MARFAM’S FAMILY MATTERS – DECEMBER 2014
20th Anniversary International Year of the Family, theme: FAMILIES TOGETHER, THAT’S US! DECEMBER THEME: HEALTHY FAMILIES, HOPE FOR THE FUTURE MARFAM – MARRIAGE AND FAMILY RENEWAL MINISTRY – NPO 103-814. Communicate with us www.marfam.org.za facebook or info@marfam.org.za
Family Matters Printable Version
CONTENTS:
Christmas allsorts
Port Elizabeth 2013
Reflection: 2014 Lessons learned
MARFAM News:
Article: Jesus’ birthday.
Reflection Poem: Angels
SACBC Family Life Desk News and activities,
Year Planner: 2014 December theme: Healthy Families, Hope for society.
2015 Family Year Planner: Marriage and Family, committed to love and life.
BITS AND BYTES
CORRESPONDENCE
FAMILY SPIRITUALITY for Advent and Christmas
FINALLY … Christmassy word games.
Picture – Christmas all sorts, St Luke’s Port Elizabeth 2013
“Family ministry is strengthening the living of Jesus’ message in the home as a light to all.” 2011 Family Leaders Conference
REFLECTION:
Before embarking on New Year’s resolutions it is good to check back on what the year behind has brought and where it has left one. As a new Church year starts now we can already look ahead there. Listing events in our personal lives can be a good start and quite fun too. We have no doubt all acquired new practical skills and kids have moved up a grade. But have you learned to sing, taken up scrapbooking or ballroom dancing? Have you become more computer savvy or even learned to teach? Have you learned to smile more, laugh often, fall in love, manage falling out of love or deal with some of the inevitable hurts?
No doubt some events in our South African national life have taught us things that will impact on our own lives. The Oscar Pistorius murder trial with its massive exposure over many months taught us much about how the law of the land works. Maybe we were caught up in the justice aspects but also emotionally as the reaction to his eventual relatively light sentence for culpable homicide showed. The current trial of Shrien Divani charged for orchestrating the murder of his bride on honeymoon also provides food for thought. Are credible or non-credible witnesses to decide guilt or not? Dozens of other trials for rape, murder and assault don’t draw the media but it seems that justice in law is not about whether you did or didn’t do the deed, but whether it can be proven. Hopefully our children won’t pick up that lesson and practise it on their parents.
Take the saying “the law is an ass” in different ways. The shenanigans in our SA Parliament where chaos has reigned on a number of occasions have made fools out of a venerable institution but also stirred up a complacent ruling party. Imagine being required to address as Honourable Member some whose behaviour is quite unhonourable. But the other use of the term, the law being too rigid, being against common sense, makes sense too. Again we hope our children will not carry on like that when parents try to lay down the law? The Christian ideal would be to apply the spirit rather than the letter of the law.
Has the 20th anniversary of the International Year of the Family had any measurable impact? The government White Paper on the Family was launched at the national Summit in October where a number of elderly citizens were invited to participate and dine with the minister as a nice feature to enhance the occasion. But funds for implementing policies of strengthening families and Family Preservation need to be forthcoming and the work on the ground done e.g. 16 Days of Activism against women and child abuse. Tensions have risen and boiled over in many parts of the world this year and we are constantly exposed to horrific scenes of war with indescribably cruel acts perpetrated on innocent civilians. As is often reported women and children, but men too, are victims while women and children are suicide bombers and soldiers too. That lesson has been made clear.
The world of technology, the internet, TV, tweeting, cellphones and ipads have become our source of instant information to say and do what we will. They are accessible to many and contribute to much positive sharing of knowledge but also to a breakdown in family communication and fuelling of social unrest. Still many of the most vulnerable people who could be helped are out of reach. Ebola has netted thousands of victims, often because of unhealthy situations and unnecessary risks being taken for cultural reasons, e.g. bodies of those who have died, according to custom, need to be properly prepared for their afterlife and doing this is an infection risk.
Secular events are of massive concern, but we should be grateful that cardinals, bishops and others who participated in the Extraordinary Synod on the Family behaved with more restraint although we have heard that temperatures did rise from time to time as delegates held to their own strong views. A deeply perceptive talk I listened to in Johannesburg about Pope Francis, the Synod and the Family made me think about individualism as a philosophic trend. It started 500 years ago in the process of improving the human condition and continues to have positive as well as negative effects. Descartes’ famous statement, “I think, therefore I am,” means there is great growth in human development, but also a potential lack of concern for anyone other than oneself.
As social beings we have learned much in the 2000 years since the time of Jesus who spoke to us in word and deed. He was born and lived a simple life in a simple family. He preached and called us to a simple message. Is the common good not somehow what we all desire? But maybe it is not so simple although it has its rewards. It means sacrificing, yes, and sharing, which is giving and receiving. Is the common good only to be taught and experienced with those we know and love? It means being open to the best interests of all, the underprivileged and marginalised, of children and the elderly. It means experiencing the gift of God’s love first in human relationships and uniquely within the intimacy of family life. Promoting that within and beyond our families is a challenge. “Healthy families, hope for the future” is our December family theme. And “Marriage and Family, Committed to love and life” the theme for 2015. We are on a permanent learning curve, we have learned but continue to learn. Otherwise we would stop being the human family God created.
Someone asked me a while ago whether everything has to be bad news. Pope Francis would disagree and the opening words of his Joy of the Gospel tell us so. “The joy of the gospel fills the hearts and lives of all who encounter Jesus. Those who accept his offer of salvation are set free from sin, sorrow, inner emptiness and loneliness. With Christ joy is constantly born anew. I wish to encourage the Christian faithful to embark upon a new chapter of evangelization marked by this joy, while pointing out new paths for the Church’s journey in years to come.” It is my hope that MARFAM’s ministry begun in 1994 will continue to unfold and be a companion on this journey.
A blessed Advent and peace and joy at Christmas to all.
Toni Rowland
MARFAM NEWS
READ. STUDY. LEARN. 
MARFAM’S ANNUAL GENERAL MEETING held at the Pauline’s Book and Media Centre included a talk by Mgr Barney McAleer, who is also member of the MARFAM board, and a 20th anniversary tea. Mgr McAleer noted that although MARFAM is small there is no other resource for family education like it in our region and it should be more widely supported by church bodies particularly as family life is an area of need identified in the Bishops’ Interdiocesan Consultation. At the AGM some of the concerns noted were a shrinking readership, lack of official/formal support and financial insecurity. From questions asked it was clear that MARFAM and its mission is not well understood. The Board will continue to reflect and discern as to the best way forward which must include the electronic and social media. The 20th anniversary magazine edition containing MARFAM’s history and development was distributed to those attending. This should also be more widely disseminated.
Picture: Board members Nick Lydall with Toni Rowland at the AGM.
CURRENT FAMILY PUBLICATIONS. www.marfam.org.za.
2015 Family Year Planner. This is available with an overview of the monthly themes. See price and order list. The overview is published on the website and can be downloaded from www.marfam.org.za as a pdf doc and offered together with the calendars. As a poster calendar it is useful but as a Family Year Planner with all the important family dates noted it becomes a liturgical calendar for a family and their little church of the home.
FAMILY MATTERS magazine No 3/2014, 20th anniversary edition is still available. Cost now R10.
The 4thTHOUGHTS FOR THE DAY book booklet for October – December is still very relevant for Advent and Christmas and contains a modern day nativity story for the Christmas season. Cost now R5.
The 1stTHOUGHTS FOR THE DAY booklet for January to March 2015 will be available before the beginning of the year. Its Lenten reflections focus on MEETING JESUS IN THE MASS. As usual liturgical readings of the day and passages from church teaching are used with short life-oriented stories to promote faith sharing with a family focus. A selection of the reflections in English is published on the website.
Downloadable FAMILY ACTIVITY SHEETS for Advent and Christmas are under the liturgy section on the website.
2014 FAMILY YEAR PLANNER. The full calendar overview for the year remains on the website.
ARTICLE OF THE MONTH: Jesus’ birthday. POEM OF THE MONTH: Angels
NEWS FROM THE SACBC FAMILY LIFE DESK.
2014 THEME: FAMILIES TOGETHER – THAT’S US! From THOUGHTS FOR THE DAY, FOR FAMILIES TOGETHER WITH GOD.
DECEMBER. Healthy Families – hope for the future.
The 2014 International Year of the Family has provided an opportunity to reflect, look back, evaluate and look forward with hope that physically healthy and psychologically well-functioning families will grow and remain as havens of stability and security. Family types have changed as much as their lifestyles change but the security of permanence, rooted in a faith tradition is a needed human characteristic for personal growth and happiness and the optimum development of the greater human family. In a healthy family life we experience some of the fundamental elements of peace: justice and love between brothers and sisters, the role of authority expressed by parents, loving concern for the members who are weaker because of youth, sickness or old age, mutual help in the necessities of life, readiness to accept others and, if necessary, to forgive them. AM43
A selection of reflections mainly for Sundays is on the website in English. Afrikaans, Sesotho, Zulu, Tswana, North Sotho and Xhosa are emailed out when available.
JANUARY : New Beginnings, Towards balanced families
FEBRUARY : Love, the basis for care
MARCH : Human Rights and Family Rights
APRIL : Faith and Families – Together
MAY : Parenting and Work-family Balance
JUNE : Youth and their Families
JULY : the Elderly and Families
AUGUST : Gender Balance
SEPTEMBER : Families, Diverse and Together
OCTOBER : Reaching out, Family to Family
NOVEMBER : Loss and Needed Support
DECEMBER : Healthy Families, Hope for the Future
2014-2016 FOCUS ON FAMILIES. Our Bishops have made family life a priority for the years 2014-2016 and therefore everyone, not only the Family Desk or family movements but dioceses, parishes, sodalities and other organisations are expected to consider how they can focus on and support families as the basic building blocks of the church and society, possibly using the Commitment theme for 2015. The 2015 theme takes into consideration the bishops’ May month for Family and Life and the Marriage Awareness campaign from weeks 21-27 of Year B. (23 August to 3rd October.) Special resources will be available.
A conference or family day is a possible event for dioceses and parishes to highlight and celebrate, but it certainly helps to have a strong drawcard or celebrity. A fiesta or bazaar may bring in money but not have the same enrichment potential.
With 2014 coming to an end reports about activities and ideas that can be shared for 2015 are welcomed. In the picture some of the widows participating in a Day of Reflection at Toekomsrus parish and looking ahead to 2015.
WHY NOT GIVE THE PARISH FAMILIES A FAMILY YEAR PLANNER AND A PRAYER CARD AS A CHRISTMAS GIFT.
The Family Prayer card has been very widely distributed and can still be ordered at R1 each for minimum orders of 100. An updated resource leaflet for Family Days in 2015 will be prepared, also noting some events from other areas.
Other family resources are green family bracelets from Durban stjosephdbn@iafrica.com @ R10 or a parish family candle and candles for the home and a fridge magnet or button.
PARISH FAMILY MINISTRY programmes offer an orientation in the vision of a family-centred church, focusing on the Church as Family and Family as Church. There is a handbook and training manual. Dioceses and parishes may choose to run a variety of programmes but the Desk continues to promote the use of the Family Year Planner with its themes and related MARFAM resources as a broad holistic way of family education and enrichment.
FUTURE FAMILY MINISTRY EVENTS AND OTHER NOTICES: Contact 082 5521275 for details or requests.
Lay Leaders meeting 6th December in Pretoria for national delegates.
Parish promotions 7 and 14 December.
Participation in Married Deacons retreat 13 December, Rustenburg.
Parish Family Ministry Weekend Workshop 13-15 March 2015 in Johannesburg. These can be held for any parishes or dioceses. Follow-up sessions are also important.
World Meeting of Families 2015 Philadelphia
BITS AND BYTES
2014 INTERNATIONAL YEAR OF THE FAMILY +20.
http://www.viennafamilycommittee.org/ www.family2014.org.
http://undesadspd.org/Family/InternationalObservances/TwentiethAnniversaryofIYF2014.aspx
There is little possibility of assessing the impact of this anniversary commemoration. The Department of Social Development launched the White Paper on Families at its Summit from 1-3 October. The way ahead now consists of promoting family strengthening and Family Preservation as implementation tools for the policy and naturally for the benefit of families. FAMILY PRESERVATION as a perspective and approach can be built into the vision for family ministry in Church structures which can work collaboratively with the DSD. Within the Church Justice and Peace programmes around land, economic justice, gender and more, and AIDS and development programmes can also adopt the holistic focus. Government departments, civil society organisation, NGOs and Faith-Based organisations are all part of the implementation process
Family themes for International Day for Families each year on 15th May will continue.
A decision was made by the relevant UN department to lobby for a family focus to be incorporated into the post-2014 Sustainable Development Goals. It is not clear whether this has been successful. The goals tend to focus on economic and environmental rather than social development as first promoted in 1995 in Copenhagen.
LAY FORMATION.
The upcoming Lay Leaders Meeting on 6th December of the Laity Department will bring together for a day lay people from organisations around the country. Pope Francis’ The Joy of the Gospel will form the basis of input and discussion from different angles. The SACBC Inter-diocesan Consultation Phase III with the ultimate aim to develop a new Pastoral Plan for the region for the next 10-20 years means that the laity will be involved more and more. But laity are family people and interaction between laity and clergy in support of family life must be explored continually. The shortage of priests and religious should have as a consequence a greater involvement and better formation for lay Catholics which is an important gift as well as a challenge.
RADIO VERITAS broadcasts on 576AM, DSTV audio channel 870 and is streaming on the internet. The magazine programme FAMILY MATTERS is flighted on Wednesday 9-10am. Hosted by Toni Rowland with guests it highlights current family themes.
CORRESPONDENCE
A new bishop. Fr Victor Phalana. Vicar General of the Archdiocese of Pretoria will be ordained bishop of Klerksdorp on 25th January 2015. We congratulated the bishop-elect who has been a firm supporter of family ministry among other interests.
The Complementarity of Man and Woman: An International Colloquium was held from 17-19 November “as a gathering of leaders and scholars from many religions across the globe, to examine and propose anew the beauty of the relationship between the man and the woman, in order to support and reinvigorate marriage and family life for the flourishing of human society. The Colloquium was sponsored by the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith and co-sponsored by the Pontifical Council for the Family, the Pontifical Council for Interreligious Dialogue, and
the Pontifical Council for the Promotion of Christian Unity. The colloquium was opened by Pope Francis and attended by about 350 academic, religious and civil society leaders from 14 religions and 23 countries. A series of videos was shown and can be accessed on youtube. Visit www.humanum.it for more information.
Fr Vincent Carroll of the diocese of Tzaneen is developing reflections for children on John the Baptist and Luke’s gospel as a preparation for Christmas to be sent by sms. Contact him on for more on this interesting initiative. vjpcarroll@hotmail.com
FEDERATION OF PAST-PUPILS OF CATHOLIC SCHOOLS IN SOUTH AFRICA. As the year draws to a close it is good for those leaving to consider joining this federation. There must be thousands of past pupils across the country. Polydor Lokombe invites any who would like to join, contribute or greet old friends to visit www.faecas.org
NEWS FROM THE CHURCH IN AFRICA. Some sources for news are: Catholic Information Service Africa (CISA) info@cisanewsafrica.com and CANAA, http://www.canaafrica.org.
USEFUL WEBSITES AND RESOURCES FOR FAMILIES.
For contacts of local marriage and family programmes see : www.marfam.org.za and familydesk.sacbc.org.za. PAULINE’S Books and Media Centre has recently imported a range of books on marriage and family life from Kenya. See www.paulinesafrica.org
Many Catholic, religious or family-focused organisations can be googled, e.g. THEOLOGY OF THE BODY.
RIGHT TO LIFE ISSUES Catholic Family and Human Rights Institute http://www.c-fam.org/ austin.ruse@c-fam.org.
Marriage: www.foryourmarriage.org US Catholic Bishops sponsored newsletter on marriage and family life.
www.smartmarriages.com carries numerous articles on marriage and family life.
Catholic Education: www.catholiceducation.org/updates/latest.htm a very helpful and regularly updated resource for educators and any adults in improving their knowledge.
Parent-teen support: www.tugoflife.com and LIFETALK are for parents, teens and teen educators.
CIE (Catholic Institute of Education) has many programmes dealing with school-parent-child issues. www.cie.org.za
Heartlines films and other resources on values are very helpful for groups and workshops.
South African Catholic Internet Resource Blog set up by Frank Nunan frank@sacatholiconline.org.
Non-religious family support resources. Government Social Development departments, FAMSA, LifeLine, Child Welfare and many other NGO’s, social workers and psychologists offer counselling, marriage preparation, family education, divorce mediation and counselling, parenting, fatherhood and many more. Family Preservation is a vision and a programme developed by the SA Department for Social Development.
FAMILY SPIRITUALITY AND CATECHESIS.
Many South Africans go on holiday at this time so don’t forget to take what is needed to truly celebrate Christmas away from home. Remember too in suitable ways those people who are not having a well-earned holiday, may be left alone, are poor or grieving.
See www.marfam.org.za under liturgies and blessings for many suggestions for family Advent traditions and activities to be done or made up. These include an Advent wreath, Jesse tree, Promise Branch, shelter seeking, reading stories, making decorations, setting up a family nativity scene and more. Also contact the Schoenstatt movement for family traditions.
Advent Calendars. Commercial poster calendars have windows that open for each day, usually with a tiny picture and a sweet. Families can make their own too with the Jesse tree symbols of the ancestors of Jesus and include small acts of love and sacrifices, etc.
Christmas Carols. There are very many carol singing services being held everywhere and often a gift for a child is brought. Liturgically one should sing Advent and not Christmas carols at this time, but putting Christ back into Christmas must be done in whatever way is possible. Singing or listening to some of the beautiful carols that have been written over the years can be an edifying experience but the setting is also important. Kids running around or people talking during a carols by candlight service can spoil the atmosphere for others.
Use the THOUGHTS FOR THE DAY as individuals or for sharing in families or groups. Advent-Christmas is the focus for December reflections and the days from 24th to 31st tell a CHRISTMAS story.
Begin to make up the 2015 Family Year Planner by discussing the family events to be added.
Does each home have some Catholic symbols, a nativity scene or pictures, a crucifix, a Bible, possibly a little altar or shrine where the family’s liturgical calendar/year planner and any relevant mementoes from their own family are on view. Does the family pray and spend quality time in sharing including faith sharing?
How are families that are regarded as “irregular” practising their faith life? Are they being welcomed and supported? Do they need help, possibly from a peer group?
Saints and the FEASTDAYS for THE MONTH. Can be explored with google to find out more. See St Nicholas the original Santa Claus, St Lucy, St Stephen, the Holy Innocents, Holy Family Sunday.
FAMILY PRAYER BOOK has many short prayers and suggestions for a “Family Hour,” or a shorter time for family faith sharing. Members are also encouraged to make up their own prayers and sharing topics. The bishops’ PRAYER FOR FAMILIES is printed on the back.
Family catechesis, is learning about and sharing our faith at home with members of all ages. On a secular level too family communication is considered very important, even necessary for normal growth and a stable family.
FINALLY …… SOME CHRISTMASSY WORDGAMES
What not to call you children. Seen in a magazine: Kim and Kanye West, fashion celebrities named their daughter North. Fair?
Confusing headline: PROCUREMENT FRAUD TRAINING COURSE ACCRA GHANA MARCH 2014. Would this be a “how to” or a “how not to” course?
JOKES AND RIDDLES : source: http://www.jokes4us.com/holidayjokes/christmasjokes/christmasjokes.html
Christmas is cancelled! Apparently you told Santa you had been good this year. He died laughing!Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? A: Claustrophobic.
Q: Whats the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? A: The Christmas alphabet has Noel.
Q: What Christmas Carol is a favorite of parents? A: Silent Night
Q: Name the child’s favourite Christmas king? A: A stocking.
Q: What do you call a blind reindeer?. I have no eye deer
Q: What goes “oh oh oh”? A: Santa walking backwards.
Q: What does Santa bring naughty boys and girls on Christmas Eve? A: A pack of batteries which at the bottom says “toy not included”.
From http://goafrica.about.com How to Say Merry Christmas
In Akan (Ghana) Afishapa
In Zimbabwe Merry Kisimusi
In Afrikaans (South Africa) Geseënde Kersfees
In Zulu (South Africa) Sinifisela Ukhisimusi Omuhle
In Swazi (Swaziland) Sinifisela Khisimusi Lomuhle
In Sotho (Lesthoto) Matswalo a Morena a Mabotse
In Swahili (Tanzania, Kenya) Kuwa na Krismasi njema
In Amharic (Ethiopia) Melkam Yelidet Beaal
In Egyptian (Egypt) Colo sana wintom tiebeen
In Yoruba (Nigeria) E ku odun, e hu iye’ dun!
Remember, Christmas isn’t about how big the tree is, or what’s under it. It’s about who’s around it
Read More about Marfam And its Vision at www.marfam.org.za. Financial and other support welcomed. MARFAM’s vision since its start in 1995 has been the renewal of family life in the Church through education and enrichment. Publications are a resource for families, educators, parishes and for the work of the Family Life Desk of the Southern African Catholic Bishops’ Conference. Read more at www.marfam.org.za We thank our advertisers for their support and ask readers to support them in turn. Financial contributions towards MARFAM’s ministry are also most welcome. Details supplied on request.