While Kathy was pregnant with our daughter Isabella, I started documenting everything we went through. I figured this information would come in handy for when we would have another baby. Two years later, we had forgotten most of the pain, stress and excitement we went through during pregnancy and the newborn phase. I recently rediscovered my notes while searching my journal for information that would help us compare how we handled certain situations that we’re going through now with our second baby.
Photo credit: Eva Sulima
Even after having gone through the pregnancy and newborn phase once already, it’s still important for my wife to hear from other parents on how they handle certain issues.
That’s why I decided to make some of those notes public, so that other parents can get comfort and confirmation that they are not alone in what they may now be going through.
Foreword
From the day Kathy and I became boy- and girlfriend, we both knew that we wanted to have kids together. Up until that point, I hadn’t thought much about my role as a father but I could tell Kathy was a natural-born mommy.
After we got married, we slowly introduced the topic of having kids into our conversations, but we both wanted to wait a couple of more years. I started getting more comfortable with the thought of having a baby in 2011 but Kathy pushed back and wanted to wait another 2–3 years. As the months passed, I got more and more motivated to finally have kids but Kathy still wasn’t sure about the timing. In 2012 we kind of agreed to wait another 1.5 years, until early summer 2014. I imagined that I would read all the pregnancy and parenting books I could get my hands on, to equip myself with as much knowledge as possible.
The Young Kummers before making the decision of having a baby
During our 2012 Christmas vacation in Austria, we spent a spa-weekend with my brother Christoph and his then-girlfriend Sabrina (now his wife) and the four of us discussed having kids. That discussion, over a couple of glasses of wine, sparked both Kathy’s and my interest in having kids. That very night we almost made it happen but then decided not to make such a life changing decision under “the influence”.
And people say you can’t make smart decisions under the influence of alcohol 
The Decision
We flew back to Atlanta on New Year’s Eve of 2012 and could barely stay awake until midnight because both of us were jet-lagged and ready to hit the sack. I think we were watching TV when we started talking about having a baby again. We finally made the decision that there is never a perfect moment (or there is no moment that’s not perfect) and so we made love without protection. Kathy had tears in her eyes – a mix of tears of uncertainty and tears of happiness. Immediately “after the act”, we downloaded an iOS app to make sure that she was within her fertile days – she was. The next two days we made love again, just to make sure it would stick.
Even though we had talked about having a family at some point and despite having had the financial stability we didn’t really prepare for Kathy’s pregnancy. In other words, we didn’t consult her OB/GYN, read books or articles.
Note: It would have been beneficial if she had started taking prenatal vitamins already months leading to conception but we didn’t know that.
The Pregnancy Test
We did however read up on pregnancy tests, because we wanted to find out as quickly as possible if Kathy was pregnant. We finally found a pregnancy test at Wal-Mart that could show positive results up to 6 days before her next period. Kathy’s last period was on December 18th and on Sunday morning, January the 13th, 2013 we got a positive result. We were psyched and immediately called our families to tell them the news. Just to make sure, we repeated the test a couple of days later and it was still positive, so Kathy made an appointment at her primary care physician (PCP).
Positive Pregnancy Test
The 1st Trimester
We got an appointment a few weeks later and they confirmed the pregnancy and set the due date for September 24th, 2013. Kathy and I were excited and we slowly realized that we had our first kid on the way. We got a referral to an OB/GYN, Jenny Jo (now Jenny Grossman) and found her to be super nice. She did a sonogram on February 12th, allowing us to hear the baby’s heartbeat. At that point the embryo was 1.37cm in length and the heart beat with 158 beats per minute. That was a wonderful moment.
Due to hormonal changes that occur in the first trimester, Kathy soon started feeling sick, food didn’t taste anymore and she wore pajamas or a bathrobe all day, for the next couple of months.
Stress at work picked up at that point and I had mostly forgotten about my plans of reading parenting books. But at least I managed to go to every doctor appointment with Kathy.
The 2nd Trimester
As soon as the second trimester began, Kathy immediately felt better and she changed to regular outfits. Food started to taste again and she discovered a preference for iced drinks.
On May 2nd we had another ultrasound and found out that we’d be having a baby-girl. We already had a name for her: Isabella! Kathy doesn’t like to hear it, but I learned to like that name through a TV series called Scrubs (Turks daughter was named Isabella).
Kathy at 14 weeks
Kathy started reading up on various pregnancy topics and decided early on that she would like to have a natural birth, without any pain medication. I heard about the possibility of making the birthing process more or less painless through a so-called Epidural, which numbs everything from the waist down. Kathy strongly objected since she felt women are made to give birth naturally and she wanted to have that accomplishment. I didn’t necessarily share her opinion but supported her in that decision.
Well into the second trimester, Kathy started signing us up for various classes at Northside Hospital, in preparation for birth and parenthood:
Infant/Child CPR
Most important takeaway from this class: 30 pushes and 2 breath for infants and children and only 30 pushes for adults. We also learned how to deal with choking incidents. I’d definitely recommend this class.
Childbirth Preparation
A very good class to prepare Kathy and I for everything around labor and the birthing process. That class further strengthened Kathy’s desire to give birth naturally but it also led to certain expectations on our part on how the childbirth process was going to be. We were envisioning to deal with early labor at home and to follow the 5–1–1 (5 minutes apart, 1 minute long for 1 hour) pattern, at which point we would drive to the hospital. Spoiler alert: We never made it that far.
Baby Essentials
This class taught us a lot about how to deal with newborns, how to feed and bathe them and we also had a good group discussion with other expecting parents.
How to Become Parents
At that class, we met a latin couple who live only minutes away from our house and who should become very good friends.
Breastfeeding
We didn’t initially sign up for this class. Only after talking to our new friends we decided to sign up, late in the third trimester. We were glad we took this class since breastfeeding is not as easy as one may think and we learned a lot of tricks on how to make the process more successful. The teaching nurse was right that it was going to be tough – we just didn’t know then how tough it would really get.
Besides the classes we also took a tour of Northside Hospital in Atlanta, the #1 hospital in the world when it comes to delivering babies. The tour leader provided us with a lot of great information and insight into the birthing process. We could also visit labor and delivery as well as postpartum rooms.
Note: All the supplies you get during your stay at Northside Hospital, including the pillows are yours to take. You also get a nice goodie bag including diapers, pacifiers, pads, wipes and more.
The 3rd Trimester
During the third trimester we had a couple of more ultrasounds. Later we found out, that our OB/GYN thought that our baby was not growing quickly enough. They also wanted to check, if baby’s leg bones were growing straight. So we were referred to the Atlanta Perinatal Consultants (APC) for an extra ultrasound. At the time we didn’t know but we should get even better acquainted with APC during our second pregnancy.
Fortunately, they confirmed that everything was okay and that Isabella was growing properly. They estimated her birth weight to be about 7.5 pounds. For Kathy some of the early pregnancy issues returned as she gained more weight and started to feel tired quickly.
Kathy in her 3rd trimester
The doctor visits became more frequent but also more boring because they had become somewhat of a routine. Kathy and I finally followed up on our goal to read pregnancy and parenting books. One of the books we read was titled Baby 411 and it offered us a lot of tips and tricks on how to handle the newborn phase. I also started reading the Parents Magazine on my iPad. Unfortunately, by the end of the third trimester most of what we read we had already forgotten and we had to go back and re-read certain parts.
To help ease ourselves into the roles of new parents, Kathy’s mom agreed to fly in from Costa Rica and stay with us for about a month. The dilemma was, that we didn’t know for sure when Isabella would be born but we knew that we needed the most help after she was born. We also wanted Kathy’s mom to be with us during delivery, so we flew her in on September 12th – just so we would have some wiggle room, in case Isabella decided to arrive early.
Newborn Phase: The Beginning of Parenthood
The Morning the Water Broke
On Saturday morning, September 14th Kathy got up shortly before 8am to go to the bathroom. I was still sleeping but shortly after she disappeared into the bathroom she called me and announced that her water must have broken. I thought she was joking but got excited and jumped out of bed. Kathy was standing over the toilette and a transparent liquid was trickling out of her urethra. I grabbed the phone for her and she called the midwife, who ordered us to come to the hospital. So I ran over to her mom’s room to wake her up. She was super excited as well and got dressed in about 5 minutes.
We packed our stuff, had a quick breakfast and I re-filled the bowl of cat food. Then we got into the car, drove off and I said to myself: “Let the adventure begin”.
On the way to the hospital we both agreed that this is already not going as we had imagined. We were expecting to deal with early labor at home, for Kathy to take a bath and use her gymnastic ball during contractions. Instead, Kathy felt no contractions at all and we didn’t quite know what to expect.
At the Hospital
We arrived at 9:20am and I parked the car right in front of the hospital. I could leave the car there until we got settled in. Once inside the hospital, we checked-in and waited for a room to become available. All rooms at Northside Hospital are single rooms, so you have a lot of privacy. In Costa Rica and Austria you won’t get a private room unless you pay extra. With us, were a few other couples waiting for a room. The muslim couple next to us had a cesarean section scheduled and I could tell that the woman was in labor. But she pulled herself together and tried to keep the kids calm while the dad fed them candy. That made them probably more hyper than they were already. Kathy didn’t feel any pain at that point, the only inconvenience she had to deal with was her wet pants from the amniotic fluid that was still trickling out. Shortly before we got a room assigned, a young Mexican woman arrived at the hospital with her friend. She too was in labor but didn’t speak a word of English. Her friend did however speak some English and translated for her. It turned out, she didn’t have insurance and even worse, her friend left her after a few minutes. So Kathy helped translating between her and the hospital staff.
Kathy working through the paperwork
We were assigned room D3 of the labor and delivery ward at 10:15am and quickly settled in. Then I went downstairs to move the car to the parking deck. The nurse on duty came in shortly after and gave Kathy a pile of papers to read and sign. Everything was still relatively exciting and we soon learned that would stay until the baby was born. Kathy changed into a hospital gown and soon the midwife, the same we saw just days before at the OB/GYN, came to check her.
Nothing is Going According to Plan
At that point Kathy was 4–5cm dilated (80% effaced) and the midwife ordered Pitocin to induce labor and to get the contractions started. Apparently one should deliver within 24 hours after the membrane has ruptured, to prevent any bacteria from getting up the birth canal. About two hours after they had started Kathy on Pitocin they checked her cervix again but she hadn’t further dilated. They kept upping the Pitocin and contractions soon kicked in. Unfortunately her cervix didn’t further dilate and at 3pm contractions got really painful and Kathy asked for an epidural, which she got at 4pm.
Contractions finally kicked in
They checked her cervix again and it had not changed, which they read as a sign that Isabella’s head was too big to fit through the birth canal. As a result, they suggested to do a cesarean section (c-section) but they wanted to wait with the final decision until 6pm.
Nothing was going according to plan but at least Kathy was feeling no more pain.
At 5:30pm Kathy was 7cm dilated and things started looking good again. The c-section was pretty much off the table at that point.
The Delivery
At 6:45pm I decided to grab something to eat and took off for the cafeteria. On the way, I stopped at the bathroom for a quick bio break. Right then, I received a message from my mother-in-law saying “venga!” (Spanish for “come!”). A minute later she called to tell me that Kathy was ready and I should quickly return to the room. I ran back to the delivery room as quickly as I could.
When I arrived at the room, I was told that Kathy was now 10cm dilated and pushing would start in 30 minutes. I watched as the nurse started preparing all the required utilities and the exam table. Then the midwife arrived and Kathy was propped up in her bed. Her mom started taking pictures with my Nikon camera. We also had a camcorder ready for when Isabella was born. Northside Hospital doesn’t allow videos to be taken during procedures, only still images are permitted.
The pushing was painless but really exhausting for Kathy. While feeding Kathy ice chips and holding back her leg, I turned my head a couple of times to see what was going on “downstairs”. I suffer from vasovagal syncope, meaning I sometimes pass out, so I didn’t want to stare for too long and turn into a second patient.
When Isabella’s head was coming out, Kathy instructed her mom to grab the camcorder and to start rolling. We weren’t technically supposed to record a video at that time yet but both the nurse and midwife were busy with the delivery and didn’t notice.
It’s finally over!
Isabella was born at 8:05pm at 6lb 9oz. Initial Apgar score was 2, 5 minute score was 9. She had some troubles breathing and was hot, caused by Kathy’s infection and fever. So both got antibiotics. Skin-to-skin with Kathy had to wait a bit because the midwife had to sew her tear up and collect cord blood and tissue for banking.
There were a lot of deliveries that night, so Isabella’s bath and Vitamin K shot were delayed until she was transferred to the nursery at 9:34pm. Shortly after, Kathy was transferred to the postpartum room. Neither of us hadn’t eaten in hours and so Kathy’s mom and I got some junk food from McDonald’s. Yes, we ate junk food before switching to a Paleo diet!
Technically Kathy wasn’t supposed to eat anything fatty yet but she couldn’t resist eating a couple of french fries.
The First Night in the Hospital
The first night in the hospital was short and rough. Nurses entered the room pretty much every hour to check on Isabella or Kathy and we couldn’t get any sleep. I was sleeping on a bench next to Kathy’s bed and her mom was sleeping on a rocking chair. I remember the nurse asking in the morning “if daddy wanted to help with feeding” and all I could reply was “No, daddy does not want to help. Daddy is toast“.
Kathy had some troubles getting Isabella to latch on but a visit from the lactation consultants helped us get over that hurdle. Getting Isabella properly latched on should haunt us again in the near future
We stayed three nights in the hospital because we had to wait for Isabella’s blood culture to confirm that she didn’t have any infection (she didn’t).
At Home With a Newborn
Months 1 – 3
Isabella was a really easy baby. She never cried (by never I mean she cried maybe a handful of times but never longer than a minute), and because of that we could take her pretty much anywhere.
Isabella at 1 month
She gave us a good scare in the beginning however when one of the newborn screening tests came back positive for CAH. She also failed the hearing test on one ear and had jaundice. So we had to supplement for a couple of days with formula.
Note: Coincidentally, bilirubin receptors are also responsible for some of the compounds in human breast milk. By giving formula, you accelerate the uptake of bilirubin from the bloodstream.
As a result, during the first week, we had to go to the pediatrician a lot to get her bilirubin levels checked. The jaundice went away within two weeks and Isabella put on a normal skin color.
We had to repeat the hearing test at an audiology lab close by. The first test run was negative and we got scared again but then they tested the nerve responsible for hearing directly and it responded positively. So all was good except a congenital pit (a little dimple above her ear lobe) next to her left ear. That pit runs in Kathy’s family, so we weren’t concerned but sometimes such a pit occurs when the ear cavity doesn’t close completely while the baby is in the womb. During fetal development, ears and kidneys are forming in adjacent areas and a pit could indicate that there is also a problem with the kidneys. For us there wasn’t an immediate reason for concern.
Despite everyone envying us for how easy-going Isabella was, we did have some minor fights caused by the lack of sleep and increased stress level. One fight I remember was about how often I was supposed to get up during the night to feed Isabella. We did however manage to figure it out.
Lost fight: Me after taking care of Isabella over night
One mistake we made was to feed Isabella using bottles of expressed breast milk. Soon after we had started giving her bottles she began refusing Kathy’s breast. With the help of nipple shields and a few calls to the lactation consultant we managed to get Isabella back to the breast. Washing nipple shields was only a minor inconvenience, but Isabella returned to the bare breast sometime between the third and fourth month.
Travel
Travel during the first three months was painless since Isabella was mostly sleeping. We traveled to Austria, Costa Rica and soon after to Dubai and India without any issues.
Sleep Routine
Until babies are three months old they don’t really need a sleep routine. We kept Isabella in a crib in our room. While traveling we used a travel crib made by Baby Bjorn, which was really light-weight and easy to carry. In the beginning Isabella woke up every 1.5 to 2 hours. Towards the end of her fourth “trimester” she had some 3 hour stretches.
Scary Moments
We spent New Year’s Eve in Costa Rica at the Riu hotel in Guanacaste and attended a beach party. Of course, Isabella was with us. We tried to stay far away from the music and laser show but there was still a lot of commotion going on. Isabella didn’t seem to mind and a few minutes past midnight, we left the party to go to our room. I had a couple of drinks and they really kicked in while walking back to our room. By the time we arrived at the room I was pretty tipsy (which is probably an understatement).
Kathy’s sister Silvia, who didn’t come to the beach with us, called us via FaceTime and we talked to her for a few minutes. Suddenly Isabella started crying like we had never heard her cry before. None of our usual soothing methods worked and we thought that she may be sick. Kathy called the front-desk to see if they had a pediatrician on call while I tried most of what I remembered from Dr. Harvey Karp’s “The happiest baby on the block”. But no shushing or “shaking” helped and the hotel only had a general doctor on staff and he charged $200.
New Years Eve gone wrong
Fortunately my shushing (or the smell of alcohol in my breath) calmed her down and she fell asleep. We concluded that she got overstimulated that night (or that trip) and we decided to take it easier with her going forward.
Months 4 – 6
Moving the Crib Into Her Own Room
Upon our return from Costa Rica, we decided to move Isabella and her crib out of our bedroom and into her own room. The first few nights were easy like pie, we put her down and she fell asleep. But soon she decided that sleeping alone sucked and she started to cry for bedtime.
Isabella in her own room
We had decided early on that we would want to try the “cry it out” method. We let her cry for 5 minutes, go in to console her but without taking her out of the crib and then leave the room again. We would then allow her to cry again and we increased the crying time by 5 minutes each time. The first time it took her 1.5 hours to finally fall asleep. The next day she cried for 20 minutes less and on the fourth night she fell asleep without any fuss. We felt like we did the right thing and it worked for us.
Note: In retrospect, I think the mistake we made was to nurse her until she was drowsy, before putting her to bed. Because of that she learned to associate nursing with sleep, which isn’t necessarily good.
Then we went to India and both Kathy and I got sick. As a result, we stayed in bed for most of the week and Isabella stayed in bed with us. Upon our return Isabella refused to go to bed without crying and it took us almost a week for her to return to her normal sleep routine. After that she had a few nights of going to bed without fuss until my mom and her husband arrived and she relapsed.
At that point we started questioning our strategy and we were wondering what we had done wrong with her sleep training. Overall it took until she was 6.5 months for her to really get into a good sleep routine.
Sleep Regression
Isabella went through a couple of sleep regressions and changes in her sleep schedule, especially after certain events like having family over or returning from a trip. Those regressions usually lasted only for a few days. Sometimes however up to two weeks.
Nap Time
At the beginning of her fourth month we started taking her schedule and nap times quite seriously. At some point, Kathy even got frustrated when she realized that her own daily routine would evolve around Isabella’s nap time. At the time, Isabella took two naps on average, each lasting from 30 minutes to 4 hours. Sometimes she skipped a nap and instead played by herself in the crib. Sometimes she cried and we had to take her out but most of the time she napped without any issues.
Solid Food
At around 6 months we started complementing with solid foods. We decided for Earth’s Best organic baby food and Gerber oat meal (because of the iron). She was no big fan of oat meal, unless it was mixed with veggie or fruit purée. She made a funny face with every food we gave her but then quickly started to like everything except oat meal. Of course each feeding was a mess in the beginning but after the first two weeks she started opening her mouth when we brought the spoon close to it.
Feeding was a mess
Behavioral Changes
One interesting (but short-lived) behavior started when we introduced solid foods. Isabella suddenly started tilting her head to the side while in the high chair. She didn’t seem to be in pain or bothered but we were curious what could be causing this behavior. Kathy went to the pediatrician but he didn’t find anything wrong and suggested it was her imitating us. She quickly stopped show that behavior and so we did’t worry.
Sign Language
Kathy and I introduced sign language and we often used the sign for milk with Isabella. Soon, she started giving what looked like the sign for milk. To everyone’s entertainment she gave that sign however constantly and so we didn’t know when she was actually hungry. Our goal with sign language was to better understand what she wanted when she cried. (Un)fortunately, She never cried much, not even when her diaper was full. Much later, before she started talking she heavily relied on sign language to communicate with us. I was completely surprised how well that worked. As a result, I can only recommend introducing sign language – even if it’s only a few signs for basic words like: Milk, diaper change etc.
Swim Classes
Inspired by friends, we decided to sign Isabella up for swim classes. Kathy learned about Swim Kids of Georgia, where infants are taught survival skills to prevent pool accidents. We signed Isabella up with the goal for her to learn how to roll from belly to back and to float and breathe. Up until today Isabella is enrolled in swim classes and loves the water.
Sleeping Through the Night
Isabella slept through the night (7:30pm to 6:00am) for the first time on April 15th at the age of 7 months. That’s I guess what every parent is waiting for!
Isabella is finally sleeping through the night
Having a newborn at home is exhausting and can often lead to frustration. Especially when it comes to feeding and sleeping or when the baby is sick. Knowing that other parents go through exactly the same can sometimes be a relief. If you have gone the newborn phase already and have tips to share, please leave a comment. Any questions or concerns, leave a comment as well and I’ll do my best to answer them.
The post Parenthood Chronicles: From Pregnancy to Newborn Phase appeared first on Michael Kummer.