Hi, everyone.
I'm new to the forum and partly venting because I don't know how to feel about anything anymore. I'm trying not to feel angry. I just don't know how to express all the emotions that are underlying of the anger. So, this will be long winded. I'm sorry for that. I have to get this out before I go off the deep end, myself. Here's the story and I welcome any feed back, suggestions or just a simple..it's going to be okay. :-)
My fiance's father was diagnosed with dementia, psychosis with behavioral disturbances, recently. I went through the dementia thing with my own mother when I was 15 but even knowing that each person is different, there are things that I'm wary of with this man. Things I am beginning to seriously question and we are getting no help from the doctors to understand anything, nothing about the type of dementia my fiance's father has so that we can better educate ourselves. I'm wondering if they even know, or are just tossing a label out there. If they really don't know, then I wish they would say that because that...I can handle. I do not doubt he has something mental going on but is it really...dementia or psychopathy, sociopathy and the lines are now really starting to blur in his head...going from the fantasy stage into something much darker. I'm going to highlight the reason I am terrified in red when I get to that part of this story. I'm sure reading such a long thing might be boring, I completely understand that. Please feel free to just scroll down to the red text then.
I've known my fiance's father for almost 5 years now. He has always been into get rich quick schemes even when he was younger as I have talked to some of his past friends who are no longer his friends due to his behavior...they walked away from him. As several of these people who do not even know each other have stated..."He likes you until you do not meet up to his standards or you don't do something he wants and then he drops you like a brick but will keep at you if he thinks he can get something out of you that he really wants". In my experience with him, this is very true and this is why this is so hard for me to navigate.
8 years ago he had encephalitis and was found by his best friend. He had no idea how to use his cell phone to call anyone for help and was babbling incoherently. He was hospitalized and the doctors said that the cause for the encephalitis is unknown but they think energy drinks had something to do with it. He is also an alcoholic and was mixing the drinks with Vodka. He was put into a facility after hospital release and then was able to return to normal living.
He is eerily smart and has this way of making people believe anything he wants them to. He goes to AA but continues to drink, hiding it very well. He preys on women at AA. He goes after the ones who have some sort of mental issue that is so bad they are on a lot of medication. IE: Schizophrenia, low self esteem with depression, etc. He cons them, uses them then tosses them like they are little more than a trash bag. He has hit some of them and does the yo-yo effect on them. Sucks them in with lavish gifts and money, compliments them on how beautiful they are. ( he tried this on me 4 years ago and it didn't work ). Then when they don't do what he wants, he belittles them, makes them feel like they somehow hurt him, punishes them by ignoring them which makes them feel like it's their fault and makes them chase him. I suspect because they have no closure as to why he's walking away or they worry something is wrong and he's hurt or in the hospital. Then he contacts them like nothing happened, gives some made up excuse why he didn't return calls, texts, emails etc. Lures them back in and does it all over again and this breaks a person down. I feel sorry for them because some of them are mentally and emotionally abused as it is. It really disgusts me that he does this. He has gone as far as to offer to pick up their medications for them and then not give them the medication, leaving them without their meds and the inability to ask the Dr. for a new prescription. It leaves them more vulnerable, desperate and gives him even more control over them.
About 3 years ago, he got hooked up with a woman at an AA club who is schizophrenic. He had known her for several years prior to this but had found out her mother was about to die. Her mother had a lot of antiques which he knew about. Her mother passed and bam, he is all of a sudden the best friend, there to help her in her time of need, offering to help her "sell" the antiques, offering to get her storage units to house the items. It was a lot of stuff! He made sure to put the jewelry into one of the storage units under his name but when the woman went to retrieve the jewelry from the unit, the jewelry was gone. I know where the jewelry was because I'm the one who moved the stuff to storage for her. I put it up front in the unit because I knew she would want to be able to easily access it at some point. I asked my fiance's dad about it and he said...she don't need that stuff anyway. He told her that someone had broken into the unit and stole it. I was furious because when my own mom died, when I was 15, the nurse who took care of her stole everything we owned and got away with it. No one deserves that kind of trauma. Period. I was leery about moving the stuff to a storage unit under HIS name in the first place and I tried to talk to the woman about this but she was in a desperate situation. She was housing all of it in her small apartment and you couldn't even walk through it. The apartment manager was evicting her because it was a fire hazard. The woman had no choice, she could not afford to pay for the storage unit herself and...move too.
Then while that is going on, my fiance had a trust set up from his father's grandmother who left the trust under my fiance's father's name as well. When my fiance turned 18 he was supposed to have access to it. My fiance has Aspergers and was trying to live a normal life, go to college. He could not even find out how much money was in his trust since he was not the main person on it. My fiance was also trying to obtain SSI because he does not do well around a lot of people and other emotional issues he was in therapy for. He cannot hold down a job...yet. The attorney told him he had to drain the account or his ssi would be denied. He had his dad go to the bank with him to have it transferred and his dad told the company holding the trust that his son was a minor, via phone. He was not a minor he was 21. He had to send the trust company a copy of his birth certificate to prove...he was not a minor. When they xferred it to his name, they also sent a letter to his father who was furious, sent my fiance a text saying that he will never understand what he has done and there was no point in trying to explain it to him. Leaving his son feeling guilty. Just enough info to make him question if he somehow hurt his father. What we found out later is that his father did not put a new broker on the account when the old one retired and his father was using the money to play the stock market but adding enough back in to make it look...legit and leave no one any reason to question it. He was also using it to get loans etc.
About 2 1/2 years ago, his father started acting oddly, even for him. Calling people and leaving incoherent messages, locking himself out of his apartment, etc. Sure signs of something wrong in the brain. Alzheimers / dementia, something. Here's the thing though that makes me question it. He makes sure he calls the right people to help him and makes sure that he displays the behavior in front of "knowledgeable people." People who would think there was something going on, medically.
We thought this too and tried to get him help to no avail. He was getting into accidents, driving erratically, cutting people off on the streets, backing into them then claiming it was their fault which he has actually gotten insurance money back from. He hit a kid on a bicycle when he had his son with him and then wanted his son to say he was the one driving, after claiming to get a letter from the child's parent's attorney who was threatening to sue him. We do not think that letter ever existed because he refused to produce it when my fiance asked to see the letter. We heard nothing from him after asking for proof. Like I said, he scams people and is good at it.
He calls us one day needing to go to the ER. For a while he had not been answering his phone for us, so it was a bit of a surprise. We took him to the ER. He reeked of urine and feces, he was dishelved, and was walking strangely. At the ER he was acting like a 3 year old on the bed in the room they took him back to. Kicking his feet, playing with his toes, giggling and wanting a juice box which the nurse gave him. The nurse looked at me and I looked at her. She was so confused. I nod and pull her out of the room. I told her he had been acting very oddly but I wasn't sure if this was something like Alzheimers or if it was in fact part of an ulterior motive but that either way, it was obviously something mental going on. My fiance tried to tell the doctor too. He had also lost his car keys and house keys but when we took him home, the door was not locked. He then said it was the car keys he lost. I was to look for them in the apartment while they dealt with looking in the car.
His apartment was horrid. Maggots, mold all over in the kitchen, moldy food on plates shoved in drawers and cupboards. It reeked. My first thought was...perhaps it's the mold. We called the doctor back and told her what we found. We took pictures of it all. Doctor was going to call Adult Protective Services. They either never showed up or he wasn't home. We have been unable to get a direct answer as to what happened with APS.
The schizophrenic woman I talked about earlier is still in the picture at this point. Without her meds, she was very unstable and relied more and more on him. Was even put into the psych ward at one point then was fine once they got medication into her so they released her. I convinced her to move to Las vegas with her sister, to try to get her away from this toxic man. For her own safety. She did move but he was paying for her to fly back and forth between California and Las Vegas for a while. Not long before she had actually moved, which she told him she was doing, he hooked up with another woman from AA and also a guy from AA that was helping him with his daily needs that he couldn't do by himself. Driving etc. Although, he was still driving as well. This person is also a scammer. My fiance's father gave this guy access to his bank accounts and the guy changed the cell phone account to Verizon from Metro PCS but did not give my fiance's father access to the phone account. He wasn't planning for that to happen and thought he would be able to get into his own account...nope. This guy cut my fiance's father off of everyone, including my fiance. He controlled the phone access. At the same time this happened, my fiance's father hooks up with "Kim" from AA. Kim used to be an attorney but was disbarred. She is one of those people with...knowledge but she is dangerous too. He moved her into his apartment and she ended up getting him evicted because of constant screaming all hours of the night at random people, neighbors etc. and for having a dog that the building didn't allow. My fiance's dad comes to us to help him get her out. Now, I already had told him to not have her in his apartment past 30 days or he would have to legally evict her, but ...I'm just a stupid woman..as he put it and don't know what I'm talking about. I said, okay..find out the hard way and that's exactly what happened. However...
She had her lucid moments. He started to "hallucinate" people coming in and out of the floors, walls etc. They were coming through portals. He would get on his hands and knees and look for the portals. He was peeing in the hall way on the floor, defecating himself as well and was not showering or taking care of his hygiene at all. He would not answer the phone for us so she called us about this. She said he had fallen and needed to go to the emergency room, so we took him. He was diagnosed with dehydration again and we learned that this was the 5th time in one week he had been into the ER with diagnosis of dehydration. Why is a hospital allowing someone who is obviously showing signs of something seriously wrong mentally and who has dehydrated this many times...to be released? I don't understand that at all. Obviously he cannot care for himself at this point. Whatever the reason behind it is.
He moved to another apartment which he never told us he was doing. His best friend ended up telling us. He had people from AA help him move and apparently had paid them 200.00 each to help him. We did not know this until somehow they got our number and called us to complain that he only paid them 200.00 each but he did nothing to help pack his things or move them into the truck. These are people he has known for many years. They were wanting more compensation is what I was getting out of the conversation I had with the two people that called us, although they didn't outright say it. He had moved to Manhatten Beach BLVD Apt C. I'll just call it Apt. C for easy reference. This gets confusing.
We went to check on him once we found out where he moved to. He had spent all that time wanting us to get Kim out of his apartment etc. and had moved her into the new apartment. He happened to be there when we went over. She was in the bedroom and never came out that whole time we were there. Apparently she had broken her leg in a fall and was in a wheel chair.
Then he disappeared for a week. We couldn't locate him, Kim didn't know what was going on. He was there for literally 3 days and we found out he moved out. He just hadn't taken any of his things yet. We went over to speak with Kim and try to find any clue as to where he may have gone. He has money so he could be half way to Mexico for all we knew. He had left his laptop but the guy who was helping him and had control of the phone issue, had not given anyone the log on info for the WiFi so I hooked up his laptop to my phone to get wifi and looked at his history log, found an apartment he had book marked. It was the only thing in his history. We also found itinerary for a plane trip to Las Vegas. I looked up the flight number.
We found paperwork from the hospital he goes to that said he had Alzheimers. We tried to file a missing persons report with the police but they wouldn't do it even though it had been over 72 hours since we had any contact and he was not answering his phone. they had my fiance try calling it and no answer. They called it and he answered immediately. Now they were really not going to file missing persons because...he answered the phone so there is contact. I argued the point just because someone says they are okay and answered the phone does not mean they aren't missing because of the alzheimers diagnosis which we showed them the paper from the doctor.
We contacted the hospital he goes to and they wanted a psych eval done on him but we would have to get him somewhere for them to send a team out. He was still going to the AA meetings and we confirmed it with the director of the meetings that he was indeed still coming to them. The hospital said they could send the team to the meeting but we would have to make sure he was there and we would have to call police because they would have to attend as well. We got it set up with the police, went to the meeting, he was there. Called the psychiatric team and said he was there then they said they were not coming because...they don't do that. O.o The police managed to find his new address and went to that apartment where he moved to. Tennyson Street. Right near the AA club. He was at that address for a month. It is now Sept. 3 / 2015
The 3rd of Sept, he called us and said that his stomach hurt really bad and he needed to go to the ER room. At this point, yes..something is very wrong with him. He had tried to put a plastic bowl on the stove over where Kim was still at, it caught fire and melted. He tried to put it out with bug spray and Kim stopped him. He also attacked her, accusing her of taking his kids away from him, which is what his wife had done, not Kim. He hit her and had left a huge bruise on her chest. He had been trying to get into her room at night and demanding sex from her.
My fiance went to take him to the ER room. I had to stay behind because I had laundry in down at our building's laundry facility. I told my fiance when it was done, I would text him and he could then come get me if he needed to. He's in a panic at this point from all of the stress and was pretty glued to me because of the Autism.
He texts me that he spoke with the social worker at the hospital. Kaiser hospital. They again said he was dehydrated but were going to release him even though...he was babbling incoherently and really out there, mentally. He told the doctor on call about the mold conditions we had found at his prior apartment, how he had attacked Kim, was hallucinating people and how Kaiser had wanted to do a psych eval on his dad but couldn't ever get him in to do it. The social worker wanted him to go to his dad's apartment and see if there was mold there and if so, get some samples and put them in sealed baggies and bring them to the hospital. Kaiser however, wanted to release him. He texted me and told me everything they said. I told him come get me, it was time to get nasty with Kaiser and I was more than happy to do it. He did and we went to the apartment with sealed baggies and what we found was mold everywhere, moldy food on plates stuffed in cupboards, the refrigerator and stove covered in mold inside and out. Now, he had only been there about a month and it was this bad. We took samples like we were directed to do and went to the hospital.
The social worker had left due to shift change so when we got there, the nurse at the desk had a fit about us bringing in the baggies. She was adamant that no social worker would ask for this to be done. She refused to try to contact that worker. I'm livid at this point. Some random doctor who had been standing there commented that mold can't hurt you. I blew. I said, according to the Mayo Clinic some sure can hurt you, it can be toxic depending on the type it is and if mold isn't toxic, explain to me why when it's found in houses they wrap and seal the house to prevent it from getting out, people show up in sealed and ventilated gear and why medical sites warn you about even trying to get rid of mold in your bathroom, to wear protective gear while doing it. He had no comment and walked away. The social worker was standing there with this perplexed look on her face.
So, social worker asks us the story and we tell her. My fiance is very upset at this point and very stressed. Everything we said to her, she didn't seem to find as abnormal. Why is it dangerous that he is hallucinating people, she asked. I looked at her like...ummm...because these people he hallucinates tells him what to do which ends up getting him into some pretty scary situations? He's driving still and accident reports are piling up from Triple A, his insurance carrier? He may kill someone with his driving or himself? Kaiser wanted a psych eval done and now he's here and it will be done, period. She wasn't going to have it done and agreed with the plan of just releasing him. My anger flew even more.
I told her, here is how this is going to work. I get it, you are a social worker and think you can just holler immunity but in fact, you can't. If you release this man who is unable to care for himself and puts himself in danger as well as others and something happens, I will make sure to sue you in your individual and official capacity, sue the doctor for medical negligence and malpractice and anyone else who has been involved and if you think for one minute that anyone at this hospital involved in that suit is going to come to your defense, you are sadly mistaken. She went white as a sheet and said she would have the psych eval team come in to do the psych eval. She called them and we waited.
Amazing how fast things happen when you get testy. The psych team came and said he was unable to go home because of his mental state of mind. They told us to go ahead and go home, get some sleep because it would take a while for them to find a bed for him, that he was so bad off that he needed to be in a psychiatric facility. We went home.
2 a.m. It's now Sept. 4th 2015. hospital calls us and tells us they were transporting him to Reseda to the psychiatric facility, it was the only bed available even though it's an hour and half away from where we live due to traffic. Good, no problem, he will be safe and others will be too. 3 a.m. we get a call from Reseda to bring him clothing. We explained that we would have to track that down because we did not see any clothing at the new place he had moved into. Woman at the other end of the phone says...I understand, you don't want to help your father. I said no..we never said that. We said we will track down his things and bring them when we find them but it may take us a while to do this. She hung up. My thoughts are ...what is wrong with people these days, are they really that dumb?
We go to his apartment and get him a few things we did manage to find. We took them up to him. We spoke with the social worker. We were adamant that we did not want him in a home because the worker said that they were just going to throw all of his things away after he was in permanent placement. Part of me was thinking, what comes around goes around but I can't be like that. My conscience is too big. I also did not think it was just Alzheimers and could be something environmental, like the mold we had found he had been breathing in for who knows how long. Answers after running tests on him...don't get ahead of yourself is what I told him. Testing had not even started yet. He seemed way more interested in how much money my fiance's father had. Yes, I get it..placement if needed depends on your income as to the type of placement he will get.
However, I am also not stupid. He is on social security and makes 2140.00 a month. With the behavioral displays he is doing, the aggressiveness, the sexual aggression, wandering, unable to cook for himself, setting things on fire, hallucinating and the rest of it, there is more than likely not going to be any type of facility that will take him without the cost of it being around 10,000.00 a month for round the clock care. He makes too much to qualify for Medi-Cal here in California. Throughout all of this I had been doing a lot of research because I knew...either way, things were going to get bad and quickly. I wanted to be prepared because I didn't want my fiance to be stressing so much either. He has seizures and bad stress aggravates them. I'm trying to help protect everyone, including myself at this point. Information is empowerment.
We couldn't pay for his storage units or do anything else without power of attorney. We contacted my fiance's father's long time friend and attorney who asked us to write out a simple statement that his father wanted him to represent him. The social worker stopped us from doing this. That's not legal and I knew it. So we had his attorney speak with the social worker who still wouldn't budge, they got into a heated conversation.
Not being related by blood or marriage gets in the way of things. So, I had my fiance go to the director of the facility and explain everything. I also shot her an email prior so she had a bit of a heads up. She was astounded and said that he can sign anything he wants. We also found out this guy was not his actual social worker but the actual worker's aid. I drew up the durable power of attorney for medical and financial. We took the paperwork to his father to sign in front of the hospital's notary. We gathered the bank's own forms and had him sign those as well. Some banks have their own forms even though you have power of attorney forms yourself. They use them in conjunction with each other.
We got his bills fixed, for the most part. He has things he orders online, get rich quick scheme things. Send us 50.00 for a book and cds on how to make a million bucks in just 2 weeks, type of things. We got those things stopped as they popped up. At the same time, we have to clear out his apartment and were working with his land lord on this. He has a lot of stuff and it was just the two of us with little sleep because of all the running around and long trips to Reseda, sometimes more than once a day.
It took us over a month to get him into our home and I was right, no one wanted to take him due to how much it would cost to keep him because of his mental issues. Dementia with psychosis and behavioral issues. He simply did not make enough money.
Here is where it starts to become terrifying and part of the red text I mentioned at the start of this, there is more red down a ways.
While still in Reseda, we had gone to see him and my fiance went to talk to the nurses about his medication list. His dad closes the door and gets all paranoid acting. He sits in front of me on a chair, gets close to my face and says...I want you to do something for me. I asked what that something was. He looked back at the door he closed, looked around the room and said in a very low voice with this creepy look on his face..." I want you to kill Li Li and Aaron, there are plenty of places down at the pier where you can hide the bodies and no one would ever find them." I jolted and asked him where he thought we were. He said, "Torrance". I told him we were in Reseda which is an hour and half away from Torrance. He said, "Well that won't work then". Li Li is a pet name for his wife he has been separated from for years and Aaron is the guy that took control of the phone situation and his bank stuff I mentioned earlier. More red text, below.
I realize that they have him on psychotropic drugs at this point which have been known to cause all sorts of behavioral issues in some people like hallucinations, depression, homicidal tendencies, suicidal thoughts, aggression etc. Was this happening? I told the nurses about what he said. They were going to talk to his psych. They did not release him yet due to that and it would be a few more weeks before they would.
When we finally picked him up to come home with us, he got demanding in the car talking about some boat ride that was non existent but he was agitated and that could be due to different surroundings or confusing to him. I get it. Eventually he gave up on that subject after we mention food to him. Redirect his attention to food. It worked.
We had a lot of appointments to take him to and he also had a groin hernia that the hospital was not taking care of, he was in a lot of pain. We got him for surgery finally on the 21st of October.
He has to wear the adult diapers because of incontinence issues which he was not happy about. He wants all these food supplements he has been taking for years which is another thing I think is contributing to his mental state of being. He orders them online and you just don't know what is in them...and he does not take them like you should, he over takes them by a lot. Calcium, especially. His geriatrics doctor when we finally were able to see that dr. also said the same thing, this may be contributing to his mental issues and banned him from taking them. Social workers also banned him from contact with people at AA and the two women he attached himself to. We had to agree to not allow him to contact these people which we were more than agreeable to. They also told him this too. He agreed to it as well. Although, no telling if he would really remember agreeing to that or just said it to help get himself out of the psych ward.
He really thought and has said as much, that living with his son and I, we would allow him to drive and do what he wanted. When we have said no, he has become very uncontrollable.
So a couple of weeks ago, he had not been sleeping at all and would come into our bedroom and stare at me with this demonic ( best way I can describe this look he gets ) and it's very unnerving. You really don't know what is going through his head but you know, it's not a good thought. This continued for a few days and once he figured out you weren't asleep he would bolt into the other room and act like he was asleep.
We talked to his psych about this and he changed the medication dose and type of med. It's not helping him to sleep. It is supposed to help the agitation, it is not helping that either.
We had set up his computer for him but he couldn't seem to figure out how to work it. We came into the living room and then found him looking at porn. He has a bad issue with that and has had for a very long time. I told my fiance I didn't like this because it would get him hyped up and his attention would be directed to me for sex. I said, you watch...you will see. My fiance ended up taking the computer away from him.
Then, that very night about 4 days after the med change, I was almost asleep, that state of being where you are aware of what is going on but you hear a noise or something and it turns into a dream, if that makes sense so I thought I was dreaming but was trying to fully wake up.
He was naked in our room, he tried to get on top of me and stuck his hand between my legs. I woke up because it scared me half to death and my automatic reaction was to kick backwards and get whatever was on me, off of me. I connected with him, I came up, screamed, he screamed and it woke my fiance up. I hollered...what the F are you doing! He bolted back to the couch and pretended he was asleep. He won't sleep on a bed. My fiance asked him what he was doing and he told my fiance he thought he was getting in bed with me. My fiance was mad, obviously and told him to never do that again.
2 days later, he comes up behind me in the kitchen. My fiance was on his computer which is on the other side of the breakfast bar so he couldn't see what was going on fully. His dad is quick and quiet. He came up behind me and caressed me down my neck and back. I jumped and screamed. I didn't know he was there! I flew around and he picked up the knife I had been using to cut vegetables with and waved it at me, coming toward me slowly. I told him he had better put that knife down because I will defend myself. My fiance came around the breakfast bar and told him to put it down. He just stood there glaring at us and finally after I told him he had 5 seconds to put it down, he finally did. He pushed past his son and went to the bedroom and slammed the door.
We had changed the bedroom of ours into the living room since he was adamant about sleeping on the couch, anyway and he would be right next to the bathroom so he would not have to pass us at night to get to it.
Even more disturbing, we took him the the movies 3 days ago at the mall to get him out of the house for a while. He had been refusing to do anything at all until we would give him the calcium which was not going to happen, period. He had been going on about that for a week straight. His son asked him why he was so adamant about the calcium and his dad said, "Because I am used to doing what I want when I want." He has also taken up to urinating on our things that we care about.
There is a long walk way to get into the mall complex. A couple of pre teen girls passed us as we were walking in. They must have been about 10 or 11 years old. His son was up ahead of us a bit because his dad had slowed down when he spotted the girls. He was eyeing them in a creepy way and turned around to keep watching them. They had soccer shorts and gear on. He said to me, that he would sure like to get himself some of that. I said, some of what. I'm really creeped out at his comment and thought, did I hear this right? He repeated himself and did this creepy grin and laughed this creepy laugh. I told him we needed to get moving but he wouldn't move. He kept watching them so I got in front of him. They went around the corner and then he turned and started walking. I hollered for his son and told him what he did.
Then a woman with a stroller walks by us. His dad said, did you see that woman with the 8 breasts. I said, what woman. Thinking..is he hallucinating some woman that isn't there or is he talking about the woman with the stroller. He pointed to her. I said she does not have 8 breasts, we need to go the movie is close to starting. His son looked at me like...omg.
Movie itself was uneventful. We got him popcorn and some candy and soda.
Upon leaving, I told my fiance I was going to one of the stores to get some clothing. There were a lot of people in the store so I got what I needed and his son came in and said his dad was wanting to go to some store and refused to walk so had him sitting on a bench. He didn't know what store because his dad wouldn't say the name of it. I gave him my bank card and told him to go ahead and pay for my stuff for me and I'd try to figure it out. I went out to where he was sitting.
Across from where he was sitting was a very long plate glass window front with mannequins in it, some were children size. People were walking by every now and then. Some young pre-teen, teen girls walked by and he started to talk about their body parts. He was also talking about girl's parts that weren't even there, no one was. Then he started talking about the 8 breasts again and pointed to a mannequin and said, oh..she has no face. None of the mannequins had facial features. He was still refusing to walk so I told his son when he came out to go ahead and go get himself something from the nearby store until his dad would decide he wanted to walk again. So he did.
His dad gets up and goes into the store his son went into and I follow him. He's ranting at his son about the cost of the hat his son was getting being 125.00 and I pointed out that it was not 125.00 it was 14.00. He turns around as his son was paying for the hat, spots some kids and tears off after them out the door. I literally have to run to keep up with him and stop him. His son is right behind us. We direct him to the car and he is finally now ready to go where we think is home. NO. He wants to go to his P.O. box to see if his calcium is there.
He fights with us the whole way home about the calcium issue. We get home, he is still ranting and cursing at us. A lot of F' U's come out of his mouth. He storms into the bedroom and slams the door. He didn't want to take his medication but we finally got him to take it.
The next morning, he's right back at it. Ranting about his calcium, saying we aren't listening to him. I tell him to stop because we aren't going to let him have it because his doctor said no. I had to use the bathroom so he gets up and bolts out the door to the outside with his son trying to stop him, he elbows his son and pushes him when his son gets in front of him. My phone goes off and his son said he needed help that they are 2 blocks away. City blocks, mind you...yet his dad was given a cane at the hospital because of his walking instability, he does this thing where he will try to take a step and then he starts to shake and stops walking. Dr. just says it's part of the dementia and not a seizure or anything but now he is running with no issues? Over 2 blocks of running?
Then he stops and sits on the curb and tells his son he isn't going to move until we call his best friend to come get him to take him to get his calcium. He's ranting at us. It's Saturday so his doctors aren't in, the psych isn't in. His son calls the hospital and the social worker on call tells him to dial 911 after he told her this has been a several day event with his father. We call 911, they come and ask him his age, birth date etc. and the rattles it off...correctly.
He tells them that he doesn't feel safe with us. They ask us what happened and we tell them how he was acting and he's mad because we won't let him drive and take him to get his calcium because the doctor said no to him taking it and how he was acting at the mall the night before and the things he was saying about kids, etc. They take him to the nearest hospital which was not Kaiser. They call Kaiser and get arrangements to try to transport him to that hospital. They said it would be several hours before it would happen and it didn't happen until the next day.
We were supposed to keep calling Kaiser though to see if he was transported yet. We kept doing that. Then we get a call from the very social worker who told us to call 911 and she was telling us not to call 911 for situations like that, but to call his doctor. Um, it's Saturday...doctor isn't in? My fiance reminds her that she is the one who told him to call 911, he told her this several times. Then she was like, oh you are the person who said..blah blah blah. Uhhhh...yes, I am him.
So Sunday, social worker calls us again and they want to place him into a home due to his behavior. She has some person call us from some placement agency who just keeps going on about the cost of placing him and we are trying to tell him that he only gets X amt. of money per month but the guy just keeps rambling on. Rattling off all the places nearby us and the cost of them being ...like I knew they would cost... 10k a month or more. Then he said at the end of his spiel, which would you like me to contact?
We tell him, are you even listening to us? He makes a bit over 2k a month and has a lot of money but it's tied up in stocks of some sort but at the cost of what you say it will cost, that would only last a month of housing for him. He is sexually aggressive and wanders. He cannot care for himself at all. We told him multiple times that both of us are on SSI / SSDI and that about covers our own rent and bills, there is no way we can pay for anything outside of this.
He still insists that no one will accept him due to his aggression unless it is a locked facility and that we would have to help pay for that. We tell him thank you for your time and hung up. His dad is still in the emergency room at this point. The social worker wanted him placed yesterday but it was Sunday and even the guy we talked to said even if we had the money he would not be placed on a Sunday, the paperwork takes time.
I'm scared of his father due to his behavior and even more scared that he is eyeing children. Has he done something to children before and no one knows? It makes me feel sick to think about that. But I wonder even more on that subject because he has asked me multiple times to erase the hard drive on his computer, even though he has a person he takes his computer to that owns a shop for computer repair, why wouldn't he have her do it? RED FLAGS are popping into my head like crazy right now. I was a computer science major and he is aware of that but he has never asked me to remove a virus he tends to get from porn sites and complains about, he would pay the shop to remove it when I could have removed it for free for him. But now he was asking me to erase his hard drive?
I feel sick. I'm exhausted. I'm frustrated. If we don't do something they are going to just release him into society. The only place he has to go is here with us but will he do that? I feel we are in danger from him due to him pulling that knife on me. What do we do? There are kids in our building that play outside of our door. He's fixated on children in a sexual way. I can't put them at risk either. I don't know what this man is capable of doing or what he has done that no one knows about.
I feel better after writing this. It's a lot lifted off of me just by writing this. Thank you for reading if you have and again, I am so sorry for how long this is.
Blessed Be and I hope everyone else here with issues similar to this finds some sort of peace and comfort in their lives. It's so taxing on a person. Hugs to everyone.