A brochure from the Milky Way Zoo: Earth Exhibition, as provided by Dusty Wallace
Art by Shannon Legler
Station 1. Tasmanian Tiger*
This odd-looking mammal was the only carnivorous species of marsupial. It’s not a tiger or even a feline, but was named for its tiger-like stripes. The hind quarters are considered a delicacy in some corners of the galaxy, where they’re grown in the finest restaurant laboratories.
Public Feeding at 1030 IGST
Station 2. Giraffe
Not much is known about this long-necked mammal. It evolved to eat the tops of some very tall flora called trees. Giraffes lived in an area of heavy bio-diversity the humans called Africa.
Feedings by visitor permitted. Ask Zoo staff for more information.
Station 3. Black Rhinoceros*
This animal was relatively harmless to local populations, but that didn’t stop them from hunting the species to extinction. Primitive superstitious beliefs about its horn appear to be at fault.
Public Feeding at 2735 IGST
Station 4. Dogs*
As you can see, this species of carnivorous canine comes in all shapes and sizes. Ancient records insist these animals lived in harmony with their primate masters. Attempts at domestication of replicated dogs have failed. Man’s best friend? Perhaps. But not ours! Some scientists believe they have an aversion to tentacles.
Public Feeding at 1630 IGST
Station 5. Rats
You’ll notice two species in this exhibit: Norweigan Rats and Black Rats. Both are adaptable to nearly any environment and able to safely digest a wide array of materials. In addition, they are easily trainable and quite easy to domesticate.
Visitor Feeding and Petting Allowed
As you can see, this species of carnivorous canine comes in all shapes and sizes. Ancient records insist these animals lived in harmony with their primate masters. Attempts at domestication of replicated dogs have failed. Man’s best friend? Perhaps. But not ours! Some scientists believe they have an aversion to tentacles.
Station 6. Siberian Tiger*
Perhaps the most majestic species from Earth, the Tiger was an apex predator. Despite its beauty and lack of threat to public safety, the Siberian Tiger was hunted to extinction. Even apex predators weren’t spared the idiocy of Earth people.
Public Feedings at 1000 and 1745 IGST
Station 7. House Cats
House cats were popular pets on earth. Those that have been domesticated here have proven to be lazy, uncaring, and a drain on resources. Not easily trained, but good at catching those pesky Nawexlian Znice!
Public Feeding All Day Long/Visitor Petting Allowed
Station 8. Human w/ Offspring**
Opposable thumbs made this species dominant on Earth. They were able to build and operate machines efficiently. Unfortunately, this bipedal species lacked the necessary neural connections to foresee the great environmental disasters they eventually caused. Over-breeding was also a real problem. Human population ballooned before abruptly crashing. Also note the youngling. Unable to fend for themselves, human children drain resources in a manner similar to House Cats.
Feedings Done Privately After Hours
Station 9. Human: Viral Infected**
Over-population allowed viruses to evolve and spread at alarming rates. This particular Human displays the common traits among the infected: gnashing teeth, insatiable hunger, necrotic flesh. Eventually, this species went extinct also. The virus, like its hosts, used up all of its resources in a fairly short amount of time.
Feedings Done Randomly, Infrequent
Station 10. Cockroach
The cockroach is the only Earth species at our zoo that wasn’t grown from tissue samples. Our scientists found them in large numbers in every climate on that forsaken planet. This species has anatomical similarities to ourselves–exoskeletons, radiation resistance, and strong immune systems–so it’s no coincidence that they were the dominant species. Unfortunately, attempts at communicating with these magnificent creatures have failed thus far. Please visit the gift shop for adorable plush cockroach toys. Say hello to our mascot Manny The Cockroach if you see him around!
Visitor Feeding and Petting Allowed
* Dangerous to visitors.
**Extremely Dangerous to visitors and other species.
The Milky Way Zoo is made possible by partnership between the Decimated Planets Council, the Astrozoological Resurrection Society, and visitors like you! Founded in Terazix 14803, The Milky Way Zoo has been collecting extinct and endangered species from post-apocalyptic planets throughout the galaxy. Not only do we provide entertainment for the little ones, but our scientists study other planets’ tragedies to help ensure the continued success of the Zulatonarn people.
Dusty Wallace lives in the Appalachians of Virginia with his wife and two sons. He enjoys reading, writing, and the occasional fine cigar.
For more information about Shannon Legler, vist her site at http://lendmeyourbones.tumblr.
com.