MARFAM’S FAMILY MATTERS – MAY 2015
2015 THEME: Marriage and Family, committed to love and life.
May theme: Committed to Life and Parenthood
MARFAM – MARRIAGE AND FAMILY RENEWAL MINISTRY – NPO 103-814. Communicate with us www.marfam.org.za facebook or info@marfam.org.za
Family Matters Printable Version
CONTENTS:
Editorial Reflection: Xeno-phobia
MARFAM News:
Article: Workaholism, society’s most accepted addiction by Dwight and Brenda Love
Reflection Poem: A Tear
SACBC Family Life
2015 May theme: Committed to Life and Parenthood
BITS AND BYTES. Fifth Wheel families, Family Synod, Christian unity
CORRESPONDENCE
FAMILY SPIRITUALITY
FINALLY … On a lighter note
NEWS FLASH. UN 2015 INTERNATIONAL DAY OF FAMILIES THEME for 15 May has just been noted. Men in Charge? Gender Equality and Children’s Rights in Contemporary Families.
Photo T Rowland, Photos taken at Cwele Mission, Mthatha diocese
“Family ministry is strengthening the living of Jesus’ message in the home as a light to all.” 2011 Family Leaders Conference
EDITORIAL : Xeno-phobia
Is there anything that has not yet been said on the subject of the intolerance, mayhem and xenophobia that have plagued us recently? Every kind of leader has spoken out; violence, brutality and criminality have been condemned. Any number of initiatives for protection or repatriation are focusing on the needs of foreigners. Perpetrators are sought so that justice can be done. Marches and vigils have their place. But more than anything are we listening, hearing the anger, yes, but even more the fear that every person carries in their heart. Dare I really go beyond my fear? Can I really trust my human neighbour?
XENOPHOBIA
Why am I afraid of you, my brother, sister?
Are we not all members of a family, the human family?
Do not husband and fathers desire most of all to provide and protect wives and children?
Do not women as wives and mothers hold each of their loved ones in their arms?
Do not our young people need the guidance and support of their elders to teach them the ways of dialogue and peace?
Do not our children born and unborn need a world where all are family?
Do not our elderly looking back over their years say, “Why again? Why have we not learned to love one another as the man-God who was crucified for us commanded?
Every man, woman and child is called to be a leader as we implement the law of love.
No one is more responsible than me, or you, to God.
He will ask,
“Did you feed the hungry, clothe the naked, give refuge to the stranger and shelter the homeless?
What you did to the least of my people you did to me.” TR
POPE FRANCIS in February 2015 spoke to SECAM (Symposium of Episcopal Conferences of Africa and Madagascar) highlighting that dealing with ethnic issues is not unique to South Africa.
In Africa, the future is in the hands of the young, who need to be protected from new and unscrupulous forms of ‘colonization’ such as the pursuit of success, riches, and power at all costs, as well as fundamentalism and the distorted use of religion, in addition to new ideologies which destroy the identity of individuals and of families. The most effective way to overcome the temptation to give in to harmful lifestyles–he said–is by investing in education. Education will also help to overcome a widespread mentality of injustice and violence, as well as ethnic divisions. The greatest need is for a model of education which teaches the young to think critically and encourages growth in moral values.”
He continued, “There are various reasons why we are seeing, also in Africa, a trend towards the breakdown of the family. In response, the Church is called to evaluate and encourage every initiative to strengthen the family, which is the real source of all forms of fraternity and the foundation and primary way of peace (cf. John Paul II, Message for the XXVII World Day of Peace, 1 January 1994). More recently, many priests, men and women religious as well as members of the lay faithful have admirably taken responsibility for the care of families, with a special concern for the elderly, the sick and the handicapped.”
I find these words of wisdom from ancient Greek philosophers of interest too. “The worst form of inequality is to try 
to make unequal things equal.” Aristotle. “Democracy is a charming form of government, full of variety and disorder and dispensing a sort of equality to equals and unequals alike.” Plato. To which I can add those of John F Kennedy, “If we cannot end our differences now, at least we can help make the world safe for diversity.” And finally those of Archbishop Desmond Tutu. “The price of freedom is eternal vigilance.” April, Freedom Month in SA presented serious challenges from tearing down statues to violence and looting associated with xenophobia. The family theme under the umbrella of Committed to Marriage and Family was “Committed to Faith and God.” May’s family theme is potentially equally meaningful when lived out in its fullest reality: “Committed to Life and Parenthood.” May God grant us the grace of mercy and compassion as we go about our common labours for our common good.
Toni Rowland
MARFAM NEWS.
Time has marched on and the 2nd issue of FAMILY MATTERS magazine for 2015 has gone to press. Not only addressing Church issues there is however a connection with the liturgical year and the themes of the Family Year Planner (see below) Parenting in different situations, life issues, youth and elderly grandparents are subjects for consideration in more or less serious or light-hearted ways. There is a strong Marian focus too, with a Litany of Mother Mary and a collage of favourite images.
It being the Easter season, and we being Resurrection people means that there has to be joy. There is nevertheless pain too in the brokenness I have experienced within family ministry as well as in our country. The photo illustrates how important it is to learn fair play, to be good winners and good losers.
While MARFAM is essentially Catholic a non-denominational focus is also developing as after all, we are all family people.
CURRENT RESOURCES: See web for full list. The advert shows current resources and the prices which are deliberately kept low for maximum accessibility. www.marfam.org.za.
FAMILY MATTERS magazine No 2 of 2015. See comments above. Cost R15
PARENTING A LABOUR OF LOVE – 6 sessions for faith sharing around parenting. Cost R10 .
THOUGHTS FOR THE DAY – April to June. There is quite a strong emphasis in the reflections on the book of Acts with which we may not be as familiar as the gospel of Luke. Cost R10
FAMILY PRAYER BOOK. Cost R10
STATIONS OF LIGHT for Easter to Pentecost is a resource adapted from the Salesian programme obtainable from us.
The FAMILY YEAR PLANNER 2015 provides the themes which are developed in various ways. Now R2 or given out with other publications.
MARRIAGE will be highlighted strongly in the coming months in preparation for the marriage awareness campaign from August to Marriage Day on 4th October. This coincides with the Synod on the Family in Rome.
More use is being made of the digital domain. You’re invited to like MARFAM’s facebook page too with regular updates and links to the website.
The Article of the month: Workaholism, Society’s most accepted Addiction by Dwight and Brenda Love. Poem of the Month. A Tear
You’re invited to like MARFAM’s facebook page too which is also linked with the website.
MARFAM is available to present talks, retreats, and workshops on other relevant family topics in dioceses, parishes and groups.
MINI SURVEY.
The mini-survey about the use of this e-newsletter continues and we would appreciate your response to these questions in this form, alternatively please send us an email with your answers.
Do you read the whole or skim through the FAMILY MATTERS e-newsletter?
Do you read it on line, or print it out?
Do you access the MARFAM website and if so for what?
How can the e-newsletter become more user-friendly or interesting?
Is Family Matters e-newsletter too long? What could be left out?
DID YOU KNOW: FAMILY MATTERS is also the name of a weekly programme on RADIO VERITAS South Africa’s only Catholic radio station on Wednesday 9-10 am. Broadcast on 576AM and also on channel 870 on DSTV as well as streaming on the Internet. This also helps us to connect with oversees family followers.
Toni and Patti Adelou in consultation about their ministry in Benin
A presentation at an award Assembly Holy Family College
SACBC FAMILY LIFE DESK
See www.marfam.org.za for information and links to family movements.
2015 THEME: marriage and family, committed to love and life.
2015 Family Year Planner. See this Family Life Desk resource distributed by MARFAM with an overview of the monthly themes on www.marfam.org.za as a pdf doc. Add all the family’s own important dates so that it becomes a liturgical calendar for a family’s little church of the home for faith sharing and family prayer around the themes.
MAY. Committed to Life and Parenthood. Becoming a parent involves the co-creation with God of a new life that is eternal. This is an act that can never be undone. Being a parent involves a permanent commitment to the wellbeing of children from the moment of conception and, as parents know, your children will always be your children. Many families also include stepchildren or foster children. Commitment requires that the best interests of all children are always kept in mind. This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live, loving the Lord, obeying his voice and cleaving to him. Deut 30:19-20. Taken from THOUGHTS FOR THE DAY
A selection of reflections is published on the website in English and from time to time on facebook. Some translations are emailed when available.
JANUARY : Committed to a Good Start
FEBRUARY : Committed to Love
MARCH : Committed to Promoting Family Rights
APRIL : Committed to God and Faith
MAY : Committed to Life and Parenthood
JUNE : Committed to the Youth
JULY : Committed to the Elderly
AUGUST : Committed to Women, Men and Relationships
SEPTEMBER : Committed to Marriage
OCTOBER : Committed to Marriage and Mission
NOVEMBER : Committed to Those experiencing Loss
DECEMBER : Committed to Those experiencing Loss
SACBC FAMILY LIFE ACTIVITIES
2014-2016 SA BISHOPS’ FOCUS ON FAMILIES. This focus remains a priority along with the Year of Consecrated Life.
The Bishops of the region also approved the month of MAY FOR FAMILIES AND LIFE. Families at home are encouraged to pray together and can use SACBC Family Prayer, Pope Francis Prayer for the Synod, Prayer for protection of unborn life.
The Family Prayer card can still be ordered at R1 each for minimum orders of 100. Different groups, dioceses and parishes have developed ideas and materials e.g. family candles, pilgrim cross from family to family week by week and more.
For ongoing family ministry including Parish Family Ministry contact Fr Sakhi Mofokeng on 0825961932 or smofokeng@sacbc.org.za
FUTURE FAMILY MINISTRY EVENTS AND NOTICES: Contact Fr Sakhi on 0825961932 for FAMILY LIFE DESK or Toni 082 5521275 for MARFAM and other details or requests.
May, a month for Family and Life.
15 May International Family Day.
Talks and miniworkshops on the Synod and related topics, 16 May and 27 June at Paulines centre by MgrBarney McAleer and Toni Rowland .
17th MAY – BOSCO FAMILY DAY with STATIONS OF LIGHT.
MARFAM is available to present talks, retreats, and workshops on other relevant family topics in dioceses, parishes and groups.
World Meeting of Families September 2015 Philadelphia
Weeks 21-27 (Aug-Oct) Marriage Awareness Campaign
BITS AND BYTES
An Article of interest applicable in South Africa too. THE FIFTH WHEEL : THE CHANGING FACE OF FAMILIES. In the 1900s single characters were young and on their way to the altar. Today, singles range in age from early 20s to retirement. Some have never married, some are widowed or divorced, some are single by choice, and others single through no wish of their own. They may live alone, with dependent children, with relatives, or with other people. Some are “just passing through” singlehood, while others are “not looking.” Studies show that of single people over 19 in the United States in the past decade, 42 percent were men and 58 percent were women.
Amid such a drastically changed pattern of social life, the Church must retool her ministry if she is to be effective in meeting the spiritual needs of people. No longer can parish programs be geared only to families; they must also speak to the needs of the middle-aged single man, the career girl, the divorcee, the widowed, and those who choose alternative life styles. In many parishes, these groups may represent half or more of the membership.
When parishes focus their programs only on families they often create a feeling of alienation among the many other groups. One single woman in an Arizona parish expressed her frustration by saying, “It’s like you are not always sure how to interact with people. When you’re single and they’re married, you feel like a fifth wheel.”
YEAR OF CONSECRATED PERSONS – VOCATIONS SUNDAY. One of the most inspirational ideals that I have come across was presented to us 35 years ago in the vision of Marriage Encounter. It was of a renewal of the Church through the renewal of the Sacraments of Matrimony and Holy orders. Together, priests, religious and couples both together and in their own way of life were being called to serve. That was to be our vocation and our commitment. That same vision has continued to inspire some of us over these years, but sadly the vocations to marriage and to the priesthood, religious or consecrated life have for various reasons ceased to inspire as they should have. The last half century has instead seen a decline in the calling to a committed life. Since the ending of the 2nd Vatican Council, which had as its aim renewal of the Church we seem to keep striving towards that in many different ways. We, families, thank those who have given themselves totally to the service of God and his people. May we support one another with the strength and courage to continue in this mission.
XIV SYNOD ON THE FAMILY, 4-25 OCTOBER 2015. The theme: “The Vocation and Mission of the Family in the Church and Contemporary World.” In preparation for the Synod as the 2nd phase in the Church’s discernment on family issues questionnaires were circulated, completed and submitted to assist the Synod committee with further preparations. The Jesuit Institute survey report is published on www.jesuitinstitute.org.za Clearly there is much work to be done to address the needs of families on many levels. Pope Francis has been particularly concerned that families speak up about the reality they face. Formation and promoting family strengthening and spirituality need not wait. Debate is hotting up around the Catholic world especially on some controversial issues and what has been described as “wounded” or “unconventional” families. The ongoing discussions can be followed on a number of sites and through google. MARFAM publications also present ongoing insights. Vatican documents can also be downloaded from www.vatican.va.
2015 WORLD MEETING OF FAMILIES PHILADELPHIA USA 22-27 SEPTEMBER.
Love is Our Mission: The Family fully alive. Called together from all over the world in faithful celebration of the family—the sanctuary of love and life. http://www.worldmeeting2015.org.
This meeting is held every three years. There will be a Congress for Families, and the Holy Father will attend the Festival of Families on Saturday and a Papal Mass on Sunday. Preparatory catechesis on 10 themes can be bought through the website. More information about the Archdiocese of Philadelphia can be found on http://www.phillyevang.org/wmof/ Interested participants from South Africa would need at least R20 000 per person, include travel, visa, registration for the congress, accommodation and food etc.
DEPARTMENT OF SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT. FAMILY SERVICES FORUM, POST IYF and POST 2015 DEVELOPMENT GOALS. The SA DSD is working on implementation plans following the International Year of the Family 20th anniversary Summit held in October 2014. These will focus on family strengthening and Family Preservation and will align with the priorities of the government’s White Paper. All government departments, civil society organisations, NGOs and Faith-Based organisations (FBOs) are expected to be part of the process. MARFAM has been part of this structure over the years and promoted the family themes for International Day for Families each year on 15th May. Family wellbeing needs greater support in the workplace too where the prime mover is profit. In Corporate Investment programmes specific issues of women, gender-based violence, education, youth or orphans receive most of the available support. Contact MARFAM for info or visit www.dsd.gov.za At UN level post 2015 Sustainable Development Goals are being set. Economic and environmental issues are of great importance but SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT of people should be on the agenda too. See www.viennafamilycommittee.org
CHRISTIAN UNITY. South Africa commemorates the week of Prayer for Christian Unity between Ascension and Pentecost while many countries hold this in January. The theme for 2015 is “The well is deep. Give me to drink.” This year’s theme comes to us from the churches of Brazil. Brazilians, who have traditionally been tolerant of their various social classes and ethnic groups, are now living through a time of growing intolerance made manifest in high levels of violence, especially against minorities and the vulnerable. The logic that undergirds this kind of behaviour is competition for the religious market. Increasingly, in Brazil, some Christian groups compete with one another for a place on the mass media, for new members and for public funds. The Brazilian churches have begun to recognise that intolerance should be dealt with in a positive way – respecting diversity and promoting dialogue as a permanent path of reconciliation and peace in fidelity to the gospel. A number of websites exist offering suggestions for use. www.ctbi.org.uk/weekofprayer
Families suffer greatly from division along religious lines which is a growing reality. Family prayer is still possible while recognising different expressions and forms.
THE SHROUD OF TURIN. Check on the latest research about this mysterious cloth. Families visit www.shroud4kids.com for valuable and interesting information. A great confirmation project too.
Was it the burial cloth of Jesus? It is being exposed for viewing at present. Pope Francis will travel to Turin in June to view and venerate the icon. Families
CORRESPONDENCE
SA CATHOLIC ON LINE is an Online Ministry Dedicated to promoting the use of the Internet to Spread the Word of the Lord, and His Kingdom, in South Africa. It has many kinds of offerings from a dating site to travel club, many spiritual resources and a shop. Visit them on www.sacatholiconline.org. to take a tour and register to join the club.
Archbishop Paglia, president of Pontifical Council for the Family in a recent lecture stressed the family as a model for the Church. “The bond of families with the church community, although it is too fragile is decisive. In today’s human fragmentation, a new impetus is given to the dimension of the Church. Only lively and energetic communities and families preserve the “great mystery,” of which the Apostle Paul (Eph 5, 32) spoke with respect to “Christ and the Church”. The horizon is getting wider: we need a new family ministry, or better yet, “the Church’s whole life should be inspired with a family sense,” so that She may become more and more the “Family of God” and the ferment (brew) that helps humanity to be a “family of nations.”
Fatima Pilgrimage to take place again. On Saturday, 9 May 2015 hundreds of Catholics (if the previous years are anything to go by) will be taking to the Johannesburg streets again to commemorate the apparitions in Fatima in 1917.
During her apparitions, that took place over 6 months, our Lady under the title of “Our Lady Queen of the Rosary”, appealed for prayer, conversion and peace in the world. Manny De Freitas [manny@democratic-alliance.co.za] Tel 082 788 6824
The Catholic Parliamentary Liaison Office (CPLO) does research and circulates briefing papers on current affairs in South Africa. A recent paper is BP379 on Foster Care.
First things first. This US based family enrichment organisation is worth a visit on facebook or twitter. It offers relationship growth programmes for couples, newly-weds, singles and others.
Fr Vincent Carroll of the diocese of Tzaneen continues his quirky Lucan SMS/email reflections. Families, catechists or Religious Educators may find this appeals to young people familiar with sms speak. His message on 28th February: Email vjpcarroll@hotmail.com
NEWS FROM THE CHURCH IN AFRICA. Some sources for news are: Catholic Information Service Africa (CISA) info@cisanewsafrica.com and CANAA, http://www.canaafrica.org.
USEFUL WEBSITES AND RESOURCES FOR FAMILIES. Contacts of local marriage and family programmes and other resources for marriage and family life in the Church and society can be found on www.marfam.org.za under resources..
FAMILY SPIRITUALITY AND CATECHESIS.
Suggestions for MAPRIL – HOLY WEEK and EASTER
“Any good religious educator should be armed with a bible in one hand and a newspaper in the other. That is the way to link faith and life.”
The following suggestions are offered. See also www.marfam.org.za
Devotion to Our Lady is a big feature during the month of May. The new FAMILY MATTERS magazine contains a LITANY TO MOTHER MARY with a short reflection on a particular quality for the days of the month. Families are invited to discuss and choose their own favourite quality they see in Mary too and children can colour in a picture to make a poster.
MOTHERS’ DAY is not a Church day but is celebrated universally. Articles, prayers, blessing are available.
Some Insights into the Gifts and Fruits of the Spirit are offered for Pentecost. A family activity can be downloaded from the web.
15 MAY is INTERNATIONAL DAY FOR FAMILIES. A specific theme from the UN has not yet been identified.
THOUGHTS FOR THE DAY booklet contains reflections on the themes of Life and of Parenthood, saints of the month etc. . Use it alone or for sharing in families or groups. Some of these are posted on MARFAM’s Facebook page.
The rosary and in particular the GLORIOUS MYSTERIES are relevant for this time.
WEEK OF PRAYER FOR CHRISTIAN UNITY is celebrated in South Africa between Ascension and Pentecost.
STATIONS OF LIGHT can is a series of reflections on post-Resurrection events. A text is available.
See under MARFAM NEWS for booklets and programmes for this time. GOD’S PLAN OF LOVE is a popular new children’s version of salvation history to read and colour in.
MEET ST KIZITO. Not many people may know that child-martyr St Kizito is the patron saint of children. He will be a character in MARFAM publications for children, telling his story, other stories and helping children to develop the kind of love he had for God. The second article in FAMILY MATTERS mag 2 tells of Kizito’s martyrdom. Families can have a lot of fun looking up pictures and discussing the subject of martyrdom. Kizito is included in the feast on 3 June of ST Charles Lwanga and companions.
Saints and the FEASTDAYS for THE MONTH can be explored with google to find out more. 1 May is Workers’ Day, or St Joseph the Worker feastday.
FAMILY catechesis, is learning about and sharing our faith at home with members of all ages and families of all kinds. On a secular level too family communication is seen as very important for normal growth and a stable family.
JUNE is Youth Month in SA but also has Father’s Day, Feast of St Charles Lwanga and companions and Refugee day.
FINALLY …… On a lighter Note
“All good people agree
And all good people say
All nice people, like Us, are We
And everyone else is They.
But if you cross over the sea
Instead of over the way
You may end by (think of it!) looking on We
As only a sort of They!”
Rudyard Kipling.
MOTHER TERESA:
Let us not be satisfied with just giving money. Money is not enough, money can be got, but they need your hearts to love them. So, spread your love everywhere you go.
There should be less talk; a preaching point is not a meeting point. What do you do then? Take a broom and clean someone’s house. That says enough.
I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish that He didn’t trust me so much!
It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish.
There should be less talk; a preaching point is not a meeting point. What do you do then? Take a broom and clean someone’s house. That says enough.
Read More about Marfam And its Vision at www.marfam.org.za. Financial and other support welcomed. MARFAM’s vision since its start in 1995 has been the renewal of family life in the Church through education and enrichment. Publications are a resource for families, educators, parishes and for the work of the Family Life Desk of the Southern African Catholic Bishops’ Conference. Read more at www.marfam.org.za We thank our advertisers for their support and ask readers to support them in turn. Financial contributions towards MARFAM’s ministry are also most welcome. Details supplied on request. NPO 103-814.