phrase in positive psychology that’s called self care if health care. Women are like, “I’m getting my nails done,” and they feel bad about it. Well, no, it’s making you feel good. You’re getting your hair done, or you’re going on a girl’s night out, or you’re taking time to work out, or you’re taking a class. We really have to take better care of ourselves. So that would be my second tip, to take care of yourself so that you feel great and you would actually date yourself. Ask yourself, would I date me? If I wouldn’t, what do I need to work on so that I would want to date me. If I wouldn’t, what would I change? There’s a great line from a women’s empowerment I’ve been involved in, “If you want to be adored, you have to be adorable.” They’re all about helping women, sort of like wrap themselves in self love. That’s my second point. Date yourself. Date yourself and give yourself some self care.
Rosemary Nickel:
I love that. Self care is incredibly important. I’m still not sure I would date myself. That could be a really big clash of interests. Could you imagine mommy amplified, when you’re in your frustrated moments, by two?
Cyndy Bragg:
Yeah. Right?
Rosemary Nickel:
That’s whats coming to mind.
Cyndy Bragg:
When you look at yourself, like I know that I’m on social media way too much. I wouldn’t want to date someone on social media as much as I am. So I need to put some boundaries around that. Not that I need to be super fit and toned, I could do with a little bit of toning up here or there. So jus think about it, if you were out, I’m sure there are moms listening, what do you need to do that would help you find your own self attractive. Are you negative? Do you need to wrap your head around your negative voice? I have workshops for that kind of stuff but what do you need to do so that you would find yourself attractive, and that you love yourself more. I just phrase it, date yourself. Which means you have to spend some time working on yourself.
Rosemary Nickel:
I love that. One of the things I think about is, if I was divorced, because a lot of the things you see when people get divorced, all of a sudden they become healthy, they lose weight, they start looking great. Well, why didn’t you do all that stuff before?
Cyndy Bragg:
Mhmm, mhmm.
Rosemary Nickel:
What is it that stops us from doing all of that stuff before? So I like to try and think of what would I do if I was single and alone? What would I do for myself?
Cyndy Bragg:
Right.
Rosemary Nickel:
Why don’t I do it now? Why can’t I?
Cyndy Bragg:
It’s really just giving yourself permission. I noticed I was trying to finish up my work by 4 o’clock every day and I wanted to be there for them. I would still keep working because I still had stuff to do and I would get annoyed at them wanting something from me. I realized a couple of days a week, I actually need some help and it has changed. I’m still here. I still go down and have a snack with them, but I have a babysitter here to help with the odds and ends request or to run them to a carpool thing, because I still have work to do until 5:30 or 6. It has completely changed my stress level, and the kids feel like they’re taking care of, because theres someone here who is. And I can actually shut down when it’s time to shut down. It’s really giving yourself permission to take care of yourself. That’s all we have to do, make a choice to give ourselves permission.
Rosemary Nickel:
Right. Part of that is giving yourself permission that you don’t have to be there 100% of the time for your kids.
Cyndy Bragg:
Right. Right. When I do this little bit in my comedy routine, I’ve had gray hair since I was 20 and I noticed that a lot more were coming in and I used to color my own hair at home and I decided it was time to go in for a professional processing and I am happy to report that all seven of my gray pubes are now muffy brown. You just really have to give yourself permission to take care of yourself.
Rosemary Nickel:
If it makes you feel better about yourself. That’s something I’ve had to consider as of yet.
Cyndy Bragg:
I had to put the hair designer, I had to stop her when she was like, “Do you want a blow out?” and I was like, “No I’m good.”
Rosemary Nickel:
That might have been the best part.
Cyndy Bragg:
One of those designer vaginas.
Rosemary Nickel:
That is so funny. I read an article that was so funny. This mom posted, she decided that she was going to be really risqué, she was going to get a Brazilian wax. She was really creative before that, she would actually carve out in her pubic area, a rose or a heart, and so she decided she was going to try Brazilian wax, and she went, “Five Reasons I am Not Doing That Again.” One, she found stretch marks she didn’t know existed.
Cyndy Bragg:
Woah.
Rosemary Nickel:
They were way worse than what she had from before.
Cyndy Bragg:
Oh God.
Rosemary Nickel:
The other one, of course, was the itching when it comes back. The other one, which was kind of a bonus, probably for her husband, he loved it. She was excited all the time. She said if a post man would have come to door, if I would have ran into the right lamp post, action was going to happen.
Cyndy Bragg:
Wow!
Rosemary Nickel:
Yeah, all the time she said.
Cyndy Bragg:
I wonder why, that’s intriguing to me.
Rosemary Nickel:
Yes, I thought that was intriguing, too. The last one really got me: ingrown hairs, nobody ever told me about that. I asked my wax person yesterday, I went to go get my eyebrows waxed, and she said, “Absolutely. That happens all the time.” I’m like, “I’m out, never again, not even going to consider it ever again.”
Cyndy Bragg:
No, no. We watch Scandal. Do you ever watch that show?
Rosemary Nickel:
Yes, love it.
Cyndy Bragg:
Do you remember last season, she was dealing with the death of her teenage son, the President’s wife, the First Lady?
Rosemary Nickel:
Oh yes.
Cyndy Bragg:
And she was like, “And there, and just so you know…” I guess they had a reconnection moment, and she goes “And just so you know it’s like 1972 down there.” Complete opposite of waxing!
Rosemary Nickel:
What we do to ourselves is so funny.
Cyndy Bragg:
I know.
Rosemary Nickel:
It’s so funny. What are some of the struggles that you’ve had with motherhood and how has that shown up in your life and for you?
Cyndy Bragg:
Well, this is great, because it ties into another tip on how to be a happier mom. I feel like I let the kids ride on my chain. I had to learn how to have a plan to blow off steam. When I say let them, it’s because I let myself get upset or angry or let them push my buttons. So, I had to learn how to channel that. There’s a great organization in my community, it’s called PEP, the Parent Encouragement Program. They use adlerian theory and psychology, which is all about encouragement and parent. Their thing is you are going to have issues with anger, with your children, everybody is. You need to have a plan ahead, so that you know how to deal with that and to release some steam. There’s a couple ways. The best way, for me that I have found, is that if I regularly exercise, I am more able to handle the stresses of the sibling rivalry. No one ever told me how busy I would be, running the kids around. When you were pregnant, did anybody tell you, “Wait until they’re ten. You’ll be running them so many places, you’ll go to change your tampon and you’ll find three up there?” No, no one tells you this!
Rosemary Nickel:
No, they don’t, because everybody forgets it.
Cyndy Bragg:
Maybe the mom’s who are going through it and they come to your baby shower, they don’t want to tell you because they’re afraid you’ll give the baby up for adoption.
Rosemary Nickel:
Well, there’s not really a lot that you can do about it. That baby is coming out.
Cyndy Bragg:
Yeah, you hold up the little onesie, going, “Yeah, that’s so cute,” but you really are so busy. I find all the running around, so I try not to over schedule us, so having a plan to blow off steam. I exercise regularly, and I also have, my daughter did this in one of her Sunday School classes, called the calming jar. It’s basically food color with a little bit of dish soap and water and then they put a bunch of glitter in there. What you do is just leave it on the counter and when I am fuming and they’re just pushing my buttons, because my kids bicker, they’re like the Bickersons, I shake the jar and I breathe until all the glitter has fallen to the bottom of the jar and then I can find that I am able to just go, “Alright you guys, you can go fight somewhere else. Go to the basement.” I’ve even sent my kids outside to run around the house ten times. I’m like, “Go run around the house ten times, because you can’t fight in front of me. It’s just not going to work.” It’s just not going to work.
Rosemary Nickel:
So, how long does it take you from picking up the jar, from not wanting to throw it and break it on the ground, to be calming, to saying take off and run around the house a few times?
Cyndy Bragg:
Well, I guess it allows me to have a time out. Depending on how much you shake it, it can go anywhere from 3-5 minutes for the glitter to all fall. I’m a very visual person, so it’s a good reminder to just breathe.
Rosemary Nickel:
What do you do with the kids while you’re trying to calm down with the jar?
Cyndy Bragg:
I ignore them or I walk into another place with the jar. I think I’ve gone up to my bedroom, or I’ve gone into the living room, I’ve gone down into the laundry room. Sometimes, I have to remove myself but I feel like the point of the story is to have a plan to blow off the steam, because it’s real. What have you found with other moms? I mean, it’s just life.
Rosemary Nickel:
I actually have a private group right now, we’re reading a book and applying the book to our lives. We’re trying really hard, and none of us are succeeding.
Cyndy Bragg:
What is it called?
Rosemary Nickel:
Yell Less, Love More. It’s a 30-day challenge to not yell for 30 days at our children. We are at day 7, and nobody is nobody is making it through. I thought, “Well, I only yell occasionally,” and the only day I made it through, my son was sick and he pretty much stayed in his room all day long. That was my successful day. I owned that day.
Cyndy Bragg:
That was your best day yet.
Rosemary Nickel:
That was my best day, but we’re learning a lot about ourselves. I like this tip, because I’m like that’s a nice way to think about that. Putting something in your path to calm you down from that moment. One of the things, one of the tips that I’m using that works really well, is called the Orange Rhino Challenge. I’m going to hopefully have her on the show as well. You empower your kids to help you with that. So, if they see that I am escalating to a point where I am fixing to lose it, they can say, “Orange rhino.”
Cyndy Bragg:
Oh, wow.
Rosemary Nickel:
What was interesting with that, is my littlest one, if any inflection of my tone, if it’s changed just one microscopic iota, she’s saying orange rhino. I’m like, “Really?”
Cyndy Bragg:
She’s just using it, coming at you with that.
Rosemary Nickel:
She’s just showing me how sensitive she is. She is a sensitive person and it shows me where my starting point is.
Cyndy Bragg:
That’s great.
Rosemary Nickel:
It was really eye opening. It helps in a way that they’re not attacking you. You don’t feel attacked, but it’s that little reminder before you get there.
Cyndy Bragg:
What’s the name of the book again?
Rosemary Nickel:
It’s called, Yell Less, Love More. It’s 30-day orange rhino challenge.
Cyndy Bragg:
Cool. Ok, good. Good, good, good. A lot of people say that yoga is great, do to yoga. It’s supposed to be really good in stress relief. I try it but I’m not sure it’s right for me. I always end up standing next to Queen LaQueefa. I swear that’s not zen, it’s freaking noisy. Geez, I can’t. I keep going, I keep going. I am going to be a yoga practicer. I want to be, you know, I do. I wear my sweat pants with a green juice, I look good, but I really want to be that yoga person. I want to be a umanista. That’s my goal. I want to be a umanista.
Rosemary Nickel:
I rolled my yoga mat out, last week, turned on the yoga video, and about 4 hours later I decided that that was just never going to happen. I just kept walking by, looking at it, going, “Ok, am I going to get this done?” My daughter was even like, “You need to go do your yoga.” Uh huh, but I gotta go do this.
Cyndy Bragg:
No, but I am going to wear these stretch pants, they do make you feel good. I feel less stressed when I wear my stretchy pants all day.
Rosemary Nickel:
It’s all intention, all intention. That’s awesome, I love the jar. I am going to have to try the jar. I’m going to have my daughter make the jar for me. I like that.
Cyndy Bragg:
Yeah, anything, any extra tools that moms can add into their lives to make their lives easier and more enjoyable. Sometimes I think you put the jar in there and it may work for a while, and you may have to find something to replace the jar with. It’s good to use for the kids, too, because when they’re having a breakdown or they’re fighting or they’re having a moment, you can also use the jar, like ok, you need to go sit, and you can give them the jar to go have a decompression moment.
Rosemary Nickel:
Absolutely, absolutely. Everybody in the world can learn how to take a deep breath and sneak away for a little bit.
Cyndy Bragg:
Yeah, not just a mom thing.
Rosemary Nickel:
So, Cindy, how can people find you and get connected with you?
Cyndy Bragg:
Ok, good. Well, on Twitter, I’m @CindyBragg I spell my first name funny. It’s Cyndy and my last name is Bragg, and you can find me on my website, I put videos there and I’m a regular on a TV show here in DC called, Let’s Talk Live, where I go on and talk about how to have fun, enjoy life. You can find my on my website which is, CindyBragg.com. If you are looking for me under Whoop It Up, it’s also directed there.
Rosemary Nickel:
I’m also going to ask you a quick business question, do you mind?
Cyndy Bragg:
No, I love it.
Rosemary Nickel:
How can entrepreneurial moms that are interested in doing this skit on local tv shows, and I know there’s moms out there that would love to make that happen for themselves. How do you do that?
Cyndy Bragg:
You find out who the producer is, and a lot of times youll get the run around, when you call in from the news room. For whatever reason, they’re very secretive about it. Call different times of the day, try to get somebody, find out who the producer is on the show you want to be on. You can also, if you can find out the email address through the company you can email the anchor or the host, and they can forward it to the producer. Pitch them your idea, put in an email what your subject matter is, and then do like four or five talking points. Are you going to have visuals, or are you going to be in a seated interview. Usually when you’re in a seated interview, you don’t usually have visuals. Stand up interview, you have a demo you’re going to do, where you’re demonstrating something and you want to indicate that. Then, you will hopefully hear from there.
Rosemary Nickel:
Do you want the email short?
Cyndy Bragg:
I would keep it short. Like, hi, I have a segment idea for you, the title is blah blah blah, and then here are five talking points, would love to talk to you further, please let me know if you are interested.
Rosemary Nickel:
Thank you, Cindy that was vital information. I know there are lots of moms out there that are trying to do this, so that’s very valuable.
Cyndy Bragg:
Those local shows need content, so believe in yourself and get on there. They need content, they have to fill up their shows.
Rosemary Nickel:
Yeah, it’s a lot of air time. Thank you, Cindy. It’s been fun. It’s been funny, and it’s been insightful.
Cyndy Bragg:
Oh, Rosemary, thank you for motivating other moms.
Rosemary Nickel:
Thank you. Your slogo is, “Living the sweet life, with fun and frolic,” is that correct?
Cyndy Bragg:
I’m sort of adapting it now, it’s “Whoop it up to live the sweet life.”
Rosemary Nickel:
I love that! Alright, well here’s to whooping it up and living the sweet life. Thank you so much.
Key Takeaways
[00:03:24] Cyndy discusses how she got her name, The Whoopee Queen
[00:05:39] Cyndy tells the story of how she ended up in comedy
[00:10:00] Rosemary and Cyndy talk about comedy on stage and Laurie Foster
[00:12:00] Cindy reveals how Chris Rock inspired her
[00:14:05] Rosemary and Cyndy discuss Porn for Women
[00:15:48] How Cyndy became part of the Target Secret Shopping Program
[00:17:42] Mommy Mean Girl Story
[00:18:58] It’s not easy being a mom
[00:20:54] How to give yourself the Bad Housekeeping Seal of Approval
[00:24:24] Cyndy teaches you how to say, “It’s not going to work.”
[00:27:59] Would you date yourself?
[00:31:34] Rosemary and Cyndy talk about giving yourself permission to take care of yourself
[00:33:02] Rosemary gives details on a funny Brazillian Wax story
[00:35:09] Make a plan to blow off steam
[00:37:01] Cyndy talks about the calming jar
[00:38:50] Rosemary discusses The 30-Day Orange Rhino Challenge
[00:40:52] Yoga, and becoming an Umanista
Mentioned in This Episode
Date Night (2010) http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1279935/
http://www.burlesquebikinibootcamp.com/
http://www.amazon.com/Women-Cambridge-Womens-Pornography-Cooperative/dp/0811855511
http://motivatingothermoms.com/laurieforster/
https://www.fiverr.com/
http://www.amazon.com/Yell-Less-Love-More-Alternatives/dp/1592336337
http://whoopiequeen.com/
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