by John Walters
A Medium Happy 38th to Malin Akerman, a native of Sweden (surprised?)
Starting Five
Scherzer has two no-hitters and a 20-K game in the past 12 months. If anyone is worth $210 million…..
1. KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
Like you, I’m assuming, I’ve run a plethora of 10-Ks, but never a 20-K.. Max Scherzer of the Washington Nationals became just the fourth pitcher in MLB history to strike out 20 batters in a nine-inning game last night. The other three? Roger Clemens twice, Randy Johnson and Kerry Wood.
Scherzer, who pitched two no-hitters last season in his first year with the Nats, was facing his former club, the Detroit Tigers for the first time. He struck out the side in the eighth and the first two batters he got out in the ninth. Everyone’s favorite heterochromiac hurler had a chance to break the record, facing James McCann with the tying run on base and the Nats up only 3-2. But McCann, who had already whiffed three times, avoided the Golden Sombrero (and history) by hitting Miracle Max’s 119th pitch into a fielder’s choice.
Tom Cheney. This photo is in need of Tommy John surgery.
Who holds the Major League record for strikeouts in a game of any length? Tom Cheney of the Washington Senators, who in 1962 whiffed 21 batters while tossing all 16 innings against the Baltimore Orioles in a 2-1 win. Weirdly, only an hour after last night’s game, Cheney’s Wikipedia page had already been updated.
Meanwhile, in the Bronx, Phil Coke pitched to Lorenzo Cain….
“If you wanna hang out, you’ve gotta take her out…”
2. Deliberate
West, Texas, fertilizer plant goes up
April 15, 2013: Boston Marathon bombings. Three fatalities (and a police officer shot and killed later that week. Nation responds as you might expect with Muslim bombers.
April 17, 2013: West, Texas, fertilizer plant explosion. 15 fatalities. No one outside Texas cared. Yesterday it is determined that it was deliberate. Will we care now? Who did it?
3. Elizabeth is Warren With Donald on Twitter (Also: Ryan’s Hope)
Elizabeth Hurley….close enough
Ted Cruz had his Princeton frosh roommate Craig Mizan, and Donald Trump has Senator Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass.). She went after the Donald on Twitter last month and was doing so again yesterday.
.@realDonaldTrump: Your policies are dangerous. Your words are reckless. Your record is embarrassing. And your free ride is over.
— Elizabeth Warren (@elizabethforma) May 11, 2016
….and…
You care so much about struggling American workers, @realDonaldTrump, that you want to abolish the federal minimum wage?
— Elizabeth Warren (@elizabethforma) May 11, 2016
….and more. It’s as if Warren is providing cover fire for the Dems before they go in to that jungle.
Meanwhile, Paul Ryan will meet with The Donald today….Almost, but not quite Elvis-Nixon. Here’s how I see it going down…
4. Stop Dragon My Heart Around
There’s a reason these guys appeared in the very first scene of the series and the very first chapter of the books
Spoiler Alert: I’ve got some THOUGHTS on where Game Of Thrones is going. It is not known. George R.R. Martin has yet to even write these chapters.
Okay, I won’t discuss with whom Lyanna Stark was or why she was making that sound up in that Tower of Joy. If you’ve read the books, or if you’re obsessed enough with Game Of Thrones, you have a pretty good idea an you’re right.
Buuuuuut, if you recall last season’s “Hardhome” episode and watched Jon Snow, the Wildings and a few men of the Knight’s Watch get pulverized, you know an essential truth. No human can stop the White Walkers. Which means….
…..that the three dragons of Khaleesi will have to. Which means that ultimately this is what it’s all coming to. Ramsay Bolton and Cersei Lannister and the vineyard owners of Dorne and the Slave Masters of Mereen can pitch their fits and grab for power, but the only creatures that can save the world are Drogon, Rhaegal and Viserion, all of whom sound like erectile dysfunction drugs. And only one (perhaps two) human can harness their powers.
So that’s where this is headed. The book series is called, after all, A Song Of Ice and Fire.
And you say, Thanks, Captain Obvious.
5. “You’e a Peon” Vacation
I compiled the list below for a story in Newsweek, a list that my editor wisely advised me to scale down for the piece. Here, though, for you is a nearly day by day itinerary of sports and music choices in Europe between now and the last day of July (I’ve left August open for when they cancel the Olympics in Rio and decide to stage them again in London).
May 12-22
Cannes, France……………..Cannes Film Festival
The fifteen most-buzzed about films….
May 12
Copenhagen, Denmark………Mumford and Sons
May 13
Marseille, France……….AC/DC
“Ooooooh, whoa, whoa/Sweet chair of mine…..”
Hamburg, Germany……..Mumford and Sons
May 14
Barcelona, Spain……..Bruce Springsteen
The Boss is juggling the set list, and won’t play The River in its entirety for the summer gigs
Amsterdam, The Netherlands…….Rod Stewart
Cologne, Germany………….Adele
May 15
Utrecht, Belgium…………..Yes
Steve Howe is a true rock god
May 16
Werchter, Belgium…………AC/DC
May 17
San Sebastian, Spain………..Bruce Springsteen
Munich, Germany………..Mumford and Sons
Zurich, Switzerland………Adele
With one eye or two, “Hello” has been viewed more than 1.5 BILLION times on YouTube
May 18
Basel, Switzerland……Europa League Final (Liverpool v. Seville)
May 19
Lisbon, Portugal……….Bruce Springsteen
Vienna, Austria………..Mumford and Sons
Vienna, Austria………AC/DC
May 20
Amsterdam……….Radiohead
A Moon-Shaped Pool is Radiohead’s “strangest album yet,” said one review. Depending on your Radiohead fandom, that’s the best or worst news ever. Also, this site endeavored to rank, bottom to top, all 159 of the band’s songs (hint: It’s all the same song).
Prague, Czech Republic……Mumford and Sons
May 21
Madrid, Spain…………..Bruce Springsteen
Amsterdam……….Radiohead
Lisbon, Portugal………..Adele
London……………..FA Cup Final (Manchester United v. Crystal Palace)
May 22-June 6
Paris, France….…..French Open
Serena seeks a record-tying 22nd Grand Slam title…..
May 22
Prague…….AC/DC
Paris…………………Mumford and Sons
Has it already been six years since M&S became a thing?
May 23
Paris……………..Radiohead
Amsterdam………….Mumford and Sons
Bonn, Germany………Yes
May 24
Barcelona, Spain…….Adele
Paris……….Radiohead
Antwerp, Belgium………Mumford and Sons
Stuttgart, Germany………..Yes
May 25
Manchester, England……….Bruce Springsteen
May 26
Hamburg, Germany………AC/DC
London…………..Radiohead
May 27
Dublin, Ireland……………Bruce Springsteen
London…………..Radiohead
May 28
London……Radiohead
Verona, Italy…………..Adele
Milan, Italy……..UEFA Champions League Final, Milan, Italy (Real Madrid v. Atletico Madrid)
When these two Madrid teams met in the 2014 final, underdog Atletico blew a 1-0 lead in stoppage time
Milan………….Yes
May 28-29……
Exeter, England…BBC Radio 1 Big Weekend (Coldplay, Bastille, Mumford and Sons, Iggy Azalea, The Weeknd, One Republic et al)
May 29
Monaco………Monaco Grand Prix
To Catch a Thief. Grace and Cary. There’s only a 25-year difference here….
Bern, Switzerland,……..AC/DC
Dublin………….Bruce Springsteen
May 30
Padua, Italy……..Yes
June 1
Glasgow, Scotland…….Bruce Springsteen
Lyon, France…………Radiohead
Leipzig, Germany……….AC/DC
Amsterdam…………….Adele
Florence, Italy…………..Yes
June 2
Rome, Italy………Diamond League (Track & Field)
June 2-4
Barcelona, Spain……..Primavera Sound Festival (Radiohead, Tame Impala, Animal Collective, Brian Wilson)
June 3
Coventry, England……..Bruce Springsteen
Amsterdam…………Adele
London……………AC/DC
June 4
Amsterdam………Adele
Paris……..French Open, Women’s Singles Final
June 3-5
Mendig, Germany..Rock am Ring Festival (Black Sabbath, Red Hot Chili Peppers, The 1975 et al)
The 1975 will play a festival with Ozzy, who was big in 1975
June 5
London………..Bruce Springsteen
Paris…………French Open, Men’s Singles Final
Birmingham, England……..Diamond League
June 6
Amsterdam………..Adele
June 8
Berlin, Germany……..Black Sabbath
June 9
Oslo, Norway……..Diamond League
Paris…………Adele
Manchester………..AC/DC
Dublin…………The Stone Roses
June 11
Derby, England……Black Sabbath
June 12
Antwerp, Belgium……Adele
Aarhus, Denmark…….AC/DC
June 13
Lyon, France……..Europa Cup, Stage 1 Match (Belgium v. Italy)
Verona, Italy……Black Sabbath
June 14
The Hague, The Netherlands……..Bruce Springsteen
London…………….Van Morrison
June 15
London……………..Coldplay
Manchester, England……The Stone Roses
Zurich, Switzerland……Black Sabbath
June 16
London……………..Coldplay
Stockholm Sweden………..Diamond League Track and Field
Cardiff, Wales………….Rihanna
Lens Agglo, France……Europa Cup, Stage 1 Match (England v. Wales)
Our second-favorite Gareth
June 17-19
Aarhus, Denmark……Northside Festival (Beck, Wilco, Iggy Pop, Duran Duran et al)
Wilco
June 17
Munich, Germany……….Bruce Springsteen
Nice, France…………….Europa Cup, Stage 1 Match (Spain v. Turkey)
Amsterdam………………Rihanna
Dessel, Belgium………Black Sabbath
Manchester, England……The Stone Roses
June 18
London…………………..Coldplay
Paris…………………….Europa Cup, Stage 1 Match (Portugal v. Austria)
Manchester, England……The Stone Roses
June 19
Berlin, Germany………..Bruce Springsteen
London……………………Coldplay
Manchester, England……The Stone Roses
June 20-22
Zagreb, Croatia……..INmusic Festival (Wilco, Florence and the Machine, The Heavy, PJ Harvey et al)
June 21
Bordeaux, France………Europa Cup, Stage 1 Match (Spain v. Croatia)
Dublin……..Rihanna
June 22
Copenhagen, Denmark…….Bruce Springsteen
June 22-26
Pilton, England–Glastonbury Festival (Muse, Adele, Coldplay, Beck, ELO et al)
Glastonbury, since 1970. The godfather of European rock festivals
June 23
Amsterdam…….Coldplay
Hassel, Norway…….Black Sabbath
June 24
London…………Rihanna
June 25
Gothenberg, Sweden………Bruce Springsteen
Coventry………….Rihanna
June 25-July 2
Roskilde, Denmark……..Roskilde Festival (P.J. Harvey, Red Hot Chili Peppers, New Order, et al)
Roskilde: Something not rotten in the state of Denmark
June 27-July 10
London…….Wimbledon Tennis Championships
June 27
Gothenberg………….Bruce Springsteen
Glasgow……….Rihanna
June 28
Sunderland, England………Beyonce
June 29
Oslo………………….Bruce Springsteen
Berlin…………………Coldplay
June 30
Cardiff, Wales………..Beyonce
Fix Bey-onets
June 30-July 3
Werchter, Belgium…….Rock Werchter (Band of Horses, Beck, Editors, Iggy Pop, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Robert Plant)
July 1
Hamburg…………Coldplay
July 2
Mont-Saint-Michel, France……Stage 1, Tour de France (ends July 24)
London…………….Beyonce
July 3
Milan………Bruce Springsteen
Stockholm………Coldplay
London…….Beyonce
July 4
Johanneshov, Sweden…….Rihanna
Newcastle, Ireland……….Van Morrison
July 5
Milan……….Bruce Springsteen
Copenhagen…….Coldplay
Manchester……..Beyonce
July 6
Lyon………….Europa Cup Semi-final
July 7-9
Lisbon……..NOS Alive Festival (Radiohead, Arcade Fire, Tame Impala et al)
July 7
Glasgow…….Beyonce
Marseille, France……..Europa Cup Semi-final
Copenhagen……..Rihanna
July 7-9
Bilbao, Spain……BBK Live (Arcade Fire, Foals, New Order et al)
July 8-10
Perthshire, Scotland….T in the Park (Stone Roses, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Kaiser Chiefs)
July 9
Hamburg, Germany…….Rihanna
London…….Wimbledon, Ladies’ Singles Final
Werchter, Belgium……Bruce Springsteen
Dublin…………..Beyonce
Lucca, Italy…….Van Morrison
The Belfast Cowboy is 70 years old
July 10
Paris—-UEFA Euro 2016 Final, Paris
Eden Hazard is a big reason Belgium is favored
London……….Wimbledon, Men’s Singles Final
July 11
Paris…………..Bruce Springsteen
July 12
Dusseldorf, Germany…….Beyonce
July 13
Paris…………….Bruce Springsteen
Milan……………Rihanna
July 14
Zurich, Switzerland……Beyonce
July 14-17
Ayrshire, Scotland…….British Open (Royal Troon)
The course has some gorse, of course of course
July 15
Monaco………Diamond League
Nice, France…….Rihanna
July 16
Amsterdam……Beyonce
Rome……………Bruce Springsteen
July 17
Frankfurt………Rihanna
July 18
Milan…………..Beyonce
July 19
Lyon, France…….Rihanna
July 20
Horsens, Denmark……Bruce Springsteen
July 21
Paris……………Beyonce
July 22-23
London……….Diamond League
July 23
Villeneuve-d’Ascq, France…….Rihanna
July 24
Copenhagen……Beyonce
Paris……Final Stage, Tour de France
July 26
Stockholm………Beyonce
Trondheim, Norway……..Bruce Springsteen
Prague, Czech Republic…….Rihanna
July 28
Cologne, Germany……..Rihanna
Oslo, Norway………….Bruce Springsteen
July 29
Frankfurt, Germany……Beyonce
July 30
Saint-Denis, France………Rihanna
July 31
Brussels, Belgium…….Beyonce
Zurich, Switzerland……Bruce Springsteen