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The actual location of Indiana University cannot accurately be determined, but the velocity is usually agreed to be somewhat less than 1[[ftlb]]/[[daylb]]. It is usually thought to be located in the middle southern neather-regions of the state of [[Indiana]], but some claim to have seen it near a creek east of [[Illinois]].
The actual location of Indiana University cannot accurately be determined, but the velocity is usually agreed to be somewhat less than 1[[ftlb]]/[[daylb]]. It is usually thought to be located in the middle southern neather-regions of the state of [[Indiana]], but some claim to have seen it near a creek east of [[Illinois]].
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Indiana University gets the worst of the Illinois suburbs, the ones too stupid to get into University of Illinois but think they're too good to be food service managers, so they simply become food service manager-types who work for credit card companies and "teach". The coolest people you'll ever meet in your life go to Indiana...for a FUCKING SEMESTER. Then they vanish and leave you in a form of
Incestual
Twilight Zone. The townies are the exception. They are AWESOME. But the students are jokes. Girls who need insane nose jobs put those things high in the air. Their parents are ugly and have no sense of humor. You could be the most informed, enlightened Jewish person there is...after four years, especially if you have a campus job catering to these kids' parents, you might leave kind of...oh...voraciously anti-semitic on top of anti-marriage and anti-work. Anti-effort if it means being a husband and a father because it will occur to you that to marry one of these ladies means giving power of attorney to a total and complete invalid. Not even playing. There are girls at IU who look like Skeletor and routinely saddle up with GORGEOUS girls who are really nice, which is evidence that these gorgeous women used to be fat because who listens to a Skeletor-looking bitch without some kind of childhood trauma fucking with them? It begins like Woodstock and everything will be
awesome
, but then the greek system ruins everything. What self-respecting person would ever want to join that shit?
The world has changed alot since 1805 so fuck 1805-style traditions.
311 and Limp Bizkit are stupid, Indiana. And Phish isn't just live music that goes on forever and ever and ever. Get the damn albums and hear what they were really intending.
But back to this greek nonsense --
fuck
paradise
,
right? Fuck
not having to get up until 11 and getting to wear flip flops and pajamas to class
-- let's
get up at 7 and put on a suit and tie, party once a week and spend the other six doing finite math. And please come to my home town and pollute once great lands with your pussy ass herd mentality, please do! So with the freshmen and sophomore girls going greek and then getting fat and cutting off all their hair as juniors and seniors, the parties remaining are either private or are attracting absolute dogshit from nearby Elletsville and there are fights in the Noles and Varsity Villas every fucking weekend. Your roommate will be cool and may teach you stuff, but inevitably even he turns into Danny fucking Tanner and bitches you out for leaving an empty soda can on the table, when you never complained for a minute about having to smoke outside. Within the next two years your time turns into a form of "Boiler Room" where all the guys look like Gio Ribisi but go bald and take it out on the rest of the student population. The good news is that they're likely to have genetically-inherited heart conditions as well as baldness, which means that one day when you least expect it, they'll croak and the world can be happy. Making me take off my shoes before I enter your smelly ass 200-dollar-a-month tenament. You got some damn nerve, Billy Ray Lynn or...fuckin...Ryan something, because everyone there is named Ryan or some form of Kirsta or Keristen or something nauseating like that.
+
Indiana University gets the worst of the Illinois suburbs, the ones too stupid to get into University of Illinois but think they're too good to be food service managers, so they simply become food service manager-types who work for credit card companies and "teach". The coolest people you'll ever meet in your life go to Indiana...for a FUCKING SEMESTER. Then they vanish and leave you in a form of
incestual
Twilight Zone. The townies are the exception. They are AWESOME. But the students are jokes. Girls who need insane nose jobs put those things high in the air. Their parents are ugly and have no sense of humor. You could be the most informed, enlightened Jewish person there is...after four years, especially if you have a campus job catering to these kids' parents, you might leave kind of...oh...voraciously anti-semitic on top of anti-marriage and anti-work. Anti-effort if it means being a husband and a father because it will occur to you that to marry one of these ladies means giving power of attorney to a total and complete invalid. Not even playing. There are girls at IU who look like Skeletor and routinely saddle up with GORGEOUS girls who are really nice, which is evidence that these gorgeous women used to be fat because who listens to a Skeletor-looking bitch without some kind of childhood trauma fucking with them? It begins like Woodstock and everything will be
great
, but then the greek system ruins everything. What self-respecting person would ever want to join that shit?
First off, Dave Matthews,
311 and Limp Bizkit are stupid, Indiana. And Phish isn't just live music that goes on forever and ever and ever. Get the damn albums and hear what they were really intending.
And get some Ween too. THAT's music. Second of all,
fuck
authority. They stole our 401Ks and had a good laugh and they know they'll always get away with it because dreamless 18 year olds at IU line up to be just like them. When you were a senior in high school
,
didn't you dream of
not having to get up until 11 and getting to wear flip flops and pajamas to class
as long as you had to go to class? Well as it turns out, you were a loser! Yeah! A real man apparently goes to college to
get up at 7 and put on a suit and tie, party once a week and spend the other six doing finite math. And please come to my home town and pollute once great lands with your pussy ass herd mentality, please do! So with
most -- not all -- but most of
the freshmen and sophomore girls going greek and then getting fat and cutting off all their hair as juniors and seniors, the parties remaining are either private or are attracting absolute dogshit from nearby Elletsville and there are fights in the Noles and Varsity Villas every fucking weekend. Your roommate will be cool and may teach you stuff, but inevitably even he turns into Danny fucking Tanner and bitches you out for leaving an empty soda can on the table, when you never complained for a minute about having to smoke outside. Within the next two years your time turns into a form of "Boiler Room" where all the guys look like Gio Ribisi but go bald and take it out on the rest of the student population. The good news is that they're likely to have genetically-inherited heart conditions as well as baldness, which means that one day when you least expect it, they'll croak and the world can be happy. Making me take off my shoes before I enter your smelly ass 200-dollar-a-month tenament. You got some damn nerve, Billy Ray Lynn or...fuckin...Ryan something, because everyone there is named Ryan or some form of Kirsta or Keristen or something nauseating like that.
There are five different parking passes you have to buy at Indiana, because their ability to weasel and make a buck off people who have to be there makes them entrepeneurs. Also the finer the girl, the less she likes to do in bed. Ask anyone.
There are five different parking passes you have to buy at Indiana, because their ability to weasel and make a buck off people who have to be there makes them entrepeneurs. Also the finer the girl, the less she likes to do in bed. Ask anyone.
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Indiana has 500 majors with 499 failing to translate to real world employers. The program coordinators like to show up at banquets in Chicago and smile as you tell them you're working at Red Lobster and it was all a big expensive sham that you're still paying for. You simply won't believe how deep the bile runs. People claim it's liberal, but all that means is that they're faschists, because in actuality it's not liberal as much as there are elements of actual common sense surrounded by small towners sucking up to suburbanites, all dressing the same, and making sure every thought and action is pre-approved by these and other whites who make all whites look bad. It's not as homogenously douchey as
they
wish it could be. That's why it's considered liberal.
+
Indiana has 500 majors with 499 failing to translate to real world employers. The program coordinators like to show up at banquets in Chicago and smile as you tell them you're working at Red Lobster and it was all a big expensive sham that you're still paying for. You simply won't believe how deep the bile runs. People claim it's liberal, but all that means is that they're faschists, because in actuality it's not liberal as much as there are elements of actual common sense surrounded by small towners sucking up to suburbanites, all dressing the same, and making sure every thought and action is pre-approved by these and other whites who make all whites look bad
. IU is huge on political correctness, just like any bigot is
. It's
not what you say it's what you think. You're crazy, Indiana, if you don't think every black man in attendance knows just what sick fucking assholes most of you really are. Bloomington is
not as homogenously douchey as
the cannon fodder
wish it could be. That's why it's considered liberal.
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Indiana University is your punishment for slacking off in high school. Your friends, some of them went to Princeton, or to USC, or to Dartmouth. You on the other hand are in
the
god damn south
without the
bone structure and way cornier entertainment tastes. Their football team is an excellent microcosm of this place...for all the hype and pretty gardens, if this place isn't TRULY KNOWN for something, it's lagging behind the rest of civilization. All the professors, and I mean ALL of them, spend their days jerking off behind the desk and applying to Ivy League schools while a fat drippy 24-year old cocksucker TA handles the class, and takes overly-aggressive stands on everything specifically if its' stupid, and gives you tests that are deliberately retarded because they draw up exam questions to impress their elders, not for the purposes of seeing the question get answered. Bet your parents didn't see that on their tours, did they? It makes perfect sense to a Hoosier -- why bust your ass for a C+ when you can do nothing and get an F?
+
Indiana University is your punishment for slacking off in high school. Your friends, some of them went to Princeton, or to USC, or to Dartmouth. You on the other hand are in
a form of a
god damn south
where
bone structure and
splendid weather are substituted for
way cornier entertainment tastes
. Ever wonder how Jay Leno and Drew Carey and that Straight No Chaser crap got so popular? Look no further then Brave New Bloomington
. Their football team is an excellent microcosm of this place...for all the hype and pretty gardens, if this place isn't TRULY KNOWN for something, it's lagging behind the rest of civilization. All the professors, and I mean ALL of them, spend their days jerking off behind the desk and applying to Ivy League schools while a fat drippy 24-year old cocksucker TA handles the class, and takes overly-aggressive stands on everything specifically if its' stupid, and gives you tests that are deliberately retarded because they draw up exam questions to impress their elders, not for the purposes of seeing the question get answered. Bet your parents didn't see that on their tours, did they? It makes perfect sense to a Hoosier -- why bust your ass for a C+ when you can do nothing and get an F?
When [[Napoleon]] was sentenced to exile, it was first proposed that he be sent to [[Indiana University]], which is a vast and barren cultural wasteland. Upon hearing this initial sentencing suggestion, [[Napoleon]] flung himself on the mercy of the court. With the help of his [[lawyer]]s, [[Napoleon]] was able to successfully argue that exile to [[Indiana University]] would be [[cruel and unusual punishment]] ([[cruel and unusual punishment]] having fallen out of fashion the pervious summer). Feeling sympathy for the former [[emperor]], the court ruled that he be sent to Elba.
When [[Napoleon]] was sentenced to exile, it was first proposed that he be sent to [[Indiana University]], which is a vast and barren cultural wasteland. Upon hearing this initial sentencing suggestion, [[Napoleon]] flung himself on the mercy of the court. With the help of his [[lawyer]]s, [[Napoleon]] was able to successfully argue that exile to [[Indiana University]] would be [[cruel and unusual punishment]] ([[cruel and unusual punishment]] having fallen out of fashion the pervious summer). Feeling sympathy for the former [[emperor]], the court ruled that he be sent to Elba.