I think it is time we all started embracing the misery of motherhood.
I know, I know. Another buzzkill from yours truly. First I tell the world to suck it up, and now this ’embracing the misery’ stuff.
It’s a constant party around here.
The thing is, I think that embracing the misery of motherhood actually makes the whole trip a lot better. Rather than making us depressed and anxious, it helps us all chill out and accept that high expectations for every aspect of life are not realistic and can actually make us unhappy.
I love this quote I ran across the other day. It pretty much sums up my feelings perfectly.
Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he’s been robbed. The fact is that most putts don’t drop. Most beef is tough. Most children grow up to be just ordinary people. Most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration. Most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. . . .
Life is like an old-time rail journey—delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.
~Jenkin Lloyd Jones
Isn’t that heavy? I really love that quote.
When you are mom, you can read it a little differently…
Most pregnancies are uncomfortable (or worse.)
Most births involve some pain.
Most diapers are gross. And they require constant changing.
Most babies don’t sleep much.
Most breastfeeding relationships need work.
Postpartum recovery...it can be pretty sucky.
Most siblings fight.
Most kids are annoying. (It’s OK to admit it. For real.)
Most of us don’t look perfect every day.
Most bellies have stretch marks.
Most boobs end up saggy.
Most bodies don’t return to “normal.”
The work of home life is the same. If part of your work on this planet is motherhood, isn’t it good to know that “Most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. . . “?
Much of the work of mothering and family raising is dull, dirty, and thankless.
Children don’t say thank you.
For years.
Babies will nurse around the clock for months and not once acknowledge that you are awesome and selfless. They will wake you at night so many times you can’t count. And when they are finally able to speak, they don’t say, “Gosh, that was so good of you to nighttime parent me mama. You rock.”
They don’t even remember!
When they get older and you sacrifice your own desires to buy them shoes or a new jacket, they often don’t notice. They might even ask for something else! (This is one of my pet peeves as a mother. Seriously drives me nuts.)
Motherhood is a marathon. It takes a long time to get your finished product. The truth is, you might not even live long enough to see how incredible the kids turn out, because it can take a lot longer than 18 years for a person to mature and become their true self. And when they are that true self, it doesn’t really matter if they invented the lightbulb or did something “special” with their life.
It is good enough if they are decent and kind and average.
The “delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts” of motherhood are those dirty diapers, sleepless nights, ungrateful kids, temper tantrums, and torn pereniums. They are the careers put on hold, the overwhelming days, and the crying-in-the-bathroom-with-the-door-locked moments.
It isn’t all intellectually stimulating. It isn’t all easy. It gets dirty around here, both literally and figuratively.
But that is part of the ride. Bumpy, painful, uncomfortable- yes. Interspersed with moments of grandeur?
Absolutely.
Baby kisses, the first laugh, when they finally tell you they love you, falling asleep at the breast, when you catch them showing kindness to others, those are the vistas and thrills of motherhood. The ironic thing is, we wouldn’t even notice the depth of meaning in those tiny, stunning moments if it wasn’t for all the other “blah” stuff.
Let’s sit back a little more often and embrace the misery of motherhood.
It’s pretty awesome.
Photo credit: Cia de Foto via Foter.com / CC BY, Cia de Foto via Foter.com / CC BY, miweme via Foter.com / CC BY
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